Is this a problem?

  • jayatl56

    Posts: 463

    Feb 02, 2013 3:26 AM GMT
    I realized today that I would rather hook up with someone I don't know than meet a guy for a second time. I mean, I hook up with a guy and I rarely call him again and when he calls I have an excuse not to meet. But I hook up with someone new. The cycle starts over.

    How do I break that cycle?

    (God, I hope I'm not alone)
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    Feb 02, 2013 4:01 AM GMT
    If you find it unpleasant, and it is hurtful to you, then it is a problem.

    One suggestion might be that you could work towards developing more intimacy, if "hook up" means "having sex".
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    Feb 02, 2013 4:12 AM GMT
    Find a fuck bud who shares the same feelings you do. Namely, a guy who you can have nasty sex with and then agree to part ways until the next time you both have the "urge".
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    Feb 02, 2013 6:06 AM GMT
    Hmm... dunno. Quality or Quantity. Gotta kiss a lot of frogs and all that...

    Personally, I just tried to hit up a FB and got the old "Sry, I'm going steady with someone now" thing. This seems to be my pattern. Need to add some more numbers to the "A" list pronto. Which means auditions...

    Might have to dip into the "B" list pretty soon.
  • uaeson

    Posts: 60

    Feb 02, 2013 7:08 AM GMT
    i think its more about what you are looking for ? and what do u want !!
    one night stand or long term relationships icon_rolleyes.gif if u are lookinf for one night stand why would u keep dateing the same person unless you going to start some thing with him

    well this is what i think and what i do icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Feb 02, 2013 8:51 AM GMT
    jayatl56 saidI realized today that I would rather hook up with someone I don't know than meet a guy for a second time. I mean, I hook up with a guy and I rarely call him again and when he calls I have an excuse not to meet. But I hook up with someone new. The cycle starts over.

    How do I break that cycle?

    (God, I hope I'm not alone)


    You're definitely no alone, so take comfort in that. But what is happening in your mind when the guy calls, and you decided to not hang out? Fear of intimacy? Fear of coming across in an unpleasant way? Fear of not knowing what to say? Or maybe not fear... perhaps you hook up with guys too quickly for your own standards, and thus can't 'move backwards' in time to a place where you can just be friendly?

    Provide more details icon_smile.gif
  • SeattleGreenl...

    Posts: 124

    Feb 02, 2013 6:03 PM GMT
    To OP: It could be rooted in an early childhood experience you had... There may be some desire to not get close to anyone, thus it manifests itself in your adult life by not wanting to have sex or meet the same person more than once to protect yourself from getting close to someone...
    Maybe I am off base, but take a look at your childhood experiences... Were you rejected or abandoned by family members, were you abused, etc?
  • jayatl56

    Posts: 463

    Feb 02, 2013 6:46 PM GMT
    Thanks for the comments.

    I was molested as a kid by an uncle. I'm sure that has had a negative affect on my attempts at LTR. That said, I did have a 4 year relationship that was monogamous until HE was found cheating.

    Now, I just like sex, period. I can have sex everyday and just look for new guys to hook up with. Guys call me back to hook up again but I make an excuse and find someone else. Or - and this happens alot - I'm just not in the mood for one reason or another. And I am picky about who I sleep with. And always safe.
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    Feb 03, 2013 6:14 AM GMT
    jayatl56 saidThanks for the comments.

    I was molested as a kid by an uncle. I'm sure that has had a negative affect on my attempts at LTR. That said, I did have a 4 year relationship that was monogamous until HE was found cheating.

    Now, I just like sex, period. I can have sex everyday and just look for new guys to hook up with. Guys call me back to hook up again but I make an excuse and find someone else. Or - and this happens alot - I'm just not in the mood for one reason or another. And I am picky about who I sleep with. And always safe.


    I'm not going to assume anything about what you've already done, but I will suggest that your molestation is definitely grounds to see a therapist if you think it will be helpful. I wasn't molested, but therapy has helped me make a lot of connections from my past and link those experiences to present day behaviors. Finding a good therapist really helped me have a nonjudgmental, unbiased frame of reference in looking at myself.

    If you ever want to chat more about it, just message me.