Whats better never get into a relationship that is under a year and finding out it would never work...or being a relationship for 5 years or more and it never worked out but tried to make it work?

  • Matt2004

    Posts: 26

    Feb 19, 2013 8:53 AM GMT
    Because I can ever find myself being a relationship that is past the 1 year mark and it is bothering me.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Feb 19, 2013 3:08 PM GMT
    apostrophes are better
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    Feb 19, 2013 3:58 PM GMT

    Matt, relationships don't last, until they do. icon_wink.gif
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    Feb 19, 2013 4:19 PM GMT
    Neither! I'd rather be single period! Those two options are heavily invested in wasted energy!
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    Feb 19, 2013 4:20 PM GMT
    Erik101 saidNeither! I'd rather be single period! Those two options are heavily invested in wasted energy!


    Heavily. Invested.
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    Feb 19, 2013 4:46 PM GMT
    The one where you experienced loving someone and being loved back is the best (regardless of the length). The one with genuine love.

    The OP seems to wish that he'd rather not ever lived because there's death in the end: either an early death or one later in life. A life lived with meaningful experiences is the greatest regardless of the length.
  • TDSmoove

    Posts: 131

    Feb 19, 2013 8:00 PM GMT
    Any couple that has been together over a year will tell you that it's always a work in progress maintaining a relationship. There are things about both guys that don't show up until months into a relationship. I you don't want to work on your relationship then don't get in one. As someone that was in a relationship for 8 years, I can tell you that those who tell you that relationships don't last are usually their own worst enemy. As gay men we are used to doing things our own way, which doesn't work in a relationship. Also listening to the wrong people will kill a relationship. You'd be surprised how many guys will try to get with you simply because you're already with someone else. Jealous friends will come out the woodwork's as soon as they see you happy Compromise, communication, understanding and TRUST are required to make it more than just a fling.
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    Feb 19, 2013 9:18 PM GMT
    False dichotomies always fail.
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    Feb 19, 2013 9:19 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    Matt, relationships don't last, until they do. icon_wink.gif


    Truth. icon_cool.gif
  • newtosyr

    Posts: 40

    Feb 19, 2013 9:27 PM GMT
    I have never been in a short term relationship. My first partner of over 11 years passed away 11 years ago. That was my FIRST relationship. There were definitely some trying times (being young and rash, with not the greatest cash flow, I had essentially been kicked out - it was either live my stepfather's way (not gay) or leave). I learned a lot from him: patience,genuine acceptance, letting things go, learning to smile, being able to be still in the moment. I would NEVER trade that experience.
    Almost 8 months after he passed away, while I was finally learning to "live" again, I met my recent partner. We were not in he best of places before we fell head over heels in love. He decided to end the relationship in September (after we had just passed the 10 year mark) and just moved back to his family two weeks ago. I still hurt, but am taking each day as it comes. I already know that my life has forever been changed by the time with him. Sometimes I think I would start anew with him as long as we "grow", but in my heart, I know that it
    Could never really work: too much hurt...

    So, thanks for reading! But I would have to say that if I had the choice of a short-term or long-term relationship, I would choose the latter, even I knew it was doomed. I don't think you can ever enter a relationship with any preconceived notions or expectations...except to be willing to be truly open and honest with each other and to stay united (as much as 2 individuals can be)...
  • newtosyr

    Posts: 40

    Feb 19, 2013 10:19 PM GMT
    Did NOT mean for that to sound so "gloom and doom"...was just trying to say that even after the "traumas", I wouldn't trade a moment! Life, to me is about learning and companionship. No matter how "bad" things may seem, if you take time to be honest and open, you'll have the world!
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    Feb 20, 2013 1:36 AM GMT
    1 year. 5 years is too long to realize nothing is going to work. It's just a waste of 5 years of your life with someone if it was useless. Learn the lesson prior to those years I would say.
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    Feb 20, 2013 1:37 AM GMT
    I hate when the question is in the title.
  • Shenyu

    Posts: 47

    Feb 20, 2013 1:42 AM GMT
    My first post yay!

    "I would rather regret the things i have done than regret the things i haven't."

    Having said that, we still need to put faith, brain and money in our relationships to support it not relying on feeling, situation or lust only. It is a commitment anyway.

    Ahh i feel so hungry after putting all this up haha


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    Feb 20, 2013 1:43 AM GMT
    I have been in one relationship my entire life and oddly enough, it was a 5 year one. While it ended badly, I have no regrets. We loved each other and when things got a little bumpy mistakes were made...Mistakes that can not be taken back. All my friends, tell me it was a horrible relationship and when I look back on it, it was...but we were madly in love.

    I gave someone my heart, and for five years we were together, and it was nice and amazing to have someone there for me and vice versa. But I have also learned a lot from that relationship.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Feb 20, 2013 2:01 AM GMT
    Matt, you can't get to the five year relationship without hanging in for that first year.

    Every couple goes through that bad first year. If you stll love him after the whiskers hair in the sink and the uncapped toothpaste tube on the vanity and the smell of his shit lingering in the air, then it's really love and it will last.

    We fall in love with the guy we think he is. What we think of him when we really get to know him is the test.
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    Feb 20, 2013 3:23 AM GMT
    I've never given anyone my heart. I keep it nice and safe and enjoy the single life until I find someone worth giving up the single life for. It's nice to be able to come home and cook naked, for example. I can also play britney spears 90s music and sing along. I can fuck all kinds of men if I want. I can sit around with my hand down my pants and jack off all day. I can save money by not going out to eat, buying gifts, and having to plan shit all the time to do. I hate planning. Fuck that. I don't have to shave my ass if I don't want to and can still get laid. I can jerk off with random guys on the internet and not feel guilty. I can flirt with anyone I want in real life or online. What the heck is with monogamy???