Getting bored and losing my attention

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 01, 2013 6:49 PM GMT
    I'm single, but I've noticed something about myself in relationships. Now, I'm a hopeless romantic, so I do one day would like a relationship. However, I'm also the kind of guy who prefers the thrill of the hunt, because I like going after what I want, even if that means I get rejected. Oh well, I just move on to a new target. However, whenever I find a guy that I'm actually feeling and we start dating and eventually get into a relationship, I find myself losing the attraction I had to him. It's weird, it's like being a relationship because a chore to me and while it's nice to have just one person you can always go to, it's also hard for me to keep my attention on just that one person. As we all know, it seems like when we're in a relationship, that's when more guys seem to hit on you. I just don't understand. That's why I mainly stick to friends with benefits.

    *sighs* Will this ever be fixed? Does this go away as I get older? I know, I know, I'm only 20. But honestly, people are dying younger these days and relationships are kind of amplified by the time we get to high school and especially in our 20s.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Feb 01, 2013 8:09 PM GMT
    U just havent found that one guy yet that interests you like that.

    Yeah, ur finding guys u like and things go well for a whie, but u haven't found that one dude that'll make u like crazy about him. . That one dude that u like so much, u dont care or wanna be with anyone else. U just havent found that person yet, so keep getting out there and do yo thang.
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    Feb 02, 2013 2:36 AM GMT
    I basically have the same problem. I get easily bored and I need to be reminded often that I am in a relationship with someone. Otherwise, I find my mind and heart going somewhere else. You can't fix it alone--you need to find a special someone who's willing to work with you on fixing it.
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    Feb 02, 2013 2:58 AM GMT

    There have been so many songs written about this my mind is spinning a little.

    Here's one.




    Everything comes and goes
    Marked by lovers and styles of clothes
    Things that you held high
    And told yourself were true
    Lost or changing as the days come down to you
    Down to you
    Constant stranger
    You're a kind person
    You're a cold person too
    It's down to you
    It all comes down to you.
    You go down to the pick up station
    Craving warmth and beauty
    You settle for less than fascination
    A few drinks later you're not so choosy
    When the closing lights strip off the shadows
    On this strange new flesh you've found
    Clutching the night to you like a fig leaf
    You hurry
    To the blackness
    And the blankets
    To lay down an impression
    And your loneliness

    In the morning there are lovers in the street
    They look so high
    You brush against a stranger
    And you both apologize
    Old friends seem indifferent
    You must have brought that on
    Old bonds have broken down
    Love is gone
    Ooh, love is gone
    Written on your spirit this sad song
    Love is gone

    Everything comes and goes
    Pleasure moves on too early
    And trouble leaves too slow
    Just when you're thinking
    You've finally got it made
    Bad news comes knocking
    At your garden gate
    Knocking for you
    Constant stranger
    You're a brute-you're an angel
    You can crawl-you can fly too
    It's down to you
    It all comes down to you
  • Themikanic

    Posts: 4

    Feb 02, 2013 5:40 AM GMT
    Many guys IMO, and I speak with some knowledge here as I'm well into my 50's usually slutty about until they reach their early 30's...then something seems to go 'click' in their heads and they start to think about settling down.

    So enjoy the 'hunt' cos you only live once and unless you're one of those slutty guys who constantly wants a new bod in their lives when they are middle aged, you'll find the right guy at the right time.

    Mike.
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    Feb 02, 2013 7:07 AM GMT
    I misread the title of this thread.

    I thought I saw, "Getting boned and losing my attention"

    This does happen.
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    Feb 02, 2013 7:07 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidI misread the title of this thread.

    I thought I saw, "Getting boned and losing my attention"

    This does happen.


    Nobody wants me to sex them, so I'm like kind of celibate. icon_lol.gif
  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Feb 02, 2013 7:08 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidI misread the title of this thread.

    I thought I saw, "Getting boned and losing my attention"

    This does happen.


    Ditto. Been there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 02, 2013 7:28 AM GMT
    You definitely sound like someone I don't want to date.
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    Feb 02, 2013 7:35 AM GMT
    I always wanted an LTR even when I was a teenager before I ever dated. For me it was about my value system. Obviously for you it is different, getting bored with guys, not satisfied, and liking the hunt game. So here is straight guy song for you with some relatable lyrics...enjoy.

    [Chorus:]

    Take time to play around
    Same games it's up and down
    Can't wait till I've finally found
    A love of my own
    Take time to play the field
    Take a chance, spin the wheel
    Till I find something real
    A love of my own



    PS: Eric Benet is the guy who lost Halle Berry because he couldnt keep his dick in check.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 02, 2013 8:36 AM GMT
    Consider these questions. Only you know your answers:
    - When you start to lose interest in a guy, do you make effort to learn more about him?
    - Do you assume that when you lose interest you have learned all you can about the other man?
    - Are you confusing the lost of interest with an instinct that you're just not compatible?
    - Why does dating someone mean that you can't hunt for other guys (and I don't mean sexually or romantically... but you can still hunt for friends, new connections, etc).
    - What is it about the hunt that is exciting? Does it have to do with validation of yourself? Does it have to do with the desire to give to other?

    And finally. You're young! So if you decide you want to hunt around and hook up for a while, that is up to you, as long as your sticking to some solid morals and not leading anyone on.
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    Feb 02, 2013 4:25 PM GMT
    MrPerfect7592 said
    GAMRican saidI misread the title of this thread.

    I thought I saw, "Getting boned and losing my attention"

    This does happen.


    Nobody wants me to sex them, so I'm like kind of celibate. icon_lol.gif


    Honey, you're not looking "hard enough". From reading you profile, you're young, your smart, and you're hot.

    Going back to your OP, consider going to a therapist to work out why you get bored. Part of it just might be gratitude issues. I know. I've got those issues myself and my own lack of gratitude has wrecked my own relationships in the past.

    The only other thing that raises a bit of a "red flag" for me is that you live in Charlotte. I've commuted weekly to Charlotte for work for nearly a year. Yes, it's the 21st Century and I would like to believe that there is no longer racism in The South (I grew up in Florida). However, I found that I got even less attention in Charlotte than in Fort Lauderdale. I could even see that "look" on people's faces which smelled of racism. Once I left the East Coast that suddenly I seemed to get more attractive to more kinds of men. Consider this for after you finish your schooling. Consider moving somewhere where there is more cultural diversity and true acceptance for people of color.

    @all - Sorry to any residents of the Queen City who disagree with, or who may be offended by my opinion of Charlotte. Racism was a part of my experience in 1999-2000 and maybe the region has changed significantly since I lived there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 02, 2013 10:58 PM GMT
    I've gotten a lot of great feedback from this topic. I'll definitely consider all that you've shared whenever my next relationship comes about.
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    Feb 02, 2013 10:59 PM GMT
    Don't sound so Mr. Perfect to meee
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Feb 02, 2013 11:01 PM GMT
    Import saidU just havent found that one guy yet that interests you like that.


    Nah he's just a flake and a commitment-phobe.

    Lots of guys are. *shrug*
  • GraffitiMySou...

    Posts: 139

    Feb 03, 2013 12:02 AM GMT
    I used to be the same. Well, I am still that way to some extent. My friend who is a CBT therapist told me that this is very narcissistic, but can be fixed. I don't think age has anything to do with it. I know 30year olds who are like this. It's the thrill of the chase. You boost your self-esteem everytime a new target appears and they can't resist your charm. For me it was never about sex, never. I used to be very insecure and I learned how to pretend to come off as confifent. I needed constant validation from different people. One guy just wasn't enough. However, I NEVER lead anybody on. That was never my thing. I didn't want the guys to fall in love with me, but when they did, I was scared out of my mind. It usually took me up to 3-4 dates to say I'm not into relationships.

    It can be fixed, like I said. You just have to be in the right place, the right time and meet the right guy. It happened to many of my friends and I think/hope it's happening to me right now icon_smile.gif
  • JMex3

    Posts: 96

    Feb 03, 2013 1:54 AM GMT
    I used to have the same mentality until a few months ago and just recently (2 months ago) I met a guy that I didn't think would develop into anything, it was just by chance. He is 10 years older but I have more of a connection with him than I've ever had with anyone else. I'm not talking about just sex (we actually didn't do that until a month into it) it feels good that our relationship didn't start being just about sex, we're both pretty level headed any argument or disagreement we've had has been resolved without screaming.

    The main thing has been communication, we both agreed if we ever lose interest or the feelings just aren't there anymore we'd tell each other. Hate the cheating aspect and I'd rather someone be upfront that go behind my back.

    It's all about your state of mind, you'll change only when you want to and you realize that the 'hunt' gets old with the catch and release game you're playing…have to play for keeps icon_wink.gif