Don't want to go to bed coz it's lonely

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    Feb 20, 2013 10:51 PM GMT
    Why do we fuck things up when we have the perfect life & relationship?

    I can't seem to find the "want" to go to bed anymore... I always end up sitting in front of the pc till LATE untill I really can't stay awake anymore.... then usually just jerk off to some porn and then go to bed and wake up...

    WHY!?
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    Feb 20, 2013 11:22 PM GMT
    Sex deprived?
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    Feb 20, 2013 11:48 PM GMT
    Probably because you have no life. Just a hunch...
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    Feb 21, 2013 5:17 AM GMT
    That sounds really sad. icon_cry.gif
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    Feb 21, 2013 5:19 AM GMT
    try some paxil, it might help u
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    Feb 21, 2013 5:20 AM GMT
    Leeuster saidWhy do we fuck things up when we have the perfect life & relationship?

    I can't seem to find the "want" to go to bed anymore... I always end up sitting in front of the pc till LATE untill I really can't stay awake anymore.... then usually just jerk off to some porn and then go to bed and wake up...

    WHY!?

    Sounds like you're depressed. Perhaps you need to do some soul-searching and find out what you really want in life. I'm assuming you had a relationship and you messed it up. Be proactive; make amends. Restore your integrity. Forgive yourself (or the other), and learn from the mistakes. Count the good and the blessings, and start anew.

    Go to bed and recommit yourself to creating a wonderful present toward an amazing future when you awake. Wallowing in your present state will not solve a thing. Tomorrow is a new day. Don't drag the past into your present. Pointless way of living.

    And don't numb yourself via porn/jacking off, drugs, drinking, or meds. That's not going to solve anything. Instead, fill your moment with something moves you toward a vision of the future that touches and inspires you.

    All the best!
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    Feb 22, 2013 2:24 PM GMT
    Why do we fuck things up when we have the perfect life and relationship? Because many of us are simply self-destructive. We kill ourselves to try to get something or someone that's unattainable. When we finally get that something or someone, we inevitably lose interest and we start looking for something or someone else. We repeat this cycle perpetually, and thus we're perpetually unhappy.
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    Feb 23, 2013 4:55 PM GMT
    @beachbu310
    What is paxil ? available over the counter?


    @Terrafirma
    I like what you're saying and it sounds like the right thing to do... but how the hell do I accomplish in doing it.... I'm mindless with it... I've tried to think and stay positive but fuck... it's not so easy as it sounds!


    @Dominus
    I think you speak a lot of truth there.... how do we break the vicious cycle? is it breakable....?


    Yea I met a wonderful guy 7 years ago... had amazing times together and really grew into each other... till July last year... I started falling for someone else... and in a country where I was going to do some flight training... Colombia of all fucken places... and yea... I left and went over there.. it was suppose to be bring us luck... to get me qualified and come back for a better future for both of us... but there was a certain force involved back home to make me fall for someone else.. his best friend "Cindy" moved in with us for a second time around (after stealing his money a first round.. but he forgave her..) and so things started getting out of hand at home and my house wasn't my house anymore... there was this THICK unhealthy atmosphere at home and got no verbal support from him... hence I went to my folks on the country side for about two weeks.... and it's there where I started falling for this other guy in Colombia....

    now.. i cannot BELIEVE I fucked my perfect life up... geez what an asshole I was... ;-(
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Feb 23, 2013 5:06 PM GMT
    Leeuster said@beachbu310
    What is paxil ? available over the counter?


    @Terrafirma
    I like what you're saying and it sounds like the right thing to do... but how the hell do I accomplish in doing it.... I'm mindless with it... I've tried to think and stay positive but fuck... it's not so easy as it sounds!


    @Dominus
    I think you speak a lot of truth there.... how do we break the vicious cycle? is it breakable....?


    Yea I met a wonderful guy 7 years ago... had amazing times together and really grew into each other... till July last year... I started falling for someone else... and in a country where I was going to do some flight training... Colombia of all fucken places... and yea... I left and went over there.. it was suppose to be bring us luck... to get me qualified and come back for a better future for both of us... but there was a certain force involved back home to make me fall for someone else.. his best friend "Cindy" moved in with us for a second time around (after stealing his money a first round.. but he forgave her..) and so things started getting out of hand at home and my house wasn't my house anymore... there was this THICK unhealthy atmosphere at home and got no verbal support from him... hence I went to my folks on the country side for about two weeks.... and it's there where I started falling for this other guy in Colombia....

    now.. i cannot BELIEVE I fucked my perfect life up... geez what an asshole I was... ;-(

    Sounds like your partner was the dick, not you. Yeah, probably enough blame to go around but sounds like you were trying to create a future and he was looking to be worthless, which he could be in your absence. That isn't your fault.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Feb 23, 2013 5:12 PM GMT
    Leeuster saidWhy do we fuck things up when we have the perfect life & relationship?

    I can't seem to find the "want" to go to bed anymore... I always end up sitting in front of the pc till LATE untill I really can't stay awake anymore.... then usually just jerk off to some porn and then go to bed and wake up...

    WHY!?

    You are clinically depressed. Bet you're talking to yourself and not saying very nice things. Can't quiet your thoughts. All signs of depression. I had that once. Snapped myself out of it by making a dangerous pass at a straight friend who luckily turned out to be closeted gay. It was a self-destructive move that turned out well which broke me free from the depression but if you can't do that on your own, like NOW, then get some help. You'll need a chemical fix to rebalance your chemistry. No shame in that. No shame if you need to talk things out with a therapist just to fix the damage. Just don't let them talk you to death without the chemical repair-- that's an old con game of the industry. You'll be fine and happy in short order. Bite the bullet and give it a shot. Don't think it over or you'll just go back to the old tapes. You can feel good again. DO IT.
  • Sincityfan

    Posts: 409

    Feb 23, 2013 5:19 PM GMT
    hire an escort or cruise grindr,
    chances r u'll end up waking up in a bathtub filled with ice and a gaping hole on ur abdomen
    at least u wouldnt have felt lonely that night right
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 23, 2013 5:24 PM GMT
    Important to have a balance in your life... without balance, life can get screwed... everything in its own good time!

    icon_biggrin.gif
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1116

    Feb 23, 2013 5:36 PM GMT
    Leeuster saidWhy do we fuck things up when we have the perfect life & relationship?

    I can't seem to find the "want" to go to bed anymore... I always end up sitting in front of the pc till LATE untill I really can't stay awake anymore.... then usually just jerk off to some porn and then go to bed and wake up...

    WHY!?


    Whenever I go through a disruptive set of emotions when things were going well in the first place, I rather than grieve on it or throw blame for who or what caused it go the wrong way? what I do is to focus on all the good intentions and the things I was doing right before I fell victim to temptations! it seem that both of you were victims of the same causes? and that is quite alright, so as long you both learned from this day forward that sometimes when things go well, is when Life tests you to see how well you appreciate what you so hard had fought or build on!? people think that you only have to be alert when things are going bad? well this too can be said when things are going too well for you too! while taking risks may help us discover things in ourselves we otherwise never had known, it can also help us to destroy things we deserve for having worked so hard to find!!
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    Feb 23, 2013 5:54 PM GMT
    You just have a broken heart. Reading your post, I have to agree. It was You that fucked it up. You had a good thing and pursued another relationship. It was your choice and I hope it was worth it.
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    Feb 27, 2013 10:56 PM GMT
    I am a strong believer of what ever happens, happens for a reason. the good and the bad.

    I also recently let my guy, everything just stopped, I could not understand why, still don't, but one thing is for sure, I will not beat myself up about it. I just have to push forward and take life as it is.

    Life will not come to me, you have to go out and get it. Take chances, get heart broken again, stand up and fight.

    Because one day is one day, you will look back and say, "all the shit I went through, it was worth everything I have in life now" icon_biggrin.gif
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    Feb 27, 2013 11:06 PM GMT
    Leeuster saidWhy do we fuck things up when we have the perfect life & relationship?

    I can't seem to find the "want" to go to bed anymore... I always end up sitting in front of the pc till LATE untill I really can't stay awake anymore.... then usually just jerk off to some porn and then go to bed and wake up...

    WHY!?


    If YOU are going to bed alone there's probably more to the story you're not telling.
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    Feb 27, 2013 11:07 PM GMT
    Have you tried going back? If you really miss it that much, whats stopping you? I mean he already forgave some chick who stole from him, hed might forgive you too.
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    Feb 27, 2013 11:08 PM GMT
    Leeuster said@beachbu310
    What is paxil ? available over the counter?


    @Terrafirma
    I like what you're saying and it sounds like the right thing to do... but how the hell do I accomplish in doing it.... I'm mindless with it... I've tried to think and stay positive but fuck... it's not so easy as it sounds!


    @Dominus
    I think you speak a lot of truth there.... how do we break the vicious cycle? is it breakable....?


    Yea I met a wonderful guy 7 years ago... had amazing times together and really grew into each other... till July last year... I started falling for someone else... and in a country where I was going to do some flight training... Colombia of all fucken places... and yea... I left and went over there.. it was suppose to be bring us luck... to get me qualified and come back for a better future for both of us... but there was a certain force involved back home to make me fall for someone else.. his best friend "Cindy" moved in with us for a second time around (after stealing his money a first round.. but he forgave her..) and so things started getting out of hand at home and my house wasn't my house anymore... there was this THICK unhealthy atmosphere at home and got no verbal support from him... hence I went to my folks on the country side for about two weeks.... and it's there where I started falling for this other guy in Colombia....

    now.. i cannot BELIEVE I fucked my perfect life up... geez what an asshole I was... ;-(


    Didn't sound perfect to me.
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    Feb 28, 2013 9:47 PM GMT
    @ Destinharbor
    What kind of chemical fix are we talking about here? I though I've won this but I STILL find myself tonight having downed a whole bottle of red wine AGAIN... just because it makes me feel numb.. it makes the emotional awareness go away... I still dont want to go to bed... and yet...

    I've realised yesterday... I don't get into bed anymore.. I mean.. when I go to sleep.. I lie on top of the bed... and pull a red throw over me... and fall asleep.. and wake up that way each day... I never realised that I'm doing that emotionally rather than just a quick fall asleep lately...


    @ Sincityfan
    that's why i don't engage in meeting people from those places... but it doesn't stop me from being on there though ;((


    @ LEANDRO_NJ
    I'm going to make your message my FB status update!! Hard words buddy.. but for some reason.. I know this... and I know what you're saying and it makes me cry...


    @ Huhwhat
    Actually... I don't know


    @ Undercoverman
    I'm not quite with you.... I mean I know what you're saying... but what do you think it is?


    @NomNomNom
    Yea - I have tried everything in my power to make things up.... but it just wasn't good enough and he doesn't want things to get better between me and him... after many times of trying to make things right... he says he just doesn't feel the same way anymore and moved on with his own life...


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    Feb 28, 2013 9:52 PM GMT
    Leeuster said@ Destinharbor
    What kind of chemical fix are we talking about here? I though I've won this but I STILL find myself tonight having downed a whole bottle of red wine AGAIN... just because it makes me feel numb.. it makes the emotional awareness go away... I still dont want to go to bed... and yet...

    I've realised yesterday... I don't get into bed anymore.. I mean.. when I go to sleep.. I lie on top of the bed... and pull a red throw over me... and fall asleep.. and wake up that way each day... I never realised that I'm doing that emotionally rather than just a quick fall asleep lately...


    @ Undercoverman
    I'm not quite with you.... I mean I know what you're saying... but what do you think it is?


    I think it is what you say he said it is: he says he just doesn't feel the same way anymore and moved on with his own life.

    I suggest you move on too. You gambled and lost. We all have at one point or another in our lives. Does it suck? Sure does, but you can't make him love you.

    I'm sorry for your loss.
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    Feb 28, 2013 10:27 PM GMT
    You just perfectly described my everyday evening routine.

    Have someone to sleepover at your place or go visit your family or something. They will help you stand the hardest times and it will go away on its own after some time.

    Oh yeah, and try bromazepam, it's quicker than wine and will make you go numb too. But it's addictive so carefully, also it's a prescription drug (at least in Europe it is), so you might wanna steal it from someone before you actually feel like you need it.
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    Feb 28, 2013 10:29 PM GMT
    You have to appreciate the person you have-most have a grass is greener mentality.
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    Feb 28, 2013 11:05 PM GMT
    It's your nerves. Many people are feeling the pressure and anxiety of this modern malaise. My brother -- otherwise quite upstanding -- got a DUI some months back, and attended therapy as part of his plea.

    His shrink said he didn't even have enough office hours in the day to accommodate the number of patients who are otherwise well-adjusted and productive but have hit this existential wall.
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    Feb 28, 2013 11:05 PM GMT
    The grass may be greener but you still have to mow it...icon_neutral.gif
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    Feb 28, 2013 11:08 PM GMT
    Elusium saidIt's your nerves. Many people are feeling the pressure and anxiety of this modern malaise. My brother -- otherwise quite upstanding -- got a DUI some months back, and attended therapy as part of his plea.

    His shrink said he didn't even have enough office hours in the day to accommodate the number of patients who are otherwise well-adjusted and productive but have hit this existential wall.


    Ummm....DUI as a result of hitting an existential wall? icon_lol.gif