How should I respond? and what would you do?

  • RIckyrick0

    Posts: 57

    Feb 16, 2013 7:07 PM GMT
    Boy yesterday was rough,

    #1: I was at a party, only guy there. There was about 6 girls threre, drunk and I'm sober. Well they start to dance, they want me too as well. Well I don't like to dance but also I just didn't wanna dance with those chicks NONE.

    after trying multiple times to literally pull me up to dance...one just calls me FAG about 10 times...I didn't know how to react...

    THEN

    My best friend, my buddy, my road dawg, who i care about as a friend first...but I also have developed a chemistry with that keeps me stuck on him, I'd do anything for him, and Id like to make him happy and show him affection...We're just friends (best friends really) and I tell him I have a tad more feeling for him, but he isn't quite at the same level...oh did I mention he was my first gay experience, kiss etc...so naturally that affection has made me catch feeling

    well anyway THE POINT IS
    with all these feeling, I get a text him saying he was with another guy, spending the night, their drinking, and I'm sure they hooked up

    I WAS CRUSHED....he asked if I was mad, annnnd idk how to feel, were not in a relationship, but these feeling cant go away...It sucks that i put so much care into others, and that i'd do anything for them but dont get it in return



    SO with these 2 things happening within 20 minutes, it's pretty much FUCKED UP MY MOOD, cried on the drive, cried when i woke up...not cryin now lol but im just hurt


    are my emotions reasonable? how would you respond?
  • Fable

    Posts: 3866

    Feb 16, 2013 7:54 PM GMT
    realise that you probably have some maturing to do in emotional terms.
  • SinfulWays

    Posts: 542

    Feb 16, 2013 8:04 PM GMT
    I know that hurt feeling, IT SUCKS! Over time you will see it for what it is... When it happens to me, I just cut off all communications with the people that hurt me. The good ones will see the error in their ways and make things right...
  • RIckyrick0

    Posts: 57

    Feb 16, 2013 8:15 PM GMT
    fable saidrealise that you probably have some maturing to do in emotional terms.



    I agree 100% man....What emotional feeling I'm going through at 21 for the first time, most people went through already in their teenage years

    I have some catching up to do...

    thanks for your input bud.
  • RIckyrick0

    Posts: 57

    Feb 16, 2013 8:16 PM GMT
    yourname2000 saidGo all Carrie on their asses....

    tumblr_lr6eppeVox1qmkxu0o1_500.gif

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    tumblr_laneakM0Tj1qze5g2o1_500.gif

    tumblr_lf1gptOJps1qg39ewo1_500.gif




    hahahahah lmao lmao lmao I'm am done!

    This is too funny!

    thanks for the laugh man, I needed it!
  • RIckyrick0

    Posts: 57

    Feb 16, 2013 8:17 PM GMT
    SinfulWays saidI know that hurt feeling, IT SUCKS! Over time you will see it for what it is... When it happens to me, I just cut off all communications with the people that hurt me. The good ones will see the error in their ways and make things right...



    Yes I am in the process of doing that now, I deleted all the number of these "associates" I have...

    Although I am a little emotional over him, he's my best bud and I will never turn my back on him aslong as he doesn't on me either.


    thanks for the input man!
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Feb 16, 2013 8:30 PM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor said
    rickyrick0 said
    SinfulWays said

    Yes I am in the process of doing that now, I deleted all the number of these "associates" I have...

    Although I am a little emotional over him, he's my best bud and I will never turn my back on him aslong as he doesn't on me either.


    thanks for the input man!

    Think about what you just wrote. He's your best BUD... we don't usually date our Buds or even want to have sex with them.
    That's why they are our buds.
    If he's something different, then that's another story altogether.


    I must be doing it wrong.icon_confused.gif
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Feb 16, 2013 9:06 PM GMT
    1. The fag comment ... You should have said "and you're a cunt so what's your point?
    2. The bf ... Hang in there, don't give up on him, let him know how you feel. We all experiment when we are young ... Just don't go nuclear on him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 16, 2013 9:40 PM GMT


    "I get a text him saying he was with another guy, spending the night, their drinking, and I'm sure they hooked up.."

    Hmmm...so tell him you'd like to this with him, just the two of you. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 16, 2013 10:09 PM GMT
    1. Avoid that girl, and don't forget that none of the other girls called her out on it either

    2. Don't let your happiness depend on what one person thinks of you

    Essentially the answer to both is the same which is that you might be happier if you had a wider friendship group i.e. not necessarily more but some friends who don't know the others so that you can have some space away from the ones which are causing you grief.
  • RIckyrick0

    Posts: 57

    Feb 16, 2013 10:46 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk said1. The fag comment ... You should have said "and you're a cunt so what's your point?
    2. The bf ... Hang in there, don't give up on him, let him know how you feel. We all experiment when we are young ... Just don't go nuclear on him.



    Thanks man!
  • RIckyrick0

    Posts: 57

    Feb 16, 2013 10:46 PM GMT
    bus9ja2d said1. Avoid that girl, and don't forget that none of the other girls called her out on it either

    2. Don't let your happiness depend on what one person thinks of you

    Essentially the answer to both is the same which is that you might be happier if you had a wider friendship group i.e. not necessarily more but some friends who don't know the others so that you can have some space away from the ones which are causing you grief.




    Thanks man! I appreciate it!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2013 1:24 AM GMT
    You obviously want to be in a relationship with him (otherwise you wouldn't feel hurt and want him only for yourself.). And that's okay. There is nothing wrong about falling for a guy. Whats wrong is being in denial. First rule about coping is acceptance.

    Once you've accepted your current situation, then you can decide if you want to remain friends with the guy or take it to the next level (if he's willing that is).

    Anyway, it's okay to fall for your best bud. You just need to recognize your feelings and not disown them. It's perfectly normal.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Feb 17, 2013 1:25 AM GMT
    Threesome?
  • RIckyrick0

    Posts: 57

    Feb 17, 2013 3:57 AM GMT
    aidenMaximus saidYou obviously want to be in a relationship with him (otherwise you wouldn't feel hurt and want him only for yourself.). And that's okay. There is nothing wrong about falling for a guy. Whats wrong is being in denial. First rule about coping is acceptance.

    Once you've accepted your current situation, then you can decide if you want to remain friends with the guy or take it to the next level (if he's willing that is).

    Anyway, it's okay to fall for your best bud. You just need to recognize your feelings and not disown them. It's perfectly normal.



    Thanks man! I'm definitely feeling a tad bit better about the whole thing!

    thanks for writing bud.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Feb 17, 2013 4:21 AM GMT
    aidenMaximus saidYou obviously want to be in a relationship with him (otherwise you wouldn't feel hurt and want him only for yourself.). And that's okay. There is nothing wrong about falling for a guy. Whats wrong is being in denial. First rule about coping is acceptance.

    Once you've accepted your current situation, then you can decide if you want to remain friends with the guy or take it to the next level (if he's willing that is).

    Anyway, it's okay to fall for your best bud. You just need to recognize your feelings and not disown them. It's perfectly normal.

    Excellent advice.

    What you say is true, Rickrick0, re teenagers getting to work through these kinds of feelings earlier than gay guys because (as a general rule) we don't get the chance to date the way hets do. But the point is you DO have feelings for your bud and, apparently, he doesn't know how you feel. Soooo.... watcha gona do bout dat?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2013 4:23 AM GMT
    It sounds like it was a horrible night. icon_sad.gif

    I'm guessing you have unresolved feelings for this young man. The thing is if he's not gay (or at least semi-functioning-bi) there's no way you and he could ever be a romantic couple. I know you consciously realize this but subconsciously it's always usually a different matter.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2013 4:25 AM GMT
    I wish I had a gay best friend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2013 4:32 AM GMT
    BP201 saidI wish I had a gay best friend.

    Me too
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2013 4:40 AM GMT
    HottJoe saidI must be doing it wrong.icon_confused.gif


    I do it similarly wrong.

    I know where to place my best bud. My best bud's always got my back and I always place him by my side.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2013 4:41 AM GMT
    BP201 saidI wish I had a gay best friend.


    I call him my husband, and after 20+ years together, there is no doubt that hes my best friend too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2013 4:45 AM GMT
    in some ways it's as sad and pathetic as a gay or bi guy falling madly in love with a straight guy; such a waste of energy.
  • slimnmuscly

    Posts: 541

    Feb 17, 2013 7:22 AM GMT
    I'm sorry. That sucks. That said, try to strike the right balance between being readily able to forgive (and move on) and between letting him know disregarding your feelings is not okay.

    And between both of the above and acknowledging HIS feelings. Maybe, just maybe, he's not okay with just being your road dawg and he was in some way giving you a taste of what being relegated to road dawg feels like. (I don't know; I wasn't there.)
  • bradsmith

    Posts: 175

    Feb 17, 2013 7:31 AM GMT
    fable saidrealise that you probably have some maturing to do in emotional terms.


    I'm with Fable. Geez. fercrissake. Sorry, forgot you're 21. Prepare for a lot more...and with gay guys too. Just sayin'
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2013 2:55 PM GMT
    Stop feeling sorry for your self. Go out there and find your man.