Best Qualities in a Gay Man

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2008 6:46 AM GMT
    OK, boys, nows the time to put it all on the line and tell me what you REALLY look for in a man....

    I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't say abs, but its not the highest of qualities, I like a man's eyes, a man who is an awesome kisser, and a man who can carry a conversation.

    Its about quality not quantity....there are lots of guys with awesome six packs, but how many can carry a conversation and are good kissers.

    Next!
  • Delivis

    Posts: 2332

    Oct 06, 2008 7:24 AM GMT
    Someone with a mind as sharp as a diamond, who has an opinion and is not afraid to say what it is. Someone who is open minded, but not so open minded that their brain falls out, who is willing to change their mind and knows what evidence would be neccesary to do so. Someone who is confident in what he knows, someone who is educated and knows quite a lot, but who is also aware of the scope of his own ignorance.

    Someone who enjoys a physical workout, and does it not just to please others, but out of a sense of self-worth. Someone who cares about their body but is not so fragile than they wont play sports, play rough, or take a risk every now and then.

    Someone with whom i could curl up on the couch in a warm blanket in front of the fireplace while sipping hot cocoa or cider while getting lost in a romance of ideas before we get lost in each other.

    I could go on for many paragraphs, but i won't risk boring you. It's late..icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2008 11:51 AM GMT
    couple of thousand of miles away is usually the starting point...

    Then, if we click, I'll let him enjoy my witty banter and stunning good looks!

    In truth though, looks end up taking a backseat and as long as there not grotesque like so does there body.. There personality takes centre stage and thats what gets me going 95% of the time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2008 12:51 PM GMT
    muchmorethanmuscle said

    BULLSHIT FREE


    Amen to that!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2008 1:15 PM GMT
    They have to be smart, with goals and a good idea of where they are going in life. Also with a great positive attitude in life. Hate it when guys can only talk about how awful their life is and how the world is out to get them. They need to love the outdoors, in any shape or form. Great kissers are a plus and a nice set of arms and nice chest will not hurt either.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2008 1:38 PM GMT
    Guys that : 1- do more than exist,,they live. 2- do more than touch,,they feel. 3- do more than look,,they observe. 4- do more than read,,they absorb. 5- do more than hear,,they listen. 6- do more than listen,,they understand. 7- do more than think,,they reflect,,8- do more than just talk ,they say something.......and of course a good sense of humor icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2008 1:39 PM GMT
    I'll try a little semantics and make a distinction between best qualities and best features. Features would include more of the physical, and things like income & career, qualities more of the inner character & traits. With that, I'd endorse much of the preceding here.

    In no particular order: Intelligent, witty (but not too much of the bitchy wit), conversant (and conversational), well-educated & read with an excellent vocabulary, mannered, poised, cultured & refined (no potty-mouth, please), well-dressed and groomed, understanding & patient, short to temper, hard working & focused, selfless & charitable, sexually out & relaxed, honest, reliable, and perhaps some artistic traits.

    In other words, a gay saint! LOL!!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2008 1:48 PM GMT
    In starting to think about this, I realize that this is a more difficult question than I thought since there's little in the way of an answer that would be even close to absolute.
    I think I break down the qualities as musts, and highly influential.
    Compassion is a must.
    Open minded attitude is a must.
    Must be nice to me.
    Has to want me for reasons other than the fact that I want him.

    Attraction is a must but it is made of of highly influential attributes. For example, six pack abs are one of the most attractive features along with muscularity. However, I don't have the six-pack abs (yet) that I want and find attractive so it's unrealistic to require that. A handsome face, while being a point of attraction, is more easily offset by a negative attribute (e.g. attitude) whereas, an unremarkable face can be great when strengthened by a genuine smile (and I mean one based on a great attitude rather than 'Hollywood perfect' teeth.) Level of education is less important than a want to learn and expand his knowledge and experience. So a neurosurgeon who graduated from Harvard Medical School is an incredible find, it is easily put in the deficit list by an attitude of "I know everything, or at least more than you." attitude. I don't begrudge him the knowledge, just the attitude.

    Basically, I can come up with loads of 'perfect man' attributes, but it would be pointless since the perfect man doesn't exist. The focus should be on whether he's above the 'cutoff' point, and how do I determine the cutoff point for this man since it has to be reassessed for every man.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2008 2:15 PM GMT
    my 2 most important things are self confidence and ambition. I like guys who know what they want and go out and get it!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2008 2:17 PM GMT
    Hiker,

    Just curious: Say you only had two men to choose from. One had great abs and the other one had a big gut. However, the guy with the big gut had great eyes, was a great kisser and a great conversationalist.The guy with the six-pack abs didn't have any of those attributes. But he had a smoking body. Which one would you choose?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2008 2:21 PM GMT
    danielryan saidmy 2 most important things are self confidence and ambition. I like guys who know what they want and go out and get it!


    Agree! So long as what they wanna go out and get is ME! LOL!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2008 2:24 PM GMT
    muchmorethanmuscle said

    BULLSHIT FREE



    With that AND someone adventurous, with activities AND food. Someone who can stick to their "guns" even if we don't see eye to eye on issues/topics/beliefs, hold your own! Man up when you have too! Allow me to be the man that I am! Understand that I am me and you CANNOT change me, I will change/adjust on my own as I learn from and with you. Ability to laugh and joke at himself. Someone who push me outside of my boxes.

    There's more....

    Oh of course the superficial stuff which basically, I NEED to be physically attracted to you!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2008 2:29 PM GMT
    Being comfortable in his own skin. I have met too many gay men who are unsure of themselves or neurotic about being gay or whether they are attractive, etc.. Leads to all sorts of behavioural problems like alcoholism, drug abuse and practicing unsafe sex.
  • oookellyooo

    Posts: 116

    Oct 06, 2008 2:42 PM GMT
    danielryan saidmy 2 most important things are self confidence and ambition. I like guys who know what they want and go out and get it!


    Amen to this...

    Reality Check: some of the expectations posted above are very high, which means some gay guys are doomed to be single in their lifetime...icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2008 3:03 PM GMT
    Best qualities in a gay man:

    He's his own man. Confident, witty, intelligent, relaxed, un affected by the status quo. Not necessarily the central figure in a room sucking up everyones energy acting like the court jester, but the hot guy usually with dark hair standing around quietly observing everyone. No, he's not a wall flower he's just not into the whole dance of starting a conversation with... Hey, got the time? while the un orignal moron who asked it has a watch on.

    This unique guy is desperate to find that one person that isn't going to slop shit and he realizes that's one hard fucking task in a room filled full of shit but all that shit does entertain him to the point he knows the drunker the room gets the more stupid the night will go so that he can say the dumbest things to certain ones like 2+2 and they look at him going HUH? He loves that about himself.

    He sings in the shower off tune or even on tune which is cool but he sings no matter what because he's free enough to do that shit and be fucking cute as hell about it. He values his health but it's a positve obsession not one out of desperation to get notice.

    He carries so much good with him when he leaves the room it suddenly feels empty without him there. He's observant of life around him. He doesn't miss all the design, color and diversity. He has An incredible smile. Expressive eyebrows while his eyes just make you go WOW! A man who can take a joke and throw one back with ease. Playful? Yeah, thats what it's called. Amazing voice that you hear in your sleep. Smells clean and fresh and when you cuddle which he needs as much as you it fits like a glove.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2008 3:38 PM GMT
    oookellyooo said
    Reality Check: some of the expectations posted above are very high, which means some gay guys are doomed to be single in their lifetime...icon_lol.gif


    True, if one makes any list an absolutely rigid requirement. But I see these lists as a menu I choose from, not a pass/fail inspection.

    In reality, I weigh each plus a man has against his minuses, because no one is all pluses, and most unlikely to ever have all the pluses that *I* would list. That's when we start to prioritize, and find the man who's not so much perfect, as rather the best we've ever met.
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    Oct 06, 2008 3:45 PM GMT
    muscles4muscles saidHiker,

    Just curious: Say you only had two men to choose from. One had great abs and the other one had a big gut. However, the guy with the big gut had great eyes, was a great kisser and a great conversationalist.The guy with the six-pack abs didn't have any of those attributes. But he had a smoking body. Which one would you choose?


    The smoking abs will probably not last long, and are really not that important in the scheme of things, so for a LTR, would pick the kisser and conversationalist, if he is honest and trusting.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2008 3:56 PM GMT
    someone whos goodlooking, masculine, doesnt want to hold intelligent conversations, and whos as superficial as i am, but in the end he cares about me and i can go to bed with him. oh and he should be funny.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2008 3:59 PM GMT


    Red Vespa, we'd like to add to the menu idea; that it's not only the menu, but how finicky we are when ordering off of it.
    Each of us has qualities that really count - to each other personally.

    Then there's the surprise qualities (ones you never expected) as well as a seasoning of flaws (which you tend to ignore or flavour further with your own!)

    There's also the quantities you order. Huge helping of one quality and little of others? Or a little of many, to stack your 'plate' with a variety of qualities you love, and by always admiring these qualities, also always love.

    So you've a stacked plate with a little of everything, meaning your expectations of any quality you picked is smaller, too.
    Nice.

    Thanks for an intriguing idea!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2008 4:17 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    Red Vespa, we'd like to add to the menu idea; that it's not only the menu, but how finicky we are when ordering off of it. [SNIP]

    So you've a stacked plate with a little of everything, meaning your expectations of any quality you picked is smaller, too.
    Nice.

    Thanks for an intriguing idea!


    LOL, and thanks for expanding the analogy, I like that. Of course, I speak hypothetically in my case, because right now my own plate's full, with a loving partner.

    OH GACK, did I just turn sentimental? icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2008 5:27 PM GMT
    best quality in a gay man:...hmmm...interesting.

    What would be the best quality in any man?

    But to answer your question I would have to say a gay man has to live in a world where being gay is not necessarily the "norm" - so a gay man usually has to develop a certain savvy and ability to flourish in a World that is sometimes against him because of his nature. His wits are sharpened to survive the darts of the "normal" people. His ability to debate has to be tuned and developed to deal with the Christian Right or others of that vein who try to put him down and damn him to their hells. His ability to know when it is a good idea to make a statement and when to let it go. His ability to lead by example. His ability to learn how to fight those that want to hurt him because of who he is - either through physical or mental abilities. His ability to see and create beauty in architecture, visual arts, songs, poetry, writing, stage, etc. even while there are many who would try to bring him down. His search for perfection and the ability to laugh on the way. His ability to make himself strong externally and internally. His ability to know a deeper perception of what is "right" and "wrong". His strength. His ability to survive.
  • kaccioto

    Posts: 284

    Oct 06, 2008 6:03 PM GMT
    ambition
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 07, 2008 4:49 AM GMT
    easy smile, spontaneous laugh, eyes that draw me in, rugged deep voice, loyal, compatible, faithful, intelligent, focused, tattooed, smells fresh and warm, himself.

    so many of you men in RJ are incredible already. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 07, 2008 4:58 AM GMT
    *Shrugs
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 07, 2008 5:17 AM GMT
    Only thing I demand is that he isn't a republican. Anything else I can work with.



    Lmao...just kidding....


    But seriously.