Why do I get so down?

  • Onemoresummer

    Posts: 106

    Jan 29, 2013 10:59 AM GMT
    So I hooked up with this guy today, we got along pretty well. No awkward silences and he actually kissed me first.

    Anyway, we ended up in his bed.

    5 hours later I decided to text him saying "was good to get to know you..hope to see you again..message me when you're around" and I got no response so I now I feel like crap.

    I used to hook up and be fine with not seeing them but IDK if because I'm older now i'm more sensitive or something?

    But yeah, I feel like I need to desensitise myself from all feelings or something to avoid the let down.

    Thoughts?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2013 12:43 PM GMT
    Stop hooking up with complete strangers? Feels good in the instant, feels stupid other instant the door closes.
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    Jan 29, 2013 12:58 PM GMT
    Future advice, Never have sex with strangers, even if you met them few times!

    No need to get depressed! sometimes bad things happen....you should only feel sad only if you make the same mistake twice!

    Just be who you are except don't fall to the tricks played by the other!
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    Jan 29, 2013 1:56 PM GMT
    Welcome to the world of meaningless sex! You're trying to compensate for your actions by connecting with this guy on a deeper level and he didn't reciprocate. It's not uncommon that you're having these feelings but you need to note that your hookup doesn't share the same feelings you do. To spare yourself from getting hurt in the future, try being with a guy who share the same emotions as your's.
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    Jan 29, 2013 2:13 PM GMT
    Onemoresummer said5 hours later I decided to text him saying "was good to get to know you..hope to see you again..message me when you're around" and I got no response so I now I feel like crap.

    1. Text him and forget about it. Don't expect a reply. If one comes, cool. Don't wait or hope or schedule around it. Keep on living like you did the day before.
    2. The moment you send the text, you put yourself in that dilemma. Any time you haven't sent him anythign is time you are fully worry-free. Enjoy this time! Delay the text!
    3. It's not good to hang the balance of 'how good you feel' on another person's actions. It is a recipe for bad feelings, and also you're putting a lot of pressure on them to be responsible for your mood. That'll make a guy run.
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    Jan 29, 2013 2:21 PM GMT
    This is the way I handle hook-ups. I bang 'em like it's our last Christimas on earth and then I send them home physically exhausted and emotionally drained from the experience. Then I forget about them and pretend the whole thing never happened. Rinse, repeat.
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    Jan 29, 2013 5:26 PM GMT
    icon_eek.gifNO HE DID'nt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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    Jan 29, 2013 7:07 PM GMT
    DOMINUS saidThis is the way I handle hook-ups. I bang 'em like it's our last Christimas on earth and then I send them home physically exhausted and emotionally drained from the experience. Then I forget about them and pretend the whole thing never happened. Rinse, repeat.


    Oh my..... Is it me or did it just get very warm in here???? icon_redface.gificon_redface.gif
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    Jan 29, 2013 7:23 PM GMT
    kt8320 said
    DOMINUS saidThis is the way I handle hook-ups. I bang 'em like it's our last Christimas on earth and then I send them home physically exhausted and emotionally drained from the experience. Then I forget about them and pretend the whole thing never happened. Rinse, repeat.


    Oh my..... Is it me or did it just get very warm in here???? icon_redface.gificon_redface.gif



    It's just youicon_twisted.gif
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    Jan 29, 2013 9:51 PM GMT
    The sex wasn't mindblowing.
    He'd rather have some new ass than plow the same field.

    Also, sex =/= intimacy.
  • NYCjock

    Posts: 11

    Jan 29, 2013 10:05 PM GMT
    Onemoresummer saidSo I hooked up with this guy today, we got along pretty well. No awkward silences and he actually kissed me first.

    Anyway, we ended up in his bed.

    5 hours later I decided to text him saying "was good to get to know you..hope to see you again..message me when you're around" and I got no response so I now I feel like crap.

    I used to hook up and be fine with not seeing them but IDK if because I'm older now i'm more sensitive or something?

    But yeah, I feel like I need to desensitise myself from all feelings or something to avoid the let down.

    Thoughts?
    sounds to me you felt a connection with this guy. this cannot be manufactured - its either there or its not. You felt it and he simply did not. move on and one day you will find a mutual connection and be happy. this is very common. try living in NYC where the gays are a dime a dozen. they, many of them, are just looking to hookup. its too easy here so they just hook and see ya. Its very sad.
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    Jan 29, 2013 10:20 PM GMT
    I know how you feel I did the same thing recently and he told me to txt him. So I did. When he txt back though it was short and I had to keep the conversation going. I said we should get together again and just hang out and he said it sounded like a great idea and wanted to. So I said just let me know. We txted a little bit more and still had to keep the conversation going. So I finally just said well txt me when ever your free if you still want to hang out and he said sounds awesome and that he will. But havnt ever heard anything since.
  • Splendidus_1

    Posts: 611

    Jan 29, 2013 10:28 PM GMT
    Erm, it might be just me, but I think you're crushing on him?

    I don't know, but I had the idea a hook up is a no strings attached business .. so I don't see what the other guy did wrong.

    Maybe you had hopes he became a fuck buddy? Anyway, make sure to show what your intentions are (and while we're at it, to know what the other person wants as well).

    Not everyone is able to bear "the psychological wear out" factor that hooking up brings.
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    Jan 30, 2013 3:10 AM GMT
    The rest of the guys on here will have to tell me if I'm being too picky... But... When a guy says something like, "let me know when you'll be around." or "just text me and let me know." I find it frustrating.

    I guess I perceive it as non-committal or too passive. I would rather get a text that said. "Enjoyed meeting you. Would like to see you again. Want to plan something?" or "Are you free this weekend?"

    I find comments like, "just let me know" to be a way of passing the responsibility off onto the other guy when I'm the one who has the crush that I need to manage.

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 30, 2013 3:13 AM GMT
    You are worth more than a hook up.... get to know a guy or even (cough) go out on a date. If they aren't interested in that with you, screw them.. I mean forget them..haha. There are good guys out there that would take the time to get to know you and not just make it about sex.
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    Jan 30, 2013 3:13 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidYou are worth more than a hook up.... get to know a guy or even (cough) go out on a date. If they aren't interested in that with you, screw them.. I mean forget them..haha. There are good guys out there that would take the time to get to know you and not just make it about sex.

    awww, +1 to this.
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    Jan 30, 2013 3:27 AM GMT
    If you keep beating yourself up over some nice hook up then you're gonna make your life hell... we've all done it you know, get all excited about some guy whom you've had awesome sex with and think that just because they kiss and cuddle and converstate that you're ganna marry him and have his babies etc... but reality must sink in, they do this to everyone they sleep with because that's how they are... some just get dressed and walk out the door without saying a single thing. A hook up is a hook up, and yeah it would be a good idea to desensitise yourself.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1114

    Jan 30, 2013 4:03 AM GMT
    Onemoresummer! stop torturing yourself for something that is already done and in the past tense! from this day forward the thing to do is to learn from such experience! but if you feel bad about what you did, feeling down about it is not going to undo a wrong. Having said that your awareness of having done a wrong is in itself a good start for your own emotional healing! and like everyone have already stated, you are worth more then being used for sex! next time try to set boundaries, and I assure you it will reward you with much needed self respect and dignity; qualities that unfortunately are lacking nowadays!!

    Leandro
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    Jan 30, 2013 9:26 PM GMT
    evolution greatly influences these responses too I believe. When you have amazing connection with someone, especially sexually, you get a high dopamine release in the brain- this chemical release influences the high you feel- very similar to that of cocaine use. Coming down from that I believe can be very difficult especially if there is other things bothering you.

    I used to hook up with guys when I was single, now at times, if I am single, I would not consider it. It's detrimental to my personal biology and way of thinking- some men however are different and obviously therefore can accomplish the task.

    You sound as though you quite aware as to where you stand in this spectrum.
  • muscle4same

    Posts: 21

    Apr 24, 2014 5:37 PM GMT
    Realjock is not showing the original post but I'm sure I've figured it out that you hooked up with a guy and have interest in seeing him again because something in you really likes him?

    First thing I wonder is if is a shallow liking? Do you want to seem him again just because he's hot? One time hookups don't really give you a chance to really get to know the guy personally enough to know if he has good character and is someone you'd want to be with long term. It's only time enough to say he's hot and you want to see him naked again.

    Second, this is the gay community, it's all about sex and hooking up. I used to believe in love and wanted romance-I still want it but after my experiences over 18 years, I am hard pressed to believe in it any more. Guys, the hot ones in particular, only care about getting sex as many times and with many guys as they can, as long as those guys meet their caliber of hotness. They will lie to you until they get what they want so don't think that holding out sex will mean they will actually date you as I thought I was dating a guy and did not want to just hook up so we “dated" for over month before I allowed sex. It didn't take even five minutes after the sex for him to say, "this isn't working, we should just be friends." He then admitted the only reason he dated me was to get to having sex then be done with me. Most guys just wouldn't want anything to do with me if I didn't whore myself out the first time we met. And the times I did, that was the last I ever heard from the guy. I would text but they never responded. They always claimed to like me and want to see me again but that's the last I ever heard from them.

    Guys only care about sex...that's it. Finding an actual date, romance and love? I am hard pressed to believe in it.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Apr 24, 2014 6:38 PM GMT
    muscle4same said...Guys only care about sex...that's it. Finding an actual date, romance and love? I am hard pressed to believe in it.
    This is such a sad story… Typical of a lot of stories. Guys just wana have fun. Relationships are possible (having been in them) but both parties have to want it badly enough to deal with the inevitable difficulties. What I don't understand is, there are SO MANY (right here on RJ) guys who *say* they want a relationship, not just a hook-up, and yet, somehow, for whatever "reason," they can't seem to find one another. That's what makes this story *truly* sad. icon_neutral.gif
  • muscle4same

    Posts: 21

    Apr 24, 2014 10:42 PM GMT
    MikeW said
    muscle4same said What I don't understand is, there are SO MANY (right here on RJ) guys who *say* they want a relationship, not just a hook-up, and yet, somehow, for whatever "reason," they can't seem to find one another. That's what makes this story *truly* sad. icon_neutral.gif



    That's because it's all talk...they only want a relationship as long as he looks like an Abercrombie model, is under 30, has a 15 inch dick, a butt you can bounce three quarters off, and has enough money to go out clubbing every weekend. I'm not saying that ALL guys claiming to want a relationship thinks this way, but I've found, especially of guys online, it's all nothing bug blah, blah, blah. They're just not being honest in saying the only thing they really want is a hookup unless you meet the qualifications stated above. I lived in Seattle for six years and having lived there, I learned that the above qualifications are absolutely NECESSARY in order to find yourself in a relationship with someone.
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    Apr 24, 2014 11:50 PM GMT
    Onemoresummer saidI used to hook up and be fine with not seeing them but IDK if because I'm older now i'm more sensitive or something?

    Your humanity is asserting itself. Celebrate this.

    Onemoresummer saidBut yeah, I feel like I need to desensitise myself from all feelings or something to avoid the let down.

    Worst idea ever. Try actually listening to those feelings, and then use them for future reference. If hooking up makes you feel lousy, then lose the hookups, not the feelings. icon_smile.gif