we never fight.

  • kaccioto

    Posts: 284

    Oct 03, 2008 9:34 PM GMT
    some say fighting in a relationship is healthy, making the bond stronger..

    we hardly ever fight, with each other at least. we both have short tempers and have pretty strong opinions about everything in general...i think maybe b/c we work so hard that by the time we see each other we're like fuck it...should i verbally drop kick him to "strengthen our bond," even though our relationship is great as is?
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    Oct 03, 2008 9:45 PM GMT
    kaccioto saidsome say fighting in a relationship is healthy, making the bond stronger..

    we hardly ever fight, with each other at least. we both have short tempers and have pretty strong opinions about everything in general...i think maybe b/c we work so hard that by the time we see each other we're like fuck it...should i verbally drop kick him to "strengthen our bond," even though our relationship is great as is?


    I presume this is tongue-in-cheek? My late partner, who died of AIDS, and my present partner, never fight (or fought).

    I don't know who's giving you this advice, but it's bogus.

    Some partners do fight, and that's normal for some guys. Others hardly ever fight, and that's normal, too.

    If you don't fight, or rarely, consider yourselves fortunate. It is no measure of whether your relationship is vibrant or healthy. It may just be a measure that you guys are very well suited and happy together.

    Congrats!
  • kaccioto

    Posts: 284

    Oct 03, 2008 9:49 PM GMT
    puts things in perspective, thanks rv!
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    Oct 03, 2008 9:52 PM GMT
    kaccioto saidsome say fighting in a relationship is healthy, making the bond stronger..


    While that may be true in some instances, the notion that fighting is key to a strong relationship is bullshit. My partner and I both have tempers and will occasionally accidentally stomp on each other's nerves, but dang...that should be the exception, not the rule.
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    Oct 03, 2008 10:05 PM GMT
    Hell, I am a cussing ex-navy a-hole, and he knows it. He tells me in old life I should be a nice sweat guy....haha.
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    Oct 04, 2008 12:15 AM GMT
    kaccioto saidputs things in perspective, thanks rv!


    You're welcome! I hope things for you really are as good as they seem. Don't invent problems that don't exist, and don't judge your relationship by the failures of those you know.

    At the end of each day, ask yourself: "Am I happy?"

    Your own happiness is the only yardstick that counts. Either you are, or you aren't.

    What is your answer?
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    Oct 04, 2008 1:24 AM GMT
    I never fight either, actually. I just hide the bodies.

    In seriousness, though, I know myself well enough to give the people I love a wide berth when I'm in being vile, mean, or combative, and as a result, I don't fight with my boyfriend or friends. During those times, I usually go grocery shopping or jump online to abuse people I don't know.
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    Oct 04, 2008 1:41 AM GMT
    We never fight either. Sometimes our discussion gets a little heated, but it never feels like a fight.

    I think fighting can be healthy provided the couple is just bottling their displeasure with the other. Then, bam. You get it all out instead of being passive-aggressive. But then, that isn't a healthy relationship any.

    If you do want to fight to see how it improves your relationship, I suggest putting a boxing glove on your penis and punching the bajesus out of his prostate.
  • UncleverName

    Posts: 741

    Oct 04, 2008 1:53 AM GMT
    I find we fight much more than I fight with my friends. Part of the problem, for us at least, is that we live together. It's tough to avoid someone when you're cranky if you're living with them. It's also tough to hide that you're thinking about something when you know each other so well. We can both pick up on subtleties of tone or body language, and we react to that sometimes, even if the other person didn't say anything at all.

    To the original poster, I would say enjoy the lack of fighting. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
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    Oct 04, 2008 1:55 AM GMT
    My first partner and I fought constantly. There were at least 2 to 3 fights each week, the relationship last 6 years, though it should have be ended after the first year.

    My current Husband/spouse have been together for 12 years. We have only had a handful of major arguements. Generally we get along and are able to express what we want or what we dont like. We are quick to apologize even in those times we feel we may be right.
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    Oct 04, 2008 6:05 AM GMT
    Whether than thinking it is an all or nothing "fight" or "not fighting" try to see the spectrum. How do you disagree? How does he disagree? How do you agree? How does he agree? Calling something a "fight" is merely labeling what is occurring at the moment in your relationship. If you tease apart every moment in your relationship you might notice many moments where you two are not fully together, which could be "fights" or something else entirely.

    That's just my armchair responsiveness.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Oct 04, 2008 7:04 AM GMT
    The "fightings" not the issue but whether you can have disagreements with each other

    whether you fight or just voice an opinion doesn't matter
    but you can't just gloss over any conflicts
    Men who say that they never fight can have a great relationship as long as each of them can bring up and discuss those conflicts
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    Oct 04, 2008 12:46 PM GMT
    kaccioto saidsome say fighting in a relationship is healthy, making the bond stronger..

    we hardly ever fight, with each other at least. we both have short tempers and have pretty strong opinions about everything in general...i think maybe b/c we work so hard that by the time we see each other we're like fuck it...should i verbally drop kick him to "strengthen our bond," even though our relationship is great as is?


    Consider yourself lucky, and don't worry about it. If you do fight just make sure you respect each other's feelings and stick to the problems at hand. I have seen fights between couples where one person is torn to shreds. To me that is not love, it is abuse. Another piece of advice I would give you that I got from a former roommate. Don't go to bed mad at each other, talk it out before turning off the lights.
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    Oct 04, 2008 3:03 PM GMT


    SurrealLife said,

    "Don't go to bed mad at each other, talk it out before turning off the lights."

    Hey that's one of our basic operating tenets! We've had a few arguments over the years, some of them pretty heated, but few enough to remember them clearly. There were a couple of occasions where neither of us were at work the next day - too tired. It was better to stay up til 4am and reach the stage of apologizing to each other than exist in misery. Besides, we married each other, not our jobs.

    We also have fun with this: "The Masters Of Guilt".
    After a disagreement, and after setting all to rights, one of us proudly proclaims how sorry he is, and deserves all the blame. Then the other pipes up about how he's guiltier. The the first looks tragic and explains why it MUST be his fault. Then the second claims that no, the first is a saint, so how he possibly feel so bad? Then we begin pointing out what dazzles each of us about the other. Then we share stories about each others' rescuing the other in situations etc. Heh.

    Well... it worked for us.

    We probably have arguments about 5% of the time. Neither of believe fighting is a good thing, but it's inevitable that you'll have a few in an LTR.
  • upsguy68

    Posts: 270

    Oct 04, 2008 3:51 PM GMT
    Communication is a key component of a GOOD relationship. If something your partner does displeases you, tell him. And encourage him to do the same thing with you. This hinders the bottling of emotions that can show up (and show out) later on, thus becoming a FIGHT!

    NOT fighting in a relationship isn't a bad thing. Not communicating can end a relationship!!!
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    Oct 05, 2008 3:24 PM GMT
    I have always divided fights into two categories.

    Petty Issues:

    Fight - cool off - have sex;

    Serious Issues:

    Fight - talk it out - have sex. icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 05, 2008 3:49 PM GMT
    I dont like the word "fights". My boyfriend and I have discussions. We are being more open and talking about everything so that leads to some heavy disscussions. But we always make up for it in they end.