Am I moving too fast? (also is he leading me on)

  • weneedlovetoo

    Posts: 92

    Jan 30, 2013 3:10 AM GMT
    So I've met this guy on Jack'd 3 weeks ago. We talked and texted a lot and so i decided to go out with him. We went clubbing and it was really nice, we grinded all night long and we made out before the night ended. We continue to text each other everyday and i went out to lunch with him last week and he dropped me off at home where we cuddle and made out for hours.I'm feeling that i started liking him, and i can't stop thinking about him. We called each other baby/babe when we text and stuffs. Yesterday, he said he missed me ( after i told him i miss him) and he told me he likes me. He told me that i could talk to any guys as long as he's not around, I've been off jack'd for 3 days and was committed to making it work with him. but i feel like i'm moving too fast, since i only met him twice. Also his texts started getting delayed, like he would normally reply instantly but now it takes 30- 60 min to get his reply. I've started feeling that he lost interest in me and so i logged on into jack'd again to have found that he was online a moment ago. I really like this guy, and i want it to work. I didn't confront him because it is crazy to be mad at him since we're not even in relationship. However, i am super upset. I don't blame him for going on Jack'd but now i just go on it too since it's just fair that I too can talk to others. As of now, do you think i move too fast? and do you think he is just leading me on? maybe he's meeting up with others as well....?
  • cavecanem10

    Posts: 70

    Jan 30, 2013 5:39 AM GMT
    Don't want to burst your bubble, but I think you already know this: delayed responses are bad news, and also if he told you that you can see other dudes, then that also is a red flag because he probably does that himself.

    It's exciting to click with someone right off the bat, but it only works if it's mutual, and you're looking for the same thing--which is rare.

    I'd say, save yourself the headache, and move on, especially if you found himi on an app like that, it's not meant to last. Actions speak louder than words! Good luck!
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    Jan 30, 2013 6:01 AM GMT
    It's not that you're moving too fast; rather, it's because your expectations are too high! You said that you are not in a relationship with this guy. That means there's no commitment and you two are free to do what you want. So...he has the right to meet other guys as you do. You need to talk to him, share your feelings and come to a conclusion on possibly getting in a relationship or move on.
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    Jan 30, 2013 6:06 AM GMT
    From what I read you guys haven't had sex yet. So I don't get how he can lose interest in you, before he has had sex with you? I mean, are you that uninteresting?
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    Jan 30, 2013 1:36 PM GMT
    3 weeks guy. It's only been THREE WEEKS.
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    Jan 30, 2013 3:44 PM GMT
    Myol said3 weeks guy. It's only been THREE WEEKS.

    This.
    Oh and stop being a needy dope. Texting like a little girl does not make a relationship. No wonder he returned to online hooking, he wanted a blow job, not a blow hard.
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    Jan 30, 2013 4:11 PM GMT
    Eurghh, honestly, I hate when somebody I have only just met (if we have made out or otherwise- I still don't know them on a significantly deep enough level) starts calling me 'babe' or the like, and who signs every text with kisses etc, right off the bat. It makes me believe they do that with every guy they just start to communicate/hang out with and whom they fancy- it rings of insincerity and hasty emotional dependence, to me, and a lack of genuine love for me as a specific person. It feels more so a love of 'being in love', and I'm just the sum of criteria check points deemed desirable enough to facilitate their psychological need.

    That type of super quick attachment makes me wonder the real reason behind it, as they hardly know me yet, so, it is likely a just a trait of their character that is displayed no matter who they are aiming to land, and I find that quite off putting that early on.

    Just sayin'.

    Some guys may say back some of the same lovey-dovey affectations in the heat of the moment, or out of not wanting to hurt your feelings by not saying the same thing back, or replying to your texts with kisses etc, despite not feeling 100% comfortable doing so, or without the same intention behind it as yourself. That isn't your fault, but be aware of it.

    He told you it's cool to see other people- please read: ' I don't mind in the least if you see other people at this point because I'm expecting that I will (/want to) see other people still, so, don't expect more than something casual, for now at the very least. '


    Relax a bit and stop counting the minutes till he replies to your texts.

    Don't put all your hopes into this as he certainly isn't, just wait and see how things develop (and perhaps even carry on looking for somebody else who might reciprocate with an ideal mutual interest in the mean time if you think that is something you'd like to do to cover any potential loss of time or emotional investment on your part).
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Jan 30, 2013 4:17 PM GMT
    Erik101 saidIt's not that you're moving too fast; rather, it's because your expectations are too high! You said that you are not in a relationship with this guy. That means there's no commitment and you two are free to do what you want. So...he has the right to meet other guys as you do. You need to talk to him, share your feelings and come to a conclusion on possibly getting in a relationship or move on.


    Yes, Agreed. Your expectations are unrealistic.
    So what if he goes on Jack'd? He's allowed to. You guys aren't in a relationship and no committment talks were ever had, so why are u upset?

    You've only met twice, dont fuck it up by becoming too clingy and needy and all that jazz. Continue to casually text and talk, keep the momentum going, but damn....alsp keep urself busy, dont get all consumed n shit. Like, continue to live ur life, txt him throughout the day, keep him up to date with whats going on in ur life and just casually have conversation. Plan to meet again and just enjoy eachother's company. Dont ask about Jack'd......just hang and see what happens. It takes much longer to form a good committed relationship than 2 meets..... dont get all jealous and weird just yet. It's way too soon and you're gonna ruin it. Chill. Relax. live ur life, but keep him in it. Dont expect too much.

    Nothing is sexier than a man that has his own life going on. Dont sit around and consume urself with this guy. Having ur own life will keep the relationship going believe it or not. It will keep u fresh and interesting.

    U must avoid getting weird. I feel like it's already started, but it's not too late. Dont be upset he went on Jack'd. Who fucking cares. It's so early yet.
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    Jan 30, 2013 5:03 PM GMT
    This is very typical. It's perplexing to me how many gay guys fall in love immediately with people they meet on sex sites. Indeed, some gay guys even fall in love with guys they've met online, sight unseen. Very scary.
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    Jan 30, 2013 5:12 PM GMT
    DOMINUS saidThis is very typical. It's perplexing to me how many gay guys fall in love immediately with people they meet on sex sites. Indeed, some gay guys even fall in love with guys they've met online, sight unseen. Very scary.

    This, exactly. You met on Jack'd for Christ sake. It's not love, it's an orgasm.
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    Jan 30, 2013 5:18 PM GMT
    cavecanem10 saidDon't want to burst your bubble, but I think you already know this: delayed responses are bad news, and also if he told you that you can see other dudes, then that also is a red flag because he probably does that himself.

    It's exciting to click with someone right off the bat, but it only works if it's mutual, and you're looking for the same thing--which is rare.

    I'd say, save yourself the headache, and move on, especially if you found himi on an app like that, it's not meant to last. Actions speak louder than words! Good luck!


    Yeah, you didn't move fast enough. You should have hit it the night you two met.
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    Jan 30, 2013 5:19 PM GMT
    It's time for a membership to Christianmingle.com
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    Jan 30, 2013 5:20 PM GMT
    DOMINUS saidThis is very typical. It's perplexing to me how many gay guys fall in love immediately with people they meet on sex sites. Indeed, some gay guys even fall in love with guys they've met online, sight unseen. Very scary.


    You man you and I have no future? icon_cry.gif

    [heavy sigh]
  • weneedlovetoo

    Posts: 92

    Feb 01, 2013 7:36 PM GMT
    Hey thanks everyone for our replies. The truth hurts but I wanted your opinion and I really appreciate it that everyone put efforts into answer this. So, yes I've decided to stop being clingy and seem desperate. I reduced my texts to him since I busy myself with other things like studying. I started to talking to others now since I don't want to focus on my attention on him (which may lead to clinging). I never tell him lies though, and we were skyping and he asked what i was doing and i told him i'm on Jack'd and stuffs. He seems annoyed that I am on it, because when i told him that i'm on it and i got messages blah blah, he always bring it up, like "oh why don't you just go on dates with them instead of me " but i dont' understand why he doesnt understand that he was on that too... more active than i am i would say. We made out and hmmm passed the second base but never really have sex. We're having our 3rd date soon and we talk everyday. I seriously don't know how to approach it, I don't want to make him feel like i'm losing interests by not texting him as much , but i dont want to make it seems that i'm desperate and clingy. I just can't find the right balance. Plus, i discovered that his ex was really hot so now i'm so self concious about my body sigh.
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    Feb 04, 2013 6:48 AM GMT
    UndercoverMan said
    DOMINUS saidThis is very typical. It's perplexing to me how many gay guys fall in love immediately with people they meet on sex sites. Indeed, some gay guys even fall in love with guys they've met online, sight unseen. Very scary.


    You man you and I have no future? icon_cry.gif

    [heavy sigh]


    I'm here for you icon_smile.gif in a variety of ways, whatever you need icon_biggrin.gif