Deeper or Wider??

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 19, 2013 12:32 AM GMT
    One of the blogs I read regularly, DCCised (http://dccised.blogspot.com), wrote this last month talking about his new boyfriend. What's your guys' take?

    "I've encountered a limit that my relationship cannot seem to grow beyond. Instead of becoming deeper it's become, for lack of a better word, wider. We share every meal, thought, and moment in this circuitous vortex where yesterday's feelings are today's feelings are tomorrow's feelings. Is there anything left to do and discover that won't be a rehash of something from before? Meanwhile the bleeding of our lives into each other's makes it so that there's no longer any distinction between my life as an individual and my life as his boyfriend."

    Is it bad when this happens? I mean, my initial response is yes, but isn't that what we're all after? Becoming so close to someone that your thoughts become theirs? How do you get that close without losing your sense of who you are??

    Haha just wondering! I probably have a few steps to take before I even start seriously considering these types of questions, though!

    Cheers!
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    Feb 19, 2013 3:08 AM GMT
    Sad if wider doesn't also mean deeper. Sharing a life as a partner is both vertical and horizontal.
  • nomad4life

    Posts: 332

    Feb 19, 2013 3:10 AM GMT
    I so got tricked by the title of this thread...icon_mad.gif
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    Feb 19, 2013 3:13 AM GMT
    friendlyface08 saidI so got tricked by the title of this thread...icon_mad.gif


    Hahah chalk it up to a "selective choice of words" for the title. I got you RJ'ers figured out! Hahaha I know what you respond to!

    icon_wink.gificon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 19, 2013 3:14 AM GMT
    Are we talking about relationships or penises? I always get the two confused.
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    Feb 19, 2013 3:17 AM GMT
    ccclaw saidSad if wider doesn't also mean deeper. Sharing a life as a partner is both vertical and horizontal.


    True, but what about all those people that go crazy after only 10 ears of marriage because they've "lost a sense of who they are"?? Isn't the whole point of being in a relationship "becoming one" with the other person? I'm not experienced in the relationship department, but that's what the goal seems like to me. And if it is, how do you avoid becoming one so much that you're not you anymore? I think this applies for both marriage and monogamous relationships...
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    Feb 19, 2013 3:21 AM GMT
    huhwhat saidAre we talking about relationships or penises? I always get the two confused.


    wait, wait, wait. relationship ≠ penis?

    "I love penises."
    "I love relationships."

    Hm. Sounds the same to me. Hahaha! icon_wink.gificon_wink.gif
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    Feb 19, 2013 1:19 PM GMT
    funkyfresh said
    ccclaw saidSad if wider doesn't also mean deeper. Sharing a life as a partner is both vertical and horizontal.


    True, but what about all those people that go crazy after only 10 ears of marriage because they've "lost a sense of who they are"?? Isn't the whole point of being in a relationship "becoming one" with the other person? I'm not experienced in the relationship department, but that's what the goal seems like to me. And if it is, how do you avoid becoming one so much that you're not you anymore? I think this applies for both marriage and monogamous relationships...


    yeah, but the language of 'being one' is a blunt way to account for LTRs.

    There's a whole list of 'when', 'how', 'what for' and 'in what way' going on within the idea of partnership. I always get a bit queezy around couples that appear to mistake symmetry in lifestyle choices (ie, liking and doing the same stuff) for being good partners.

    In my experience, the closer I get to my man, the more of an individual I seem to become. I wonder if that's because I trust him to love whatever it is I am becoming.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 19, 2013 1:52 PM GMT
    love is not magic. love is a choice. it comes in more flavors than ice cream.

    fairytales poison us from being able to appreciate reality.
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    Feb 19, 2013 2:22 PM GMT
    DC Cised's blog reads like he's a desperate child.
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    Feb 19, 2013 2:56 PM GMT
    Does it matter whether it's deeper or wider as long as it's expanding? If a relationship were a house, wouldn't I still be happy as a homeowner as long as my square footage is expanding as opposed to contracting? The problem with relationships is that the people in them are never happy and are always wanting. No wonder many relationships go down the urinal.
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    Feb 19, 2013 3:44 PM GMT


    ""I've encountered a limit that my relationship cannot seem to grow beyond. Instead of becoming deeper it's become, for lack of a better word, wider. We share every meal, thought, and moment in this circuitous vortex where yesterday's feelings are today's feelings are tomorrow's feelings. Is there anything left to do and discover that won't be a rehash of something from before? Meanwhile the bleeding of our lives into each other's makes it so that there's no longer any distinction between my life as an individual and my life as his boyfriend."


    lol, the man is obsessed with only one aspect of his relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 19, 2013 3:50 PM GMT
    elbow deep double wide icon_twisted.gif
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    Feb 19, 2013 5:53 PM GMT
    Haha DCCised is definitely a little melodramatic. I've been reading him for a good few years now and, to be honest, that's one of the first things that made me enjoy his blog. He's so over-the-top, it's funny. But I think it's partially intentional. You'll notice, though, that even if he doesn't outright say it, he's making a commentary about something interesting/deep/profound.

    Sometimes he's just funny. Sometimes he's just melodramatic.

    Haha, but aren't we all sometimes?? icon_eek.gificon_redface.gificon_eek.gificon_redface.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 19, 2013 5:55 PM GMT
    Well seeing the various threads that seem to be appearing today, when I saw the "deeper or wider" topic, I wondered if we were talking "technique".. and a topic better considered for the "sex" category....lol

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    Feb 19, 2013 5:57 PM GMT
    meninlove said

    "lol, the man is obsessed with only one aspect of his relationship.


    Haha, yeah, he's really concerned about their... emotional connection?? Is that what he's talking about? Isn't that the most important part though?
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Feb 19, 2013 6:27 PM GMT
    He's a child. And a solipsistic little nit attempting to be a celebrity whose neurotic ramblings might attract a producer to make his already far too dramatic life into a sit com. Post Seinfeld self-importance taken to the extreme. Bloggers like him already litter the streets of the Northeast, threatening to out-populate the other neusance vermin of cities like NY and Boston; no better than pidgions and far less interesting.

    He goes on to say:
    "Much of the stagnancy is my own fault. I can be stubbornly distant and seem to be adamant about maintaining the integrity of our individual lives. Is the big picture here that I'm unable to take things to the proverbial "next level." Or am I just unable to see myself at the next level with him? Emotionally speaking, I dont even know what the next level is. We already share a straw at the movies, when did that stop being enough?
    I don't know what this says about me, other than I am selfish and destructive and maybe need to do more growing up than I thought. "

    Indeed.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 19, 2013 6:35 PM GMT
    It is only bad if it makes you uncomfortable. I was in a relationship for 25 years (combined dating and marriage) and one day I took stock of my life and realized I lost my identity in a never ending monotony. Nothing ever changed, same arguments, same routine, ugh! I ditched it all and am happier for it. Unfortunately my partner was happy with the relationship as it was, mostly because I was their financial safety net.

    The trick to maintaining a long, happy relationship with someone is to grow ever closer to the point of becoming almost one yet maintaining a distinct identity - to give the other the freedom to grow yet not grow apart. It's not easy.