Serodiscordant Sex — Would you?

  • renk

    Posts: 12

    Feb 07, 2013 7:33 AM GMT
    Essentially would you have sex with a guy you knew was HIV+ while being negative? Vice versa? I ask because a lot of my friends say they would never do have sex with a positive out of fear but I'm on the fence.
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    Feb 07, 2013 1:10 PM GMT
    Yes, I did
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    Feb 07, 2013 2:20 PM GMT
    I follow the mindset of "assume everyone you have sex with is positive until proven otherwise".

    If someone comes forward as positive, and is aware of their VL, etc... then I don't see any reason not to.
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    Feb 07, 2013 2:24 PM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    Renk saidEssentially would you have sex with a guy you knew was HIV+ while being negative? Vice versa? I ask because a lot of my friends say they would never do have sex with a positive out of fear but I'm on the fence.

    Wow, talk about an esoteric thread title, lol. icon_lol.gif

    And to address it: "yes"

    As I've said in many other threads: I would rather be having safer sex with a guy who said and knew he was HIV+, and was successfully treating it, and therefore had a low viral load; than be having safer sex with someone who hadn't been tested recently and may be HIV+ with an out of control viral load. It's a no-brainer, really: safer sex is a given. So do I want to be having "safer" sex with someone who is "risky" (because their viral load is so high, I'm truly relying on the protection of a condom) or with someone who is actually fairly low risk: undetectable, safe, committed to keeping me safe, concerned about minor infections infecting him....again, it's a no-brainer. icon_neutral.gif

    A virus is NOT going to be keeping me from the man I love. And the man Iove isn't going to want to endanger me.


    +THIS.
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    Feb 07, 2013 2:27 PM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    Renk saidEssentially would you have sex with a guy you knew was HIV+ while being negative? Vice versa? I ask because a lot of my friends say they would never do have sex with a positive out of fear but I'm on the fence.

    Wow, talk about an esoteric thread title, lol. icon_lol.gif

    And to address it: "yes"

    As I've said in many other threads: I would rather be having safer sex with a guy who said and knew he was HIV+, and was successfully treating it, and therefore had a low viral load; than be having safer sex with someone who hadn't been tested recently and may be HIV+ with an out of control viral load. It's a no-brainer, really: safer sex is a given. So do I want to be having "safer" sex with someone who is "risky" (because their viral load is so high, I'm truly relying on the protection of a condom) or with someone who is actually fairly low risk: undetectable, safe, committed to keeping me safe, concerned about minor infections infecting him....again, it's a no-brainer. icon_neutral.gif

    A virus is NOT going to be keeping me from the man I love. And the man Iove isn't going to want to endanger me.


    ^^^This. Seconded.
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    Feb 07, 2013 2:39 PM GMT
    Yes, if the guy has been managing his viral load and is taking steps to stay healthy.
  • Medjai

    Posts: 2671

    Feb 07, 2013 2:45 PM GMT
    No. I know the chances are low, but I couldn't get past the idea that there was a chance.

    I'm more than willing to get to know them and be friends. They aren't the devil. I just couldn't cross that line.
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    Feb 07, 2013 3:38 PM GMT
    JerseyJames75 said
    yourname2000 said
    Renk saidEssentially would you have sex with a guy you knew was HIV+ while being negative? Vice versa? I ask because a lot of my friends say they would never do have sex with a positive out of fear but I'm on the fence.

    Wow, talk about an esoteric thread title, lol. icon_lol.gif

    And to address it: "yes"

    As I've said in many other threads: I would rather be having safer sex with a guy who said and knew he was HIV+, and was successfully treating it, and therefore had a low viral load; than be having safer sex with someone who hadn't been tested recently and may be HIV+ with an out of control viral load. It's a no-brainer, really: safer sex is a given. So do I want to be having "safer" sex with someone who is "risky" (because their viral load is so high, I'm truly relying on the protection of a condom) or with someone who is actually fairly low risk: undetectable, safe, committed to keeping me safe, concerned about minor infections infecting him....again, it's a no-brainer. icon_neutral.gif

    A virus is NOT going to be keeping me from the man I love. And the man Iove isn't going to want to endanger me.


    ^^^This. Seconded.


    +1 More...Thrice it is!
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    Feb 07, 2013 3:45 PM GMT
    Bharat13 said
    JerseyJames75 said
    yourname2000 said
    Renk saidEssentially would you have sex with a guy you knew was HIV+ while being negative? Vice versa? I ask because a lot of my friends say they would never do have sex with a positive out of fear but I'm on the fence.

    Wow, talk about an esoteric thread title, lol. icon_lol.gif

    And to address it: "yes"

    As I've said in many other threads: I would rather be having safer sex with a guy who said and knew he was HIV+, and was successfully treating it, and therefore had a low viral load; than be having safer sex with someone who hadn't been tested recently and may be HIV+ with an out of control viral load. It's a no-brainer, really: safer sex is a given. So do I want to be having "safer" sex with someone who is "risky" (because their viral load is so high, I'm truly relying on the protection of a condom) or with someone who is actually fairly low risk: undetectable, safe, committed to keeping me safe, concerned about minor infections infecting him....again, it's a no-brainer. icon_neutral.gif

    A virus is NOT going to be keeping me from the man I love. And the man Iove isn't going to want to endanger me.


    ^^^This. Seconded.


    +1 More...Thrice it is! icon_lol.gificon_eek.gificon_redface.gificon_twisted.gif


    While I agree for the most part, I think I wouldn't enjoy sex as much with a man who is HIV+ because I would be thinking about that the entire time. However, I am sure that would subside after a while and I could focus more on his load and less on his viral load, but only in the case of love.
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    Feb 07, 2013 4:18 PM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    Renk saidEssentially would you have sex with a guy you knew was HIV+ while being negative? Vice versa? I ask because a lot of my friends say they would never do have sex with a positive out of fear but I'm on the fence.

    Wow, talk about an esoteric thread title, lol. icon_lol.gif

    And to address it: "yes"

    As I've said in many other threads: I would rather be having safer sex with a guy who said and knew he was HIV+, and was successfully treating it, and therefore had a low viral load; than be having safer sex with someone who hadn't been tested recently and may be HIV+ with an out of control viral load. It's a no-brainer, really: safer sex is a given. So do I want to be having "safer" sex with someone who is "risky" (because their viral load is so high, I'm truly relying on the protection of a condom) or with someone who is actually fairly low risk: undetectable, safe, committed to keeping me safe, concerned about minor infections infecting him....again, it's a no-brainer. icon_neutral.gif

    A virus is NOT going to be keeping me from the man I love. And the man Iove isn't going to want to endanger me.


    This...fourth for the win icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 07, 2013 4:51 PM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    Renk saidEssentially would you have sex with a guy you knew was HIV+ while being negative? Vice versa? I ask because a lot of my friends say they would never do have sex with a positive out of fear but I'm on the fence.

    Wow, talk about an esoteric thread title, lol. icon_lol.gif

    And to address it: "yes"

    As I've said in many other threads: I would rather be having safer sex with a guy who said and knew he was HIV+, and was successfully treating it, and therefore had a low viral load; than be having safer sex with someone who hadn't been tested recently and may be HIV+ with an out of control viral load. It's a no-brainer, really: safer sex is a given. So do I want to be having "safer" sex with someone who is "risky" (because their viral load is so high, I'm truly relying on the protection of a condom) or with someone who is actually fairly low risk: undetectable, safe, committed to keeping me safe, concerned about minor infections infecting him....again, it's a no-brainer. icon_neutral.gif

    A virus is NOT going to be keeping me from the man I love. And the man Iove isn't going to want to endanger me.


    +1
  • stratavos

    Posts: 1831

    Feb 07, 2013 5:31 PM GMT
    Renk saidEssentially would you have sex with a guy you knew was HIV+ while being negative? Vice versa? I ask because a lot of my friends say they would never do have sex with a positive out of fear but I'm on the fence.


    I don't see what the issue is... Condoms are a standard with me.
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    Feb 07, 2013 6:00 PM GMT
    I have and I'd do it again. His only requirement is that he has to be hot.
  • BlackRussian1...

    Posts: 323

    Feb 07, 2013 6:35 PM GMT
    Wouldn't a better title for this post be "Serodiscordant Sex - Would You Again?" Unless you're getting tested with all your partners and/or a virgin, it's unrealistic for you to assume everyone you fuck is neg. Maybe they don't tell you because gay men can be quite stupid about the issue, but come on...it's better to treat everyone like they are and wrap that dick up. It is 2013 people.
  • wild_sky360

    Posts: 1492

    Feb 07, 2013 6:52 PM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    Renk saidEssentially would you have sex with a guy you knew was HIV+ while being negative? Vice versa? I ask because a lot of my friends say they would never do have sex with a positive out of fear but I'm on the fence.

    Wow, talk about an esoteric thread title, lol. icon_lol.gif

    And to address it: "yes"

    As I've said in many other threads: I would rather be having safer sex with a guy who said and knew he was HIV+, and was successfully treating it, and therefore had a low viral load; than be having safer sex with someone who hadn't been tested recently and may be HIV+ with an out of control viral load. It's a no-brainer, really: safer sex is a given. So do I want to be having "safer" sex with someone who is "risky" (because their viral load is so high, I'm truly relying on the protection of a condom) or with someone who is actually fairly low risk: undetectable, safe, committed to keeping me safe, concerned about minor infections infecting him....again, it's a no-brainer. icon_neutral.gif

    A virus is NOT going to be keeping me from the man I love. And the man Iove isn't going to want to endanger me.


    THIS
    Plus, soooo many hotties overlooked / passed on, because of ignorance and irrational fear.
  • FreshstartDE

    Posts: 21

    Feb 07, 2013 10:21 PM GMT
    Yes... I've been dating a guy for months who is positive and he is far more concerned about it then I am.
    As many others have said, You are much better off being with someone who knows they are positive and is managing it.
    Many guys who say they wouldn't have sex with someone who is positive probably already have and just don't know it.
    I decided early on ( I came out in 1987 when all you heard about was AIDS) that if I treat every partner like they are positive I had nothing to worry about.
    25 years later I'm still negative.
  • great_scott

    Posts: 519

    Feb 07, 2013 10:23 PM GMT
    I'd rather not.
  • Wyatt

    Posts: 239

    Feb 07, 2013 11:34 PM GMT
    Here's a better question:

    Would you willingly give yourself an immunodeficiency virus that causes AIDS and will inevitably result in a loss of health or even your life?

    I didn't think so.
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    Feb 08, 2013 12:11 AM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    Renk saidEssentially would you have sex with a guy you knew was HIV+ while being negative? Vice versa? I ask because a lot of my friends say they would never do have sex with a positive out of fear but I'm on the fence.

    Wow, talk about an esoteric thread title, lol. icon_lol.gif

    And to address it: "yes"

    As I've said in many other threads: I would rather be having safer sex with a guy who said and knew he was HIV+, and was successfully treating it, and therefore had a low viral load; than be having safer sex with someone who hadn't been tested recently and may be HIV+ with an out of control viral load. It's a no-brainer, really: safer sex is a given. So do I want to be having "safer" sex with someone who is "risky" (because their viral load is so high, I'm truly relying on the protection of a condom) or with someone who is actually fairly low risk: undetectable, safe, committed to keeping me safe, concerned about minor infections infecting him....again, it's a no-brainer. icon_neutral.gif

    A virus is NOT going to be keeping me from the man I love. And the man Iove isn't going to want to endanger me.


    + Another 1

    I do it all the time. My bf of 3 years is HIV+ and I'm still HIV-. It's all about educating yourself.
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    Feb 08, 2013 12:13 AM GMT
    Wyatt saidHere's a better question:

    Would you willingly give yourself an immunodeficiency virus that causes AIDS and will inevitably result in a loss of health or even your life?

    I didn't think so.


    wasWsVJ.jpg
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    Feb 08, 2013 12:16 AM GMT
    AlphaTrigger said
    Wyatt saidHere's a better question:

    Would you willingly give yourself an immunodeficiency virus that causes AIDS and will inevitably result in a loss of health or even your life?

    I didn't think so.


    wasWsVJ.jpg


    I have to agree with you, D, and others that have posted similar on this thread.

    Wyatt's position is based on ignorance and stigmatization, and not facts. And he can't see past them to make a rational decision... it's based solely on prejudice and fear.
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    Feb 08, 2013 12:21 AM GMT
    AlphaTrigger said
    Wyatt saidHere's a better question:

    Would you willingly give yourself an immunodeficiency virus that causes AIDS and will inevitably result in a loss of health or even your life?

    I didn't think so.




    Wyatt, with all due respect...

    There have been recent studies, and in fact a strong Swiss one a few years back...that said that if someone is HIV positive, and they are undetectable, and on medication for a period of time

    1. They have under a 1% chance of passing on the virus
    2. They are treated as having a manageable condition and as far as we know, can live a long and healthy life. Of course we do not know yet if they live to be a hundred, because we don't have the data.
    3. That this is a discussion to be had between two people who are in a monogamous relationship, and whether that the risk is worth the intimacy

    The recent study examined couples who had sex without condoms, in a poz-neg relationship. The ones who were not taking meds, and were detectable, passed on the infection but not in every case. The ones that were undetectable and adhered to the drugs did not pass the infection on.

    If you talk to any knowledgeable person in the Infectious Disease healthcare world, at this point in time, they would say if you can handle the 1% risk then do it, because chances are you won't get infected. This is a big change on the advice they gave even 5 years ago.
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    Feb 08, 2013 12:23 AM GMT
    trm_dallas said. However, I am sure that would subside after a while and I could focus more on his load and less on his viral load, but only in the case of love.


    YOU just gained points in my hotness book bruh!
  • Wyatt

    Posts: 239

    Feb 08, 2013 12:41 AM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    intensity69 said
    AlphaTrigger said
    Wyatt saidHere's a better question:

    Would you willingly give yourself an immunodeficiency virus that causes AIDS and will inevitably result in a loss of health or even your life?

    I didn't think so.


    wasWsVJ.jpg


    I have to agree with you, D, and others that have posted similar on this thread.

    Wyatt's position is based on ignorance and stigmatization, and not facts. And he can't see past them to make a rational decision... it's based solely on prejudice and fear.

    The sad "irony" is that it's these guys who get infected. icon_sad.gif They lull themselves into a false sense of security and then make stupid decisions.



    I don't understand your logic. If I know that someone is infected, why would I willingly put myself at risk to be infected? Sure, it's best to know what their status is but if it is positive then I am not going to put myself at risk. The risk is simply too high for what I'm really achieving.

    I am not basing anything I believe on ignorance or stigmatization. Is it not a fact that having sex with a person with HIV risks the other person?

    "These guys get infected" - what? That makes no sense. What kind of guy am I then and how do you think you know? I am smart about everything I do and wouldn't risk being infected with a disease that can cause a life of agony for sex. Especially willingly. I only/will only have sex with people who are HIV-.

    Don't expect me to read any other responses or answer any.

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    Feb 08, 2013 12:42 AM GMT
    i'll point out there are other factors in terms of risk with sex than hiv...not all of which can be as easily managed...google is your friend.

    so if you're cool with one managed pathogen....but not another.... and more than 1 is incurable.... do you keep diagrams on what is acceptable?

    life is risky. i love who i love, period. having said that, i find that alot of guys are in some sort of weird disney princess la-la land and i wouldn't even risk splitting a tab with them, but that's why i only really date in my own age group or up....

    this board skews very young with little sense of mortality...but the fact is...everyone with a pulse has a terminal STI....you can make it a disease if you like....

    repeat: a pulse is a terminal STI.... and you don't even get to consent to get that infection....