My Boyfriend won't let me workout


  • Feb 20, 2013 9:48 AM GMT
    Hey guys,
    So I've got this problem where my boyfriend of 1.5 years is doing pretty much everything he can to keep me from working out. He says he doesn't like it because when I workout other guys start checking me out. We've been down the road of just because their looking doesnt mean I'm acting on anything. Its just really frustrating because I love him but I also love looking good and being in shape. Has anyone else had this problem and if so, what did you do about it
    Thanks
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2013 10:07 AM GMT
    That sounds kind of controlling.

    Could you get him to attend couples counseling with you?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2013 10:24 AM GMT
    This post goes out to all the people who think we're being superficial and artificial by not being interested in guys who aren't into the gym.. However, I don't understand how thing guy is not 'letting you' work out? I bet there are women all over the country who experience the same thing, men not 'letting' their GF work out. Just go...just like you'd just go out and cheat (if you were that kind of guy)

    Tell him either go to the gym together, or forget it forever. There's not much else to do about it. Maybe when he sees you all ripped down the line, he'll want you back.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2013 10:36 AM GMT
    My ex was this way he said he didn't want me to get fit because more guys would be interested in me, we ended up breaking up , not over this over somethin else ... Just work out you'll feel better after
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2013 2:16 PM GMT
    Your bf has major self-esteem issues. I always encourage my boyfriends (ex and current) to look their very best. There's nothing better than being with someone whom other guys lust over, and knowing that he's yours.
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    Feb 20, 2013 3:24 PM GMT
    He needs to understand that it takes 2 to cheat. Even straight guys compare & check each other out in the gym....so what. It sounds like he doesnt trust you very much.

    My ex was built drop dead gorgeous. I did feel insecure about men flirting & hitting on him but I realize now my insecurity came from my ex because he had so many issues about intimacy w/ me.

    Im not saying its your fault...im saying its usually underlying trust issues. My fiance now never worked out before. I started hittn the gym again about 6 months ago. After about 2 days he joined to workout w/ me.

    Its also something to remember to tell him....if you wanted to cheat you could do it now, you wouldnt have to wait to be inshape or ripped. Just reassure him hes the only man for you & see if he wants to workout with you.
  • ThatSwimmerGu...

    Posts: 3755

    Feb 20, 2013 4:11 PM GMT
    Sit and talk. Tell him you would never do such a thing, make sure he knows it. Idk, I wouldn't be able to put up with that.
  • flahotstuff

    Posts: 154

    Feb 20, 2013 4:14 PM GMT
    Get rid of him it will only get worse!!
  • stratavos

    Posts: 1831

    Feb 20, 2013 4:16 PM GMT
    DOMINUS saidYour bf has major self-esteem issues. I always encourage my boyfriends (ex and current) to look their very best. There's nothing better than being with someone whom other guys lust over, and knowing that he's yours.


    nto b eing in the relationship, this is all I can say as well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2013 4:27 PM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    lagwm saidThat sounds kind of controlling.

    Could you get him to attend couples counseling with you?

    Yeah, I wouldn't be able to put up with that for too long. Does he work out with you? What shape is he in? Is this some insecurity he has about his "worthiness" of being with you?

    Lots to look at here, but restricting you isn't going to end well.

    Agreed, sounds controlling. The gym is a healthy activity, that would reward the BF with a better looking guy. And perhaps that's exactly what he DOESN'T want, unsure he could keep such a hunky guy for himself, against stronger competition. It also suggests he doesn't trust the OP very much.

    My late partner was a little like that, and he admitted he had a jealous & possessive streak. When we moved in together he asked me to remove all gay porn from my computer, and not visit gay porn and hookup sites. He said quite openly that he felt I shouldn't be ogling other men when I had him right at home, made him feel inadequate.

    I just thought porn & beefcake were eye candy and good for my libido, make me hornier for him, but I didn't argue, this being my first time with a partner. And I already knew not to visit hookup sites, that was obvious. He didn't have a problem with my continuing to visit AOL gay chat rooms, though, where he & I had met online, nor did I with him.

    But anyway, some guys are like that. It's a matter of degree and reasonableness, and I think the health benefits of a gym make his demands unreasonable. Unless he wants to buy the OP a home gym.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2013 4:37 PM GMT
    My ex was this way he said he didn't want me to get fit because more guys would be interested in me, we ended up breaking up , not over this over somethin else ... Just work out you'll feel better after
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2013 4:40 PM GMT

    If you wont leave him then there's the option of buying a home gym..

    You keep a dog on a leash not your boyfriend..
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    Feb 20, 2013 4:44 PM GMT
    Sorry but I hear this all the time and all I think is "run away!". His reasons for not letting you work out are rooted deep in self esteem and that is not something you can fix, its something he needs to fix. Meanwhile your health and personal happiness is suffering for it. Thats three reasons why you should not stand for the way he is controlling you, just sayin.
  • JackDoyle

    Posts: 706

    Feb 20, 2013 4:46 PM GMT
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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2013 4:48 PM GMT
    I can't imagine staying with someone who didn't always encourage me to be the best person I can be, whether that by physically, professionally, intellectually etc

    Don't let him prevent you from going to the gym. Working out is for you to better yourself and he shouldn't be stopping you from going to stifle his own insecurities
  • Import

    Posts: 7193

    Feb 20, 2013 4:53 PM GMT
    He doesn't want u working out? insecure bitch much??

    Jeeeezus christ, ppl are fuckin ridiculous. If he doesn't want u waorking out, thats all the more reason to hit the gym fuckin hard, man. And get ripped. .

    whatta dumb insecure bitch ur bf seems. I'd simply tell him tough shit, im workin out.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Feb 20, 2013 4:54 PM GMT
    heatherington87 saidHey guys,
    So I've got this problem where my boyfriend of 1.5 years is doing pretty much everything he can to keep me from working out. He says he doesn't like it because when I workout other guys start checking me out. We've been down the road of just because their looking doesnt mean I'm acting on anything. Its just really frustrating because I love him but I also love looking good and being in shape. Has anyone else had this problem and if so, what did you do about it
    Thanks
    Sometimes you got to reach down the front of your pants and squeeze them nuts...Be a man...Tell him your gym time is your "me time" and if you can't deal with that...We have serious problems...Let it rip...Let the chips fall where they may.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2013 4:59 PM GMT
    I had the same problem with my first serious bf (I was around the same age as you are now)...and when I TOLD him I AM going to the gym, he kept saying "Then I'm going to take steroids!" (he is a dancer, and had a lean build). This was just one of the control issues he had, all stemming from his insecurity...and yes he was afraid I'd be eyeing other guys/sleeping around on him. He even got angry at me once when a guy was checking me out (I didn't even notice that he was -- I was angrily told about that later!) Eventually we broke up over this insecurity.

    You don't mention if you live with your bf. If you don't, then there is very little he can do to prevent you from going to the gym. Actually, even if you live with him there is little he can do to prevent you (even if you predict that fighting will ensure when you return home). If you don't take a stand with this, then he'll try to control all other areas.

    The issue is his, not your's. You can offer to support him if he wants to seek help for it, but you are not responsible to manage it for him. You could even let him read this posting, and the responses you got to it.

    Best of luck xo
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2013 5:00 PM GMT
    Tell him you're going and you don't want to hear about it again. Buy him a diary to express his feelings in if he feels he needs to. Simple as that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2013 5:02 PM GMT
    He sounds like a dictator.
  • blueandgold

    Posts: 396

    Feb 20, 2013 5:16 PM GMT
    I'm really astounded when grown men end up in relationships like this. I mean... its not me, and I dont know where your're coming from, but this just sounds ridiculous. The level of control someone else has over your life is completely up to you.

    If he doesnt like when other guys check you out, where does that logic end? Can you go to to the beach? To the store? To play flag football? People are going to see you as a natural consequence of living a normal life.

    Or.. OR... maybe you can start covering your entire body in black flowing garments, so that no other person can see you but him. That sounds reasonable.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Feb 20, 2013 5:17 PM GMT
    blueandgold saidI'm really astounded when grown men end up in relationships like this. I mean... its not me, and I dont know where your're coming from, but this just sounds ridiculous. The level of control someone else has over your life is completely up to you.

    If he doesnt like when other guys check you out, where does that logic end? Can you go to to the beach? To the store? To play flag football? People are going to see you as a natural consequence of living a normal life.

    Or.. OR... maybe you can start covering your entire body in black flowing garments, so that no other person can see you but him. That sounds reasonable.


    This x100. I would cut lose out of this relationship... 'cause it's not gonna end well.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 20, 2013 5:17 PM GMT
    Basically he's insecure and his behavior isn't supportive or helpful in any way. It could contribute to the dissolution of your relationship.

    My suggestion: have a serious conversation about this. Fitness is important to your long term health and attitude. He needs to cut his attitude asap... but approach it the right way. Be clear, and be understanding, let him know you aren't looking at other men, you are involved with him... you aren't going anywhere..... except to the gym!

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  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Feb 20, 2013 5:19 PM GMT
    Shawnathan saidIf he doesn't like that, how does he feel about you being on here?



    homicidal
  • danisnotstr8

    Posts: 2579

    Feb 20, 2013 5:40 PM GMT
    Now that I'm a fully recovered adult who has been through all the insecurities that accompany growing up gay in a homophobic world, I know the following two things to be true:

    1) I have been on both sides of your battle, which leads me to conclude that
    2) I will not be controlled

    That he is controlling you in this fashion is a clear indicator of his own immaturity, and that you allow it to happen is a clear indicator of yours.

    Good luck.