My Swim Fail

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    Jan 31, 2013 1:31 AM GMT
    As someone who has spent many a summer day in the water, I have never been an athletic swimmer. In fact, aside from gym class, I don't think I have ever swam laps. All that changed today when I decided it was time to pick up swimming as my newest form of a cardio workout. I've been nursing a potential knee/lower back injury so I figured it was the optimal time to switch to the pool. I convinced another novice swimmer to join me so I wouldn't feel isolated in my less than perfect form and lack of proper breathing technique. The stage was set for my new workout experience....

    Perhaps I should have realized that the fat, naked old man in the showers was an omen of sorts....

    We enter the pool to find it empty except for one older woman, who was slowly but consistently swimming lap after lap. Her snail's pace actually allowed me to steal some pointers on proper breathing technique in the pool; she knew what she was doing! So my friend and I begin swimming laps, looking all sorts of ridiculous I am sure, but swimming nonetheless. [Enter stage left another elderly woman with a bag of water aerobics equipment.] My inner monologue: "Perhaps she has an individualized routine she developed herself. Good for her!"
    [Enter stage left a third elderly woman.] She begins conversing with the other two and the geriatric barracuda in the pool informs her she has been swimming laps to warm up. The dread inside me builds up slowly. It can't be....

    [The last woman to join brings out a stereo and music begins playing loudly]

    That's right, it's an aquatic fitness class for old women. They congregate in the shallow end, wading back and forth, destroying any hopes I have of continuing swimming laps. I end up treading water for the duration of my pool time.

    Lesson learned: Never enter the pool without checking the schedule of classes first!!!
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    Jan 31, 2013 4:22 AM GMT
    Argh. Even if they stay over to one side, the awful noise of the over-driven boom-box and the high-pitched screeching of the "instructor" makes it impossible to be in the same building with them.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jan 31, 2013 4:23 AM GMT
    cool story bro
  • ThatSwimmerGu...

    Posts: 3755

    Jan 31, 2013 5:03 AM GMT
    Oh gosh. It gets crazy when the old ladies get in the pool. That's when you know it is time to leave.
    And for swimming techniques.... YouTube is a great place to go.
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    Jan 31, 2013 7:02 AM GMT
    mindgarden saidArgh. Even if they stay over to one side, the awful noise of the over-driven boom-box and the high-pitched screeching of the "instructor" makes it impossible to be in the same building with them.


    This.

    Is there something in the instructors' handbook that informs them they have to blast their cheap sound systems on 11 to maximize the distortion on top of the awful music and shrill screaming?
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    Jan 31, 2013 3:19 PM GMT
    Aristoshark saidThat's one possible reaction.
    Another is: good for those old broads trying to stay healthy and fit at their age.


    +1 - in this case they are the ones who are the regulars in the pool and have probably been showing up at that time for years. You are the "newbie" who just showed up on a New Years Resolution kind of whim, who are you to dictate how they should behave . . . .
  • azswimrun

    Posts: 38

    Jan 31, 2013 3:21 PM GMT
    Find a masters team to swim with. It is so much easier swimming with others. And you'd be surprised that there's people of all speeds in most groups.
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    Jan 31, 2013 3:44 PM GMT
    I cant believe you tried to steal those poor old ladies' pool time. You are a monster. Young people today. NO RESPECT! NO RESPECT!
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    Jan 31, 2013 3:56 PM GMT
    Ageism - The last hold out for bigots!

    Shame on you OP. I hope you live long enought to be a burden to your family and most importantly to yourself.
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    Jan 31, 2013 4:00 PM GMT
    I would joined and had fun with these women and made the best of the situation. Some of these women have attractive grandsons also that they can hook you up with.
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    Jan 31, 2013 4:13 PM GMT
    As a longtime Masters/lap swimmer, I can sympathize w/ your frustration to a point, but you hit it on the head when you recognized the need to check out the skeds first. The best online resource for doing so - and finding a compatible pool - is http://www.swimmersguide.com/ which I've relied on for years to find good pools to swim in wherever I am. And, don't be so hard on those seniors; you'll be one one day, if you're lucky, and, hopefully, the perspective you'll have gained by then will make you a little more forgiving of both "the youngsters" and your contemporaries than you appear to be now.
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    Feb 03, 2013 2:09 AM GMT
    Thank you so much my fellow RJers. Glad to hear some of you found my post entertaining or sympathized with my experience.

    For the rest of you, my deepest gratitude for enlightening me on my bigotry, unforgiving nature, and my apparent need to dictate how others should behave (I'm still investigating as to where I was dictating, seemed to be more of an expository piece). I am humbled by you all. Truly, this has been a cathartic experience.
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    Feb 03, 2013 3:48 AM GMT
    No problem. Go with God.
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    Feb 03, 2013 7:19 AM GMT
    Aristoshark saidThat's one possible reaction.
    Another is: good for those old broads trying to stay healthy and fit at their age.


    This is how they outlived their husbands and now are laughing their menz hard earned fortunes to zero while bobbing in a pool.