Coming in Second

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2013 8:28 AM GMT
    If you're dating a guy and he tells you that he can't see you anymore because he is starting to get serious with someone else, would you consider dating him again if things didn't work out with him and the other guy and he came back to you?

    To me, I don't know....the idea of being second kinda turns me off to the guy. Has this happened to anyone? I've come in second before and I immediately write the guy off (bruised ego maybe?). I don't mind being friends from that point on, but my attraction for them goes down a notch.
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    Jan 25, 2013 1:49 PM GMT
    Well, have you ever thought about asking him to get serious before the other did?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2013 2:15 PM GMT
    turnabout is fair play. he could have just faded out without telling you. and then if he later reappeared, he wouldn't be asking you to give tacit approval to his lame dick moves.
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Jan 25, 2013 6:05 PM GMT
    I think the key is accepting it with dignity and moving on. Yes, it does suck, but I think it's a sign of a healthy ego to wish him well and then walk the other direction in the confidence that you'll find your own first-place finisher one day.

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    Jan 25, 2013 6:11 PM GMT
    Where you are at, I hope you don't wait for him to come back. Make him want you back, then say no.


    Your situation sucks. I'll give you that.
  • WhoDey

    Posts: 561

    Jan 25, 2013 6:17 PM GMT
    You gotta make him earn it
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    Jan 25, 2013 7:04 PM GMT
    I though this thread is about premature ejaculation. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2013 7:08 PM GMT
    No dating him as runner up. He already made his decision when he chose other guy over you. Why he did it isn't important. That he did is enough to warrant end-of-dating permanently.
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    Jan 25, 2013 7:19 PM GMT
    I refuses to be treated like a boy toy. He obivously think you were not good enough the first time, the chances he will ditch you for someone better in the future is very likely. Its definetly a turn off for me when I know I come second.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    Jan 25, 2013 7:22 PM GMT
    Most carry a flame for someone...If a guy I had feelings for would come back and say he'd made a mistake and wants to pursue a relationship with me...I'd seriously think about it....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2013 8:10 PM GMT
    My heart says yes and my brain says no icon_neutral.gif
  • unicoman1

    Posts: 822

    Jan 25, 2013 8:20 PM GMT
    You know what it means when you come in 2nd?

    Your the first loser!

    So at all costs, I don't like to come in second
  • unicoman1

    Posts: 822

    Jan 25, 2013 8:21 PM GMT
    I am not at all calling you a loser - just tryin to be humorous! Good luck and keep trying!
  • Kel_

    Posts: 1360

    Jan 25, 2013 8:32 PM GMT
    bri_66 saidMy heart says yes and my brain says no icon_neutral.gif


    Isn't that a song? An old classic Christina Aguilera lyrics? icon_redface.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2013 8:44 PM GMT
    Kel_ said
    bri_66 saidMy heart says yes and my brain says no icon_neutral.gif


    Isn't that a song? An old classic Christina Aguilera lyrics? icon_redface.gif


    It is close to genie in a bottle but it is "My body's saying let's go.
    But my heart is saying no."

    By the way I don't know that I would call this an old classic, but I might be a little jaded considering I was a junior in high school when this song came out.
  • Puppymuncher

    Posts: 163

    Jan 25, 2013 10:02 PM GMT
    DanOmatic saidI think the key is accepting it with dignity and moving on. Yes, it does suck, but I think it's a sign of a healthy ego to wish him well and then walk the other direction in the confidence that you'll find your own first-place finisher one day.





    YES, this is exactly what I did.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2013 10:08 PM GMT
    It's not a race Boys.

    It's not a Push-Up contest.

    No one is handing out awards and trophies.

    Sometimes emotions are fluid.

    The growth process is not black and white.

    If two Guys have to climb a few mountains to discover they were always right there for each other...what difference does it make?

    There is no such thing as "second."


    icon_wink.gificon_wink.gificon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2013 10:14 PM GMT
    Puppymuncher said
    DanOmatic saidI think the key is accepting it with dignity and moving on. Yes, it does suck, but I think it's a sign of a healthy ego to wish him well and then walk the other direction in the confidence that you'll find your own first-place finisher one day.

    YES, this is exactly what I did.

    Beautifully stated by Dan, and yes it can be done, as you verify. If a guy tossed me for another man I wouldn't take him back on a silver plater, served up with a ball gag in his mouth. icon_twisted.gif
  • stratavos

    Posts: 1831

    Jan 25, 2013 10:24 PM GMT
    Puppymuncher said
    DanOmatic saidI think the key is accepting it with dignity and moving on. Yes, it does suck, but I think it's a sign of a healthy ego to wish him well and then walk the other direction in the confidence that you'll find your own first-place finisher one day.





    YES, this is exactly what I did.


    yeah... and you can't "win" at everything
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2013 10:24 PM GMT
    Shagglot saidI though this thread is about premature ejaculation. icon_rolleyes.gif


    I thought the same thing, too. icon_lol.gif I feel the same with OP, too but that never happened to me before though. I would hate to be someone's second choice ! Hell no, Find someone else that he's going to make you his # 1 pick. You're not his back-up plan honey !! icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2013 10:46 PM GMT
    Cash saidIt's not a race Boys.

    It's not a Push-Up contest.

    No one is handing out awards and trophies.

    Sometimes emotions are fluid.

    The growth process is not black and white.

    If two Guys have to climb a few mountains to discover they were always right there for each other...what difference does it make?

    There is no such thing as "second."


    icon_wink.gificon_wink.gificon_wink.gif


    icon_smile.gif
  • kyleburke

    Posts: 79

    Jan 25, 2013 11:17 PM GMT
    hmmm ive been in this situation before...

    I met this guy and we started dating,more we got to know one another I learned that most of his past relationships ended because someone moved away or he did. He never really had a breakup for "different places" or a bad breakup really. Maybe one.

    As we started to get serious we both learned that we had to seperate and we stuck together until he left.

    When he was away we decided to wait and see where we were in 4 months when we would be returning to the same area. We didnt want to do long distance becase we were not sure where we would be in the 4 months. I made efforts to stay close and even bought a ticket (he wanted me to) to visit after a month 1/2 that we seperated, i was hoping it would be good to see where we were at that point.

    I learned soon that he was working with his ex and that his ex and him were getting along very well like before they broke up...This was my worry, and when I asked if they were going to get back together he basically said yes.

    I was hurt but I realized they had something before I was even in the picture and it would be worse if it was someone new. I decide not to go on that trip and wasted the ticket under the circumstances.

    Now..hes back home, and he and his ex had to part ways due to the move. Now he is thinking of moving to where I am....

    Ive discussed it with my friends and IF, not saying he will, there was something still between us Im not sure if i could be his sloppy seconds....again in a way.

    Its a sense of pride I have...so all I can say is...Is he worth the damange that it can cause?
  • Kel_

    Posts: 1360

    Jan 25, 2013 11:57 PM GMT
    PiKappEE317 said
    Kel_ said
    bri_66 saidMy heart says yes and my brain says no icon_neutral.gif


    Isn't that a song? An old classic Christina Aguilera lyrics? icon_redface.gif


    It is close to genie in a bottle but it is "My body's saying let's go.
    But my heart is saying no."

    By the way I don't know that I would call this an old classic, but I might be a little jaded considering I was a junior in high school when this song came out.


    Well, by classic I meant, before she went all hoe and slutty.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 26, 2013 12:08 AM GMT
    I am pretty stubborn so I would tell them to f off.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 26, 2013 12:16 AM GMT
    Depends on the circumstances and the man. Nothing is absolute in relationships. There is no spoon........