Liar? Player? Crazy? ALL THREE? WTF Is This Dude's Deal...

  • di0rh0mme

    Posts: 38

    Feb 12, 2013 1:40 AM GMT
    Hey everyone,

    New guy here - and really new to the dating scene, which is why I need advice and found myself here on this forum!

    OK! So, to provide a bit of context - I'm 22, the guy in question is 44. Didn't realize that until our date, although typically I don't mind guys that are somewhat older but I digress. We met on Grindr, (gay dating app for those unaware) and after chatting back and forth for about 3 weeks on the app; we decide to head on a first date.

    We really hit it off on the first date, which I ended with a hug (although I think he may have wanted a peck - but hey, I'm a bit on the shy side) and for the next week or so; we kept texting back and forth and planned to set up a second date. All the while, he is texting me things like "I was thinking about you this morning", calling me handsome; etc...all which would lead me to think he's interested. On a Thursday, he proposed a second date (a movie) and we agree to arrange details and head out that Friday.

    So, we haven't chat yet on the Friday until about 3:00PM, at which point he texts me to suddenly cancel because he's made the last minute choice to fly out to his second home in on the West Coast last minute (yes he has multiple homes - this guy is very well off financially, which will become relevant in a moment...) and has to cancel on me. So, obviously I'm a bit bummed out by this, but I mean, no big deal I suppose.

    That following Tuesday, I text him to see how his week is coming along and to see what he may be up to for the week. At that point, this is message I get back, verbatim:

    "Hey ****! I have to admit to you that I met a guy that has literally swept me off my feet. I'm really quite stunned about how it all happened and how quickly. I know it's probably not what you really want or expected to hear, and I hope we can still see each other and hang out as friends, but he and I have both committed to not date anyone else as we have high hopes for the future together. I also wanted to be honest with you because I like and respect you."

    HUH!?!

    So, of course I respond that I don't have a problem with that - although it's just a little odd that HE was proposing a second date to ME barely 4 days prior...

    The other part that confuses me is after that initial "someone else" message he's still texting me things like "Hey handsome" and "sweet dreams" and such. He invited me to some lame event he was going to, but didn't work for me schedule-wise. UGH! I mean that could be just being friend, but if there's someone else and he knows I'm interested isn't that a bit off? I'm so confused.

    More confusing still, is in the midst of all this, before our Mr. Questionable leaves on a vacation, he sends me this text message.

    "Back March 6. Then we should meet up and pick up where we left off!"

    Sooo, this just leaves me thinking...am I back in the game now? Is he interested once again? WTF.Not all that surprisingly, while on this cruise he apparently meets "the love of his life", who lives in Texas - we live in Toronto, Canada...this guy makes an entire Facebook album of new guy, the works. LUNACY!

    In any case, once I text him after the cruise to see how it went (and make sure to acknowledge "the boyfriend" (see below) I get what is either a blatant lie, a jealousy tactic, or they're both just plain crazy

    "Thanks. Good to be back. Caught a BRUTAL cold/flu but starting to feel a bit better now. Big news is that S****** actually moved from ****** to Toronto this weekend Yes. We fell in love that fast and literally after spending 24/7 together for 3 weeks we decided this was right. It's a major both for both of us."

    What's new w you?


    Ummm - well, hearing THAT bull**** news is what's new with me, bro. You're telling me this dude ditched a house/apt, job, etc. all to move in with a guy he's known for three weeks...in a foreign country where he can't get a job, bank account, healthcare, legally live, etc? I may be younger than you, but I'm not stupid...

    To make the remainder of this story rather short, I made the mistake of including him in a text message where I referred to him as "Old Scumbag" as a contact name...to which he responded

    Well. Gotta say that really stings. So be well and maybe we'll bump into each other again sometime.

    Obviously, I do some maaaaajor damage control and probably make a deadly mistake when the next morning (presuming he'll never talk to me again) tell him everything and dodge the bullet by saying my friends put that name into my phone.

    To which, he responded:

    "Hi A***. Thanks for your candid and open note. It's very mature of you to be so frank and I appreciate it. Let's stay in touch as I would provide providing some business mentoring to you. You're a very smart man and I enjoy sharing my perspective whenever I can. I will hit you up when I get back April 15. Cheers."


    (Sidenote: I'm growing my small business, Mr. Questionable runs a very, very large business. In any case...)

    So, where do i stand? Am I being played? What the hell kind of game is this? "Business mentorship" = guise under which to keep me on the back-burner until this new "Texas boyfriend" drops (which I'm sure he will much sooner than later)?

    I don't even know if this the realm of being a player/mind games, or just straight-up crazy?! I'm beyond confused...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2013 1:54 AM GMT
    He's trying to let you down easy, which is nice, but he's letting you go for another, which is not nice as it appears (but only appears) he met someone after meeting you or had several guys on the go and didn't tell you.

    Let's shift perspective: you're single and casually dating a couple of men and then bam, you meet someone and you somehow hit all the right chords with each other. So you tell the other two....

    warmly,

    -Doug

  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Feb 12, 2013 3:01 AM GMT
    as if

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  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Feb 12, 2013 3:04 AM GMT
    He's totally playing you. Move on, unless you like getting played.

    "has an entire Facebook friends list full of young 20-somethings who obsessively "like" his posts and such...which leads me to think, maybe I just got strung along by some guy with not-so-great intentions who for all I know could be wining and dining another young-20-something every night of the week?"

    Want to know what the original name to Facebook was? Blackbook and it was entirely thought of being used this way. Before the digital age, shallow men would keep a list, or a 'blackbook,' of all the people they hooked up with and details, such as ratings, in order to feel good about themselves and their 'conquest' abilities.

    You went on a date with Barney Stinson.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2013 3:09 AM GMT
    Did he play you? Yes.
  • Whipmagic

    Posts: 1481

    Feb 12, 2013 3:10 AM GMT
    I'm pretty much with Doug here. You have had one date with him, and there was clearly no expectation of exclusivity. He was free to date others (and did) and so were you (even though you didn't). He may be playing the field quite a bit, based on what you describe, but I don't think that's intrinsically wrong. I don't see how he has led you on to more than that he's "interested", which in his case may not mean much more than he's happy to have dinner with you and get to know you better, perhaps to be just friends. So, I wouldn't read too much into this in terms of a judgment on you. And if you like to hang out with him on his terms, by all means do so; if not, just cut him off - you have no obligations towards him. Oh, and I wouldn't make much of his affluence - this is a pattern that men from all walks of life may exhibit, although it's easier to pull off when you have money to wine and dine (and fly in) multipe men each week.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2013 3:10 AM GMT
    calibro saidas if

    tumblr_mgcm55ERyh1r2cdnpo1_500.gif


    Posting a Clueless gif was my only reason to come in here. Jerk.
  • di0rh0mme

    Posts: 38

    Feb 12, 2013 3:12 AM GMT
    calibro saidas if

    tumblr_mgcm55ERyh1r2cdnpo1_500.gif


    NIGHT. MADE. icon_lol.gif
  • di0rh0mme

    Posts: 38

    Feb 12, 2013 3:13 AM GMT
    coolarmydude saidHe's totally playing you. Move on, unless you like getting played.

    "has an entire Facebook friends list full of young 20-somethings who obsessively "like" his posts and such...which leads me to think, maybe I just got strung along by some guy with not-so-great intentions who for all I know could be wining and dining another young-20-something every night of the week?"

    Want to know what the original name to Facebook was? Blackbook and it was entirely thought of being used this way. Before the digital age, shallow men would keep a list, or a 'blackbook,' of all the people they hooked up with and details, such as ratings, in order to feel good about themselves and their 'conquest' abilities.

    You went on a date with Barney Stinson.


    Yeah, thankfully all Mr. Player got out of this dude right here was a hug.

    Sure, we both had enough in common and I liked him..but it just doesn't add up and I'm not about to play some game; u know?
  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    Feb 12, 2013 3:13 AM GMT
    He is a dumb ass use to playing on other people's intelligence. He is playing you big time and you are just another trophy in his collection.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Feb 12, 2013 3:13 AM GMT
    Nabisco said
    Posting a Clueless gif was my only reason to come in here. Jerk.


    clueless_laceancharcoal.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2013 3:14 AM GMT
    Well you didn't give up the goods yet (I hope) so he didn't technically play you.

    He could have just ignored you all together instead of telling you about the other guy. But he probably is trying to string you along. Time to move on!
  • di0rh0mme

    Posts: 38

    Feb 12, 2013 3:14 AM GMT
    O5vx saidHe is a dumb ass use to playing on other people's intelligence. He is playing you big time and you are just another trophy in his collection.


    Except for the fact all the got was a hug. Yours truly isn't about to just give it up ;)
  • di0rh0mme

    Posts: 38

    Feb 12, 2013 3:15 AM GMT
    S34n05 saidWell you didn't give up the goods yet (I hope) so he didn't technically play you.

    He could have just ignored you all together instead of telling you about the other guy. But he probably is trying to string you along. Time to move on!


    Yeah, that's kind of the vibe I'm getting. Which is too bad, because I started to like him. LAME. Oh well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2013 3:18 AM GMT
    he sounds like a player man. Good for you for not giving it up.
  • di0rh0mme

    Posts: 38

    Feb 12, 2013 3:21 AM GMT
    beachbu310 saidhe sounds like a player man. Good for you for not giving it up.


    Mhm, it takes a bit more than a Black Amex and Maserati (both of which homeboy had) to impress me.

    I liked him for his personality / intelligence. Oh well...
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Feb 12, 2013 3:43 AM GMT
    Nabisco said
    calibro saidas if

    tumblr_mgcm55ERyh1r2cdnpo1_500.gif


    Posting a Clueless gif was my only reason to come in here. Jerk.


    tumblr_m8pofiAzGr1qgb87zo3_500.gif
  • di0rh0mme

    Posts: 38

    Feb 12, 2013 3:47 AM GMT
    calibro said
    Nabisco said
    calibro saidas if

    tumblr_mgcm55ERyh1r2cdnpo1_500.gif


    Posting a Clueless gif was my only reason to come in here. Jerk.


    tumblr_m8pofiAzGr1qgb87zo3_500.gif


    These just keep getting better icon_smile.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2013 4:01 AM GMT
    I think you were liking the idea of this more than the actual guy....you had one date and other than that it seems most communication was via text. I had something like this in the past and the guy found someone else while we were texting and making plans to go camping, etc. It sucks, but it happens.

    I wouldnt try and figure out if its some secret ploy to make you like him more....people don't do that. Unless they are crazy. And you don't want to be with a crazy person. He's probably still inviting you to things as friends because he feels semi-guilty and doesn't want to make you feel "played." He did find you interesting, he's just decided to move forward with someone else. Go out and date all those other fish in the sea. You aint gonna find your man right away :p

    As for facebook, chill out and stop making assumptions. And should his "exclusive" thing end, don't assume he's gonna pick up where you left on. People are weird and don't tell you the full story. Especially when all you are doing is texting.

    Glad you found RJ, tho! I found this forum looking for dating advice as well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2013 4:07 AM GMT
    Well, obviously you have been played. But who knows what the game was.

    You speak of a fawning crowd of 20-somethings on Facebook. You say he showed up to your date in a Maserati.

    I posit it's much easier to rent a Maserati than to own one. I would guess your "homeboy" is probably not as wealthy as he'd like you to think (wealthy people really rarely go onto Grindr, seriously, and they never have a Facebook friends list made up of twinks).

    It's much easier to have a fawning crowd of admirers when you don't actually spend much time with any of them. So "homeboy" does the dating shuffle, declares himself unavailable, and flirts with you all the time. And with the other Maserati-adoring people on his Facebook list.

    He feels admired by people he finds admirable. It may be as stupid as that. It's approval he's after.

    To test the theory, check his Facebook posts. If he found someone special, you'd see posts with that person or about that person show up in his feed. If there is nobody new, or nobody more than usual, then you know the game and you can choose how to play it. Which could be: free food and parties in exchange for pecks on the cheek.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2013 4:10 AM GMT
    calibro said
    Nabisco said
    calibro saidas if

    tumblr_mgcm55ERyh1r2cdnpo1_500.gif


    Posting a Clueless gif was my only reason to come in here. Jerk.


    tumblr_m8pofiAzGr1qgb87zo3_500.gif


    tumblr_lw83xd6r2F1qch1d4o1_500.gif

    tumblr_lotj6h2NPe1qg97uno1_500.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2013 4:21 AM GMT
    He's a sexy ass rich dude who wants sexy little guys running around him in their underwear begging him to suck his cock and eff them rawdog so that they can get new clothes....

    #duh
  • di0rh0mme

    Posts: 38

    Feb 12, 2013 4:23 AM GMT
    themachine saidWell, obviously you have been played. But who knows what the game was.

    I would guess your "homeboy" is probably not as wealthy as he'd like you to think (wealthy people really rarely go onto Grindr, seriously, and they never have a Facebook friends list made up of twinks).


    Haha, I used the 'homeboy' as a joke. This guy definitely does have a fair amount of money though; but regardless that's not what made him attractive to me. In fact, it only convinces me he's more of a player.

    themachine said
    It's much easier to have a fawning crowds of admirers when you don't actually spend much time with any of them. So "homeboy" does the dating shuffle, declares himself unavailable, and flirts with you all the time. And with the other Maserati-adoring people on his Facebook list.


    ^ BAM. THIS. EXACTLY WHATS PROBABLY GOING ON. A Bentley and some other cars too I think, but honestly, at this point I could care less...

    ...and nope not a peep on FB of anything yet.
  • di0rh0mme

    Posts: 38

    Feb 12, 2013 4:25 AM GMT
    running11 saidHe's a sexy ass rich dude who wants sexy little guys running around him in their underwear begging him to suck his cock and eff them rawdog so that they can get new clothes....

    #duh


    Eugh, as much as I wouldn't like to think so...probably. I've got my own money and clothes, thankyouverymuch ;-)
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Feb 12, 2013 4:26 AM GMT
    Nabisco said
    calibro said
    Nabisco said
    calibro saidas if

    tumblr_mgcm55ERyh1r2cdnpo1_500.gif


    Posting a Clueless gif was my only reason to come in here. Jerk.


    tumblr_m8pofiAzGr1qgb87zo3_500.gif


    tumblr_lw83xd6r2F1qch1d4o1_500.gif

    tumblr_lotj6h2NPe1qg97uno1_500.gif


    tumblr_mg0toy1V3c1qgb87zo4_250.gif