When to proceed and when to abandon..

  • Piers40

    Posts: 31

    Jan 27, 2013 9:01 AM GMT
    Sometimes you go on a date...and there is an initial exchange of messages after, saying 'blah blah, that was fun' ...then a second date isn't scheduled.

    I'm thinking there are either two reasons a) both parties aren't bothered b) both parties are too proud to ask c) one party is interested but waiting for the other to initiate contact.


    So noone wants to feel rejected, but waiting for the other party to call feels a bit helpless. Particularly if the other guys has the exact same mentality.

    What do you guys do? is there any watertight way of testing interest without being hurt...?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 27, 2013 9:12 AM GMT
    If you're interested, take initiative! Be bold!
    Be like "yo man you wanna do somethin' this weekend" and if he says "yeah bro I'm down" then he's interested too! Easy as pie!
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    Jan 27, 2013 3:55 PM GMT
    Treat dates like potential friends (ie like you would treat a new coworker that you're going out to happy hour with). Just get to know each other without the silly timelines and next moves. Keep in contact. Send him a text or email about a random event... "what do you think about the whole Teo' fake gf thing?" or "have you watched ____?"

    Do NOT send the empty "Hi how is your day going?" or "Good morning" texts. Talk to the guy about things going on in the world so that you two can better understand how you both see the world. Send funny jokes, keep in touch and date other guys too. If you have enough in common, you won't need to play by the rules of dating, you'll be naturally pulled towards each other.
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    Jan 27, 2013 6:39 PM GMT
    I am with the gentleman with the very first response. Go for it, if YOU are truly interested. If you do and he doesn't respond the way you hope.... what will it take, two days before he doesn't cross your mind at all? Nothing in the grand scheme of life, right? Good luck! icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 27, 2013 6:43 PM GMT
    Your option B is common I find. If one actually take the initiave to engage the date proposal, the other one will have the ball is in his court and he'll feel superior.

    Just say that you want to watch a movie that you really want to see and no one's available and see how he reacts.
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    Jan 27, 2013 6:47 PM GMT
    Life's far too short for games. Just tell the guy you like him and you're interested in getting to know him better.
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    Jan 27, 2013 6:47 PM GMT
    Depends how the date ended:

    Handshake - not interested
    Hug - maybe interested
    Kiss - probably interested
    Sex - back round to not interested again

    icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 27, 2013 7:12 PM GMT
    (Taking notes)
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Jan 27, 2013 7:29 PM GMT
    If you have to wonder about whether you or he are really interested, isn't that your answer? If you've already been on date and you're still hesitating to speak openly...yeah, I don't think it has the makings of a whirlwind romance so to speak.
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    Jan 27, 2013 7:38 PM GMT
    Myol saidTreat dates like potential friends (ie like you would treat a new coworker that you're going out to happy hour with). Just get to know each other without the silly timelines and next moves. Keep in contact. Send him a text or email about a random event... "what do you think about the whole Teo' fake gf thing?" or "have you watched ____?"

    Do NOT send the empty "Hi how is your day going?" or "Good morning" texts. Talk to the guy about things going on in the world so that you two can better understand how you both see the world. Send funny jokes, keep in touch and date other guys too. If you have enough in common, you won't need to play by the rules of dating, you'll be naturally pulled towards each other.


    This man is smart.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 27, 2013 7:39 PM GMT
    B and C are so true and right on the money! Someone has to swallow their pride. But that is such a bitch.
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    Jan 27, 2013 7:41 PM GMT
    If the first date was good, let him know as it's ending: "This was a lot of fun. Let's get together again soon." Then go ahead an follow up if he doesn't. Just pay attention to whatever signals he's sending and don't be an idiot (easier said than done). If he avoids making specific plans, he's probably not interested. Let it go.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jan 27, 2013 10:57 PM GMT
    bus9ja2d saidDepends how the date ended:

    Handshake - not interested
    Hug - maybe interested
    Kiss - probably interested
    Sex - back round to not interested again

    icon_wink.gif


    You think that if you had sex on the first date he's not interested in you? Why? My partner of five years and I had sex in the first hour of meeting. Do some of you guys think having sex gets in the way of getting to know someone? I think it takes the tension off and besides, I've also spent time getting to know someone that then culminated in zero chemistry sex. Waste of both our time.
  • wild_sky360

    Posts: 1492

    Jan 28, 2013 2:29 AM GMT
    Destinharbor said
    bus9ja2d saidDepends how the date ended:

    Handshake - not interested
    Hug - maybe interested
    Kiss - probably interested
    Sex - back round to not interested again

    icon_wink.gif


    You think that if you had sex on the first date he's not interested in you? Why? My partner of five years and I had sex in the first hour of meeting. Do some of you guys think having sex gets in the way of getting to know someone? I think it takes the tension off and besides, I've also spent time getting to know someone that then culminated in zero chemistry sex. Waste of both our time.


    Good point. Been there for both scenes. In one, we were eye fucking over dinner and barely made it to his car. The other time we had a good relationship, but I was never completely satisfied, sexually.
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    Jan 28, 2013 5:26 AM GMT
    When meeting a person, I guess it's important that you are connected but if it feels like boring, then, I do not pretend. What would I do is I would tell him he is a good person or handsome but, I don't feel any spark. I am not closing myself to be his friend... and I would understand if he would never reply after this. But, if he replied... if I am not interested, I usually reply a close-ended chatting conversation. At least, he would not feel rejected without replying at all.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2013 5:29 AM GMT
    Piers40 saidSometimes you go on a date...
    ...and sometimes you don't.

    For those times in between, there's either a Mounds or Almond Joy candy bar.
  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Jan 28, 2013 5:35 AM GMT
    I went through this not too long ago. I had set up the first date and then had to pull teeth to get the second date going. I would ask him one question and then reply the next day. He didn't reply to the last question I had asked about the time we would meet so I decided to drop it. Never heard from him again.

    I would say if you enjoyed yourself the first night, make it known, let him know you are interested in hanging out again soon. If you still had a great time on the second date, but aren't sure how he feels, wait for him to make the plans for the third date.

    I am all for a little hard to get, but guys it is not cool for it to be a one way street. Give and take, everyone wants some so spread it around.
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    Jan 28, 2013 5:40 AM GMT
    Be pro-active. While you sit there waiting, hoping, wondering, puffed up with some sort of anticipation, your "meant to be" could be flying away. So I say go with your gut. You like someone? Call them. Call them a lot (within sanity reason). If they don't like it. If they don't reciprocate... then... buh bye..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2013 1:12 AM GMT
    getting to know somebody sucks, honestly. you try to make yourself look good even if your not trying. and they in return do the same....but after awhile the reall colors come out and all that time getting to know someone was 1) a lie, cuz they projected themselves in a different light 2) a waste of time cuz you got to know some who doesnt even really exist.

    the flipside to this is my favorite, cuz you can meet that jerk but later on find out that he's a big fluffy softie and...yea

    i think i went a different route with this one