"I'd be friends with a poz guy..."

  • renk

    Posts: 12

    Feb 08, 2013 3:25 AM GMT
    So I was reading a over the discussion about whether someone would avoid HIV+ guys like the plague or not and I noticed something interesting. A fair number of guys were saying that they would be friends with someone that was HIV+ but that they could never be in a relationship with one. While I can understand that train of thought, the thing that I find interesting is that there seems to be an underlying assumption that you all know the HIV status of all your friends. Maybe I was reading too much into this but to have someone say they would be willing to be friends with a guy that was HIV+ makes it sound like they aren't already friends with someone that has HIV. I'm just curious why there is this assumption out there that a person with HIV is someone you don't know... just an odd way of seeing the world.
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    Feb 08, 2013 4:35 AM GMT
    "I'd be friends with a poz guy" basically means "none of my friends have told me they're poz, but it wouldn't affect how I feel about them."
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    Feb 08, 2013 1:43 PM GMT
    i agree, renk, here is part of the reason why....

    well, hiv is exceptional in how it is handled in terms of legal issues.

    the burden of disclosure is legally placed on the party with documented hiv. so if you're not tested and positive and way more infectious than the medicated responsible guy, there's no legal burden on you....therefore no social burden.... just hang with people who are random enough that they can't pin down where it came from and you can keep hitting it raw until someone presents with actual visible AIDS and not well managed HIV. so the assumption in a circle of friends is that you would somehow know. compare this to herpes, hep.....diabetes... emphesyma (sp?)..personality disorders... and people do not assume to know about the healthcare of others... nor do they assume it's their right.... nor do they assume it's their right to walk blindly down the street, expecting cars to get out of their way so they can walk in a "car free road".......


    on another tangent:

    "i'd be friends with an XYZ group"....basically means "i don't want to sound like an ass......." "some of my best friends are black..." some of my best friends are jews"

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    Feb 08, 2013 1:55 PM GMT
    Renk saidSo I was reading a over the discussion about whether someone would avoid HIV+ guys like the plague or not and I noticed something interesting. A fair number of guys were saying that they would be friends with someone that was HIV+ but that they could never be in a relationship with one. While I can understand that train of thought, the thing that I find interesting is that there seems to be an underlying assumption that you all know the HIV status of all your friends. Maybe I was reading too much into this but to have someone say they would be willing to be friends with a guy that was HIV+ makes it sound like they aren't already friends with someone that has HIV. I'm just curious why there is this assumption out there that a person with HIV is someone you don't know... just an odd way of seeing the world.


    HIV+ or HIV- I dont see any reason to discriminate, a virus does not define a person, just because it is present in his /her body.

    I already have freinds that are HIV+

    I wouldnt consider a relationship with someone HIV+ out of the question

    I wouldnt consider sex with someone HIV+ out of the question either.

    At least any more than I would consider friendship, relationship or sex with someone HIV-
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    Feb 08, 2013 2:05 PM GMT
    I am already friends with a positive guy. He is very open about it because he wants to make sure it doesn't happen to others. I would assume I have other friends who are positive but haven't yet told me.

    People in general take the perspective it could never happen to me or the people I care about. So I think that is where your question stems from,
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Feb 09, 2013 2:07 AM GMT
    Yes, I already do have friends who are poz. There are guys I've known for years, who were poz when I met them, and others who were friends who became poz. The latter is devastating to hear, especially if it's someone younger than me.

    It's rough out there, and it's important to be an even better friend if your friends are in a time of need.
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    Feb 09, 2013 2:11 AM GMT
    Yes, I have friends who are HIV+. Why not? Wouldn't you keep friends that get cancer, the common cold, hepatitis, or lose a limb?

    Just caught-up with a friend that happens to be HIV+ this afternoon over coffee, in fact.
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    Feb 09, 2013 2:41 AM GMT
    I'm 50, so I do remember a time when having cancer was something to hide, because people avoided you, some though they would caught it (no kidding, remember, it was before internet, we only had 2 channel on TV etc..).
    May be it was different in US, but I do remember it in France, people avoid to say 'cancer', used 'C' word, or 'very sick', like if it was infamous.

    I hope with time HIV lose that infamous label too.
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    Feb 09, 2013 2:56 AM GMT
    Oh lord
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    Feb 09, 2013 3:13 AM GMT
    Renk saidSo I was reading a over the discussion about whether someone would avoid HIV+ guys like the plague or not and I noticed something interesting. A fair number of guys were saying that they would be friends with someone that was HIV+ but that they could never be in a relationship with one. While I can understand that train of thought, the thing that I find interesting is that there seems to be an underlying assumption that you all know the HIV status of all your friends. Maybe I was reading too much into this but to have someone say they would be willing to be friends with a guy that was HIV+ makes it sound like they aren't already friends with someone that has HIV. I'm just curious why there is this assumption out there that a person with HIV is someone you don't know... just an odd way of seeing the world.


    I don't think I have any friends who are poz (maybe I do and they haven't shared it with me yet), but I wouldn't care if I did. Some people slip up, others get screwed for trusting cheating boyfriends. It's not right to discriminate because of circumstance.

    Having said that, I'd have a very hard time being friends with someone that was an active "bug chaser." Of course, I'd try to council him against doing such a thing, but I'd have a very hard time being friends with someone who was actively trying to harm himself and possibly others.
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    Feb 09, 2013 3:16 AM GMT
    you are probably already friends with someone positive and either you or he/she does not know it
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    Feb 09, 2013 3:20 AM GMT
    Privilege of being HIV neg
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    Feb 09, 2013 3:24 AM GMT
    nevz saidPrivilege of being HIV neg


    I know he's SO lucky. I. Think it's just super!
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    Feb 09, 2013 3:25 AM GMT
    nevz saidPrivilege of being HIV neg


    What's this even supposed to mean? icon_confused.gif
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    Feb 09, 2013 3:31 AM GMT
    intensity69 said
    nevz saidPrivilege of being HIV neg


    What's this even supposed to mean? icon_confused.gif

    As per my comment above, I was assuming it was a bit of sarcasm against the OP
  • jim_sf

    Posts: 2094

    Feb 09, 2013 3:42 AM GMT
    Roguewave said
    intensity69 said
    nevz saidPrivilege of being HIV neg


    What's this even supposed to mean? icon_confused.gif

    As per my comment above, I was assuming it was a bit of sarcasm against the OP


    I interpreted it that way, too.
  • gwuinsf

    Posts: 525

    Feb 09, 2013 8:13 PM GMT
    I would not be friends with someone who would not be friends with someone who is HIV+
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    Feb 09, 2013 8:17 PM GMT
    Huh? O_o
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    Feb 09, 2013 8:26 PM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    gwuinsf saidI would not be friends with someone who would not be friends with someone who is HIV+

    double_negative_rainbow.jpg



    Erm, that wasn't a double negative. A double negative would be something like "I wouldn't not be friends with someone who wouldn't not be friends with a positive guy".

    Actually, that would be a quadruple negative, but hopefully I made my point?
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    Feb 09, 2013 8:30 PM GMT
    What makes you think you're not already friends with one? or two? or three?
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    Feb 09, 2013 8:58 PM GMT
    yourname2000 saidtumblr_m9wof7H4sK1rsy37s.gif


    omg

    why would you say something like this dave?
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    Feb 09, 2013 9:02 PM GMT
    Cash said
    yourname2000 saidtumblr_m9wof7H4sK1rsy37s.gif


    omg

    why would you say something like this dave?


    I think you may be misinterpreting him...
  • flahotstuff

    Posts: 154

    Feb 09, 2013 9:26 PM GMT
    Lets be intelligent as gay men. First all of these statements assume you know someone's status and they are telling the truth! get real those are 2 big assumptions. Also, what I'm hearing in this forum sounds like alot of discrimination- you are really serious about picking and chosing who you would be friends with- you don't sound like much of a friend at all!
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    Feb 12, 2013 2:32 PM GMT
    Im scared of HEP-C Not HIV....... and while Ill never do anything dumb to expose myself to either; Hep-C is far more insidious and should be more worrisome to anyone( do to it living outside of the body for DAYSSSSSS)
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    Feb 13, 2013 1:54 AM GMT
    lookinforcars1 saidIm scared of HEP-C Not HIV....... and while Ill never do anything dumb to expose myself to either; Hep-C is far more insidious and should be more worrisome to anyone( do to it living outside of the body for DAYSSSSSS)


    Hep C has been one of my fears. I had a friend with the virus, and I helped him a lot and changed his diet and stopped him drinking so much and the virus cleared itself up after almost twenty years. I think that I had a part to play in his defeating it.

    Hep C is more a blood-to-blood transmitted disease than an STD; it can live in air-sealed syringes and the like, which is why it can spread so easily between IV drug users.

    Many people do not want to face their mortality. Associating with someone who has a terminal illness is psychologically challenging for them, and they would rather not. To take a partner with a terminal illness would likely not be the pragmatic choice for anyone.

    My experience of people who are HIV+ is that they can be bitter about their illness, and sometimes really obnoxious as a result. These are just the few people I have known. It really affected them psychologically, and the HIV medicines also affected their moods and behaviour.

    I always think: "There but for the grace of God go I!"

    We have to stop these terrible diseases.