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I am a good looking (at least I think so!), confident, grounded and successful 31 year old. I have found that the main way I find dates these days is the internet - either sites like this, or slightly "racier" ones, chat rooms, etc. My main gripe lately is that I cannot find anyone who is interested in more than "casually dating around" - meaning not dating just me, or just simply trying to hook up! One thing I discovered is that several of the people on these sites are on all of the sites. I know it's a double standard - if I am on the sites, how can I be disinterested when I see that they are?

Another thing is, I am not really into the "scene." I do go to gay bars every so often, but its not something I do on a regular basis. Picking up someone in a bar is not really my "thing" - at least you know if there is a physical attraction, but it's a bar and usually alcohol is involved.

My question is, does anyone have any other ideas, suggestions or personal stories on meeting real guys who are serious about relationships and dating? I would love to find a guy who is independent, successful, attractive (yea, it's subjective), grounded, funny, sincere and romantic. Of course, who wouldn't?

I probably should also mention that I am engaged in a variety of activities outside of work and surfing the internet. I enjoy the gym, boating, cars and car shows, paintball, sports, reading, music, concerts... I do feel that I am "out there" quite a bit. I have heard more than one person say I am "intimidating" which is why they don't come and talk to me. I have tried very hard over the past several months to break out of my shell and be more outgoing...

Thanks for checking this out and for posting, if you choose to post! Peace to you all!

I think the best way to meet someone is through a shared interest and network of friends. I'm not saying ask to be set-up, but having a large group of friends who socialize is a great way of meeting guys that are looking for more. The problem with bars is many guys have their defenses up all the time, thinking everyone is just there looking to get laid.

Thank you for that insight!

WE ALL HAVE BEEN THERE...
BARS ARE FOR DRINKING..
INTERNET IS LESS THAN QUALITY FOR RELATIONSHIPS.
FRIENDS TRY BUT CHEMISTRY IS LACKING.

GETTING OUT THERE AND EXPLORING NEW ACTIVITIES AND
MEETING PEOPLE WITH OTHER INTERESTS HAVE WORKED
FOR ME IN THE PAST...USUALLY WHEN NOT LOOKING IS WHEN
A NEW RELATIONSHIP HAPPENS.

SOMETHING AS SIMPLE AS DOG WALKING...OR LOCAL FUND
RAISERS...

THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX...

Being in a similar situation as yourself, and feeling the same about all those avenues you mentioned, most people I've met on the internet really just want to "mess around" for a couple of hours or every now and then. Granted, I have made a couple of good friends through the net.

I'm not really into the scene either, but in the past, met a guy at the gym. This was a predominantly gay gym. But he wasn't looking for anything serious..we're still friends but we're in different countries now.

Volunteered too for a gay health charity, which was good, and made some friends.

So yes, you will meet people, poss make friends along the way, but whether you'll meet someone who's serious about relationships and dating is another story.

I would love to find a guy who is independent, successful, attractive (yea, it's subjective), grounded, funny, sincere and romantic. Of course, who wouldn't?

Yeah, who wouldn't?? I did meet someone kinda like that, but he seems pretty unreliable and uninterested in a relationship..

Where I am right now is a gay wilderness, but I'll be moving in a couple of months. Hopefully things will be better.

maybe it's all about being at the right place at the right time..and when you're not really looking or thinking about it.

Thanks! That makes sense. I wouldn't really say I am "looking" for anything, but I was curious of what other venues I might be able to stumble upon something nice.

I feel for you.
There are several internet sites specifically for dating and romance as opposed to hooking up. Like you as some others here I am looking for dating and LTR material.... for me it seems I meet nice guys at Volleyball, the Supermarket or just out and about.... turning that meeting into a date and more is the difficult part.

I suggest you stop being on the sleazy sites that are for casual hook ups and concentrate on the romantic ones AND relax. Don't try too hard... sometimes the harder we try the further away it gets... and sometimes, love will find you!


Good luck --- to all of us!

I generally throw a bunch of Cher CD's and some rainbow thongs into the middle of a huge crowd of people and snag the hottest guy that dives on them.

The internet is great for simple hook-ups but not so great for dating perhaps because building relationships involves an investment of time and commitment.

I would second what everyone else says here, but to reiterate:

voluntary work is a good idea - joining a gay switchboard or HIV charity are good ways of meeting people who are also have certain ideals that you may well share.

Gay sporting groups - again you'll be sharing an interest.

There's no quick route though to finding a boyfriend.

BoardRider53 saidI generally throw a bunch of Cher CD's and some rainbow thongs into the middle of a huge crowd of people and snag the hottest guy that dives on them.

Did you see me there?

I am too much of a free spirit to date anymore but would try to take up hobbies or join groups of interest. Usually, there are similiar people that join.

Always thought a "runniing date would be fun". It's good exercise, endorphin boosting and the converstion is a better way to meet someone than a movie.

Coffee, movie, dinner, drinks, hiking, lift with each other. It just really depends on what we're both into.

Movie and Dinner would be perfect for me ... but never happened

It's easy to find a hook-up

a date or some one worth dating ... not so much


When you find someone that fits the bill make it special
something that says something about you
Dinner is great
an afternoon run with coffee after
a day at the beach
somewhere you two can talk ... that's why movies suck for a date

or you just wrestle...

Two of the best dates I've ever had have been going snowboarding with another guy. With things like cycling, skiing, snowboarding, etc where there is something cool going on around you (or you're doing something cool together), but there's still plenty of room for you both to talk, seem to be most enjoyable for me.

And kissing in the snow, *phew*, so frickin' hot :-)

Lots of great ideas here guys... thank you all for posting and sharing your ideas.

Timberoo saidI think the best way to meet someone is through a shared interest and network of friends. I'm not saying ask to be set-up, but having a large group of friends who socialize is a great way of meeting guys that are looking for more. The problem with bars is many guys have their defenses up all the time, thinking everyone is just there looking to get laid.

This is a good response. I think this works. Also if you are part of sports groups or volunteer this can be a good way to meet similar people.

Meeting guys from the net has not been all that good to me. I have been lucky enough to make a few friends.

There's something to be said for meeting a person live and in person. I get the most accurate vibe from a person instead of a visual image online.

Just my 2 cents.