How do you reject someone's advances in a nice way?

  • deep388

    Posts: 859

    Feb 13, 2013 5:27 AM GMT
    Recently, I've just been told that I have an "admirer" in my best friend's "new" boyfriend's friend (phew! confusing). icon_confused.gif While it made me feel desired and naturally amused and flattered, shit just got serious when he asked for my friend to give him my number as he wanted to (in his words): "Try his luck with me".

    TO date, I have never really had to reject anyone and I'm little unsure on how to go about telling this guy I'm just genuinely not interested, but without sounding too obnoxious or crude. I know there's a simple way of saying I'm sorry but I'm not interested have a good day...BUT, I just am not gutsy enough to do something like that or to even say I'm sorry but I am not interested as I'm not so good at something like this. Furthermore, he does hang out with my Bestie's new man a lot and I am afraid I will be seeing a lot of him around when I hang out with my bestie also. icon_confused.gif

    So, how I turn ths around from being an incredibly awkward situation each time we meet?
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    Feb 13, 2013 5:44 AM GMT
    Try, "I'm flattered and I think you're a cool guy, but I just don't feel that kind of chemistry."

    That way you're not saying anything negative about him.
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    Feb 13, 2013 5:47 AM GMT
    You already know the answer. Your question should be how do I get the balls to man up and tell someone I'm not interested. You just do it. Don't think about it. Just say it: sorry, cool dude, just not interested.
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    Feb 13, 2013 3:33 PM GMT
    I always say "thanks but I'm spoken for".
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    Feb 13, 2013 3:35 PM GMT
    gymrat4sir saidTry, "I'm flattered and I think you're a cool guy, but I just don't feel that kind of chemistry."

    That way you're not saying anything negative about him.


    Excellent response: mature, thoughtful, and brief.
  • Medjai

    Posts: 2671

    Feb 13, 2013 3:44 PM GMT
    Tell him he's been friend-zoned.
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    Feb 13, 2013 3:52 PM GMT
    Remember that a bitter truth is better than a sweetest lie...
    Just tell him the truth...

    Tell him "I'm pleased but I believe we can be better as friends"
    or
    if you don't want to hurt his feelings you can say "You don't deserve me & I wish you to have a better person than me"
    something like that...
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    Feb 13, 2013 3:53 PM GMT
    In LA its easy. Just say 'I am a total bottom".

    That is usually followed by "me too. good luck dude"
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    Feb 13, 2013 4:04 PM GMT
    consuelafromfamilyguy.jpg?w=263&h=300
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    Feb 13, 2013 4:09 PM GMT
    Just be friendly but direct: "Thanks, I appreciate the compliment but you're not my type." People are attracted to whom they're attracted. There's nothing wrong with someone not being what gets you going. Take it as a compliment and let them know that you don't feel the same spark.
  • stratavos

    Posts: 1831

    Feb 13, 2013 4:20 PM GMT
    Medjai saidTell him he's been friend-zoned.


    or you could say "I don't fall easy it'll be an uphill battle" some people don't like a challenge.
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    Feb 13, 2013 4:21 PM GMT
    "No,no! Bad homosexual, bad homosexual"
  • stratavos

    Posts: 1831

    Feb 13, 2013 4:25 PM GMT
    RadRTT said"No,no! Bad homosexual, bad homosexual"


    hit him with a rolled up newspaper as well!
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    Feb 13, 2013 4:26 PM GMT
    stratavos saidhit him with a rolled up newspaper as well
    In my mind I actually pictured myself doing that.
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    Feb 13, 2013 4:31 PM GMT
    imasrxd saidJust be friendly but direct: "Thanks, I appreciate the compliment but you're not my type." People are attracted to whom they're attracted. There's nothing wrong with someone not being what gets you going. Take it as a compliment and let them know that you don't feel the same spark.


    But in all seriousness, this is the best way to approach it.
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    Feb 13, 2013 4:46 PM GMT
    gymrat4sir saidTry, "I'm flattered and I think you're a cool guy, but I just don't feel that kind of chemistry."

    That way you're not saying anything negative about him.


    I like that response. mature not hurtful or douchie. my new go to line!
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    Feb 13, 2013 4:56 PM GMT
    deep388 saidRecently, I've just been told that I have an "admirer" in my best friend's "new" boyfriend's friend (phew! confusing). icon_confused.gif While it made me feel desired and naturally amused and flattered, shit just got serious when he asked for my friend to give him my number as he wanted to (in his words): "Try his luck with me".

    TO date, I have never really had to reject anyone and I'm little unsure on how to go about telling this guy I'm just genuinely not interested, but without sounding too obnoxious or crude. I know there's a simple way of saying I'm sorry but I'm not interested have a good day...BUT, I just am not gutsy enough to do something like that or to even say I'm sorry but I am not interested as I'm not so good at something like this. Furthermore, he does hang out with my Bestie's new man a lot and I am afraid I will be seeing a lot of him around when I hang out with my bestie also. icon_confused.gif

    So, how I turn ths around from being an incredibly awkward situation each time we meet?


    "Hey man, I'm flattered, but, you're just not my sort." Period.. End of conversation. If he pitches a fit, so what. Remove ALL ambiguity. Be honest. Be direct. If he whimpers, too bad. He'll get over it.

    I do this nearly every day. Be direct, be compassionate, be firm, be clear.
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    Feb 13, 2013 4:58 PM GMT
    Dallasfan824 saidIn LA its easy. Just say 'I am a total bottom".

    That is usually followed by "me too. good luck dude"


    LOL, no Dude, you have LA confused with Dallas.

    In Dallas, though, you won't get the courtesy of "me too...." You just get ignored. World famous, it's called DALITUDE. (The rudest of the rude live here.)
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    Feb 13, 2013 5:00 PM GMT
    Medjai saidTell him he's been friend-zoned.


    Too kind. That leads to "Can we be friends with benefits?" at which point you have to say "Only with the lights off and only if I'm really trashed."
  • LuckyGuyKC

    Posts: 2080

    Feb 13, 2013 5:15 PM GMT
    Never say "you're not my type" or anything else that suggests that there is something wrong with them. Versions of the right answer has been given several times here such as "I don't feel the chemistry" or "I'm not looking right now" or "the timing is off" or "I'm interested in someone else right now"

    These are all statements about you and don't reflect badly on them.
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    Feb 13, 2013 5:19 PM GMT
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    Feb 13, 2013 5:25 PM GMT
    Just do really annoying things after the first initial contact.
    These include but are not limited to:
    - chew gum really loud
    - laugh really loud and then snort at the end
    - talk in a super annoying voice
    - pick your nose
    - talk about being single forever
    - ask them money questions, people hate that
    - get super serious and ask them invasive personal questions
    - try find a philosophical meaning behind everything they say
    - overly analyse things he says during a conversation
    - try link everything he says back to a personality trait you are trying to analyse

    Feel free to get creative!
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Feb 13, 2013 5:38 PM GMT
    I used to be chicken to say things like that in person, too. If you can't bring yourself to say no, just tell him you're not in dating mode right now. That's neutral and still allows friendship when you see him around. If he sees you dating, he'll just think someone else is a lucky guy.