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Could someone explain the gay "code" for this remark.. Guys hit on me.. They tell me how hot they think I am. I kindly respond, "thanks", and ask them if they want to meet up.....Boom. Their answer, "Sorry I've got plans" Why the fuck did they hit on me? Why are they on the site if they have plans?

I dunno man, I wish I had the time to answer this but I've got plans.

At the same time they hit on you, they hit on three other guys. They either already agreed to meet the first one to show interest, or the one they considered the hottest.
As women often say, men are pigs.

Happens often--not to me, I'm uglier than a stick--to other guys too.

My guesses of why they don't want to meet (though I am in no way an expert on gay hook-ups):

1. Underage

2. Feel too Old

3. Faker

4.Just into cyber (

5. Religious leader

6. They smell like cabbage.

Quite simply...

Chicken shits and cannot follow through!!!!

A lot of guys online are more about the chase. It's all a game. The moment you show interest, they've "got" you. Actually meeting up and having sex isn't the goal. They just want to know they could with you if they wanted to.

Just be sure they really want to hook-up. I've gotten in touch with guys online for nothing more than friendship. Guys I'm not attracted to at all. We just have something in common or something. However, it seems a lot of people just assume you're hitting on them if you contact them online. Maybe you could be misunderstanding why they're contacting you. They could have no intention of hooking-up. Maybe they just find you attractive or want to say hi.

Then again, who really knows what goes on in the minds of gay men? Straight men think they have it bad trying to figure women out!

Damn, are you guys jaded or what??

Did you ever stop to think that maybe they were just paying you a compliment, and that they actually DO have plans previously made for that night BEFORE they paid you a compliment? What ever happened to benefit of the doubt?

I tell guys all the time that I think they're attractive, etc, but it doesn't I want to meet them right that moment. Another time? Sure! But you have to give them the chance to even want to do it another time, which it doesn't sound like you are.

You'll want to consider yourself fortunate to be through with anyone who would pull this sort of stunt on you. If it ever happened to me - I would move on so fast - thinking "Good riddance, and thank you, Pal, for saving me time and energy."

If you answer "yes" too quickly, you might get them thinking you are too easy or a slut.

LOL, but if they really are just greeting and admiring you and you suddenly ask them too hook up with you. Maybe they weren't even being kind to you for that reason. Perhaps it is you that has other plans that they simply don't share.

I imagine you don't agree, but in the future, maybe a longer conversation is needed to determine if everyone is indeed as horny and indiscriminate as you are when utilizing social networking sites.

Next time, after they say I've got plans, say "oh? I thought maybe you'd like to come over and have sex." My guess is they don't want to meet up, they don't want you to come to them, they just want sex, at your place, in the dark.. If they say "oh, ok", then tell him to go fuck himself.

Alpha13 saidCould someone explain the gay "code" for this remark.. Guys hit on me.. They tell me how hot they think I am. I kindly respond, "thanks", and ask them if they want to meet up.....Boom. Their answer, "Sorry I've got plans" Why the fuck did they hit on me? Why are they on the site if they have plans?

All you need to know, really, is "Men Are Pigs" Oink Oink!!!

Frankly, those sites are a waist of time. I hate dealing with all that crap. So, on the rare occasion...and trust me it's rare, I post an ad on Craigslist.org. I'm always very specific about what I want and don't want.

You get a shit load of emails from dudes you don't want anything to do with but ya also get one or two that are really decent, hot and masculine.

Try that instead of manhunt or the like.

i would think that craigslist is sleezier and more into hook-up s than manhunt.
I just looking to make masculine friends. no pressure

Devildog78 saidFrankly, those sites are a waist of time. I hate dealing with all that crap. So, on the rare occasion...and trust me it's rare, I post an ad on Craigslist.org. I'm always very specific about what I want and don't want.

You get a shit load of emails from dudes you don't want anything to do with but ya also get one or two that are really decent, hot and masculine.

Try that instead of manhunt or the like.

Not sure hookup sites are the best place to find just friends?

So where then? ...If i could get invited to one party..i 'd have it made in the shade..

innerathlete saidNot sure hookup sites are the best place to find just friends?

Alpha13,

From your post, it doesn't sound like a "just looking for friends" type of conversation! If a guy tells you you're HOT and you proposition him to meet, one would only assume that you're interested in something that would be reliant on HOTNESS! And being that you're on a hookup site, I would assume that this "something" would be sex.

Craigslist is just as sleazy as any service offering other people with the means to access sex. However, on craigslist, you are less likely to meet guys that would be willing to have their credit cards charged for such a service. You meet a wider variety of men. Also, you don't have to contract your self for x-months to access the full features of the service.

It's the best way to go if you aren't invested in constant hookups and the pursuit of other men.

You post your ad, get responses and then delete the damned thing. If ya don't find the right guy once, try again with a different ad some other time. It's straight forward and less committal.

Also, Craigslist has a "Strictly Platonic" section. I have found hiking, biking and workout partners through that.

All these are good answers but I think it may have something to do with intimidation and being afraid that you might turn them down. Alot of guys online aren't as they describe and then use a pic thats not recent either.

I think they like the chase and being flirtatious but when it comes down to actually backing it up with someone like you they might fear rejection.

Alpha13 saidSo where then? ...If i could get invited to one party..i have it made in the shade..

innerathlete saidNot sure hookup sites are the best place to find just friends?

I have made friends without even trying by doing my work out of a coffee shop. You're in San Francisco - I'm sure there are tons of coffee places/cafes predominantly frequented by The Gays. Pick one you like and start going there with some regularity when you have the time - do some work, read the paper, people watch - if my experience is any indication, you'll start making friendly new acquaintances left and right. It's actually not uncommon to get online messages from guys saying they saw me at the coffee shop and recognized me from my profile. It's a much surer bet than manhunt.

unfortunately i have to work for a living....cutting down my hang out exposure.So hook up sites are usefull in that rrespect

innerathlete said

Alpha13 saidSo where then? ...If i could get invited to one party..i have it made in the shade..

innerathlete saidNot sure hookup sites are the best place to find just friends?

I have made friends without even trying by doing my work out of a coffee shop. You're in San Francisco - I'm sure there are tons of coffee places/cafes predominantly frequented by The Gays. Pick one you like and start going there with some regularity when you have the time - do some work, read the paper, people watch - if my experience is any indication, you'll start making friendly new acquaintances left and right. It's actually not uncommon to get online messages from guys saying they saw me at the coffee shop and recognized me from my profile. It's a much surer bet than manhunt.

K, I'm gonna be a right little c*nt and just put this thought right out there...

I make assumptions based on your profile here.. but, perhaps since you don't show your face, they think you perhaps could possible be a butterface.

Just a though...

palikari saidI dunno man, I wish I had the time to answer this but I've got plans.

Lmao....

I know when I give this reason I really do have plans. Example: Someone wanted to 'hang out' tomorrow night. I've got a friends birthday party going on until who knows what time in the AM, so I told him I was busy.

Other then that, maybe they're not really who they're presenting themselves to be...?

Alpha13 saidunfortunately i have to work for a living....cutting down my hang out exposure.So hook up sites are usefull in that rrespect

innerathlete said

Alpha13 saidSo where then? ...If i could get invited to one party..i have it made in the shade..

innerathlete saidNot sure hookup sites are the best place to find just friends?

I have made friends without even trying by doing my work out of a coffee shop. You're in San Francisco - I'm sure there are tons of coffee places/cafes predominantly frequented by The Gays. Pick one you like and start going there with some regularity when you have the time - do some work, read the paper, people watch - if my experience is any indication, you'll start making friendly new acquaintances left and right. It's actually not uncommon to get online messages from guys saying they saw me at the coffee shop and recognized me from my profile. It's a much surer bet than manhunt.

I am not sure what you mean by having to work for a living (who doesn't?) - plenty of people manage to work in an office and still find time to hang out in the world. If it's important to you, you'll prioritize it.

You hit it square on man."Have plans with friends" is right up there.....but why in the fuck are they hitting on me to tell me that. The worse case is a guy that actually phoned when I was eating dinner alone ...he asked, "Are you eating with friends?" I wanted to say,"yeah I have been trading emails with u for 4 days about getting together for dinner cus I'm had plans to eat with my "friends".

Gwgtrunks saidI know when I give this reason I really do have plans. Example: Someone wanted to 'hang out' tomorrow night. I've got a friends birthday party going on until who knows what time in the AM, so I told him I was busy.

Other then that, maybe they're not really who they're presenting themselves to be...?

Alpha13,

Don't even speculate about what their reasons are! Who gives a rats ass? If they're oh so busy and too busy to give you the time of day...fuck em! From your pics you look like a really well put together guy. And besides, you're 50 years old...too grown up to worry about some dickheads on manhunt.

I gave ya some advice to try craigslist. There are also lots of sports leagues, hiking groups, etc for gay/bi men. If you do anything like that in your life routine, hiking etc., than you can take the time to try out one of those clubs once.

I hear ya man...craiglist works great for buying and getting rid of stuff. I did not think of it for this..i want to hike up Mt. Shasta before it gets to cold. Not something that you should do alone.. I'm not sitting on my ass either...the mediation course i joined, however, ended up being 8 women one man... me. The Realjock bootcamp was fun but so tough I didn't have a second to chat with guys until the end..and it broke up quick.


Don't even speculate about what their reasons are! Who gives a rats ass? If they're oh so busy and too busy to give you the time of day...fuck em! From your pics you look like a really well put together guy. And besides, you're 50 years old...too grown up to worry about some dickheads on manhunt.

I gave ya some advice to try craigslist. There are also lots of sports leagues, hiking groups, etc for gay/bi men. If you do anything like that in your life routine, hiking etc., than you can take the time to try out one of those clubs once.

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GuiltyGear saidIf you answer "yes" too quickly, you might get them thinking you are too easy or a slut.

This was GG's problem until he wised up and now knows how to slyly play hard to get.

Jockbod48 saidYou'll want to consider yourself fortunate to be through with anyone who would pull this sort of stunt on you. If it ever happened to me - I would move on so fast - thinking "Good riddance, and thank you, Pal, for saving me time and energy."

This is very true. When I look back and think of all the guys I've ever met on manhunt and hooked up with I can't really say that I like any of them as people. Don't fret over those guys. They're not worth it.

I used to have this bitter expression,

"The less I know about you the more I like you."

I'm sure you guys can figure it out. I just don't bother anymore. All that aggravation just isn't worth it.

means they suddenly talked themselves out of it LOL

don't hang out on those sites... no one gets laid, everyone gets pissed, and the regulars are all sorts of screwed up

Alpha13 saidCould someone explain the gay "code" for this remark.. Guys hit on me.. They tell me how hot they think I am. I kindly respond, "thanks", and ask them if they want to meet up.....Boom. Their answer, "Sorry I've got plans" Why the fuck did they hit on me? Why are they on the site if they have plans?

Why does telling someone that you find him hot mean you're wanting to hook up instantly?

If the guy says he has plans, does that mean he's not available another day?

As a matter of fact, why does telling someone he's hot mean you're hitting on him for sex at all?

So far it has been my experience that "some other time" will go on forever...or it never happen at all, which motivates me to ask the question why they hit me up at all, I seem to have received some interesting answers.


If the guy says he has plans, does that mean he's not available another day?

As a matter of fact, why does telling someone he's hot mean you're hitting on him for sex at all?

[/quote]

flex89 saidmeans they suddenly talked themselves out of it LOL

don't hang out on those sites... no one gets laid, everyone gets pissed, and the regulars are all sorts of screwed up

*Weeps

A guy gets lonely...

Alpha13 saidCould someone explain the gay "code" for this remark.. Guys hit on me.. They tell me how hot they think I am. I kindly respond, "thanks", and ask them if they want to meet up.....Boom. Their answer, "Sorry I've got plans" Why the fuck did they hit on me? Why are they on the site if they have plans?

My advice is to not go straight for the hookup. Say thanks. A "how is your day going?" wouldn't hurt. Then finally ask "what are you looking for today?"


My experience though, if they don't have at least 4 pictures (I know, I know...the irony), a name, a phone number, and a meeting location by the fourth email, its 9/10 a lost cause.

It's impossible to tell what people are really like without standing in front of them. I chat online to feel out a person before giving them further contact info. Guy can be attractive, but is he a psycho? Attractive guys who are needy or desperate are a red-flag for me. Anyone who reads my profile, sees a couple of body shots, and is ready to meet me after a bit of small-talk, I am suspicious of. Maybe you gotta slow down your approach.

There is a game to it all. Some guys like to know that they could get you. I think most other times they're talking to a few guys at once. One might have asked to meet before you.

To maximize your chance of meeting someone it's best to talk to as many guys as you can maintain the level of involvement that the conversation involves. I wouldn't say guys are pigs for that. I could spend an hour having a convo with one guy that goes nowhere. Or spend that same time conversing with 3 or 4 and seeing who bites. Even if no one does, I just eliminated 3 or 4 guys from the potential pool... 1 guy per 15-20 min is a good strategy in metro areas. Don't take it personally.

I agreed 100% so that's why i ask to meet up. What else is there to say...


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slickguystyle saidIt's impossible to tell what people are really like without standing in front of them. I chat online to feel out a person before giving them further contact info. Guy can be attractive, but is he a psycho? Attractive guys who are needy or desperate are a red-flag for me. Anyone who reads my profile, sees a couple of body shots, and is ready to meet me after a bit of small-talk, I am suspicious of. Maybe you gotta slow down your approach.

There is a game to it all. Some guys like to know that they could get you. I think most other times they're talking to a few guys at once. One might have asked to meet before you.

To maximize your chance of meeting someone it's best to talk to as many guys as you can maintain the level of involvement that the conversation involves. I wouldn't say guys are pigs for that. I could spend an hour having a convo with one guy that goes nowhere. Or spend that same time conversing with 3 or 4 and seeing who bites. Even if no one does, I just eliminated 3 or 4 guys from the potential pool... 1 guy per 15-20 min is a good strategy in metro areas. Don't take it personally.

I agreed 100% .So that's why i ask to meet up. What else is there to say..

Understand something.

1-50% of the profiles on this site are fake.
2-Many guys are just looking to pass time, they are lonesome, old ugly and very horney.
3-They do have time, they just can never reveal themselves.

MuscleBudSea saidDamn, are you guys jaded or what??

Did you ever stop to think that maybe they were just paying you a compliment, and that they actually DO have plans previously made for that night BEFORE they paid you a compliment? What ever happened to benefit of the doubt?

I tell guys all the time that I think they're attractive, etc, but it doesn't I want to meet them right that moment. Another time? Sure! But you have to give them the chance to even want to do it another time, which it doesn't sound like you are.

I'm with you bud. I'm making a note of the guys here that think negatively of guys that respond to complements with disappointment in not "hooking up" to make sure that I don't pay them a complement.

Who the heck would not want to meet you? I've cleared my schedule for next 10 years.

Alpha13Could someone explain the gay "code" for this remark.. Guys hit on me.. They tell me how hot they think I am. I kindly respond, "thanks", and ask them if they want to meet up.....Boom. Their answer, "Sorry I've got plans" Why the fuck did they hit on me? Why are they on the site if they have plans?

I'd tried that a couple of years ago. I found that there was about a 1 in 10 success rate of meeting someone.
6 out of 10: no secondary response. (I'm contacted, I reply and that's it)
2 out of 10: cancel, I've got plans, I can't right now, but (suggests sometime in the middle of the workday or other unreasonable/impossible request.)
1 out of 10: arrange to meet and then, no show.
1 out of 10: we meet and then it doesn't work for a number of reasons. ('not as advertised", no chemistry, total turn-off, obvious game playing, etc. )

Maybe 1 of 30 lead to something, but never more than a 'fun evening'.

All in all, it was too much effort and time over the three months of doing this with so little results.

I'm happy where I am now.

bgcat57 said

Alpha13Could someone explain the gay "code" for this remark.. Guys hit on me.. They tell me how hot they think I am. I kindly respond, "thanks", and ask them if they want to meet up.....Boom. Their answer, "Sorry I've got plans" Why the fuck did they hit on me? Why are they on the site if they have plans?

I'd tried that a couple of years ago. I found that there was about a 1 in 10 success rate of meeting someone.
6 out of 10: no secondary response. (I'm contacted, I reply and that's it)
2 out of 10: cancel, I've got plans, I can't right now, but (suggests sometime in the middle of the workday or other unreasonable/impossible request.)
1 out of 10: arrange to meet and then, no show.
1 out of 10: we meet and then it doesn't work for a number of reasons. ('not as advertised", no chemistry, total turn-off, obvious game playing, etc. )

Maybe 1 of 30 lead to something, but never more than a 'fun evening'.

All in all, it was too much effort and time over the three months of doing this with so little results.

I'm happy where I am now.

So "where" are you now? happy being alone?

Not sure if this was covered but if you don't show your face and they're not in your unlocked photos and in addition you're also stating you're 50 years old this may make men a bit apprehensive. You obviously have a nice body but facially they may shy away.

I have a nonpaying membership to manhunt and I show my face. Actually it's my private picture on here that is viewable by anyone. I don't lock my private pic here.

So when people contact me on manhunt they can see right off the bat what they are getting. I don't hook up really. I've only done so once in the past 11 months. But in the past when I just showed body people would contact me and when they saw my face after I unlocked for them perhaps I wasn't what they were expecting. So now I just show it and whoever is interested usually remains so because there are no surprises.

Alpha13 said

bgcat57 said

Alpha13Could someone explain the gay "code" for this remark.. Guys hit on me.. They tell me how hot they think I am. I kindly respond, "thanks", and ask them if they want to meet up.....Boom. Their answer, "Sorry I've got plans" Why the fuck did they hit on me? Why are they on the site if they have plans?

I'd tried that a couple of years ago. I found that there was about a 1 in 10 success rate of meeting someone.
6 out of 10: no secondary response. (I'm contacted, I reply and that's it)
2 out of 10: cancel, I've got plans, I can't right now, but (suggests sometime in the middle of the workday or other unreasonable/impossible request.)
1 out of 10: arrange to meet and then, no show.
1 out of 10: we meet and then it doesn't work for a number of reasons. ('not as advertised", no chemistry, total turn-off, obvious game playing, etc. )

Maybe 1 of 30 lead to something, but never more than a 'fun evening'.

All in all, it was too much effort and time over the three months of doing this with so little results.

I'm happy where I am now.

So "where" are you now? happy being alone?

Jesus, and you wonder why no one wants to meet you? His profile actually says "dating", plus he has a dog. AND he shows his face!!

Who are you to say he's not happy being alone, some people truly are happy not being with someone, and they have their friends and family as all the "someone" they'll ever need.

I think you have some serious issues Alpha...all of your comments seem to suggest it. So maybe you need to work on yourself, before you criticize everyone else. Therapy anyone??

Alpha13 said
So "where" are you now? happy being alone?

I'm alone. I'm happy. Two separate states that are independent of each other. (I'm happy and it is neither because of, or in spite of being alone.)

I realize that based on the wonders and horrors of my life, that I'm happy because I chose to be. As I'd said once here in the past: I wouldn't wish my life on anyone, but the happiness in my life is based on what I've learned from those life experiences.
Having someone else in my life would be wonderful, but it is by no means required for my happiness. Rather I would view having someone special in my life as enhancing my life and hopefully I would enhance his as well. I see acquisition of knowledge, people, or things as a way for me to better appreciate my life, rather than as a goal through which I 'become' happy. I think my [fairly] new espresso machine is great, but it doesn't make me happy, it makes espresso. Very good espresso, but nonetheless, it's still just an enhancement of my life, and in that, not required for my happiness. The same thing applies to sex. If you think that it alone will make you happy beyond the task itself (intentionally clinical here - I'm not THAT robotic. LOL) you're in for a let down. However, sex with someone you love is far greater, though still not a requirement for happiness. I believe that the statement "You need to be happy with yourself first." is a far more profound statement than it's giving credit for and is often dismissed without a second thought.

That's 'where' I am.

Or did you mean, like, Connecticut?

I realize that based on the wonders and horrors of my life, that I'm happy because I chose to be. As I'd said once here in the past: I wouldn't wish my life on anyone, but the happiness in my life is based on what I've learned from those life experiences.
Having someone else in my life would be wonderful, but it is by no means required for my happiness. Rather I would view having someone special in my life as enhancing my life and hopefully I would enhance his as well. I see acquisition of knowledge, people, or things as a way for me to better appreciate my life, rather than as a goal through which I 'become' happy. I think my [fairly] new espresso machine is great, but it doesn't make me happy, it makes espresso. Very good espresso, but nonetheless, it's still just an enhancement of my life, and in that, not required for my happiness. The same thing applies to sex. If you think that it alone will make you happy beyond the task itself (intentionally clinical here - I'm not THAT robotic. LOL) you're in for a let down. However, sex with someone you love is far greater, though still not a requirement for happiness. I believe that the statement "You need to be happy with yourself first." is a far more profound statement than it's giving credit for and is often dismissed without a second thought.

That's 'where' I am.

Or did you mean, like, Connecticut?

yeah interesting stuff...that is exactly what i wanted to know...i'm really in nirvana being single and i am finding out how competent and sustainable i am compared to the "empty refrigerator" guys I meet. But I can't ignore all this dating, bf and marriage talk flying around..Have you been reading Tolle?

ram dass was way ahead of tolle by 40 years. turns out ram is gay. a beautiful man.

"Be Here Now".

fogos saidram dass was way ahead of tolle by 40 years. turns out ram is gay. a beautiful man.

"Be Here Now".

Yeah but Ram Daas got hung up on the Hindu, 'Denial here now."

It beats meeting as many as 5 guys over craigslist, having such fucking amazing times with them, their happy, your happy, we plan to meet again, then never call back or return call.

Count your blessings. I want to be a eununch.

bgcat57 said

Alpha13 said
So "where" are you now? happy being alone?

I'm alone. I'm happy. Two separate states that are independent of each other. (I'm happy and it is neither because of, or in spite of being alone.)

I realize that based on the wonders and horrors of my life, that I'm happy because I chose to be. As I'd said once here in the past: I wouldn't wish my life on anyone, but the happiness in my life is based on what I've learned from those life experiences.
Having someone else in my life would be wonderful, but it is by no means required for my happiness. Rather I would view having someone special in my life as enhancing my life and hopefully I would enhance his as well. I see acquisition of knowledge, people, or things as a way for me to better appreciate my life, rather than as a goal through which I 'become' happy. I think my [fairly] new espresso machine is great, but it doesn't make me happy, it makes espresso. Very good espresso, but nonetheless, it's still just an enhancement of my life, and in that, not required for my happiness. The same thing applies to sex. If you think that it alone will make you happy beyond the task itself (intentionally clinical here - I'm not THAT robotic. LOL) you're in for a let down. However, sex with someone you love is far greater, though still not a requirement for happiness. I believe that the statement "You need to be happy with yourself first." is a far more profound statement than it's giving credit for and is often dismissed without a second thought.

That's 'where' I am.

Or did you mean, like, Connecticut?

Therapy, drugs, and interventions and still trying to figure out what the fuck paragraphs like these mean.

i do it alot in dating sites !! I just give guys comliments .. tell them how cute they look or what a great body they have .. and I don't want anything .. no sex , no dates , nothing ..

It's simple .. I just enter this dating site because I'm bored and I like to look at goodlooking guys .. see who's new .. an so on .. in the way I don't hesitate giving a compliment or a good nice note .. it just make them (and me) feel better.. no harm

maybe they sincerely mean the complement. or maybe they're just douchebags.

I think all of this depends on what site you're trying too hook-up on.

Sites like Realjock, Myspace, and Facebook are not considered rapid hook-up places, although it does happen. If you mean business and want sex quickly, M4M or Manhunt are much more efficent.

It has been a few years since I've been on either site, but when I back when I did hook up there, I always made sure BEFORE I sat down to hunt, I was prepared. Being prepared means you showered, cleanning outside and INSIDE... you have condoms and lube plus any toys ready to go inside your sex bag.

Being ready means there is no time wasted with the "I have to take a shower" crap. If it was your intent to hook up, then you should be ready to go when you sit down to cruise online.

In my experience, most men on M4M or Manhunt generally were serious and not into playing endless bullshit games.

palikari saidI dunno man, I wish I had the time to answer this but I've got plans.

Fucking smartass. Love it! lol