Confused by guy's gestures.

  • Vitriol

    Posts: 7

    Feb 06, 2013 4:46 AM GMT
    He'd been in romantic relationships with women (3 failed ones to be exact, but he's definitely bi) and has stated that he can't really see himself in a relationship with a guy, barring a purely sexual one.

    So anyway we had nearly 5 hours conversation in 2 different bars, then sex (in his office) and then he drove me home.

    In the car he snaked over and laced our hands together. He kept it that way for pretty much the rest of the journey, occasionally pausing to shift gears or to kiss the back of my hand.

    Then we kissed before I left.

    Is that what fuckbuddies do? I'm really confused right now, so I wouldn't mind some advice from you wizened old gays whose swishy beards art snowed white by the wisdom of thy years.
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    Feb 06, 2013 4:51 AM GMT


    *reads last line, leaves topic*
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    Feb 06, 2013 4:57 AM GMT
    meninlove said

    *reads last line, leaves topic*


    Hahahahahahaha. icon_lol.gif
  • spacemagic

    Posts: 520

    Feb 06, 2013 1:33 PM GMT
    I've never had a FB so I may not be the best source of advice, but that doesn't sound like how I would expect a FB to behave. That sounds like sweet, lovey dovey, crush behavior.
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    Feb 06, 2013 1:38 PM GMT
    meninlove said

    *reads last line, leaves topic*

    Priceless! Especially from someone who always has a pearl of wisdom for our questions.
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    Feb 06, 2013 2:00 PM GMT
    Vitriol saidHe'd been in romantic relationships with women (3 failed ones to be exact, but he's definitely bi) and has stated that he can't really see himself in a relationship with a guy, barring a purely sexual one.

    So anyway we had nearly 5 hours conversation in 2 different bars, then sex (in his office) and then he drove me home.

    In the car he snaked over and laced our hands together. He kept it that way for pretty much the rest of the journey, occasionally pausing to shift gears or to kiss the back of my hand.

    Then we kissed before I left.

    Is that what fuckbuddies do? I'm really confused right now, so I wouldn't mind some advice from you wizened old gays whose swishy beards art snowed white by the wisdom of thy years.


    I think your "friend" has been completely honest with you about what he wants from you. He wants sex from you--with no strings attached--when things are convenient for him.

    My advice: have fun while it lasts if you enjoy the sex. But don't get more attached to him than you already are. He can't give you any more until he has resolved some fundamental issues within himself.
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    Feb 06, 2013 2:02 PM GMT
    mplsmike said
    meninlove said

    *reads last line, leaves topic*

    Priceless! Especially from someone who always has a pearl of wisdom for our questions.


    Tis the pearls of wisdom to the OP too icon_wink.gif
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    Feb 06, 2013 2:04 PM GMT
    He only wants sex and just because he's not treating you like a douche when he's with you, doesn't mean you're the one he's going to be in a relationship with. Have fun and don't expect much!
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    Feb 06, 2013 2:18 PM GMT
    My gut says he's playing you like a finely tuned fiddle.
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    Feb 06, 2013 2:35 PM GMT
    4 options:

    1. Kickback and let things run its course. If its meant to be its meant to be. His opinion might change and ur FB could turn into something more if there's no pressure.
    2. Be that needy mother fker who self destructs the relationship by questioning where things are headed, ultimately investing too much thought and hope into something that may or not even happen. By doin this you're probably gonna put him off the thought of a relo with a guy even more tho hahha.
    3. Tell him where you're at and what you want, and if he thinks things aren't goin to change then leave things on a good note and hope that you find each other in time.
    4. Suppress your feelings and continue to get the physical side of him with the extra perks of being a mate. Just don't cry too much when you're in too deep and he still only wants a root. Haha

    Ps. One 5 hr conversation and a small degree of intimacy probably won't trump a grown mans mindset
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    Feb 06, 2013 3:26 PM GMT
    mplsmike said
    meninlove said

    *reads last line, leaves topic*

    Priceless! Especially from someone who always has a pearl of wisdom for our questions.


    Insulting the group you want an answer from has the unpleasant effect of not getting the answer you seek. Something worth learning early on in life. icon_wink.gif
  • imbrad

    Posts: 377

    Feb 06, 2013 3:47 PM GMT
    If you want to be more than fuckbuddies... don't fuck him. see where that gets you. If you want to be fuckbuddies fuck away and enjoy the intimacy on the side.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Feb 06, 2013 4:17 PM GMT
    Yeah man, I'd just roll with it.
    He said he just wants sex.... and prob cuz he's been with quite a few women before, he feels obligated to do the whole hand-holding thing and kssing of the hand and acting sweet toward you. . . There's nothing wrong with that, but don't invest too much emotionally into it. Keep ur distance so to speak. Dont lose urself
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Feb 06, 2013 4:34 PM GMT
    He's a DB (douche bag) and you're being a DB (dumb bunny.)
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Feb 06, 2013 4:58 PM GMT
    I think he sounds pretty honest. He can't see himself in a relationship with a guy but he's attracted to men. Most of my adult life I've been surrounded by guys afraid to be seen as gay but admitting they are gay nonetheless. So he's loving up on you because that's what he wants but he's forewarned you that he isn't ready to make a long term commitment and come out of the closet. He may change his mind if he actually falls in love or he may not. A lot of forces drive that. Your decision is whether you're willing to take that chance and be accepting if in the end he just can't commit. I'd say it's too early to know that. So let him romance you a bit. Accept the complement. Accept the attention and accept him for who he is. Just like you, he's trying to figure out his life. And remember, not all "dates" end in true love. I mean really. All you've done so far is get picked up by a nice, honest guy in a bar and screw in his office. Did you want that to end with rough sex and him kicking you out on the street like a used condom? Or were you expecting eternal marital bliss?
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    Feb 06, 2013 5:10 PM GMT
    meninlove said

    *reads last line, leaves topic*


    Oh my, I giggled!! icon_lol.gif
  • Vitriol

    Posts: 7

    Feb 06, 2013 5:15 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidMy gut says he's playing you like a finely tuned fiddle.


    Which is unlikely - call me naive, but I see nothing to gain.

    meninlove said
    mplsmike said
    meninlove said

    *reads last line, leaves topic*

    Priceless! Especially from someone who always has a pearl of wisdom for our questions.


    Insulting the group you want an answer from has the unpleasant effect of not getting the answer you seek. Something worth learning early on in life. icon_wink.gif


    Heh, apologies for any perceived insult. I was merely being jocular for fear of my deference being misconstrued as sycophancy.

    It works better in real life icon_smile.gif

    melbourne92 said4 options:

    1. Kickback and let things run its course. If its meant to be its meant to be. His opinion might change and ur FB could turn into something more if there's no pressure.
    2. Be that needy mother fker who self destructs the relationship by questioning where things are headed, ultimately investing too much thought and hope into something that may or not even happen. By doin this you're probably gonna put him off the thought of a relo with a guy even more tho hahha.
    3. Tell him where you're at and what you want, and if he thinks things aren't goin to change then leave things on a good note and hope that you find each other in time.
    4. Suppress your feelings and continue to get the physical side of him with the extra perks of being a mate. Just don't cry too much when you're in too deep and he still only wants a root. Haha

    Ps. One 5 hr conversation and a small degree of intimacy probably won't trump a grown mans mindset


    I'm doing (1).

    Mostly because it's still early on and I don't really feel anything as of yet, though it's possible that things may change with time.

    If circumstances do change, however - and the circumstances are decidedly one-sided - I believe that I am adequately restrained to occupy myself with more pressing, and infinitely more productive matters.

    Import saidYeah man, I'd just roll with it.
    He said he just wants sex.... and prob cuz he's been with quite a few women before, he feels obligated to do the whole hand-holding thing and kssing of the hand and acting sweet toward you. . . There's nothing wrong with that, but don't invest too much emotionally into it. Keep ur distance so to speak. Dont lose urself


    Good advice, though I'm doubtful that he felt any such projected obligation simply for the fact he dated women. In fact, I was manifestly unnerved by the sudden display of affection; and he, noticing my discomfort, asked if it was okay.

    I shrugged.

    Destinharbor saidI think he sounds pretty honest. He can't see himself in a relationship with a guy but he's attracted to men. Most of my adult life I've been surrounded by guys afraid to be seen as gay but admitting they are gay nonetheless. So he's loving up on you because that's what he wants but he's forewarned you that he isn't ready to make a long term commitment and come out of the closet. He may change his mind if he actually falls in love or he may not. A lot of forces drive that. Your decision is whether you're willing to take that chance and be accepting if in the end he just can't commit. I'd say it's too early to know that. So let him romance you a bit. Accept the complement. Accept the attention and accept him for who he is. Just like you, he's trying to figure out his life. And remember, not all "dates" end in true love. I mean really. All you've done so far is get picked up by a nice, honest guy in a bar and screw in his office. Did you want that to end with rough sex and him kicking you out on the street like a used condom? Or were you expecting eternal marital bliss?


    This is the most accurate understanding of the nature of our situation. It's almost eerily perspicacious, and based on insufficient data nonetheless.

    Also - excellent, unassuming advice.

    ---

    Thanks loads for all of your advice, though in hindsight, it was a foolish question to ask (mostly due to too much scotch and meager explanation on my behalf). It matters not if what he did was abnormal for the presupposed context of our meeting - 既来之, 则安之 - I'll take things as they come.

    Pun not intended.

    CuriousOne saidHe only wants sex and just because he's not treating you like a douche when he's with you, doesn't mean you're the one he's going to be in a relationship with. Have fun and don't expect much!


    I'll have fun, hehehe - he's f*cking hot.



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    Feb 06, 2013 6:12 PM GMT
    tumblr_inline_mhkq7cSHSX1qz4rgp.gif

    Vitriol said

    Is that what fuckbuddies do? I'm really confused right now, so I wouldn't mind some advice from you wizened old gays whose swishy beards art snowed white by the wisdom of thy years.


    290327d5b8781c48ed419e4d1cac941b.gif

    kids these days, they just never learn do they?...icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Feb 06, 2013 8:08 PM GMT

    Vitriol said, "Heh, apologies for any perceived insult. I was merely being jocular for fear of my deference being misconstrued as sycophancy."

    Hey, it's fine. That's overthinking a bit and second guessing others' perceptions.

    *winks*

    Some men have romantic gestures as part of their 'sexual expression dialogue'.
    While actions can often indeed speak louder than words, I always found both are required, and are required to be in sync, otherwise hearts get broken on submerged reefs of misconstrued meaning. ( I borrowed a word from you as it's a good one; how's that for sycophancy?) *kind chuckle*.

    He's saying one thing but displaying another. That would confuzzle anyone, lol.

    Next time, if there's a next time, you might try giving him a wink and say,
    " Your touch says romance though your words are saying no." and grin warmly at him.

    Discovery takes time, and in this manner you may trigger a little self reflection in him in a friendly casually romantic expressive way that isn't nasty or needy yet gets the point across.


    warmly,

    -Doug of meninlove
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    Feb 06, 2013 8:14 PM GMT
    gorl he is just frontin and puttin the moves on you so he can get all up in your tutu, stringing you along the way while he gets what he wants.

    tell him, "no bitch if you want deez goodies you gots to werq hard for it it hunty."

  • Amira

    Posts: 327

    Feb 06, 2013 8:31 PM GMT
    GimmeMore saidgorl he is just frontin and puttin the moves on you so he can get all up in your tutu, stringing you along the way while he gets what he wants.

    tell him, "no bitch if you want deez goodies you gots to werq hard for it it hunty."



    Lmfao! You remind me of a good friend of mine..

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 06, 2013 8:38 PM GMT
    Well huge difference between sex and a relationship.. at least he indicated he'd want to have sex with you...at least once!

    Do what you want, but go in with your eyes open, it may be nothing more than some fun for him and you might be gone tomorrow. It would be nice if you could at least get to know him along the way. Just be ready for anything!
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    Feb 06, 2013 8:42 PM GMT
    meninlove said

    *reads last line, leaves topic*


    Hahahaha icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    And unfortunately he has lost a greaaaaaat advice.
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    Feb 06, 2013 8:43 PM GMT
    Amira said
    GimmeMore saidgorl he is just frontin and puttin the moves on you so he can get all up in your tutu, stringing you along the way while he gets what he wants.

    tell him, "no bitch if you want deez goodies you gots to werq hard for it it hunty."



    Lmfao! You remind me of a good friend of mine..



    your friend must be flawless

    c8eGsKo.gif
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    Feb 06, 2013 9:20 PM GMT
    meninlove said

    *reads last line, leaves topic*


    If you were really going to sashay away you'd probably not comment at all.