Why Everyone Hates Couples ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2013 5:40 AM GMT
    I thought this amusing. icon_lol.gif

    And somewhat true. icon_neutral.gif

    http://hommemaker.com/2013/02/07/why-everyone-hates-couples/

    1. You say “we” instead of “I.”

    Do you have couplefriends that answer everything in “we”? As in, “We love your house!” Why don’t you just speak for yourself? Are you no longer a person? Do you have only one half of one brain now that you’re in a relationship? No one wants to hear your “we” speak all the time, it’s grating and exhausting.

    2. You make everyone else feel like a third wheel.

    Do you have couple friends that invite you to the movies with them then spend the whole time telling each other secrets and then quietly laughing? And then you ask them what they’re laughing about and they’re like “nothing!” (whilst still stifling laughter). These types of couples are the worst, and should be banished to islands where they can watch all the stupid movies they want in peace, without having to include anyone else in their hilarious banter.

    3. You were more fun when you were single.

    To exercise their adventurous spirit, single people jump off rocks and stay up tip 8 AM at Coachella. Couples, on the other hand, express their adventurousness by watching New Girl and trying the new kind of lentil soup from Trader Joe’s (side note: it’s really delicious {I’m so lame! [ugh!]}).

    4. Inviting you to parties is way less exciting because you’re not going to hook up with anyone.

    Let’s be real, the best part of a party is afterwards when you can talk about who hooked up with who and then judge them while secretly wondering if they are having more fun than you. You can be like “Oh my god, Brian totally hooked up with Hollis and EVERYONE saw!” Couples destroy this potential for drama by only canoodling each other. What’s the fun in talking about a couple going home together? Snooze.

    5. Because the dramatic relationship you have with your boyfriend seems interesting to you, but is boring to everyone else.

    Do you have couple friends who constantly talk to you about the fights they have, the emotional issues that are tearing them apart? And at first you’re thankful that they’re telling you these stories because it makes them seem all the more human. But then that becomes all they talk about and you’re left wondering why you ever encouraged them to talk in the first place because now you’ve become their therapist and they wont stop dumping their problems all over you?

    6. You and your boyfriend look alike, and that’s creepy.

    You have the same skin color, the same eye color, and you wear the same outfits that you both bought at LASC. Stop it. You’re scaring everyone. We can’t tell you apart anymore and the fact you’re dating someone who looks that much like you is just further proof that you’re an egomaniac and a pervert.

    7. Because inviting you means we have to invite your totally annoying boyfriend.

    Remember when we used to have fun dinner parties where we’d all sit around and laugh together and be so happy that we were friends? Well now that inviting you means I have to invite your obnoxious, sullen boyfriend we never have those fun dinners anymore. I miss the days when you were single and I could hang out with you without having to include your mood-ruining other half.

    8. You just nuzzled noses. At. The. Dinner. Table.

    We get it. You love each other and need to show it. But do we really have to watch? (However, I kind of do want to watch these two nuzzle noses. Is that wrong?).

    9. You act like you’ve been married for ten years and you’ve been dating for two weeks.

    Do you have couple friends that are like “Big new guys! We’re buying a HOUSE!” And then you’re like “But you just met last week!” And they look at you like you’re speaking gibberish, as if everyone dates for a week and then moves in together. Some couples move superfast and act like it’s normal and talk about getting married after like three dates. Which sometimes means they will fall in love and last forever, but more often means they’re actual psychopaths and their relationship is going to end in exactly 17 days.

    10. Now that you’ve entered coupledom your only hobby is shopping flea markets to find vintage furniture for your awesome house.

    Gays, with their great taste and clever shopping tactics, have a superior ability to find cool stuff at flea markets and vintage stores. When you multiply this by two you have an unfair shopping advantage that means they’re stealing great finds from single people everywhere, and that’s not right. How are they supposed to get laid if they can’t trick out their apartment with awesome flea market finds? Selfish.

    11. Let’s face it, sluts are more fun.

    Yes, single people, I’m kind of calling you sluts here. But in a good way. A way that makes you seem fun and young. Like young, single Anjelica Houston or young, single James Dean in their heydays. Different friends represent different parts of your personality. Single friends allow you to express your carefree, adventurous side while couplefriends allow you to express the side of you that wants to sit on a LazyBoy eating marshmallows all day. Which one would you choose?

    12. You have twice the wardrobe because you’re the same size as your boyfriend and that’s just not fair to the rest of us who have to buy all our own clothes.

    Do you have any idea how hard it is to maintain a wardrobe these days? For example, camo is already out even though it just came back in after going back out after coming back in like 2 years ago. And varsity jackets are so necessary but in two weeks they are going to be frowned upon. It’s not fair that you have twice the amount of clothing just because you’re in a relationship.

    13. You save money on rent by co-habitating, and that is also not fair to the rest of us who have to pay our own damn rent.

    Everyone else has to pay their own rent, and so should you! Why should you have a spare bedroom and an office just because you have a boyfriend?

    14. Because you use the phrase “Date Night.”

    The term “Date Night” is annoying. What are we 16, finally allowed to go on dates for the first time? Are we animated dogs on a magical date in Italy, destined to suck on one piece of spaghetti until we accidentally kiss? Instead of “Date Night” why not just say “Business Meeting”? It’s far less annoying and it makes you sounds important. Sometimes when I am going to dinner with my boyfriend I tell people I have an important meeting with very powerful Japanese business men (the Japanese part is crucial because Japan is better than America, I hope you knew that). This lie not only relieves people of having to hear the term “date night” it also makes me sound powerful and important. Which really is the only reason to ever say anything at all.

    15. You post pictures of your obnoxious smarmy dates and your stupid glamorous vacations all over Facebook while constantly writing saccharine status updates professing your love.

    I know, I know! I told you to do this in my Resolutions post. But I didn’t think you’d take me so seriously. I’m a blogger, for God’s sake, which basically means I’m a hobo that somehow got access to a computer
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2013 5:46 AM GMT
    I commented on it actually lol, I wonder if he's approved the comments yet.

    edit: LOL, he did! If you ctrl+f "Andrew" you will find my 2 comments.
  • PolaroidSwing...

    Posts: 1131

    Feb 08, 2013 6:23 AM GMT
    The first one is actually sort of true in my experience, and really irritating. There definitely seems to be a codependency epidemic among my peers who are in relationships.

    (Number three is annoying too.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2013 6:27 AM GMT
    omg yes
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2013 6:32 AM GMT
    I think #2 is the reason why I don't like hanging out or even meeting couples.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2013 6:44 AM GMT
    omg,, all of them!!!icon_lol.gif
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Feb 08, 2013 6:46 AM GMT
    icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2013 7:45 AM GMT
    Its my case here

    icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2013 9:08 AM GMT
    McQueen saidI commented on it actually lol, I wonder if he's approved the comments yet.

    edit: LOL, he did! If you ctrl+f "Andrew" you will find my 2 comments.
    Lol. Saw it. That damn Step 3 that no one seems to know about.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2013 1:03 PM GMT
    16. Have you ever been invited to have a 3some with a couple? Blar, blar, blar....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2013 1:18 PM GMT
    The guy who wrote that is genius
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2013 1:21 PM GMT
    1-8 could actually apply to straight couples and some of my buddies lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2013 1:24 PM GMT
    The guy who wrote that needs to get some new fucking friends. None of my friend-couple's behave like that.

    Makes me wonder more about what kind of person the writer is when expressing they enjoy promiscuis drama.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2013 1:25 PM GMT
    Thanks for this, I printed it out and gave it to my LTR and now we broke up. Thanks RJ.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2013 1:36 PM GMT
    xrichx saidI think #2 is the reason why I don't like hanging out or even meeting couples.


    That's rather a shame, because we like you. Oh well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2013 1:37 PM GMT
    The article is entertaining but the observations it contains are theoretically anemic and a bit presumptuous.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2013 1:37 PM GMT
    PolaroidSwinger saidThe first one is actually sort of true in my experience, and really irritating. There definitely seems to be a codependency epidemic among my peers who are in relationships.

    (Number three is annoying too.)


    lol, codependency is when you can't stand each other but can't exist without each other.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2013 1:42 PM GMT
    I know couples like this - and it can be annoying as they seem to rub the noses of singles (unknowingly) in their coupledom.

    But that is made up for by the couples out there I play with where I get to take turns putting them into the sling and having one of them hold the camera while I pound the other.

    Among other things. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2013 1:54 PM GMT

    Given the numerous posts and topics from guys despairing they'll never meet someone and given the apparent scarcity of gay couples that last, perhaps I'll share a little personal history of Bill and I's journey.

    At the moment though there is a young RJer who is the focus of my concern.

  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Feb 08, 2013 1:55 PM GMT
    ConfederateGhost saidThe guy who wrote that needs to get some new fucking friends. None of my friend-couple's behave like that.

    Makes me wonder more about what kind of person the writer is when expressing they enjoy promiscuis drama.


    Don't feel bad. Single people like to give couples shit, because they have to sleep alone at night. It's like teasing a guy for being rich. Everyone who bothered to comment has or is seeking a boyfriend. Besides, the list rings true. Sluts ARE more fun at parties, because they stay later, get drunker and are more unpredictable, lol. The grass is always greener on the other side (if you give too many fucks, that is.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2013 2:08 PM GMT
    +1
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2013 2:12 PM GMT
    When Bill and I found each other there were periods of time when we withdrew from gay circles because of

    A Disbelief
    B Mocking
    C Anger

    We found much more acceptance and celebration of what we had amongst straights.

    Ironically, we'd often heard that gay relationships were rare etc etc don't last etc etc. If gay couples retreat out of sight, then it appears gay relationships that work are rare or don't exist. There are many many many gay couples on RJ and they don't post at all, but they do contact us.

    A relationship is like a new plant coming up out of the ground. It does better with encouragement rather than disparagement. Please consider that those being mocked are in the throes of new and brilliant discovery.

    How many topics or jokes have you seen gay couples post that mock single guys?

    Please provide us with links so we can read them.

    We had the extreme, and I mean extreme, pleasure of watching the relationship between Yourname and Intensity flourish on here. Some attacked them, even going so far as to do this on Facebook.

    Their relationship altered in time into a magnificent bond of friendship, which I admire mightily as it shows the dedication and wonderful camaraderie that can occur when a lover relationship runs its course.

    What I would wish is for some of you to consider how you'd wish to be treated should you fall in love and be unable to contain the immense joy you feel.

    warmly,

    -Doug
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Feb 08, 2013 2:21 PM GMT
    meninlove How many topics or jokes have you seen gay couples post that mock single guys? 


    Don't give me any ideas! I can be quite wicked, you know.icon_twisted.gificon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2013 2:22 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    meninlove How many topics or jokes have you seen gay couples post that mock single guys? 


    Don't give me any ideas! I can be quite wicked, you know.icon_twisted.gificon_lol.gif


    Don't. An eye for an eye makes everyone blind.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2013 2:28 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    HottJoe said
    meninlove How many topics or jokes have you seen gay couples post that mock single guys? 


    Don't give me any ideas! I can be quite wicked, you know.icon_twisted.gificon_lol.gif


    Don't. An eye for an eye makes everyone blind.


    No need to hold back on us single guys. lol. We can handle it and would have great retorts icon_wink.gif