UndercoverMan saidMy gut says he's playing you like a finely tuned fiddle.
Which is unlikely - call me naive, but I see nothing to gain.
*reads last line, leaves topic*
Priceless! Especially from someone who always has a pearl of wisdom for our questions.
Insulting the group you want an answer from has the unpleasant effect of not getting the answer you seek. Something worth learning early on in life.
Heh, apologies for any perceived insult. I was merely being jocular for fear of my deference being misconstrued as sycophancy.
It works better in real life
melbourne92 said4 options:
1. Kickback and let things run its course. If its meant to be its meant to be. His opinion might change and ur FB could turn into something more if there's no pressure.
2. Be that needy mother fker who self destructs the relationship by questioning where things are headed, ultimately investing too much thought and hope into something that may or not even happen. By doin this you're probably gonna put him off the thought of a relo with a guy even more tho hahha.
3. Tell him where you're at and what you want, and if he thinks things aren't goin to change then leave things on a good note and hope that you find each other in time.
4. Suppress your feelings and continue to get the physical side of him with the extra perks of being a mate. Just don't cry too much when you're in too deep and he still only wants a root. Haha
Ps. One 5 hr conversation and a small degree of intimacy probably won't trump a grown mans mindset
I'm doing (1).
Mostly because it's still early on and I don't really feel anything as of yet, though it's possible that things may change with time.
If circumstances do change, however - and the circumstances are decidedly one-sided - I believe that I am adequately restrained to occupy myself with more pressing, and infinitely more productive matters.
Import saidYeah man, I'd just roll with it.
He said he just wants sex.... and prob cuz he's been with quite a few women before, he feels obligated to do the whole hand-holding thing and kssing of the hand and acting sweet toward you. . . There's nothing wrong with that, but don't invest too much emotionally into it. Keep ur distance so to speak. Dont lose urself
Good advice, though I'm doubtful that he felt any such projected obligation simply for the fact he dated women. In fact, I was manifestly unnerved by the sudden display of affection; and he, noticing my discomfort, asked if it was okay.
Destinharbor saidI think he sounds pretty honest. He can't see himself in a relationship with a guy but he's attracted to men. Most of my adult life I've been surrounded by guys afraid to be seen as gay but admitting they are gay nonetheless. So he's loving up on you because that's what he wants but he's forewarned you that he isn't ready to make a long term commitment and come out of the closet. He may change his mind if he actually falls in love or he may not. A lot of forces drive that. Your decision is whether you're willing to take that chance and be accepting if in the end he just can't commit. I'd say it's too early to know that. So let him romance you a bit. Accept the complement. Accept the attention and accept him for who he is. Just like you, he's trying to figure out his life. And remember, not all "dates" end in true love. I mean really. All you've done so far is get picked up by a nice, honest guy in a bar and screw in his office. Did you want that to end with rough sex and him kicking you out on the street like a used condom? Or were you expecting eternal marital bliss?
This is the most accurate understanding of the nature of our situation. It's almost eerily perspicacious, and based on insufficient data nonetheless.
Also - excellent, unassuming advice.
Thanks loads for all of your advice, though in hindsight, it was a foolish question to ask (mostly due to too much scotch and meager explanation on my behalf). It matters not if what he did was abnormal for the presupposed context of our meeting - 既来之, 则安之 - I'll take things as they come.
Pun not intended.
CuriousOne saidHe only wants sex and just because he's not treating you like a douche when he's with you, doesn't mean you're the one he's going to be in a relationship with. Have fun and don't expect much!
I'll have fun, hehehe - he's f*cking hot.