Being nice to enemies

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 29, 2007 8:18 PM GMT
    Hey friends:

    There is this one new manager at work that is totally super micromanaging. She is one of the reasons why a lot of employers are quitting and leaving the company. Eventually we got into so drama. Anyway I like the job so I decided to be extra nice to her. So I went beyond the call of duty and got her a really nice room at a hotel for her vacation. Since then she always looks at me and smiles and has been really friendly.

    I hate it when I’m upset with someone it’s like why are they affecting me so much?

    How can I change these into positive feelings?

    So guys I would like to hear how being nice has changed a negative situation for you.


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    Aug 29, 2007 8:38 PM GMT
    For me, it's all about picking and choosing your battles wisely.

    With your situation, I think it's important to try and be able to maintain a good working relationship with fellow coworkers and your boss.

    She's not doing anything illegal, you just don't agree with her management style. The options are, try and make it work or quit. I guess you could also go over her head and speak with your HR department.

    Sometimes, just letting it go is much easier than making an issue out of it. Of course, if you feel like you're being abused or treated unfairly, I'd recommend approaching her or going to HR.

    Being that she's new, she could just be trying to get familiar with what's going on. Give it some time and let her get adjusted.

    Since you like your job, I'd suggest trying to make it work. Good luck.
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    Aug 30, 2007 1:11 AM GMT
    You need to get reconciled with this manager. How to do that?

    Remember the old adage "Treat others as you would want to be treated"? Ok, turn it around. Put yourself in her place. Now think, how would you want to be treated if you were in her position?

    You know the situation, I don't. So I really dont think I can give you anymore pointers. If you want to share your thoughts about the situation, then maybe we all here could suggest more.
  • duglyduckling

    Posts: 279

    Aug 30, 2007 1:37 AM GMT
    always pick your battles wisely. Sometimes not fighting back in the heat of the moment means that you actually win in the long run.

    always remember that revenge is a dish best served cold!!
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11648

    Aug 30, 2007 2:08 AM GMT
    Be Super Nice...just to the point of it being ridiculous
    you'll have your manager thinking to herself "Is he mocking me or am I crazy?" :)
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    Aug 30, 2007 3:29 AM GMT
    Deep down inside I would like to get her fired. Not just to save me but to really save the others who really need their job there.

    So many people there are looking for new jobs and some of the best therapist have quitted.

    Working at a spa should not be about drama.
    It just recently became that way.

    So I just choose to be a friend and try to like her, but she still is having mood swings anyway.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 30, 2007 6:30 AM GMT
    Kill them with Kindness. Keep a straight face while you do it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 30, 2007 7:33 AM GMT
    Vicomte de Valmont: I thought betrayal was your favourite word.

    Marquise de Meurteuil: No. ”Cruelty." I've always thought that it had a nobler ring to it.
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    Aug 30, 2007 8:30 AM GMT
    "The best way to defeat youre enemy's is to make them youre friends" It really is true, when you open up and try to understand the other, you will learn how to move her and she will be more open for critics you have to her
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 30, 2007 9:58 AM GMT


    Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer - Sun-Tzu

    Rob
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    Aug 30, 2007 4:51 PM GMT
    Yes one should make an effort to take on the perspective of the "enemy", especially if the person has good character but just poor management style. However, it's not always possible to befriend an enemy. When you discover that person's perspective is based on loser attitudes such as jealousy, negativity and dishonesty (or bigotry) there is no way I could sympathize. Poor character is best left to their own devices, because they will eventually screw up bad enough. Keep your differences in the open so you don't get lumped with that person when they screw up, but don't make your differences a constant focus.

    I don't have good advice about tolerating a bad boss, it's not easy and it may or may not be worth it. Your highest priority should be your long-term career growth, not whether you enjoy working at the moment. If you're spending a few years working for someone who could not help you move up (by giving you opportunities to develop skills and get recognition), then by all means look for another place to work, maybe even within the same company but at a different location or capacity. Looking around never hurt; you'd have a better perspective about the job market and you may be surprised there are more good opportunities out there. On the other hand, it may be a good strategy to keep a low profile for a while if the bad boss will likely move on or screw up, and if you could help make that happen faster.
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    Aug 30, 2007 5:21 PM GMT
    I'm with MtnDudeSF. When it comes to work, it's not about being friends. I think it's about being professional. Do your job to the best of your ability and no one can say anything.

    Trying to be friends with her or being fake is not worth it and takes too much energy. Just be professional. If she was a friend, family member or someone close to you, that'd be another thing. But you only have to work with her.

    Good luck. - Jorel
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    Aug 30, 2007 10:28 PM GMT
    Your right guys I can't really be a friend with someone who is jealous and petty. I'll try to keep it professional but it's not really that type of enviroment.

    Recently I got an interview at another place.

    Before I leave I'm writing a letter to H.R to let them know what's going on. I am gonna miss the massages thou.
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    Aug 31, 2007 3:50 PM GMT
    I think theres is always going to be the "jerk" or the "nosy" or the "gossopy" in the office. I ignore them and don't give them any power...that's what are they looking for.

    Obviously we are being paid to behave in a professional way, so have manners and be polite with them, even though you just want to smack them in the face.

    I get my job done and be polite to everyone...I'll do extra for the ones I like. This has worked very well for me, I haven't had any issues at work for years, they just leave me alone and I leave them alone.

    I did work with this diffucult lady once (in general I find women to be more difficult to work with than men), I simply looked for another job...ended up being a great oportunity that I wouldn't have persue if she wasn't such a pain to deal with.

    Before you even now, you are goine or she will so don't waste your energy and YES I do believe in work/life balance, as silly as it sounds you have to actively work on it.

    Good luck buddy!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2007 9:47 AM GMT
    Well I have no experience yet of taming not-so-nice people. The very best thing I could do is just ignore them.

    The last painful experience of mine was making our thesis in college. My thesis leader, who was of my same age, was very very rude. He points out every single mistake I made with matching profanity. He didnt care whether there are other students hearing his blurts and rage.

    But thank heavens I made it. I just did my job the best way I could. I'm not looking forward to see him again - not even in our Alumni Homecoming if there will be. I surely will not go.