How lucky am I??

  • Themikanic

    Posts: 4

    Jan 29, 2013 6:47 AM GMT
    Hi guys...totally new Aussie guy here and only arrived after trawling the Web looking for a respectable interactive Forum that wasn't entirely about 'picking up'.

    I'm seeking comments or suggestions to clarify where I'm at, and a general prognosis.

    I'm 57, my guy, Ben is 31. We met on another Forum for guys picking up guys, however he was specifically looking for an older guy with a view to a LTR.

    18 months later, we are still in the growing and exploring relationship. We are both very straight acting and share similar interests in music 60's through to 80's, cars; I'm into 70's Chrysler muscle, he's into 80's Nissan Skylines, travelling we both love the US and I want to take him to my fav places in CO/CA etc. where there are some great driving roads, and we share similar social interests. IE we never go to gay bars etc. I'm the first relationship he's had, and it's been an ongoing learning experience for him. I've only ever had 2 former LTR's one of 25 years and the other of 12 years. I'm still friends, but strictly nothing more with my ex's.

    The reason for the post is, I've fallen head over heels for this guy, however with the benefit of age and wisdom, my heart feelings are controlled so as to attempt to minimise the pain, should that ever come, if he decides to move on.

    Ben is extremely closeted, and only I know. One evening when exceptionally drunk he phoned me and told me he loves me, and on occasion we joke about it. He says you know my feelings, there's no need to repeat them, I'm not a mushy guy...

    He won't invite me to meet with family, nor go on his car cruises due to his straight friends, who I believe would be mostly accepting of his sexuality if they knew. But he'd rather they not know. My friends are mostly gay or gay friendly and they would love to meet Ben. All I can do is show them photo's (nice ones of course). As I live around 90Km from him in a rural town, he has to do all the travelling, about once every 2 weeks. We are both happy with the frequency, we are online most nights and I realise he does all the hard work (travel). He prefers not to move in with me,though he hasn't ruled it out in the future, as he's the man of the house, committed to his mum etc. due to his parents break-up,
    And he says he's a city guy, likes the bright lights and constant 24/7 life of Melbourne, though he appreciates why I live where I do. Born and bred in rural Victoria. I work in Melbourne some distance from where he does, though he prefers we not meet for coffee/meals/cinema etc.

    He rarely stays over and... 'eats, shoots and leaves' comes to mind if he only stays a few hours which is usual. He tells me he can't stay away too long due to his family commitments. Though we are going to a car show several hundred Km away (overnight) in March and I know he's looking forward to going.

    I know he's Jewish due to his name and his family's history, but he won't say where he lives in Melbourne except the suburb, not that I'm at all fussed about religion.... I just put that info out there.
    Can't say much more except that I didn't think, at this stage of my life, though I'm quite fit, healthy, reasonably presentable, can cook a good meal etc...that I'd be so lucky as to meet a guy like Ben, though I'd really like to get involved with more of his social/family life and vice-versa.

    I welcome comments and suggestions.

    Mike.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2013 7:41 AM GMT
    I think both of you are lucky! unless he is hiding something! icon_neutral.gif
    Tell him how you feel about meeting his family & friends.....he can introduce you to them as a friend!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2013 8:35 AM GMT
    Sounds like a match made in hell.

    He's fucking everyone else and you're too naive to notice.

    Good luck with your future heartache when he mysteriously stops contacting you. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Fable

    Posts: 3866

    Jan 29, 2013 8:58 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidSounds like a match made in hell.

    He's fucking everyone else and you're too naive to notice.

    Good luck with your future heartache when he mysteriously stops contacting you. icon_biggrin.gif


    Dont be such a cynical cunt Paul.

    But yeah... sounds like you're setting yourself up for disappointment. It's obvious you need more from him but he's unwilling to give it. you don't even know where he lives!!!! If he can't trust you with some basic facts... what makes you think you can trust him? Sit him down and tell him what you need from him. Don't be a pushover. If he can't give it... perhaps give it up?
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    Jan 29, 2013 9:26 AM GMT
    fable said
    paulflexes saidSounds like a match made in hell.

    He's fucking everyone else and you're too naive to notice.

    Good luck with your future heartache when he mysteriously stops contacting you. icon_biggrin.gif


    Dont be such a cynical cunt Paul.
    What type of cunt would you like me to be?
  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Jan 29, 2013 10:32 AM GMT
    wow that is super depressing, my only advice is to dump his sorry ass and try and find somebody who can act like an adult
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2013 1:58 PM GMT
    Themikanic saidI'm seeking comments or suggestions to clarify where I'm at, and a general prognosis.

    I'm 57, my guy, Ben is 31. We met on another Forum for guys picking up guys, however he was specifically looking for an older guy with a view to a LTR.

    18 months later, we are still in the growing and exploring relationship. We are both very straight acting and ...

    Stopped reading here. icon_surprised.gif

    paulflexes said
    fable saidDont be such a cynical cunt Paul.
    What type of cunt would you like me to be?
    A dirty one.icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2013 2:08 PM GMT
    I'm sorry but there is nothing positive about your relationship and the primary cause is that he's not comfortable with himself. I agree with others that you need to find another guy who is not afraid to meet your friends and family. This guy's closeted characteristics will cause your pain to increase and that's not healthy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2013 2:27 PM GMT
    Just enjoy your relationship and make the most out of it. Life is too short to worry about "what if's". Give it your all and see where it takes you.
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    Jan 29, 2013 6:06 PM GMT
    I would say you are NOT lucky. I want to be someone's partner, equal. Not a dirty little "secret" on the side. Having said that, if you are happy then that's all that matters. Maybe, someday, he will feel comfortable coming out and incorporate you into his life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2013 6:12 PM GMT
    Erik101 saidI'm sorry but there is nothing positive about your relationship and the primary cause is that he's not comfortable with himself. I agree with others that you need to find another guy who is not afraid to meet your friends and family. This guy's closeted characteristics will cause your pain to increase and that's not healthy.


    Cosigned. Seriously, I detect a lot of discomfort in your post, so I'm glad you shared your story with us.

    This guy sounds like trouble. A relationship should be a two-way street, but yours seems like a one-way dead end. You deserve much more--especially at your age--than he seems willing to give.

    In the wise words of the audience on The Ricki Lake Show: "You better drop that zero and find yourself a hero!"
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    Jan 29, 2013 6:36 PM GMT
    Erik101 saidI'm sorry but there is nothing positive about your relationship and the primary cause is that he's not comfortable with himself. I agree with others that you need to find another guy who is not afraid to meet your friends and family. This guy's closeted characteristics will cause your pain to increase and that's not healthy.

    +1
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    Jan 29, 2013 7:00 PM GMT
    JimmyMTL said
    Erik101 saidI'm sorry but there is nothing positive about your relationship and the primary cause is that he's not comfortable with himself. I agree with others that you need to find another guy who is not afraid to meet your friends and family. This guy's closeted characteristics will cause your pain to increase and that's not healthy.

    +1
    +100
  • thisguy023

    Posts: 204

    Jan 29, 2013 8:23 PM GMT
    I am sorry to have to say this:
    A guy that hates himself so much, will never be able to truly love you.
  • Fable

    Posts: 3866

    Jan 29, 2013 10:52 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    fable said
    paulflexes saidSounds like a match made in hell.

    He's fucking everyone else and you're too naive to notice.

    Good luck with your future heartache when he mysteriously stops contacting you. icon_biggrin.gif


    Dont be such a cynical cunt Paul.
    What type of cunt would you like me to be?



    a sloppy one.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2013 11:02 PM GMT
    fable said
    paulflexes said
    fable said
    paulflexes saidSounds like a match made in hell.

    He's fucking everyone else and you're too naive to notice.

    Good luck with your future heartache when he mysteriously stops contacting you. icon_biggrin.gif


    Dont be such a cynical cunt Paul.
    What type of cunt would you like me to be?



    a sloppy one.
    Your wish is my pleasure. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2013 11:02 PM GMT
    SkinnyBitch said
    Themikanic saidI'm seeking comments or suggestions to clarify where I'm at, and a general prognosis.

    I'm 57, my guy, Ben is 31. We met on another Forum for guys picking up guys, however he was specifically looking for an older guy with a view to a LTR.

    18 months later, we are still in the growing and exploring relationship. We are both very straight acting and ...

    Stopped reading here. icon_surprised.gif

    paulflexes said
    fable saidDont be such a cynical cunt Paul.
    What type of cunt would you like me to be?
    A dirty one.icon_twisted.gif
    And your wish is my norm. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2013 2:57 AM GMT
    Always remember that a man in the closet needs to figure out things. Once he figures out something, his world view will change, and that could hurt your relationship.

    Aside from that, you two seem to get along fine, no? You both chose to be in this relationship, warts and scars and all, and you seem to be both really happy with each other.

    It sounds like the worst thing that could happen is for the relationship to end. It's that good. Enjoy it while it lasts, whether it's for a month or 40 years. And we all hope it's the latter!!!

    Good luck, and
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