Enought about what NOT TO do, so What do you Do?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 24, 2013 11:06 AM GMT
    Aight Veteran daters... I'll be honest. I'm an absolute noob at relationships. I rarely date and most of relationships have been long term. 3.5+ years or longer. I have only had 4 boyfriends and I'm trying to break out of my comfort zone of just waiting for a guy to come around or something like that.

    What are some great things to talk about on dates or when you are getting to know someone? Aside from Work/School and stuff like that. I know not to ask (no would I want to know about Exs and things like that... even though that tends to come out quickly on their end). This could be a flame war but I'm asking for legit advice. I'm very rookie and trying to change it. Thanks!
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    Jan 24, 2013 2:06 PM GMT
    Talk about travel. Ask him if he likes taking vacations and where does he go. Also, where are his favorite destinations. You can talk about this for hours and in return, you might discover something about him that you two have in common.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jan 24, 2013 4:26 PM GMT
    Just talk about things you like. And more than that, listen to what he's talking about and ask follow up questions. Explore him. Don't make it about you. Watch for signs that he's excited about something and let him tell you all about it. Don't one-up his stories. Let him be a King for the night.
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    Jan 24, 2013 4:39 PM GMT
    The two guys above me have very good ideas for conversations of first dates. I have only a few more:

    * Talk/ask about what you'd each like to do on a free day off. Maybe go running, or kiting on the bay, a one day road trip along the coast, rock climbing, etc.

    * Talk/ask about favorite sports played in college or currently. Favorite teams, players, coaches, etc. Best games you each saw recently in person?

    * Talk/ask about favorite vacation spots and why they're on your/his list - - what you like about them. Do you want to go back there soon?

    * Talk/ask about favorite cars/dogs/foods/restaurants/flicks/bands/singers, etc.

    I just keep it light and upbeat - no complaining or carping. I make sure not to do more than my share of the talking. Consider asking 'who-what-where-why-when' questions instead of only those requiring a yes or no answer. Get him to talk and express himself. (If you have to talk about exes, just do it quickly - - and spend very little time on that. People are curious about your present status - but they don't need or want to know all about your ex and his faults. Just give the topic less than a minute if it comes up). Have fun!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 24, 2013 5:06 PM GMT
    Talk about me, that's what I do.
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    Jan 24, 2013 11:23 PM GMT
    If given a chance of having a lovable partner, it's pretty common to talk about the present to maintain relationships. However, talking about the future means how long the relationship would last.
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    Jan 25, 2013 1:27 AM GMT
    I wouldn't come to a date with 'prepared material.' Just be yourself and talk about whatever.
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    Jan 25, 2013 1:36 AM GMT
    Don't try to impress. Don't try to be liked. Just be yourself. Try to find something in common with them that you like, then talk about it. To add I know this will come off strange in modern day, but group dates or tag along friends help people show their true colors or if they are putting on a show. It also helps take the edge off of pressure. For one on one first dates, both parties tend to be on their best behavior which sometimes gives a false impression of the kind of persont they are day to day. But I guess it depends on how well you have gotten to know them before the date.
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    Jan 25, 2013 3:45 AM GMT
    Don't wait for a date to begin having meaningful conversations with friends and colleagues.

    There's no trick, rather, ask open-ended questions and listen attentively to the answer. Beyond the who, what, when, where, and why - if the person you're listening too becomes excited, ask him/her how the situation made him/her feel. They'll quickly segue into other topics which are meaningful to them as well.

    You'll not only learn if you want to date him, but you'll also know him better than you would with a prepared script of topics or typical yes/no, fave movie banter.

    Again, try having listening conversations with people you already interact with. It's a very important social skill, one you don't want to learn on a date.

    And relax. You're attention is all he needs to open up!
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    Jan 25, 2013 3:54 AM GMT
    Weather is always a good topic!

    Isn't it great that we're having weather?

    Be careful of discussing global climate change, though. It might get interesting.
  • CityofDreams

    Posts: 1173

    Jan 25, 2013 3:59 AM GMT
    Erik101 saidTalk about travel. Ask him if he likes taking vacations and where does he go. Also, where are his favorite destinations. You can talk about this for hours and in return, you might discover something about him that you two have in common.


    I can talk about travel for days.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2013 4:06 AM GMT
    Idk anymore. icon_confused.gificon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2013 6:10 AM GMT
    Umm... you guys took all the good answers... I guess this is all I can add!icon_eek.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2013 8:47 AM GMT
    WOW! Thanks guys! I really appreciate it! I don't want to go in with it with like prepared material or anything, but it seems like I just don't really know where to go with the conversation. I'm usually the person that does most of the talking, but I don't want to do that. I mean I will, but I want to get to know more about it.

    Quick background: We actually went to the same university and he's currently still going for Bio/Chem and wants to be Pharmacist. He get's really into anything science/chem/biology related, but he's very much a renissance man as he started off in the social sciences then change to "real" science as he put it. We always talk smack to each other (since I am the Criminal Justice / Case Manager) about it. Makes for fun banter, but I want it to go beyond it. I want to keep it cool and casual for a while. More than anything I want his friendship first. He's usually busy with school and work. He has his own place and stuff and really has his life together. He's only a year & half older than me which really makes it nice because he's kind of the first guy that is on my level. I think that's why I'm feeling lost and outside of zone. Can't figure it out. BUT THANK YOU! I will take all this in helping me build this friendship up and hopefully... in to more. If not with him, than someone else. At least I don't feel so noob!icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2013 8:54 AM GMT
    TBH, save yourself the hassle and just don't date.
    It's fruitless and a waste of time.
    Use that time instead to do something productive like hobbies, work, etc.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2013 9:22 AM GMT
    NerdMonastery saidTBH, save yourself the hassle and just don't date.
    It's fruitless and a waste of time.
    Use that time instead to do something productive like hobbies, work, etc.


    I think you can do that and date while doing them. I've met guys doing some of my favorite hobbies and things like work.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2013 12:41 PM GMT
    NerdMonastery saidTBH, save yourself the hassle and just don't date.
    It's fruitless and a waste of time.
    Use that time instead to do something productive like hobbies, work, etc.


    this
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1116

    Jan 25, 2013 12:45 PM GMT
    Ryan_Andrew if you really, I mean really want to get to know someone, the worst thing you can do is plan or set expectations of what YOU OR YOUR DATE, must do or say to make an impression!!!

    In my judgment ANYTHING that is being talked or shared on a date is IMPORTANT!!! I am not one to judge myself or my date simply because we are trying or are comfortable being ourselves! good luck sweetie!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2013 12:49 PM GMT
    Doing some sort of activity with someone is also a great way of breaking the ice....you are not under as much pressure to make conversation.
    So look for common interests...hobbies etc
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    Jan 25, 2013 2:03 PM GMT
    (taking notes...)
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jan 25, 2013 3:46 PM GMT
    NerdMonastery saidTBH, save yourself the hassle and just don't date.
    It's fruitless and a waste of time.
    Use that time instead to do something productive like hobbies, work, etc.


    I am a terminator. I have a job I am programmed to complete. I have no emotions.icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2013 3:54 PM GMT
    Basically, you want to avoid topics that will stir up shit.

    Religion

    Height

    Ex(es)

    OKOK you want to know what to talk about. Like Erik said travel is good. Talk stories about travel. Talk about the funny things that happened to you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2013 4:13 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    NerdMonastery saidTBH, in my opinion, save yourself the hassle and just don't date.
    It's fruitless and a waste of time.
    Use that time instead to do something productive like hobbies, work, etc.


    I am a terminator. I have a job I am programmed to complete. I have no emotions.icon_neutral.gif


    Fixed.
    I'm sorry for coming across like a 'machine' but at the end of the day to each their own and I am somewhat limited to my own experienes.
    Just thought to share what I felt ended up working better for me, and to offer a different perspective that the OP is at liberty to take either fully, partially or not at all.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jan 26, 2013 7:13 PM GMT
    NerdMonastery said
    HottJoe said
    NerdMonastery saidTBH, in my opinion, save yourself the hassle and just don't date.
    It's fruitless and a waste of time.
    Use that time instead to do something productive like hobbies, work, etc.


    I am a terminator. I have a job I am programmed to complete. I have no emotions.icon_neutral.gif


    Fixed.
    I'm sorry for coming across like a 'machine' but at the end of the day to each their own and I am somewhat limited to my own experienes.
    Just thought to share what I felt ended up working better for me, and to offer a different perspective that the OP is at liberty to take either fully, partially or not at all.


    No need to apologize, cutie.icon_wink.gif