How do I handle this guy?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2013 7:46 PM GMT
    Hello everyone! I just wanted to post this new topic to get your opinion and advice about a guy I work with.

    He's supposed to be straight, married with a child. He's gorgeous of course and is definitely the cocky, ego maniac type. Let's call him Dan.

    Dan works with me, or rather under my supervision. I am new to the work place and have only recently started some shift work with him. He's seen me in the gym a couple of times and has asked me to be his workout partner. I didn't see it as a big deal and shrugged it off, mostly because I like to workout alone anyway.

    But when we started really working together, he's done some pretty surprising things. He's tapped my butt with a bottle, sniffed my hair, played with my ear, and grabbed my hand so we can "arm wrestle." he's also caressed my face with a piece of paper. then at the gym, walked up behind me while i was doing squats (my warm-up set) put both his hands on my waste and offered to "spot" me.

    it's gotten me really confused. my question is, do you guys think that this guy, as much of an ego maniac as he is, is flirting with me just to get attention? and also how would you handle such a situation?

    i would never do anything with a married guy, although he is exactly the type i'd fall for. i think of him constantly and i feel so awkward around him, but i never want him to have the upper hand and confirm his belief that he can flirt and attract any guy or girl. i think his ego is big enough, that i want him to realize that he can't get everyone to fall for him--- and i'd like some advice on how i can get the upper hand, and give him a reality check.

    i sure hope this post makes sense. thanks in advance for the help!


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2013 8:00 PM GMT
    Neight says don't do it
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2013 9:00 PM GMT
    It's so easy, If you think he needs to take a sit down with his ego then don't show interest, I didn't understand what was exactly the question... You're saying that you want to show him that not everyone is going to fall for him.. But asking if you should fall for him or not icon_rolleyes.gif ? And when you're working in the gym ask him to not touch you... He's gonna feel rejected and his ego will go down..
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Feb 12, 2013 9:19 PM GMT
    He could be one of those guys that doesn't have a problem touching another man - one of those types that does that sort of thing.
    He could be into you and does this stuff to feel closer to you.
    He could be trying to give you signals that he's interested in doing something sexual.
    He could be just a flirty type of guy that does stuff to get attention.
    Does he know you're gay?
    If not, he could be testing you, if he does know, he could be trying to get you to react.
    If you're not interested in getting involved with a married guy, and one you work with - then I'd keep my distance and my thoughts to myself.
    Tell him his behavior, even out of the workplace - is unprofessional.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2013 9:35 PM GMT
    You allow guys to work under your supervision without being pre-screened on the casting couch? What's wrong with you?!?!? icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2013 11:09 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidYou allow guys to work under your supervision without being pre-screened on the casting couch? What's wrong with you?!?!? icon_eek.gif


    he may work under me, but i'm the new guy. i think i'm the one being screened. icon_biggrin.gif

    and thanks for the great advice, but how do you guys ignore a guy that you like, who you HAVE to be in contact with for long periods of time? i guess that's my real question.

    icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 13, 2013 12:03 AM GMT
    He's probably BI. Though honestly I think some straight guys like any and all attention and they'll flirt with whoever is in their blinders. It kind of sounds like you have a bit of a lust crush on him, but considering you supervise him don't go into that territory!
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    Feb 13, 2013 2:13 AM GMT
    Mac1986 saidHello everyone! I just wanted to post this new topic to get your opinion and advice about a guy I work with.

    He's supposed to be straight, married with a child. He's gorgeous of course and is definitely the cocky, ego maniac type. Let's call him Dan.

    Dan works with me, or rather under my supervision. I am new to the work place and have only recently started some shift work with him. He's seen me in the gym a couple of times and has asked me to be his workout partner. I didn't see it as a big deal and shrugged it off, mostly because I like to workout alone anyway.

    But when we started really working together, he's done some pretty surprising things. He's tapped my butt with a bottle, sniffed my hair, played with my ear, and grabbed my hand so we can "arm wrestle." he's also caressed my face with a piece of paper. then at the gym, walked up behind me while i was doing squats (my warm-up set) put both his hands on my waste and offered to "spot" me.

    it's gotten me really confused. my question is, do you guys think that this guy, as much of an ego maniac as he is, is flirting with me just to get attention? and also how would you handle such a situation?

    i would never do anything with a married guy, although he is exactly the type i'd fall for. i think of him constantly and i feel so awkward around him, but i never want him to have the upper hand and confirm his belief that he can flirt and attract any guy or girl. i think his ego is big enough, that i want him to realize that he can't get everyone to fall for him--- and i'd like some advice on how i can get the upper hand, and give him a reality check.

    i sure hope this post makes sense. thanks in advance for the help!




    anyway you cut it such behavior is inappropriate in the work place. you had better put an end to such immediately or it may come back to bite you in da ass.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 13, 2013 2:25 AM GMT
    Be very, very careful. You may be the new guy, but youre still the higher ranking man. If anything untoward goes down it is you who will pay the larger price. There are plenty of amazing, attractive, single, civilian and commissioned men out there. I strongly recommend that you keep things as professional as possible in the work place. Ive been in this situation when I was in and I know how you feel. I know you say you wont do anything, but more often than not the appearance is enough to have very real consequences.
  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Feb 13, 2013 2:50 AM GMT
    You are probably looking too much into it. I know straight guys who were like that from the moment I met them. Very grabby and close. No boundaries whether male or female. Until he is trying to help you shake in the bathroom, I wouldn't put much stock into his actions.
  • LuckyGuyKC

    Posts: 2080

    Feb 13, 2013 2:50 AM GMT
    Ignore him ... you are his superior at work and therefore you risk your career if you flirt back or more.

    If either of you ever the leave the work place then go for it .... who cares if he has a big ego .... maybe he'll show you he deserves it icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 13, 2013 2:52 AM GMT
    A motto to live by: Don't get your meat where you make your bread. Get it?
  • camfer

    Posts: 891

    Feb 13, 2013 3:02 AM GMT
    Sounds like it's a power play and he's already got the upper hand over you. He is seeing where the boundaries are, and you have set none. He knows you think he's hot, and he gets off on toying with you. He like to flirt with you because it makes you flustered. The next time something happens you need to tell him that he is acting inappropriately. You have to become disinterested in (or better yet opposed to) his advances. Right now, you kind of like it, even though it frustrates you.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 13, 2013 3:09 AM GMT
    Well to begin with, you work with him, so you really need to keep a professional distance.... if you don't there can be issues that can cause some real workplace problems.

    He may not really know himself. If he is gay, he might only be exploring it now... or it may mean nothing. Could be kind of fun to explore, but not with this guy.. coworkers need to be crossed off.

    Either forget it or wait until you don't work with him.
  • toybrian

    Posts: 395

    Feb 13, 2013 3:23 AM GMT
    Mac, just be careful with a guy like that because you are the new guy with a new title and he is the old employee trying to figure you out and what makes you tick. If interested in him then talk to him and see what his story is outside the job since it has NOTHING to do with the job. See what he says but walk careful so you are not being set up for a sexual harassment case today. If he is "BI" like me or gay then tell him you are there to lift only and would like to continue the friendship outside of the gym the way you want it to be...Good luck to you and be careful because there are many guys and girls out there setting guys up..Take it from someone who was set up and was fired for something similar to what you are going through...Good luck with him but walk slow...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 13, 2013 3:30 AM GMT
    Set BOUNDARIES. Do not be afraid to say "NO" or "STOP NOW". Don't worry about his feelings; he's a big boy. He can take care of himself. Don't create more drama for yourself, esp. with a guy AT WORK.
  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Feb 13, 2013 3:32 AM GMT
    camfer saidSounds like it's a power play and he's already got the upper hand over you. He is seeing where the boundaries are, and you have set none. He knows you think he's hot, and he gets off on toying with you. He like to flirt with you because it makes you flustered. The next time something happens you need to tell him that he is acting inappropriately. You have to become disinterested in (or better yet opposed to) his advances. Right now, you kind of like it, even though it frustrates you.


    I would have never thought of this. Smart guy. Great advice, totally taught me something new today.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 13, 2013 3:33 AM GMT
    sounds like a sexual harrassment suit in the making...stop working out with people you supervise dude.
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    Feb 13, 2013 3:53 AM GMT
    I worked with a latin model (even if it wasn't true, he looked the part) who did part time work at Warner Bros Studios with me, He was straight with a just born kid and was known to lay the pipe with the fags on the lot. When he heard the rumor I was gay, he went after me like I was caramal. I thought he was a piece of shit and the fags who fucked with him little better.
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Feb 13, 2013 4:35 AM GMT
    "Dan works with me, or rather under my supervision."

    There's your answer right there: he's 100% off limits.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 13, 2013 4:43 AM GMT
    It's hard to tell if he is flirting with you, messing with you, or being himself.

    The thing I've learned is that everyone has their own quirks and set of rules when it comes to physical contact.

    Honestly, I think he just wants your attention. He may also be testing you and messing with you a bit.

    Just go with the flow and ignore him.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Feb 13, 2013 5:02 AM GMT
    This could really blow up in your face if he gets called down and decides to accuse you of bad behavior, guilty or not. I'm wondering if you could not simply say, "Hey man, I know you are just kidding, but I think it is best to keep things professional and productive at work." In other words, put him on notice, but give him a way to retreat without being embarrassed. Then do your best to avoid him at the gym. It would be good for you to keep some notes as you have above. and to include your little warning speech in them with a date and time. If anything goes further, it may be time to head for the personnel office, notebook in hand.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 13, 2013 5:06 AM GMT
    Mac1986 said...the cocky, ego maniac type.


    ...Aaaaaaand you lost me. icon_lol.gif Add to the fact that he's a co-worker, you're looking at a recipe for disaster. Be very careful.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 13, 2013 5:28 AM GMT
    camfer saidSounds like it's a power play and he's already got the upper hand over you. He is seeing where the boundaries are, and you have set none. He knows you think he's hot, and he gets off on toying with you. He like to flirt with you because it makes you flustered. The next time something happens you need to tell him that he is acting inappropriately. You have to become disinterested in (or better yet opposed to) his advances. Right now, you kind of like it, even though it frustrates you.

    HndsmKansan saidWell to begin with, you work with him, so you really need to keep a professional distance.... if you don't there can be issues that can cause some real workplace problems.

    He may not really know himself. If he is gay, he might only be exploring it now... or it may mean nothing. Could be kind of fun to explore, but not with this guy.. coworkers need to be crossed off.

    Either forget it or wait until you don't work with him.

    These guys are absolutely correct. It doesn't matter if he's gay or straight. His advances are professionally inappropriate. It's challenging to take the upper hand with someone whom you're physically attracted to, particularly if they're using that attraction to their advantage, but you need to lay the law down and nip this in the bud.
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    Feb 13, 2013 5:34 AM GMT
    camfer saidSounds like it's a power play and he's already got the upper hand over you. He is seeing where the boundaries are, and you have set none. He knows you think he's hot, and he gets off on toying with you. He like to flirt with you because it makes you flustered. The next time something happens you need to tell him that he is acting inappropriately. You have to become disinterested in (or better yet opposed to) his advances. Right now, you kind of like it, even though it frustrates you.


    i believe this is exactly what it is!

    thank you guys so much for all your input! i knew i came to the right place. and to clarify, i don't workout with Dan. We go to the same gym!

    tomorrow, i will be seeing him again- it will be strictly professional. boundaries will be set and I will work on getting him out of my mind. wish me luck!!!

    and i especially like "don't get your meat where you make your bread!" haha...