Why do people seem to fizzle out so easily nowadays?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 19, 2013 6:06 AM GMT
    This just crossed my mind the other day. Either guys are pussy or are just socially fucked up or they're fucked or what. I rarely ever hear guys talk about their expectations for meeting someone. Then when they aren't met, I get the cold shoulder.

    There's a few guys off the top of my head that I've met with and had some good times with. It's not so much that they 'suddenly' get jettisoned off the face of the earth...it's more like things seem to be going well and then you start hearing from them a little less and a little less and before you know it, all contact is off.

    I've tried reconnecting with some people here and there...but they can't even be real and say whether or not they are interested or make it even seem like they are trying to keep communication going. I hate to get all worked up over it and over-think it...but it's frustrating. You just wish there was a reason whether accepted or not accepted. But with no reason you're just left hanging no knowing what it could have been. So you go into every new encounter in fear of doing something that may turn someone away.

    I recently met someone and we had fun last time we met, but I'm almost expecting that it's too good to be true and after the 2nd date...the excuses willl start rolling in.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1116

    Feb 19, 2013 6:21 AM GMT
    Don't take it so personal! but I think a lot have to do with the fact that nowadays when you are in the "getting to know you" stage, and in the process your dates start to find red flags or things about you that they may not like, rather then risking a confrontation or the reaction of rejection from their dates; I will guess mostly out of fear of getting hurt or God knows what else, they feel it is a lot safer if they just avoid you and quietly walk away! my friend dating is not what it once used to be! nowadays a lot of people don't take rejection very lightly!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 19, 2013 6:37 AM GMT
    i see what you're saying. however, an example is of a guy I met last year. we met twice. Granted it started off as a hookup but the 2nd time we hung out, we hung out listened to music etc. Well after that he started fizzing out a bit. Then he came back around last month, just a text to say hi and some other words and fizzed out AGAIN.

    These days, and since I'm 25 and am 100% interpersonally self-reliant (meaning rather than rely on 1 person, I rather network with multiple people in the likely event 1 or 2 can't get the job done)...I don't run anyone down, I just let em go. I may put the pressure a little bit, but that's just to confirm whether or not I need to forget about em: There's a guy who I used to greet at the gym. One day I hit him up on Grindr, nothing remotely sexual. No response. When I see him I walk past like he doesn't even exist.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 19, 2013 6:48 AM GMT
    Most men are linear thinkers and usually have a hard time moving on from a problem until it's solved, you have to give them space and time to decompress, and when you think he's ready ask him how his day was, and he will start talking and opening up without him noticing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 19, 2013 8:24 AM GMT
    Yeah guys be flakey.

    I can understand the feeling. So many people to meet, and if there's no crazy excitement to start something with them, it's like both are wasting their time. If only it was polite to say "this is going nowhere fun so I conclude our interaction."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 19, 2013 8:53 AM GMT
    Maybe it's because people don't want to be around a hooker
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 19, 2013 8:58 AM GMT
    Incendiary saidMaybe it's because people don't want to be around a hooker
    That makes no sense. Hookers are hookers because people want to be around them so much they pay for it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 19, 2013 9:47 AM GMT
    SkinnyBitch said
    Incendiary saidMaybe it's because people don't want to be around a hooker
    That makes no sense. Hookers are hookers because people want to be around them so much they pay for it.


    Only sleazy old fat people want to be around hookers
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 19, 2013 12:56 PM GMT
    Incendiary saidMaybe it's because people don't want to be around a hooker

    This. Post orgasm, prior to that they are totally into the hooker.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 19, 2013 3:04 PM GMT
    You've been meeting guys with ADHD (real or imagined).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 19, 2013 5:08 PM GMT
    My friend I'm up agaist the same thing. These guys make date and blow you off or never reply again. I think they get off on ideas not deeds. Changedtogay. Aka. Michael
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Feb 19, 2013 5:36 PM GMT
    Sounds like the problem is with you, buddy. Keep doing what you're doing and you'll keep getting the same result. Try being interesting and attractive but not smug or domineering. Give them something to like. Why are you here if you're so self consumed that you don't even bother to write a profile. Are we supposed to be so impressed with your body that we like you just because of that?
  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Feb 19, 2013 6:07 PM GMT
    poor carbonation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 19, 2013 6:20 PM GMT
    Anytime you start a post with "Is it just me or what?" The answer will always be, it is just you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 19, 2013 6:23 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidSounds like the problem is with you, buddy. Keep doing what you're doing and you'll keep getting the same result. Try being interesting and attractive but not smug or domineering. Give them something to like. Why are you here if you're so self consumed that you don't even bother to write a profile. Are we supposed to be so impressed with your body that we like you just because of that?


    Okay, well if that was the case...why is it that those same guys are right back online and then months down the line STILL online? They probably do everybody they meet that way. I actually had a friend I knew who was like that. He'd meet people, exchange numbers, maybe even hookup. But then he'd just kind of blow them off to hangout with me.It's like dude, don't treat them like that. Tell em what it is. You don't have to lie about it. Be a man and take responsibility for things, cause I don't want to associate myself with someone who does people like that because then I get seen the same way.

    As for the last part, you make it seem like I'm begging you to like me. I'm not even asking for your approval. I'm talking about people who I meet from places other than RJ. Don't worry about my profile...everything you need to know is being asked here. Meeting people in person isn't all that much different. The only difference is in person, someone can put on a fake for hours or even days only to find out what they are about. Atleast with phone apps, you can find out right away.

    smartmoney saidAnytime you start a post with "Is it just me or what?" The answer will always be, is is just you.


    LOL, I know I've got to stop doing that. Of course it's not icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 19, 2013 6:25 PM GMT
    Incendiary said
    SkinnyBitch said
    Incendiary saidMaybe it's because people don't want to be around a hooker
    That makes no sense. Hookers are hookers because people want to be around them so much they pay for it.


    Only sleazy old fat people want to be around hookers


    icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 19, 2013 6:36 PM GMT
    changedtogay saidMy friend I'm up agaist the same thing. These guys make date and blow you off or never reply again. I think they get off on ideas not deeds. Changedtogay. Aka. Michael


    I actually ran into this one guy at the bar the other day. We've been talking about hooking up for months now. Well, we finally happened to run into each other in person. But that night I just so happned to be with someone else already lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 19, 2013 6:39 PM GMT
    Incendiary said
    SkinnyBitch said
    Incendiary saidMaybe it's because people don't want to be around a hooker
    That makes no sense. Hookers are hookers because people want to be around them so much they pay for it.


    Only sleazy old fat people want to be around hookers


    And you know what, you're 5'10/179 and look fat in those underwear. How about you go work on losing that viceral fat instead of coming here starting shit with me. Fucking fake ass wanna be underwear model wearing ass.

    Anyway...I'm not going to entertain this. getting me all off subject here. I'm not here for battle.
  • wild_sky360

    Posts: 1492

    Feb 19, 2013 6:41 PM GMT
    FuzzyPecs25 said

    These days, and since I'm 25 and am 100% interpersonally self-reliant (meaning rather than rely on 1 person, I rather network with multiple people in the likely event 1 or 2 can't get the job done)...I don't run anyone down, I just let em go. I may put the pressure a little bit, but that's just to confirm whether or not I need to forget about em:


    Good strategy at your age, and likely others are playing the field also.
    Have you ever found yourself on the other side of the equation? Ever? Examine your feelings in that situation for a clue to your answer.

    When everyone is shuffling around, and assuming with very limited dating time available, the new guy may be getting more attention while the others are on hold, but still in the mix.

    It's not exactly a life strategy, but for dating, and at your age, it's a healthier way to deal with the inevitable comings and goings without getting hung up.

    In a perfect world, you meet someone, give your undivided attention for a period, and make a decision.

    In the real world, that gets you hung up on one person and vice versa, in a scene where the odds are against HIM being THE ONE....but he could be, with a little more time. There is a lot of pressure to make a snap decision; either out of desire or fairness not to string someone along when your feelings are ambiguous.....at the moment.

    Drawn out and casual leaves plenty of time for introspection without passions clouding judgement until someone gets hurt.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 19, 2013 6:48 PM GMT
    wild_sky360 said
    Good strategy at your age,
    Drawn out and casual leaves plenty of time for introspection without passions clouding judgement until someone gets hurt.


    It's true. I know for a fact that when first meeting someone, they probably have 2 or 3 other people (or atleast 1) other person that they may be trying to get together with. I understand that. However, yes it's a necessary evil almost.

    I mean, it would just be crazy to go on a couple of dates with someone and for me to just rely totally on them to be there for me every weekend. I know that's not reality. Now, if it came down to us talking and agreeing on heading into exlcusivity, thats a different story. The issue is, most guys don't bring it up. And not all of the guys are exclusive material to begin with.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 19, 2013 7:06 PM GMT
    Think about your own behavior. How often do you blow off guys that you dont think are hot? You might not be tracking that but the rejected guy is.
  • thadjock

    Posts: 2183

    Feb 19, 2013 7:21 PM GMT
    have you ever thought about therapy? it's possible you have some trust issues that are negatively impacting your dating experience.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 19, 2013 7:24 PM GMT
    Alpha13 saidThink about your own behavior. How often do you blow off guys that you dont think are hot? You might not be tracking that but the rejected guy is.


    But what would that have to do with the people I am meeting who I find attractive and we met already? I'll talk to people here and there but if there's no chemistry I have to go any further than that...just like people wouldn't go ay further with me.

    I used to think I always had to be fair, but when I think about it,people aren't always fair to me either.

    thadjock saidhave you ever thought about therapy? it's possible you have some trust issues that are negatively impacting your dating experience.


    no m'am, I'm not one of those types. I've known people with REALtrust issues and I've had to spend long nights counseling and therapying their problems. If anything I trust people more than they deserve sometimes.

    When I mention 'fear' in the first post, I was meaning just as far as meeting someone initially and hoping it doesn't turn out that way. Of course if it doesn't look like it'll work out, nobody is obligated to stick around any longer than they need to.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 19, 2013 7:25 PM GMT
    FuzzyPecs25 said
    Incendiary said
    SkinnyBitch said
    Incendiary saidMaybe it's because people don't want to be around a hooker
    That makes no sense. Hookers are hookers because people want to be around them so much they pay for it.


    Only sleazy old fat people want to be around hookers


    And you know what, you're 5'10/179 and look fat in those underwear. How about you go work on losing that viceral fat instead of coming here starting shit with me. Fucking fake ass wanna be underwear model wearing ass.

    Anyway...I'm not going to entertain this. getting me all off subject here. I'm not here for battle.


    Its a wonder that you can't find any dates...icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Feb 19, 2013 7:26 PM GMT
    I've to agree with some of the observations posted here. Fuzzypecs, you're driving yourself insane worrying about this stuff. Relax, man. Take these things as they come and go. Frankie says relax!