Being Positive & Dating

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    Feb 03, 2013 7:38 PM GMT
    I'm curious about others' experiences being HIV+ and dating. I've been having a hard time connecting with other HIV+ guys. I know there are a lot of us out there, but the ones I tend to meet are only interested in partying and having sex. I've been reluctant to date HIV- guys because they seem to run off when they find out I'm positive. Any words of wisdom?
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    Feb 03, 2013 9:49 PM GMT
    Unfortunately, there are so many guys that find it hard to connect with positive guys. When I use the adverb "unfortunately", I really mean it because no one should ever be defined by their HIV status....but it does happen. I find it sad that fear and aversion (for most guys) take precedence over an HIV+ who can provide so much love, dedication and emotional stability.

    But I agree with yourname2000 that it's a numbers game. The more you meet, your probability in finding a guy whom you can connect with increases. There is definitely a guy out there for you. It's just a matter of how much energy and patience you want to give in order to meet the right one. Best wishes to you!
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    Feb 03, 2013 10:35 PM GMT
    YN2K has captured the essence of the approach to dating and HIV.

    My own experience is that HIV becomes a "maturity filter" through which the callow and shallow do not pass. Keep "putting yourself out there" and keep making friends. Among those friends you will eventually meet people who will accept you and love you just the way you are.

    Steer clear from the party crowd. They will ultimately bring you down emotionally, financially, and physically.

    Aloha and Be Well!
  • istw

    Posts: 20

    Feb 04, 2013 11:17 AM GMT
    Having relationship before having sex
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    Feb 04, 2013 12:35 PM GMT
    I have two freinds who are positive and find themselves in the same situation, as YN2k and Gamrican have said, the guys who run off aren't worth it anyway... and are probably doing you a favour by removing themselves from the scene.

    Some of the excuses have been all the way from 'don't want to catch HIV' all the way to 'dont want to see someone I care about get sick' - and they end up missing out on some of the most sexy,wonderful guys I've ever met... because they can't get over the fear.

    I'd have no problem dating a HIV+ guy, particularly one who looks after himself and is control of his circumstances, and in particular is honest with me.

    As YN2k said, its a numbers game, so - you're HIV+ and not interested in just partying and having sex? - theres bound to be more guys like you out there, BUT you need to be out there to find that other guy.


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    Feb 04, 2013 2:30 PM GMT
    There are more HIV+-friendly guys out there than you might think, particularly in light of recent advancement in antiretroviral medication. You just need to be truthful about your status. The concern with HIV+ guys before (other than potential accidental HIV transmission) was the fear that the HIV+ guy would ultimately predecease his partner. I think that's no longer the case. My very best wishes to you, and I hope that you find the love of your life soon.