Are gays hostile to straights or even to bisexuals?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 28, 2008 9:42 PM GMT
    I have been on this site for a month - give or take, and in my original profile I stated that I am married with three daughters. Therefore any member here has the perfect right to ask why I have joined this website. The answer to that was because I do feel an attraction for various men, something that had been with me all my life.
    So after discovering this site while browsing the internet under the main heading "Gay", I soon discovered that most members were American, and into sport and nutrition rather than outright cruising. Therefore I thought joining this site as a member would encourage penfriends, that is to say, email correspondence. I did not join to encourage active gay contact, which was the reason why I entered "United Kingdom" for my location without entering my home town.
    But after trying to get the ball rolling by saying "hello" to various members, I have received no response at all.
    This makes me ask: If you are aware of my relationship status, doe this make me so abhorrent, that I am ignored or passed over? Do you see me as an outsider, even an alian from another world invading your world? Or do I pose a kind of threat.
    Just to finish with this, I have nothing against anyone of you, and I am in no position to judge. Neither for that matter, to tease. These were not the reasons for joining this website.
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    Sep 28, 2008 10:02 PM GMT
    It may have something to do with the guys you targeted, didn't find you attractive enough, or young enough?

    Lots of gay men want talk to people they are not attacked to; it happens in the clubs too. How dare you talk to me.

    As for myself. Some of my best mates are str8. Down to earth great guys. The two guys I date, seem way more str8 than gay. Yet neither are bi. I have mates down home who are rednecks, and all my mates in the City are suits.

    Some of the best physical interaction I've had with men, where bi guys.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 28, 2008 10:07 PM GMT
    Personally, it's very off-putting to me.

    The biggest reason I'm here is also to be "penpals" with people, but I also like to meet people in person, regardless of whether or not it turns into a hookup/date/whatever. I also travel with my job(s), so it's not unusual to travel to someone's area I've met off here or other sites. The last thing I would want to do is be penpals with someone, travel to their area, and not be able to meet them in person because of their closeted lifestyle. Being in the closet hurts noone but yourself, unless you inflict that pain on others by be-friending them, then not wanting to meet them in person.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 28, 2008 10:32 PM GMT
    don't take the fact that people don't respond personally. not everyone responds to every email or IM we get, for lots of reasons, or for no reason at all. keep reaching out to people, it's a great online community here.
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    Sep 28, 2008 10:41 PM GMT
    I think if you want to correspond with people, try posting in these forums a while so people can get to know you, before getting too personal.

    I have been wary of some "international" personal mails I have received because sometimes spam bots send mass emails out hoping to collect personal information for scams .. here is one that was suspicious I received

    http://www.realjock.com/profile/?id=135147hello nice man
    Some of them say more but the profiles seem odd. So if you participate in the forums people can get the sense that you are a real person. I also think some people don't want to invest too much time in someone that they will never meet. There are lots of reasons people may not respond.
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    Sep 28, 2008 11:08 PM GMT
    There are several guys here who used to be married (to a woman) and even have kids. I can't tell you why people don't say hello back, but I don't think it's because of your marriage.
  • Barricade

    Posts: 457

    Sep 28, 2008 11:14 PM GMT
    I wouldn't take it personal. You can send an email just saying "hi" to some people and they won't respond. Alot of can do with looks and age. People can say in their profiles they are here looking for friends but if your not "attractive" to them they won't respond. Forget about 'em.icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 28, 2008 11:29 PM GMT
    The right to say Hello is equal to the right to click the Delete button. A reason is immaterial. Which sounds cold, but keeps the reality of the situation paramount.

    Beyond that, whether most will admit it or not, a man's eye often directs the mind and contradicts the conscience.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 28, 2008 11:52 PM GMT
    A lot of the guys that have written have a point.

    First thing, do not take it personally, it's the internet. Also regardless of what the common interest may be, and I found this to be true on most websites, most guys want to correspond with guys who are in their city or close by. Having said that, there are some of us who do enjoy corresponding with people from other cities, states and countries.

    I don't think that the fact that you were married has to do with the fact that you are not getting any responses, I've read profiles on here from guys who are STILL married.

    Tyler SF has a point unfortunately, there are a lot of bitchy gay men out there and this website is no exception. There are some genuinely nice people but there are still some guys who give the gay community a bad name. I still see no reason to be mean and bitchy but hey...

    And last, regardless of what most guys say on their profiles (looking for friends, chat buddies) a lot of them reply to those who they find attractive. So as someone else suggested, just post a thread on one of the forums and just clearly state what you want..you know, that you're looking for friends and such...


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 28, 2008 11:58 PM GMT
    it is what it is. i mite get a response from a few of the ppl i try to talk to but no where near all. with that said, the folks who i have talked to and wth who i have things in common with are great guys and we actually chat quite often. People are gonna hit delete to ur email, not respond to ur IM and ignore u. its the net, thats how it goes. as activeandfit suggested, the forums help people get to know u. ull find common ground with folks which will make them a little more likely to respond. good luck and dont get discouraged.
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    Sep 29, 2008 12:09 AM GMT
    Doubt it has anything to do with you being married. I've messaged a few guys just saying hi and get no responses, even though they say they are looking for friends or to chat. I've even emailed some guys back and forth a few times, then asked them if they're going to school or working and stopped messaging me altogether. Just forget about em' and try to find new guys to talk to icon_smile.gif.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2008 12:43 AM GMT
    Yes, for the most part.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2008 12:45 AM GMT

    Indifferent maybe, but not hostile. The way I look at it, somebody had to be straight. If I was still craving the same acceptance by society straight men get ( no matter how rotten they are) maybe I'd be a bit peeved, but there is a whole other community that empowers me and accepts me now.
    .................800px-Gay_flag_svg.png800px-Gay_flag_svg.png800px-Gay_flag_svg.png800px-Gay_flag_svg.png
    I'd greatly advise that people seek out PRIDE and accept it, but they'll do it in their time. Anyway, no, don't feel hostile towards straight and definitely not bi (they are gay too so whatever). Back to straights, they have the preservation of mankind on their shoulders and they always seem to be at odds too. Poor them.

    Photobucket

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2008 3:42 AM GMT

    Uh, honey, I think that's what he did.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2008 3:47 AM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    Uh, honey, I think that's what he did.


    Uh dude, I'm aware of that..just reiterating that not ALL gays are hostile towards straight/bi...Thanks for clarifying it for me though..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2008 3:56 AM GMT
    I'm hostile to straights. They find it amusing. Sometimes they get angry but I just keep oppressing them until they cave in and passively obey me. I'm writing an anti-straight rap song. It's gonna be fierce bitches!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2008 5:54 AM GMT
    jakebenson saidI'm hostile to straights. They find it amusing. Sometimes they get angry but I just keep oppressing them until they cave in and passively obey me. I'm writing an anti-straight rap song. It's gonna be fierce bitches!


    Oh, gods, you're not the Gay Pimp, aren't you?
  • B71115

    Posts: 482

    Sep 29, 2008 6:05 AM GMT
    jakebenson saidI'm hostile to straights. They find it amusing. Sometimes they get angry but I just keep oppressing them until they cave in and passively obey me.


    That's what is so great about you. icon_lol.gif
  • TallGWMvballe...

    Posts: 1925

    Sep 29, 2008 6:15 AM GMT
    NotThatOld, There have been similar threads about people not responding to even the friendliest of Email and the general conclusion was that it is more about the guys thinking you are "hot" in their view more than any other reason.

    Who are you writing to?
    If you are saying Hi to guys much younger than yourself expect to be ignored or at best people treating you suspiciously and even getting hostile.

    There are some people on this thread including TylerSF that for some reason will not write back to friendly mall either and it is typical rather than the exception. Sad, but typical.

    To answer your question about gays being hostile to bi or straight men; I think on gay sites especially dating ones which this is not (supposedly) gay man don't trust Bi identified guys and have to wonder why guys saying they are straight are even on there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 29, 2008 6:59 AM GMT
    I'd say just don't take any of it seriously. You're obviously frustrating yourself. I find sports and community involvement to be a much more constructive way to meet people. The community aspect of this site is the forums, while the e-mail and messaging features are unfortunately used as a meat market. I've found that there is very little if any community in gay meat markets on either the internet or in 3d.

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    Sep 29, 2008 7:50 AM GMT
    AshLeon said
    jakebenson saidI'm hostile to straights. They find it amusing. Sometimes they get angry but I just keep oppressing them until they cave in and passively obey me. I'm writing an anti-straight rap song. It's gonna be fierce bitches!


    Oh, gods, you're not the Gay Pimp, aren't you?


    Gay Pimp is retarded and wtf mate I do not look like the Gay Pimp. Do I look like I have bags under my eyes? Besides, I'm far more insulting than him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2008 6:50 AM GMT
    After looking at your profile, I think the reason for this is you have been on RJ for less than a month. There are well over 100K profiles here, so do not give up.

    The advice given above about participating in the forum is good. It is amazing how many hits on my profile I receive because of being on here and I know this because the numbers fall off dramatically when I am not active for a while. The main reason for the forum is so we can get to know each other better so starting this thread is a very good beginning.

    As to your relationship, I have several friends on here that are married, have been married and divorced, are bi or are gay like me.

    The age thing does not seem to be a problem as much on RJ as it is elsewhere. I have friends on here from 18 to 99 and I am clearly ancient being 101, lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2008 6:04 PM GMT
    I agree with the posters who have suggested you participate in the forums; the forums are a good general meeting ground where you might discover guys who's sensibilities and personalities might be a good match for your own. And yes, if you participate visibly, you become a known quantity, and guys are more likely to say hello - particularly if you engage them (or vice versa) on a comment they made or discussion they took part in.

    There's always the exception, but generally there isn't an animosity toward bi/straight guys here, either. Nor is there one toward the older gentlemen. What I've noticed, rather, is nasty reactions toward married/bi guys who are openly trolling for an illicit fling (which you are not) or older gentlemen who carry a chip on their shoulders and create such an ugly aura around themselves that nobody - young, old, or otherwise inclined to say hi - wants to talk to them. Basically, if you're a decent guy and are upfront and honest about who you are, you'll find guys to talk to. If somebody ignores you, don't take it to heart - online, like in real life, some personalities click and spark, and some don't. Doesn't say a thing about you -- just keep doing your thing and being friendly.
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    Sep 30, 2008 6:11 PM GMT
    zdrew saidI agree with the posters who have suggested you participate in the forums; the forums are a good general meeting ground where you might discover guys who's sensibilities and personalities might be a good match for your own. And yes, if you participate visibly, you become a known quantity, and guys are more likely to say hello - particularly if you engage them (or vice versa) on a comment they made or discussion they took part in.


    Yeah, what ZD said.

    Anyway, lots of us were married at one point. I was. I have two children, both of whom started law school this fall, which of course allows me to trot out my favorite lawyer joke:

    What's black and brown and looks great on a lawyer?










    .....a Doberman.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 30, 2008 6:13 PM GMT
    So indifference is now considered hostility?

    I'd fake interest with more people more often in the interest of not being "hostile", but I'd have to scrub my skin for hours each night. Being that fake is very icky.