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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 27, 2013 1:21 AM GMT
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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 27, 2013 1:30 AM GMT
    You've given "Joe" so much power. Can you try to take it back, little by little, until you come before everybody else?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 27, 2013 10:24 AM GMT
    You missed the part where you described what Joe wants.

    Also, it's not surprising that antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications are difficult to overdose on. It's intentional and rational.
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    Jan 27, 2013 1:10 PM GMT
    It doesn't appear that Joe's trust issues are going to get better at anytime. It sounds like he may need professional help since his rough life has contributed to not trusting people.

    Your friend was right! You need someone new and unfortunately, you met a guy who was emotionally unstable. You're still thinking about Joe because you haven't met another guy who has taken your breath away. Keep trying! You will eventually meet that one guy who will help you get over Joe.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Jan 27, 2013 3:52 PM GMT
    You sound like a caretaker personality. Remember: it is not your job to fix people. Some caretaker types actually make troubled people worse by letting them be the center of attention. Only they can fix themselves. Find someone who doesn't need fixing and make that person feel loved.
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    Jan 27, 2013 4:04 PM GMT
    Two excellent posts:

    Erik101 saidIt doesn't appear that Joe's trust issues are going to get better at anytime. It sounds like he may need professional help since his rough life has contributed to not trusting people.

    Your friend was right! You need someone new and unfortunately, you met a guy who was emotionally unstable. You're still thinking about Joe because you haven't met another guy who has taken your breath away. Keep trying! You will eventually meet that one guy who will help you get over Joe.

    Destinharbor saidYou sound like a caretaker personality. Remember: it is not your job to fix people. Some caretaker types actually make troubled people worse by letting them be the center of attention. Only they can fix themselves. Find someone who doesn't need fixing and make that person feel loved.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 27, 2013 4:09 PM GMT
    Some good thoughts above! Don't (really don't) come down on yourself for some of you have stated. Sometimes it's just better to acknowledge that, "hey I need to follow a different course.....and I learned something in the process". You do need to get some new people in your life that are a bit more grounded. Don't continually focus on someone who keeps rejecting you. I'm sure there are some good guys who would welcome a date and some time with you.
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    Jan 27, 2013 4:12 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidYou sound like a caretaker personality. Remember: it is not your job to fix people. Some caretaker types actually make troubled people worse by letting them be the center of attention. Only they can fix themselves. Find someone who doesn't need fixing and make that person feel loved.


    best post ever. you are my hero.
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    Jan 27, 2013 4:16 PM GMT
    What is the need here? To be loved? To love? Kill boredom? Feel validated? The chase/challenge? Being the savior? Rescuer? Figure out the emotional needs you have and figure out which of those needs your "infatuation" with him is meeting. Once you figure that out, you can find other ways/guys to meet that need.

  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1116

    Jan 27, 2013 4:42 PM GMT
    usingname77 saidSo, I've been hung up on this guy for a while, "Joe". He's had a rough life, and even though it seems like he ignores me a lot, I know he's got a busy life. He's got trust issues, and he has outright rejected me twice in the past 5 months, the first after I asked him out, the second after I kissed him (and he kissed me back). Hasn't seen me in two months and just cancelled on me today because I had an appointment and told him I'd let him know when I'm done (which was a waste because I'm the moron who didn't know the same rules applied to a plasma donation as a blood donation), and I texted him a half hour late and he'd already made other plans. Still want him, as the last thing I want is to try to be self-sacrificing and end up watching him fall for someone else while trying ot be his friend, or if its better to just move on.

    Yet, trying to find someone new was some advice from a friend. Met a guy who strung me along for a month, keeping me unaware that he still had a boyfriend, even when he was extending his work assignment so go out with me. Broke up with boyfriend, told me about boyfriend, likely hoping to get sympathy, and then he proceeds to try to overdose on Lexapro, which is surprisingly difficult to commit suicide with. Made sure he got better, but when I told him I was there as a friend, he freaked out on me, and things are done with that.

    So, am I just emotionally fucked up and thats why I want "Joe," hoping for something that's probably never going to happen? I seriously need some advice here.


    Wow! what you are going through right now is exactly what I went through with my last ex! He brought a lot of emotional baggage into the relationship, too; and what is even more shocking is that I welcomed it!! I don't know why I did but I don't regret ever having gone through what he put me through! having said that experience or years of dealing with it have taught me the value of being an emotional caretaker; it did helped me become much more compassionate and sympathetic towards people in crisis.

    I do hope you learn, like it did me, and take with it some very valuable lessons about Love, and also help you see your own potentials and weakness! they are both interconnect in case you didn't know!? when it happen to me, I did not feel used or emotionally manipulated, thou!! looking back I thank him for the experience, it made me a better person!!

    Leandro
  • SomeSiciliano...

    Posts: 543

    Jan 27, 2013 4:47 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidYou sound like a caretaker personality. Remember: it is not your job to fix people. Some caretaker types actually make troubled people worse by letting them be the center of attention. Only they can fix themselves. Find someone who doesn't need fixing and make that person feel loved.


    QFT!!

    I am winding down a quixotic relationship with someone who used his 'trust issues' as an excuse to engage in emotional terrorism. Destin is right on when he says that my caretaker behavior made Alejandro's issues worse; he assigned our relationship as the 'cure' to his problems rather than listening to professional advice and pursuing help. Call me a puss idealist.....but I want to believe that everyone has the capability of love deep inside them and no one is perfect.
    The cold harsh reality is some people are so internally disturbed that they will take you down before you can lift them up.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 27, 2013 4:47 PM GMT
    Another excellent post:
    SkinnyBitch saidYou missed the part where you described what Joe wants.
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    Jan 27, 2013 7:34 PM GMT
    Oh the "runner and chaser" game. Well at least you give them the benefit of the doubt. Hope you find someone that fits your needs. As a person that has a plethora of emotional needs, just "fisher cut bait" and save yourself from agony and keep your own sanity.
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Jan 27, 2013 7:46 PM GMT
    SomeSicilianoGuy said
    Destinharbor saidYou sound like a caretaker personality. Remember: it is not your job to fix people. Some caretaker types actually make troubled people worse by letting them be the center of attention. Only they can fix themselves. Find someone who doesn't need fixing and make that person feel loved.


    QFT!!

    I am winding down a quixotic relationship with someone who used his 'trust issues' as an excuse to engage in emotional terrorism...The cold harsh reality is some people are so internally disturbed that they will take you down before you can lift them up.


    Double QFT. I also got away from one of these. Once the OP realizes that his mistakes/flaws are not a excuse for a dude to treat him like crap, then he will run away from selfish manipulators instead of running to take care of them.

    Love of self is the cure here.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 27, 2013 8:06 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidYou sound like a caretaker personality. Remember: it is not your job to fix people. Some caretaker types actually make troubled people worse by letting them be the center of attention. Only they can fix themselves. Find someone who doesn't need fixing and make that person feel loved.


    This!

    Wait until the person you have to take care of is YOURSELF and you'll learn to call people on their baggage. The only one guaranteed to be their for you is the one who doesn't have the option to leave: YOU. Prioritize accordingly.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 27, 2013 11:46 PM GMT
    any n00dz?
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Jan 28, 2013 1:28 AM GMT
    turbobilly saidany n00dz?


    shakehead.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2013 5:15 AM GMT
    icon_eek.gif I am totally in shocked. Good thing there are people who care like you do... I thought rj is roughly sex&fun which is overrated but this time, I never knew that there is a patient guy like you. Again, I am shocked. icon_eek.gif
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    Jan 28, 2013 6:13 AM GMT
    I really appreciate the advice. Done with them both. Gotta take a new start from time to time.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1116

    Jan 28, 2013 1:13 PM GMT
    usingname77 saidI really appreciate the advice. Done with them both. Gotta take a new start from time to time.


    Good to hear my friend! I have a feeling after this experience you are setting yourself up for a much wiser relationship oriented candidate! you may be feeling confused right now but after the dust starts to settle down, you are going to thank them both for making you a better man! talking from experience here, as my last bf was a total basket case. Even thou I was more then willing to stay and help him through his mood swings, he never made an effort to change! if he was willing to change God know we still could have been together! good luck next time!!!

    Leandro
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    Jan 28, 2013 1:14 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidYou sound like a caretaker personality. Remember: it is not your job to fix people. Some caretaker types actually make troubled people worse by letting them be the center of attention. Only they can fix themselves. Find someone who doesn't need fixing and make that person feel loved.


    Good one there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2013 1:40 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidYou sound like a caretaker personality. Remember: it is not your job to fix people. Some caretaker types actually make troubled people worse by letting them be the center of attention. Only they can fix themselves. Find someone who doesn't need fixing and make that person feel loved.


    This^ and for Erik
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