I cheated...but he also went straight into another man's arms

  • Harpiebro

    Posts: 3

    Feb 19, 2013 2:09 AM GMT
    I cheated on my relationship in the beginning. I was unsure afraid, yes I'm a bastard and I am completely getting the guilt. I've been drinking a lot (not to the point of fainting), no drugs thankfully, and really been down. I know I did wrong. But the thing is...

    I cheated. This other guy told my boyfriend. My boyfriend...or I should say my ex...blocks facebook, cellphone, and any other messaging application. Then I found out from another friend that my ex has been hanging out with the same guy ever since...

    Do anyone think if one person cheats in the relationship, they should try to work it out? Or do anyone think something like my ex did is alright, like they can just go straight into another relationship?

    Just looking for opinions. Thanks in advance.

  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Feb 19, 2013 2:11 AM GMT
    Can't feel too sorry for you. You screwed things up royally. Do I get this correctly? Your ex is now with the guy that you cheated with? If so, that is fucked up.
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    Feb 19, 2013 2:19 AM GMT
    Stop being a fucking lying dumbass, and just admit that you're not into monogamy.

    The guy you fucked will cheat on your ex eventually, and you two will probably fuck again someday. In fact, you're the guy he will cheat with.

    That's what you want...right?
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    Feb 19, 2013 2:35 AM GMT
    Harpiebro said
    Just looking for opinions. Thanks in advance.

    You may have been set up by the other guy, who's now with your ex. Maybe he really didn't want you, but wanted to break you guys up so he could have your BF for himself. It happens.

    I've told the story here before, of a guy who was playing my BF and me against each other, so he could get to my BF. He'd speak with us each privately, pretending to be our helpful friend, but in reality trying to sabotage our relationship.

    What he didn't count on was that I kept no secrets from my BF, and told him about this guy's odd behavior & comments. That's when my BF said the guy had been telling him virtually the same things, about how our relationship was making us physically unwell (not at all true). We laughed uncontrollably at the guy's tactics, and they didn't work.

    Not the same as your case, except maybe in what this guy was really after and attempting to do. Some men are really that devious. And if that's what this guy was doing, I'm afraid you fell for his bait, and ruined your reputation with your BF. A lesson of what to avoid next time.

    We say here all the time that if you cruise you lose. We can also say that if you stray you pay. Although if this guy really did pull this stunt then your ex may be paying before very long, himself, when he's this guy's next victim. In any case, time for you to start over with someone else, and try not to screw it up this time.
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    Feb 19, 2013 2:42 AM GMT
    There is no honor amongst thieves. You cheated and you got busted. The jury doesn't buy your defense of being retroactively wronged. If Art is right, that you both are being played by this homewrecker, the fact is you fell for it. You have no leg to stand on. Learn and move on.
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    Feb 19, 2013 2:44 AM GMT
    First, forgive yourself. Move into the future, where the mistake doesn't exist anymore, even though your ex isn't in it. It's time for a fresh start.
  • nomad4life

    Posts: 332

    Feb 19, 2013 2:58 AM GMT
    Your ex didn't do anything wrong. Sounds like when he blocked everything that he broke up with you so he's free to move on. With the same guy though?

    A story: J and B were dating. B cheats on J, twice. J finds out and decides to not tell B, but rather get revenge by cheating B, four times. B, not knowing, then cheats a third time on J. J finds out and finally has "the talk." When they break up, B starts dating C. Now S has been in love with C forever, but C left him to date B. J then comes and asks S out and they start dating. J and S have been going strong for a year now. B and C broke up a while ago.

    My point is, there is a lot of interaction and crossing over in the gay community so don't have bad feelings about someone being with someone else's (or your) ex. And also note, even with cheaters, 50/50 chance you'll make it or break it with the next guy.
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    Feb 19, 2013 3:41 AM GMT
    Sorry, Bro. You gotta build your characer to be worthy of a relationship. Maybe that takes getting smacked around a few times in love before you decide commitment is valuable to you. But you aren't worth wasting time on and "working things out" if you're a cheater -- especially when the other guy can find a multitude of guys without your issues. Take it as a learning experience and move on. Ask yourself if you'd bother "working things out" with a guy who cheated on you.... What could you possibly do to make things like they were before the betrayal?

    So sorry...but think it through a bit.
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    Feb 19, 2013 3:43 AM GMT
    mickeytopogigio saidThere is no honor amongst thieves. You cheated and you got busted. The jury doesn't buy your defense of being retroactively wronged. If Art is right, that you both are being played by this homewrecker, the fact is you fell for it. You have no leg to stand on. Learn and move on.


    Word.
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    Feb 19, 2013 3:45 AM GMT
    Simple - don't cheat
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Feb 19, 2013 3:46 AM GMT
    You got what you asked for.
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    Feb 19, 2013 4:06 AM GMT
    huhwhat saidFirst, forgive yourself. Move into the future, where the mistake doesn't exist anymore, even though your ex isn't in it. It's time for a fresh start.


    This. Live and learn.

    OP: Consider going to a therapist to see if you can do root cause analysis on why you cheated. Also, consider reading "The Monogamy Myth" by Peggy Vaughn to understand more about the commitment of monogamy and, if this is what you want, how to prepare yourself and your partner for this.
  • runnermtl

    Posts: 129

    Feb 19, 2013 4:27 AM GMT
    Sounds like the kind of story a high school girl might post on Facebook.
  • Bicuriouscool

    Posts: 233

    Feb 19, 2013 8:52 AM GMT
    I have got a mind blowing idea. Since all three of you have had sex with eah other why dont you guys go for AWESOME THREESOME
  • Bicuriouscool

    Posts: 233

    Feb 19, 2013 8:56 AM GMT
    runnermtl saidSounds like the kind of story a high school girl might post on Facebook.
    that would take atleast four people or her boyfrend and the other boy being bisexual...icon_confused.gif
  • Kel_

    Posts: 1360

    Feb 19, 2013 9:09 AM GMT
    Cheaters never win. Oh well, you learn from your mistakes.
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    Feb 19, 2013 9:22 AM GMT
    Harpiebro said Or do anyone think something like my ex did is alright, like they can just go straight into another relationship?


    Once you're out of a relationship, it's no longer your concern.

    Let it go, move on, and try to learn from what happened.
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    Feb 19, 2013 9:30 AM GMT
    You get what you put out in the world, Karma's a bitch huh !

    Well, kiddo, you're still young, learn from it and move on/grow as a person.
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    Feb 19, 2013 10:56 AM GMT
    Can't speak for your ex, but it appears he is unable to forgive you.

    If the guy you cheated with knew you were in a relationship, he will probably do it to your ex also. But, just because they are hanging out, does not mean they are having sex or in a relationship.

    Did you learn a lesson?
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    Feb 19, 2013 3:05 PM GMT
    Revenge sex is hot. We reap what we sow.
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    Feb 19, 2013 4:26 PM GMT
    GAMRican said
    huhwhat saidFirst, forgive yourself. Move into the future, where the mistake doesn't exist anymore, even though your ex isn't in it. It's time for a fresh start.


    This. Live and learn.

    OP: Consider going to a therapist to see if you can do root cause analysis on why you cheated. Also, consider reading "The Monogamy Myth" by Peggy Vaughn to understand more about the commitment of monogamy and, if this is what you want, how to prepare yourself and your partner for this.


    I agree with the therapy, especially when you have been boozing it up and fighting depression. It appears that your problems are much deeper than you think.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 19, 2013 4:36 PM GMT
    "i stabbed someone, and they went straight to the ER...now I feel sad because they're not here to entertain me writhing around on the floor in their blood....i'm entitled to abuse people without consequence....cake and eat it too....BARTENDER!!!!!"

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 19, 2013 4:44 PM GMT
    Cheating sucks for everyone involved, point blank.

    What you did was wrong, and yes, what your now-ex did was wrong too. There's no chance in hell that relationship is going to survive. I don't even know them, yet I know it won't work.

    Move on. You lost out on your ex. It won't take long considering I don't think you had much emotional attachment to him anyway since you cheated, at the beginning...

    Find someone you won't cheat on or care enough about to not cheat on.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4434

    Feb 19, 2013 4:49 PM GMT
    Buddy, you're in big trouble. You should stop and think about what you're doing with your life. You're a mess.