Quite the sticky situation...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 21, 2013 5:02 AM GMT
    This is quite a long story but I'll try to summarize the best I can...

    Last year I accepted an internship and moved to a different state for a semester. My intentions while I was down there was to steer clear of any sort of serious relationship, but I found someone that I just couldn't pass on.

    Just as a side note, nearly every relationship I've been in has been extremely emotionally abusive. Previous guys have taken advantage of me and none of my relationships have ended on a good note.

    But this guy was different. He listened, went out of his way to do nice things for me, and told me that he wanted everyone to meet me. In the four months we were together in the different state we never fought and all of my previous insecurities were in the past. Not once did I feel bad about who I was with and for the first time in my life I actually fell in love.

    When it came time for me to move back for school things got complicated. Day after day we struggled to come to terms with separation and eventually he decided to move across the country for us.

    He basically gave away all of his belongings, said goodbye to all of his friends, packed what he could in his car and started driving.

    When he got here I agreed to let him live with me for a while so he could find his footing and eventually his own place. For the first week or so things were great. He was meeting my friends and our relationship was as strong as it was where we were living previously.

    Then one day I woke up and he was a completely different person. He started ignoring me, would sleep on the couch, and we would go the entire day without even saying a word to each other. When I asked him if everything was ok he maintained that he was just trying to adjust to the new surroundings, but developed a serious body image issue and would lash out on me for telling him he looked good (he literally had an 8 pack...) because telling him that wasn't motivating him to look better.

    After only three weeks of living here he said that he was unsure about us and packed what little he had and moved in with people he didn't even know a few miles down the road. He never gave me a true reason why any of this had happened and the frustration and confusion led me to a very deep depressive state.

    About a week after our breakup I ended up hurting myself and was sent to the hospital. Since then I've been receiving treatment but none of it is really helping me cope with what happened. He and his new 'friends' have been making fun of my incident and have been trying to turn people in my social circle against me. I just feel like I can't feel comfortable in my own home anymore...cause he's meeting all of the people that I know and labeling me as 'crazy and obsessive'.

    I guess my question to you guys is....how do I deal with this situation? How do I understand how someone and something so perfect can turn terrible and hateful overnight? Everyone I tell the story to asks why...and I guess that's what has made this so difficult.

    How do I move on from something like this? How do I continue living my life knowing that someone who I confided in is trying to make my life a living hell..
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    Feb 21, 2013 5:10 AM GMT
    I only just briefly read through your post and would have to go back and reread sections to get more of an understanding, but my gut instinct tells me it's time for you to seek the counsel of a professional therapist. You've talked about being emotionally abused and that's a serious issue that needs to be addressed by a licensed, certified psychotherapist who is 100% gay-affirming, preferably one who specializes in gay men's issues.
  • calibro

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    Feb 21, 2013 6:04 AM GMT
    just joined + tl;dr = fake/sock account
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 21, 2013 12:34 PM GMT
    Wait, you said all your previous relationships ended as emotionally abusive and you then write a really long post asking why a new relationship has ended up being emotionally abusive?
    Two words, it's you.
    I am guessing if we were able to contact all these other people who have been involved with you, the stories they would tell would paint you as the psycho who needs some serious help. Something like the sort of person who starts sock accounts on websites to post insanely long posts in hopes of gaining sympathy only to appear to be a manipulative and self important narcissist.
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    Feb 21, 2013 12:37 PM GMT
    calibro saidjust joined + tl;dr = fake/sock account


    don't be a shit head, you had to write your first post at some point too.
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    Feb 21, 2013 4:16 PM GMT
    I remember seeing a commercial for some brand new medication on television. At the end there was a very long list of potential side effects...

    "May cause restlessness, insomnia, irritability, depression, mood swings, increased appetite, decreased appetite, night sweats, panic attacks, sucidal tendencies, flatulence and death."

    I thought to myself...maybe toenail fungus isn't that bad, afterall... icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 21, 2013 4:29 PM GMT
    Maturity has a lot to do with the answer. Take the high road and focus your energies on your own life and your education. Avoid conversations about this guy with your friends, those that know you will be there for you. Enjoy the friendships that flourish and let the others go their way.

    Grieving the loss of someone, regardless of how that loss occurs or how old you are, is very difficult. Hang in there, find a support system (therapist, very good trusted friend, family, etc) to lean on while you're struggling. You'll get there.
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    Feb 21, 2013 4:42 PM GMT
    If your story is true...

    I am / have been where you are. Well, kind of.

    1) Don't let others make you believe you're nuts! But think twice about where you could go wrong while you two were together, you were a couple so each of you have your part of the guilt for what happened.

    2) Find a therapist.

    3) If it's possible ask the guy for a couple therapy, not to fix it, but so you can have your peace of mind, so you know why it happened, because you seem that it bugs you the most that you don't know what happened. Or at least try to ask him for a talk, but don't let it turn into an argument. Having a mediator is a better way, they ensure that each of you actually hears what the other one is saying.

    Good luck!

    oh
    4) Have a picture in your profile, it makes you look more like a living human.
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    Feb 21, 2013 6:10 PM GMT
    Aristoshark said
    dcolby said
    calibro saidjust joined + tl;dr = fake/sock account


    don't be a shit head, you had to write your first post at some point too.

    You're new here.
    There's a pattern of new members who post no pictures, and in their very first post they relate some long drawn-out tale of teenage angst, supposedly asking for advice but really begging for attention. Sometimes they get a page or two of advice, sometimes they get laughed out of here in ten posts. But invariably they disappear in a day or two, often the same day.

    We've all seen it enough times to make us pretty jaded.




    Damn my Bf did the exact same thing. I never found out why he withdrew from the relationship but I have no history of abusive relationships so I'm pretty sure I'm not crazy . A month after I told my ex he needed to move out ( he did not even say anything then) he posted on FB that he was in a new relationship. That only lasted a month. So I bet your man fell out of love but didn't have the balls to tell you.

    To regain your mental health wish him the best and find a new Bf.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 21, 2013 6:37 PM GMT
    It's not him, it's you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 21, 2013 6:44 PM GMT
    That was fast. The o.p. is gone less than a day after posting this sad tale of woe?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 21, 2013 7:05 PM GMT
    Aristoshark said
    dcolby said
    calibro saidjust joined + tl;dr = fake/sock account


    don't be a shit head, you had to write your first post at some point too.

    You're new here.
    There's a pattern of new members who post no pictures, and in their very first post they relate some long drawn-out tale of teenage angst, supposedly asking for advice but really begging for attention. Sometimes they get a page or two of advice, sometimes they get laughed out of here in ten posts. But invariably they disappear in a day or two, often the same day.

    We've all seen it enough times to make us pretty jaded.


    Gotta say though y'all can be some real intimating fucks lol jaded or not. I would never put myself out there like that if I ever had a problem. Last thing anyone wants is to be torn to shreds online lol. I feel for the guy though. My ex left me for his ex who he still had feelings for he was honest though so wasn't mad. Plus luckily I'm bigger then they both are that they no better to try me
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    Feb 21, 2013 7:09 PM GMT
    this isnt the kind of sticky situation i was hoping for
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    Feb 21, 2013 10:37 PM GMT
    Aristoshark said
    Phoenyx saidthis isnt the kind of sticky situation i was hoping for

    You brazen hussy


    thanks, i try icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 22, 2013 1:16 AM GMT
    Your post is unreasonably long, so I didn't read it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 22, 2013 1:58 AM GMT
    huhwhat saidYour post is unreasonably long, so I didn't read it.

    I will break it down for you, because I have developed a new system for breaking down any post that consists of anything more than a single sentence. "I want to complain about people, but mostly I want to talk about myself (the rest of the post will be the poster talking about himself, until the final sentence) so, what do you think?"