How can I become a better RJ member? What can I do differently?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2013 10:45 PM GMT
    Hey guys!!! Well, I am fairly new to RealJock, and this is my first post. With that said, I am asking for some help! I find people that seem very cool and down to earth, but there is never any progression into a further friendship. I don't know if I come off in wrong way or what! So here is what I am asking:

    What do you say to someone you find interesting?
    Should I not "Hot List" someone right from the beginning?
    How should an instant message begin? (I never seem to get a reply)
    etcetera????

    So please, I will take any advice!!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2013 10:53 PM GMT
    You could start by uploading n00dz and verifying your profile and putting your ph# in your "about me" section so people can text you their n00dz as well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2013 11:03 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidYou could start by uploading n00dz and verifying your profile and putting your ph# in your "about me" section so people can text you their n00dz as well.


    What if it is not my style to post nude pictures? And can't it be dangerous to put your phone number online?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2013 11:04 PM GMT
    Upload a closer picture where you're not hiding from yourself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2013 11:04 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidYou could start by uploading n00dz and verifying your profile and putting your ph# in your "about me" section so people can text you their n00dz as well.


    And my profile is verified.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2013 11:06 PM GMT
    Or you could start by not taking pixels on a screen so damn seriously. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2013 11:07 PM GMT
    wrestlervic saidUpload a closer picture where you're not hiding from yourself.


    I have many in my private pics section, but I am not out to everyone, so to save myself from being outed to everyone before I am ready, I didn't set one as my profile pic. I do, however, unlock them for nearly everyone I have hot listed.
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Jan 29, 2013 11:07 PM GMT
    Get your post count up and try to interact with the members via the forum. At first you'll be invisible but if you continue to post people will most likely start taking you seriously.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2013 11:10 PM GMT
    TheAlchemixt saidGet your post count up and try to interact with the members via the forum. At first you'll be invisible but if you continue to post people will most likely start taking you seriously.


    Thanks, I read a lot of forum posts, but I never add anything to them. I will have to start!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2013 11:28 PM GMT
    You can make RJ what you want it to be as long as your actions are done with tact and you're respectful to the other members. My biggest suggestion to you is don't take everything you read so seriously. There will be certain threads that will piss you off and all you want to do is come up with a rebuttal. Just take this site for what it is and enjoy it. I use it as entertainment during work breaks! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2013 11:33 PM GMT
    Watch what I do. Then do the opposite.

    Don't take this site too seriously. Many people here ARE NOT interested in forming real friendships. This has nothing to do with you, and you can't take it personally. Be yourself. Open up a little so that people can connect with the real person sitting at your computer. Let things flow naturally from there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2013 11:39 PM GMT
    DudeInNOVA saidWatch what I do. Then do the opposite.
    .etisoppo eht od nehT .od I tahw hctaW

    Like that?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2013 12:09 AM GMT
    Maybe add a little more detail to the profile? I think more pics is a plus, though I understand your predicament in terms of not wanting to put your face out there. Since you're looking for friends and something substantial, I would not recommend posting nudes. There's nothing wrong with browsing through profiles and/or forums, then messaging the people that you want to get to know more. Personally, I think Buddy Listing someone says a lot more than Hot Listing them. Then again, I am far from the average RJ user so take that with a grain of salt if you want. I think instant messages work best when someone comes across as genuinely interested in getting to know you. It helps to read the profile and ask a question based on it. That way, the guy knows you have taken the time already to get to know him. Best of luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2013 1:07 AM GMT
    DudeInNOVA saidWatch what I do. Then do the opposite.

    Don't take this site too seriously. Many people here ARE NOT interested in forming real friendships. This has nothing to do with you, and you can't take it personally. Be yourself. Open up a little so that people can connect with the real person sitting at your computer. Let things flow naturally from there.


    Thanks, the first thing I found out about this site, is that some people just want sex, more than friendship or even a possible relationship...however, I think I will add some more personal things to my profile!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2013 1:10 AM GMT
    JustDrewIt saidMaybe add a little more detail to the profile? I think more pics is a plus, though I understand your predicament in terms of not wanting to put your face out there. Since you're looking for friends and something substantial, I would not recommend posting nudes. There's nothing wrong with browsing through profiles and/or forums, then messaging the people that you want to get to know more. Personally, I think Buddy Listing someone says a lot more than Hot Listing them. Then again, I am far from the average RJ user so take that with a grain of salt if you want. I think instant messages work best when someone comes across as genuinely interested in getting to know you. It helps to read the profile and ask a question based on it. That way, the guy knows you have taken the time already to get to know him. Best of luck!


    Thanks for the advice, and thank you for understanding my predicament!!! You are very right about hit listing being more impersonal than buddy listing. But is it at all creepy, to buddy list someone before you are actually "buddies?"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2013 1:15 AM GMT
    forest said
    TheAlchemixt saidGet your post count up and try to interact with the members via the forum. At first you'll be invisible but if you continue to post people will most likely start taking you seriously.


    Thanks, I read a lot of forum posts, but I never add anything to them. I will have to start!!!


    BINGO! I suggest the what's on your mind topic - great easy convo there, jokes and some good camaraderie.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2013 1:25 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    forest said
    TheAlchemixt saidGet your post count up and try to interact with the members via the forum. At first you'll be invisible but if you continue to post people will most likely start taking you seriously.


    Thanks, I read a lot of forum posts, but I never add anything to them. I will have to start!!!


    BINGO! I suggest the what's on your mind topic - great easy convo there, jokes and some good camaraderie.



    Thanks, I have seen that forum come up a few times, but I have never checked it out...I surely will have to now!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2013 4:14 AM GMT
    Inspire parody threads like this: http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/2978071
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2013 2:52 PM GMT
    Meet RJers in person. There are RJers I've talked to online for what seems like forever and we're not really friends. There are RJers that I talked to a handful of times online then we happened to meet in person soon after and we're super good friends now. Online interaction has an expiration date.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jan 30, 2013 3:04 PM GMT
    Narciso saidMeet RJers in person. There are RJers I've talked to online for what seems like forever and we're not really friends. There are RJers that I talked to a handful of times online then we happened to meet in person soon after and we're super good friends now. Online interaction has an expiration date.


    Sometimes rl does too.icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2013 3:07 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    Narciso saidMeet RJers in person. There are RJers I've talked to online for what seems like forever and we're not really friends. There are RJers that I talked to a handful of times online then we happened to meet in person soon after and we're super good friends now. Online interaction has an expiration date.


    Sometimes rl does too.icon_sad.gif


    It definitely does. But rl is like a canned good and internet is like, cheese. The cheese will definitely go bad in a relatively shorter amount of time and hey, if you're lucky that canned good could be spam meat and it'll last centuries! =D
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2013 6:29 PM GMT
    Guess that makes my drag name Velveeta!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2013 6:39 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidYou could start by uploading n00dz and verifying your profile and putting your ph# in your "about me" section so people can text you their n00dz as well.


    I am totally going to do this...
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Jan 30, 2013 6:44 PM GMT
    Narciso said
    HottJoe said
    Narciso saidMeet RJers in person. There are RJers I've talked to online for what seems like forever and we're not really friends. There are RJers that I talked to a handful of times online then we happened to meet in person soon after and we're super good friends now. Online interaction has an expiration date.


    Sometimes rl does too.icon_sad.gif


    It definitely does. But rl is like a canned good and internet is like, cheese. The cheese will definitely go bad in a relatively shorter amount of time and hey, if you're lucky that canned good could be spam meat and it'll last centuries! =D

    Spam, yum! Spam musubi... Damn it Narciso you made me hungry again!!!

    spam-musubi.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2013 11:07 PM GMT
    When I joined, I thought I might find a friend or two who would last well beyond the day I quit the site. I have found it on other sites.

    While I have emailed a few people outside of RJ, I don't feel like this is the kind of place to make the kind of friends that will really be there for you through thick and thin. I don't see loyalty amongst buddies when one is getting attacked. I see buddies telling each other their ass doesn't look fat in this dress, when it does.

    I've thought about it and don't understand it fully, but I think a factor is that it's often a battleground. You're forced to approach threads a certain way or you could get ridiculed (the way a lot of new members do before they become "Hidden Member"). It causes an arms-length norm and it's very hard to establish something that breaks through that barrier. If you do manage to be vulnerable with someone else, there's the risk they will feel differently about you one day and use it against you. I take it for what it's good for and don't expect anything more from it anymore.

    In terms of what to say when you send an instant message... Personally I don't like messages unless someone has something specific to ask me or tell me about. Feels more like an imposition, like a knock on the door just to say "Hi" and then stand awkwardly for a minute. Oh here's a tip: read the profile before you IM someone so you don't wind up with your foot in your mouth!