Should I join a frat?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 01, 2008 8:15 AM GMT
    Well should I?

    I went to a pretty awesome frat party at the invitation of my roommate. He's mentioned rushing a couple of times and today I bumped into him outside the gym just as I was finished working out and he took me down to meet a couple of his frat brothers.

    I recalled a thread about gay guys in frats a few months back

    I've heard good and bad stuff but most of my info is anecdotal and i don't really understand how rushing works too well. I was never one of the popular kids in school and i can't imagine they welcome gay guys with open arms.

    I have heard good and bad things about frats but I'm not sure what to believe
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    Oct 01, 2008 8:57 AM GMT
    This is a subject very close to me.

    I rushed fraternities my first semester of my freshman year because, for me, a group environment helps create a healthy foundation to build on experiences no matter the situation.

    Anyway, I received several invites to rush [way back then] and did. I pledged a great fraternity and became very involved: from Rush Chairman, to Inter-Fraternity Council Rep; Greek Week Charity Chairman and more.

    It will be what you make it--for me, it created life long relationships and experiences I treasure to this day many many years later.

    RJ is like a big fraternity in a way. A group of great guys with common threads and interests (and some not so common) who support and care for one another both good and on occasion, not so good: but, afterall, that is life.

    Go for it & Good Luck!

    B787

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    Oct 01, 2008 12:04 PM GMT
    Ask how much it costs first icon_biggrin.gif Many people seem to enjoy being part of Greek life, but no two universities (or fraternity chapters) are quite the same. Ensure that they are gay-friendly but if so (there are plenty of gay people in fraternities at my university) and you like the people, it is a great opportunity to experience a relatively inaccessible piece of American culture.
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    Oct 01, 2008 2:35 PM GMT
    It seems to be a very love it or hate it thing.

    When I came back last night I goggled it and right what came up first was some pretty negative articles and heated discussions.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Oct 01, 2008 2:52 PM GMT
    Well let me say my time in my fraternity as an undergraduate was great, but I also attended a small (about 1,000 students) liberal arts college in Wichita. Great experience with the fraternity and served as social chairman when I was a junior and senior.

    What I would do is evaluate the requirements and the general tenor of the frat that you might want to join. You impress me as someone who is pretty secure with many of your views... you might find the "fraternity life" (and the perceived "ways to act") way too limiting. Do your homework before you commit to anything.
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    Oct 01, 2008 3:09 PM GMT
    AMT87 saidWell should I?

    I went to a pretty awesome frat party at the invitation of my roommate. He's mentioned rushing a couple of times and today I bumped into him outside the gym just as I was finished working out and he took me down to meet a couple of his frat brothers.

    I recalled a thread about gay guys in frats a few months back

    I've heard good and bad stuff but most of my info is anecdotal and i don't really understand how rushing works too well. I was never one of the popular kids in school and i can't imagine they welcome gay guys with open arms.

    I have heard good and bad things about frats but I'm not sure what to believe


    Frats are only bad for gay guys if they're insecure about themselves, are feminine, or are just really intelligent and don't have the time. Isn't it a bit too late for you to join? Aren't you a senior?
  • Parker817

    Posts: 359

    Oct 01, 2008 3:15 PM GMT
    I really regret not joining a frat in college. I say go for it!
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    Oct 01, 2008 3:19 PM GMT
    Might be a good experience, only if you tell them your gay, and are out to all of them, which is the way life should be.
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    Oct 01, 2008 3:24 PM GMT
    Go for it.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    Oct 01, 2008 3:24 PM GMT
    AMT87 saidWell should I?


    I lived in a frat house (SAE) for the first two years of college (Arizona State in Tempe) and out of the house the last two years. I had WAY more fun not living in the house. If I had to do it all over again, if I were still able to go to the parties because friends of mine were members of the frat, I would not have joined and just had the best of both worlds. Frats have a lot of extra-activities that you are expected to participate in (no, it's not all parties) that really cut into your time and make studying even more difficult.
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    Oct 01, 2008 3:26 PM GMT
    jakebenson saidFrats are only bad for gay guys if they're insecure about themselves, are feminine


    *Great* generalization there: At Kent State here in Ohio there is in fact a gay fraternity and unsurprisingly, there are some way effeminate people in it!

    Watch out one of them doesn't come and beat you up :-P
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    Oct 01, 2008 3:31 PM GMT
    TigerTim said
    jakebenson saidFrats are only bad for gay guys if they're insecure about themselves, are feminine


    *Great* generalization there: At Kent State here in Ohio there is in fact a gay fraternity and unsurprisingly, there are some way effeminate people in it!

    Watch out one of them doesn't come and beat you up :-P


    Gay fraternities are the exception of the generalization because they are more accepting to ALL gays. I'm referring to normal frats (yes I say normal referring to fraternities that don't specialize in one specific group of people). And no I don't want some gay guy from a gay frat "coming to beat me up." I don't want to have to take hours showing off all the glitter they throw at me while shouting something incoherent like "gay rights obama hot tranny mess!"

    And yes, it's still a general rule that frats don't like feminine gay guys. I didn't say feminine gay guys are bad. I said frats don't like them. From a quick survey from my college experience, I knew over 10 gay frat guys and only one was feminine. He redeemed himself though by being popular among the sororities and he could drink like a muthafucka.

    The trends will gradually change in frat life. They're already changing.
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    Oct 01, 2008 3:32 PM GMT
    I pledged my freshman year, first semester and feel it enhanced and expanded my undergrad experience tremendously.

    So for sure - Greek life can be an incredible time... just make sure to try to understand the values and perspective of the members of the house(s) you're thinking of joining - that it's a good fit with where you are as a person (intellectually, emotionally). This requires you're comfortable in your own skin - and it sounds like you are (reference to the original poster).

    Best 'o luck! You're going to have a blast!!
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    Oct 01, 2008 3:33 PM GMT
    I considered joining a Frat during my Freshman year and even had a Frat that wanted me to pledge. I was in architecture which required a lot of time in class and studio, after weighing all of the requirements of the Frat for community service, house duties, activities and etc. I decided that I wouldn't have the time for all of the Frat duties and school. I'm glad that I didn't pledge - several friends who were in architecture did - and they regretted it because of all of the time commitments - although they had a fantastic social life!
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19129

    Oct 01, 2008 3:39 PM GMT
    If you're going to be gay and "out" and want to join a fraternity, I would be very careful to first gauge how any particular fraternity you may be interested in joining would be towards gays. Sadly, many are not nearly as welcoming as you might hope. If you want to be "closeted" in the fraternity that's one thing, but being "out" could prove quite another.

    Also, if you're a junior or senior, I would say forget about it. You will likely not have the time, or the inclination, to have to participate in a lot of the crap that comes with being a PLEDGE in a fraternity. It's not all parties and beer busts.
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    Oct 01, 2008 4:09 PM GMT
    Go Greek. I loved it, wasn't out though, but I loved it. I know a lot of "us" weren't out when we were Greek but I do know a handful of people from about 13 different Fraternities on my undergrad campus that were out and everyone was just peachy about it.

    Also, word of advice, DO NOT EVER CALL IT A FRAT in front of the Fraternity you are rushing.
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    Oct 01, 2008 4:28 PM GMT
    I'm a junior I kind of dismissed because it would only be for a year but my roommates been persuading me saying it would be worthwhile.

    Keep in mind last year I had 27 hours of class/lab time, a 32 hour part time job and on top of that had to commute to college.

    Here I live on Campus, no job, and only 14-15 hours a week

    I haven't announced it to him but I haven't exactly hidden it either and I don't think I would
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    Oct 01, 2008 4:34 PM GMT
    If you have the opportunity, I say go for it!! I had a BLAST with my frat & brothers! If you're hesitant, look in to it more, but of not, dude just go for it!!!
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    Oct 01, 2008 4:34 PM GMT
    do it.
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    Oct 01, 2008 4:35 PM GMT
    Fable saiddo it.

    you've gone to america for college...... why not experience what it has to offer?
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    Oct 01, 2008 4:57 PM GMT
    I say absolutely go for it.

    I didn't pledge until my Junior year despite the Brothers suggesting from day 1 Freshman year that I'd be a perfect match.

    I wish I'd taken their advice! I loved it!
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    Oct 01, 2008 5:02 PM GMT
    If you're contemplating about joining, I say go for it! You may regret not doing it in the future.
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    Oct 01, 2008 5:06 PM GMT
    My ex had a similar pre-college social life as yours and joined a frat-- it really worked out well for him. You should definately give it a shot, and I would stray (far) away from hiding your sexuality, put it all out there!
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    Oct 01, 2008 5:19 PM GMT
    My TDX brothers are my friends for life. Greek life can provide some of the best memories and friendships you could ever have, with guys from all over the world. Our focus is leading a value-based life, in pursuit of the improvement of a guy's intellectual, moral and social being. The brothers are expected to strive for excellence in their academic, professional and personal lives. Joining a good fraternity could be one of the best decisions a guy can make.
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    Oct 05, 2008 6:23 PM GMT
    My Sr year the president of the Inter-Fraternity Council was gay and out, and one of the fraternities my soph year had a gay president. My best friend dated a guy in Sigma Nu and he was in the closet but his brothers would tell my friend they knew and they didn't care [he was in the closet b/c of his dad, but I digress]

    The only problem I would watch out for is if a lot of the guys seem really socially conservative/ right wing types avoid it..there are fraternities where those types of guys seem to gravitate and it is not fun being gay in them but in the rest you should be cool.