When family gets in the way.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 01, 2013 5:46 AM GMT
    Ok so I've been having a pretty rough day guys.

    I thought I solved everything last year family wise and aparently it wasn't solved and now it's coming all out again. I really don't know how to keep distance from my family in such hard times, I wish I could help more but they were the ones who literally threw me out to begin with.
    Since the age of 17 I had to live by myself get a job (while studying) and be independent, it's hard to admit that family has become sort of a set back in my happiness. They didn't threw me out because of my sexuality it is a way more complex situation.

    I was born, my father left then came back 7 years after. My mom accepted him again. Terrible relationship with my father. Parents getting divorced like a 1000 times. Then I moved out. My mom couldn't handle my sister, she needed to put herself togehter. So I took care of my sister, like a dad (she's 6 years younger than me). Then she moved again with my parents. Now my sister's calling me to tell me that my mom's shit right now and that she wants to live with me again.

    So any advice? Any experiences on how to deal with the fact of loving your family but thinking that they are really tiying you to heavy burdens?

    Thanks in advance.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Feb 01, 2013 5:51 AM GMT
    Let's see ... why do kids get thrown out of their homes .... drugs, drinking, fighting, stealing, jerk step father, jerk step mother

    Either way, it's your life, if you want them out of it, then quit going back to them or don't answer the phone. It is that easy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 01, 2013 5:54 AM GMT
    I have a similar problem mate. Since I came out to them over the summer, they are not really happy with it but they deal.



    Since I'm not too sure of what kind of situation you're going through, all I can stay is try to tough it out till you're more self sufficient. You've made it this far since you were seventeen and you've done a great job so far. Bring the happiness that you deserve for yourself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 01, 2013 5:57 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidLet's see ... why do kids get thrown out of their homes .... drugs, drinking, fighting, stealing, jerk step father, jerk step mother

    Either way, it's your life, if you want them out of it, then quit going back to them or don't answer the phone. It is that easy.


    Pretty much jerk father and a mother who can't see it. I wish it was that easy to completely step aside from them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 01, 2013 5:57 AM GMT


    Without knowing what the situation and circumstances were when they threw you out, I can't advise you. icon_sad.gif

    I'm also intrigued by what you mean when you say they are tying you to heavy burdens, yet have thrown you out.

    -Doug
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 01, 2013 5:58 AM GMT
    Fivealive saidI have a similar problem mate. Since I came out to them over the summer, they are not really happy with it but they deal.



    Since I'm not too sure of what kind of situation you're going through, all I can stay is try to tough it out till you're more self sufficient. You've made it this far since you were seventeen and you've done a great job so far. Bring the happiness that you deserve for yourself.


    Thanks for the adive. I really appretiate it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 01, 2013 6:00 AM GMT
    meninlove said

    Without knowing what the situation and circumstances were when they threw you out, I can't advise you. icon_sad.gif

    I'm also intrigued by what you mean when you say they are tying you to heavy burdens, yet have thrown you out.

    -Doug


    I was born, my father left then came back 7 years after. My mom accepted him again. Terrible relationship with my father. Parents getting divorced like a 1000 times. Then I moved out. My mom couldn't handle my sister, she needed to put herself togehter. So I took care of my sister, like a dad (she's 6 years younger than me). Then she moved again with my parents. Now my sister's calling me to tell me that my mom's shit right now and that she wants to live with me again.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 01, 2013 6:04 AM GMT
    A_X91 said
    meninlove said

    Without knowing what the situation and circumstances were when they threw you out, I can't advise you. icon_sad.gif

    I'm also intrigued by what you mean when you say they are tying you to heavy burdens, yet have thrown you out.

    -Doug


    I was born, my father left then came back 7 years after. My mom accepted him again. Terrible relationship with my father. Parents getting divorced like a 1000 times. Then I moved out. My mom couldn't handle my sister, she need to put herself togehter. So I took care of my sister, like a dad (she's 6 years younger than me). Then she moved again with my parents. Now my sister's calling me to tell me that my mom's shit right now and that she wants to live with me again.


    Sounds like real life to me. It also sounds like you've been a great older brother, and have an understanding of what it is to raise a child. So she tried again with dysfunctional Mom and Dad - it didn't work. Was she trouble when she lived with you?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 01, 2013 6:17 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    A_X91 said
    meninlove said

    Without knowing what the situation and circumstances were when they threw you out, I can't advise you. icon_sad.gif

    I'm also intrigued by what you mean when you say they are tying you to heavy burdens, yet have thrown you out.

    -Doug


    I was born, my father left then came back 7 years after. My mom accepted him again. Terrible relationship with my father. Parents getting divorced like a 1000 times. Then I moved out. My mom couldn't handle my sister, she need to put herself togehter. So I took care of my sister, like a dad (she's 6 years younger than me). Then she moved again with my parents. Now my sister's calling me to tell me that my mom's shit right now and that she wants to live with me again.


    Sounds like real life to me. It also sounds like you've been a great older brother, and have an understanding of what it is to raise a child. So she tried again with dysfunctional Mom and Dad - it didn't work. Was she trouble when she lived with you?


    Thanks. And well I gave her what I could and apparently she's happier with me since she wants to come with me again. Trouble is (and I don't mean to sound self centered) I don't know if I want to, it is not my responsablity to solve my parents life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 01, 2013 6:23 AM GMT
    OK...but she isn't your parents' life. She's her. She loves you as a little more than brother as you are also her part-parent.

    Voila, you have your own family; you and her.

    It sounds like you are her rock, so I'll ask you, if you were the young one and she the older sister that took you in, that you left to try to see if you could live with Mom and Dad again only to find their relationship so toxic you couldn't..
    ...would you want your older sister to take you back? icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 03, 2013 6:02 PM GMT
    meninlove said OK...but she isn't your parents' life. She's her. She loves you as a little more than brother as you are also her part-parent.

    Voila, you have your own family; you and her.

    It sounds like you are her rock, so I'll ask you, if you were the young one and she the older sister that took you in, that you left to try to see if you could live with Mom and Dad again only to find their relationship so toxic you couldn't..
    ...would you want your older sister to take you back? icon_wink.gif


    That is completely true. I really really apretiate your help, thank you!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 03, 2013 6:09 PM GMT
    A_X91 said
    meninlove said OK...but she isn't your parents' life. She's her. She loves you as a little more than brother as you are also her part-parent.

    Voila, you have your own family; you and her.

    It sounds like you are her rock, so I'll ask you, if you were the young one and she the older sister that took you in, that you left to try to see if you could live with Mom and Dad again only to find their relationship so toxic you couldn't..
    ...would you want your older sister to take you back? icon_wink.gif


    That is completely true. I really really apretiate your help, thank you!!


    *slow warm grin*
    You're an alright guy, A. I just wanted you to see that in yourself. A change in perspective can change a burden into a strength and a power.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 03, 2013 6:40 PM GMT
    Maybe get your sister to work and pay half the rent and such so you don't have so much burden on your back?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 03, 2013 6:45 PM GMT
    KKim11 saidMaybe get your sister to work and pay half the rent and such so you don't have so much burden on your back?


    LOL, she's 15 years old. Thanks for the advice tho icon_wink.gif.