big age difference- what can work?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 09, 2013 1:41 PM GMT
    Hey guys, just looking for a little advice here....

    So here's my situation- over Christmas a 21yo bi guy was home and started texting me on grindr. He is cute and fun and smart. I said I'd be his friend, give him advice, etc. Over time he pushed to meet me and I said fine, we met in a public place and had a good talk. His maturity seems 10 years past his age. I find him attractive but have always been really clear I'm not looking for anything.

    Fast forward to a few weeks ago when he comes up to visit his mom. He asks to meet up and says he wants to see my place (shocking, I know). We talked for a bit and then he pounced on me. Made out, messed around for a bit- it was really laid back and fun with good chemistry. Again I said this was as friends/fun and he said he understood.

    Haven't seen him since then but we still chat, it gets flirty, and he surprises me with his perspective on things, work ethic, worldly-ness, etc. I find myself thinking about him a lot and he says we have a connection, etc. I feel something, but feel conflicted too. I just turned 38 and while I'm fit and look younger, I'm 16 years older with a lot more life and experience under my belt! I told him I feel kinda creepy about anything more and am afraid I'd hurt his feelings.

    What do y'all think? Should I listen to my logical side or my emotional side? Sometimes I feel I'm interested because the attention is exciting, but I genuinely like him and want to talk and see him. Any thoughts are appreciated, but please be nice. icon_smile.gif
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Feb 09, 2013 2:48 PM GMT
    first, i recommend that you...

    tumblr_m6cer3wIHy1rt1a5xo1_250.gif

    because do you have any idea how many times this idiotic question has been posted? now i know what you're thinking, but...

    tumblr_me24yfMOde1rlvqlao1_400.gif

    it's not rocket science. i don't care that you never heard of the search forum button because that would involve more talking and what you need to do at this point is...

    tumblr_m791d5cKdn1rx6ay1o1_400.gif

    no, seriously...

    tumblr_mb2pf0mrco1rfgw3eo1_500.gif

    because...

    tumblr_lqpdo2TkZ01r0ftodo1_400.gif
  • Muscles25

    Posts: 394

    Feb 09, 2013 2:55 PM GMT
    I dated a guy who was 47. It was terrific. But he ended it due to his insecurity about the age difference and whether he could keep up with me. Otherwise, I'd still be with him.
  • Muscles25

    Posts: 394

    Feb 09, 2013 2:56 PM GMT
    calibro saidfirst, i recommend that you...

    tumblr_m6cer3wIHy1rt1a5xo1_250.gif

    because do you have any idea how many times this idiotic question has been posted? now i know what you're thinking, but...

    tumblr_me24yfMOde1rlvqlao1_400.gif

    it's not rocket science. i don't care that you never heard of the search forum button because that would involve more talking and what you need to do at this point is...

    tumblr_m791d5cKdn1rx6ay1o1_400.gif

    no, seriously...

    tumblr_mb2pf0mrco1rfgw3eo1_500.gif

    because...

    tumblr_lqpdo2TkZ01r0ftodo1_400.gif


    Do you enjoy being a douchebag asshole?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 09, 2013 3:00 PM GMT
    If you really like him, go ahead...
    I always think that
    "Age is to the body not to the soul"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 09, 2013 3:20 PM GMT
    He's legally an adult, I see nothing wrong with it if the two of you are mutually compatible and emotionally mature.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Feb 09, 2013 3:22 PM GMT
    Sounds like you're really into one another. Go for it! 10 years sounds like a lot but it really isn't and the older you get the more obvious that will be.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Feb 09, 2013 3:25 PM GMT
    Muscles25 said

    Do you enjoy being a douchebag asshole?


    says the guy who positions the camera phone over his face for a mirror reflection picture at what looks like a gym. now i'm sure you have some singlets to wash.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 09, 2013 3:27 PM GMT
    I think you are having sex with a younger guy
  • AvgJock

    Posts: 123

    Feb 09, 2013 3:57 PM GMT
    calibro said
    Muscles25 said

    Do you enjoy being a douchebag asshole?


    says the guy who positions the camera phone over his face for a mirror reflection picture at what looks like a gym. now i'm sure you have some singlets to wash.


    Sounds like a bid to wash them. Sorry, get in line, dweeb.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 09, 2013 3:59 PM GMT
    I have no experience in this department, but I think you should icon_idea.gif ask him. icon_eek.gif

    At the risk of sounding snarky, before the internet you'd have had to figure this out on your own, anyway.
    We're 16 years apart, do you think we can make it work? Do you want to make it work?
    And then later, when youre in the relationship: Do I let you be yourself? I know we have a huge age gap between us, so i need to ask, do you think I understand you well enough? Do I hold you back?
    icon_biggrin.gif

    Age is only a number, but 16 years is almost a generation. You may just have utterly different generational attitudes that make things more difficult, but I dont know. Emphasis on "i dont know" xP
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Feb 09, 2013 4:00 PM GMT
    well you said you just want to have fun with no strings. then i say you stick to the original plan. i always tell people when you are dating a 20 something year old the younger they are the more problems you will run into. yes they may come off as mature but they will come with a long list of other problems down the road. i say just enjoy yourself with no emotional attachment
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 09, 2013 4:05 PM GMT
    Afterwards saidI have no experience in this department, but I think you should icon_idea.gif ask him. icon_eek.gif

    At the risk of sounding snarky, before the internet you'd have had to figure this out on your own, anyway.
    We're 16 years apart, do you think we can make it work? Do you want to make it work?
    And then later, when youre in the relationship: Do I let you be yourself? I know we have a huge age gap between us, so i need to ask, do you think I understand you well enough? Do I hold you back?
    icon_biggrin.gif

    Age is only a number, but 16 years is almost a generation. You may just have utterly different generational attitudes that make things more difficult, but I dont know. Emphasis on "i dont know" xP


    This is very good advice. Thanks for your thoughts. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 09, 2013 4:17 PM GMT
    icon_biggrin.gif
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    Feb 09, 2013 4:18 PM GMT
    Q. What can work?

    A. Anything you put your efforts to !
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Feb 09, 2013 5:02 PM GMT
    AvgJock said
    calibro said
    Muscles25 said

    Do you enjoy being a douchebag asshole?


    says the guy who positions the camera phone over his face for a mirror reflection picture at what looks like a gym. now i'm sure you have some singlets to wash.


    Sounds like a bid to wash them. Sorry, get in line, dweeb.


    umm, no. i have no interest in laundering someone's soiled clothes. by all means, you can have all at it. i'm curious though... is this what average people do these days? thank flying spaghetti monster that i wasn't born average. i can't imagine how it would feel like to wake up everyday and be the toy left on the store shelf the day after christmas. but kudos to you and mediocrity because nothing says i'm a catch like several standard deviations removed. and for the record, the 1970s called in reference to a one "dweeb." a concerned parent and the principal want to have meeting about you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 09, 2013 6:17 PM GMT
    Me and my boyfriend have an age gap about 32 years(I know its kinda weird and shocking).But when we are with each other I tend not to think about the age difference but just have fun with him.
    SO don't worry too much.Just relax and enjoy your time with him
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 09, 2013 6:28 PM GMT
    Step out of the future that you're worried about and tend to the present. Trust that for both of you you're attracted to something in each other. Let that be where your attention goes. If it's a physical thing then it will flare and pass or not, but it needs to do what it needs to do. All of our encounters with the world around us and the people in it are gifts to behold. Be present with it and trust yourself, with curiosity and gratitude.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 09, 2013 6:31 PM GMT
    hmmmm. my advice from someone older....21 and bi and 38 with wisdom..

    He still has seeds to plant...I wouldn't pursue it except as FWB, just IMHO
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 09, 2013 7:19 PM GMT
    I would say just go with it and have fun. Worrying about it causes unnecessary drama. I was 'seeing' a guy that was 33 for almost a year all last year. We never fooled around but we met up for dinner and drinks a lot and always had a blast. That is, until he stressed about things and got a girlfriend etc. That's beside the point. Let whatever happens, happen. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 09, 2013 7:38 PM GMT
    If you like him (& he obviously likes you) then go for it. Don't over analyze things. Give happiness a chance.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 09, 2013 7:53 PM GMT
    This should be renamed to "Guys Who Post About Their Feelings on Age Difference" from "RealJock"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 09, 2013 8:27 PM GMT
    Thanks guys, it's been great to hear from all of you! I will try to be more present, have fun, and see what happens. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 10, 2013 12:25 AM GMT
    It's really not that complicated.

    If you are attracted to someone whose company you enjoy, and that feeling is mutual, and both are legal adults, there is no problem. There can be a problem if there is insecurity on one end, which you seem to have. Don't worry about age difference or what others think; if it feels right, go with it.