Constant comparison? Competition?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 05, 2008 6:23 PM GMT
    Does anyone else when around other gay guys who are attractive compare themselves? Possibly even feel competitive? I almost always do even though I really don't want to cause it ends with me feeling inadequate. This happens alot in the beginning of relationships with guys also. What do you all think?
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Oct 05, 2008 10:20 PM GMT
    I constantly compare myself. One reason I don't go to bars hardly at all anymore is because I tend to feel invisible, don't see how I could compete with some guys. Which answers your question about feeling competitive. ;-)
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    Oct 05, 2008 10:33 PM GMT
    Yes, I compare myself to others. All the time. There's nothing wrong with that.

    But the second I start thinking I'm inferior or superior to another person in some aspect, it's wrong and bad. I'm trying hard to stop comparing myself to other gay guys who "have it better" (in terms of body or looks or something else) since I will always lose the comparison (and like you said, cause feelings of inadequacy).

    So what I do is compare myself to a previous version of myself (say, a year ago) and think of how much better I am than my old self and how I can continue to improve myself.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Oct 05, 2008 10:34 PM GMT
    I don't think that's just a gay thing
    Men in general are very competitive ....
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    Oct 05, 2008 10:42 PM GMT
    Yes but I feel it takes a different toll when you yourself are also attracted to men.
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    Oct 05, 2008 11:12 PM GMT
    I feel that it's normal to compare. I do it all the time and even though most of the time I feel like I come up lacking, I still think it can be a healthy activity.

    Although the whole gay thing can add a new dimension that can lead comparing to an unhealthy level with unhealthy side affects.