I admit it : I am insecure

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 22, 2013 11:56 AM GMT
    Hello everyone. I never thought I would write such a thread but I need to confess. And for obvious reasons, I can't confess to people I know. So here I am.
    I know for you, Americans, "insecure" is the worst thing ever. The most repulsive trait a guy can have. But I am completely insecure. I always need attention from guys on me. I need this validation. Well, I needed. Because I lately became aware of it.
    Because of these insecurities, I went on dating websites and had sex with a lot of guys, even sometimes when I was not attracted to them. Now, some people I don't even know call me a whore. A friend came to see me to tell me that some people are saying shit about me in the "gay world". Apparently, a guy I had oral sex with says to everybody very intimate things about me, and shows my picture to everyone. I told him to stop, but he told me I should be comfortable with who I am, and that he will stop spreading those rumors about me only if I accept him to fuck me (what a asshole haha).
    Honnestly I don't really mind people saying shit about me, because I don't know them, and they don't know me. But I can't help thinking they are right. And now, I am not okay with what I think about myself.
    I think I am not especially insecure about how I look, but more about whether people would find me interesting or not.
    So here is the deal. I will change, because I want to be a better person.
    So are there guys who succeeded in having more self-respect, and be secure about the person they are?
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    Feb 22, 2013 12:38 PM GMT
    yourname2000 saidGay guys totally fuck this up....just like you're fucking this up right now. icon_wink.gif

    You don't sound insecure....you just identified your needs very thoroughly. There was a hunger to it....and a total comfort with that hunger. That's not "insecure".

    I've struggled to fathom this, because I see far too many guys who choose to call themselves "introverts" or "shy", yet they are anything but. I've resolved that the limit here is language: there are only so many words in English, and each of us is only so talented in articulating our thoughts.

    You need to see your "need", your "insecurity" as what it is: part of your expression of yourself, even part of your sexual expression. Yeah, you're insecure....and it drives you to seek validation in the eyes of worthy partners...partners who sense your need, and respond to it. Partners who need to fulfill that need in you---that's THEIR need, their sexual expression. Be PROUD of who you are...this isn't weakness. You are a "south pole", and the more comfortable you can be with that, the more powerfully and comfortably you'll be able to express it. And when you do, you'll be a beacon for an equal "north pole", who was designed ---as if by God---to respond to the needs of someone like you (and me, btw.)

    Radiate. You're already doing it, whether you know it or not. But if you're embarrassed, or self-conscious about it, you'll actually restrict yourself---and be less likely to attract the kind of north pole who will fulfill you. That's a rip-off to you, for sure; but it's also a rip-off to him---that man who is looking in earnest for you.

    You need to turn this "insecurity" into an act of pride, to be a proudly "submissive" (or whatever) gay guy. And if words seem to fail you, understand that English has but 600,000 words (your monitor is probably showing 24 million colours, by comparison)....English is a coarse tool when expressing the complexity of human emotion and sexuality.

    Relish your "insecurity"....wield it like a sword. icon_twisted.gif


    Wow, I didn't expect this kind of answer. Anyway thank you. You seem to understood how I feel. Of course I won't change my true self, but I realized I won't be fulfilled with the sexuality I have now.
  • Karl

    Posts: 5787

    Feb 22, 2013 12:45 PM GMT
    About the guy that spread your pics , I think you can't stop him unless you let him know that you don't really give a damn about it.
    Just ignore it , you might be embarrassed for a while but time will heal.

    What has been done can't be undone
    So , you have to solve what you've done , be responsible for it.
    Ugh you're only two years older than me , that means you're young and you still have a long road to walk.
    I'm glad that you want to change yourself and be a better person , that's great , keep building your future ! Let's show them who you really are.

    Last but not least , you don't sound insecure , you sound like a very confident person ! icon_biggrin.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 22, 2013 12:49 PM GMT
    well...
    Having sex with many men doesn't mean you're a whore!
    Being a virgin doesn't makes one a saint!

    It's our character that decides how whore like or saint like we are...So, don't judge yourself by thinking on how others are judging you.

    Discard the bad things and admit good things in your life...then everything will be fine!
  • Karl

    Posts: 5787

    Feb 22, 2013 1:04 PM GMT
    I'm starting to love YN2K emoticon-00136-giggle.gif
    sometimes he's unbelievably sweet
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    Feb 22, 2013 1:59 PM GMT
    Karl saidAbout the guy that spread your pics , I think you can't stop him unless you let him know that you don't really give a damn about it.
    Just ignore it , you might be embarrassed for a while but time will heal.

    What has been done can't be undone
    So , you have to solve what you've done , be responsible for it.
    Ugh you're only two years older than me , that means you're young and you still have a long road to walk.
    I'm glad that you want to change yourself and be a better person , that's great , keep building your future ! Let's show them who you really are.

    Last but not least , you don't sound insecure , you sound like a very confident person ! icon_biggrin.gif



    That is exactly the state of mind I am in. That is actually why I wrote this thread. To be responsible for my mistakes. I think that making your dirty laundry "public" can be good sometimes.

    Anyway, thank you all for your messages. They give me hope
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 22, 2013 2:04 PM GMT
    So you were a manwhore at some point in your life. Who cares? It's your body and you're entitled to do with it as you please. Fuck those rumormongers and judgmental guys. All that matters is what you think, not what they think. Be happy.
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    Feb 22, 2013 4:51 PM GMT
    I think what you are feeling is not as uncommon as you think. I've posted on here recently that I've been cutting back on the number of random hook ups I have because I found them unfulfilling. I was aware of a pattern I was seeing, so I took steps to change it.

    Good on you for recognizing your issues and addressing them. We all have insecurities, just some are more vocal about it.

    About the guy spreading rumors about you, you have every right to be mad. He's just a pathetic douche. Ignore him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 22, 2013 5:13 PM GMT
    ppl loose themselves daily. When u can stop and take notice of things in your life that create drama and tension confront them and be willing to make a change, your on a path to greatness... enjoy the journey it will be difficult, memorable and you will love youself for the experience.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 22, 2013 5:49 PM GMT
    I like you as you are, insecure and slutty and all ;-)

    Do not change. Instead, keep growing and learning.
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    Feb 22, 2013 5:54 PM GMT
    Dominus, Jmusc85, Hillie. Thanks for your messages. It helped me relativize and detach myself.
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    Feb 22, 2013 5:55 PM GMT
    minox saidI like you as you are, insecure and slutty and all ;-)

    Do not change. Instead, keep growing and learning.


    Hahaha merci! This is part of my growing up I guess icon_smile.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 22, 2013 5:57 PM GMT
    We all have insecurities. I think the smart thing to do is to identify and deal with them as we go through life.. success helps bring confidence. My suggestion is "think" and review, much like you are. Make changes in your life when it looks wise to do so. Above all, we want to be happy and fulfilled in our lives. I'm confident that in a few years, you won't feel like you are so truly "insecure".
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    Feb 22, 2013 6:15 PM GMT
    yourname2000 saidGay guys totally fuck this up....just like you're fucking this up right now. icon_wink.gif

    You don't sound insecure....you just identified your needs very thoroughly. There was a hunger to it....and a total comfort with that hunger. That's not "insecure".

    I've struggled to fathom this, because I see far too many guys who choose to call themselves "introverts" or "shy", yet they are anything but. I've resolved that the limit here is language: there are only so many words in English, and each of us is only so talented in articulating our thoughts.

    You need to see your "need", your "insecurity" as what it is: part of your expression of yourself, even part of your sexual expression. Yeah, you're insecure....and it drives you to seek validation in the eyes of worthy partners...partners who sense your need, and respond to it. Partners who NEED to fulfill that need in you---that's THEIR need, their sexual expression. Be PROUD of who you are...this isn't weakness. You are a "south pole", and the more comfortable you can be with that, the more powerfully and comfortably you'll be able to express it. And when you do, you'll be a beacon for an equal "north pole", who was designed ---as if by God---to respond to the needs of someone like you (and me, btw.)

    Radiate. You're already doing it, whether you know it or not. But if you're embarrassed, or self-conscious about it, you'll actually restrict yourself---and be less likely to attract the kind of north pole who will fulfill you. That's a rip-off to you, for sure; but it's also a rip-off to him---that man who is looking in earnest for you.

    You need to turn this "insecurity" into an act of pride, to be a proudly "submissive" (or whatever) gay guy. And if words seem to fail you, understand that English has but 600,000 words (your monitor is probably showing 24 million colours, by comparison)....English is a coarse tool when expressing the complexity of human emotion and sexuality.

    Relish your "insecurity"....wield it like a sword. icon_twisted.gif



    Are you implying that by being a slut, one could find their opposite? Even if their opposite perhaps is not a slut at all? If so this sounds similar to my current situation...
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    Feb 22, 2013 6:35 PM GMT
    wow... icon_neutral.gif
  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Feb 23, 2013 1:33 AM GMT
    I wouldn't associate insecurity automatically with being American. For the most part, the entire world is focused on looks and personality. It comes in different levels and for me at varies in intensity on a day to day basis. Admitting it is better than covering it up as something else.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Feb 23, 2013 1:44 AM GMT
    The first step is admitting it. It takes guts to admit a fault.
    I used to feel like you and I still have those days but the one thing that I always remember that I would advise you is this.

    No matter what, someone will always judge you for whatever the heck they want, no matter how trivial it is. So it's better to be yourself instead of wanting to please everyone. Because if you do the latter, you'll never be fully happy at the end of the day and feel horrible. And might even lose who you were.

    This kind of thing is especially hard with gay guys. Trying to impress and be interesting to a guy(s) just to get them interested and the minute they brush you off, you start second guessing/doubting yourself.

    If you are just yourself, while you may not attract everyone you, you will attract someone who will like you for who you are. And plus, if it does work out, there is no pressure on putting on a mask since the guy will like you for you.

    Just be who you want to be. Don't let anyone control you. And also, try to work on not needing validation from other guys. Trust me, it's way better to dismiss that stuff and makes life a whole lot more easier.

    I hope this all helps somewhat. Don't give up. icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 23, 2013 2:02 AM GMT
    tumblr_mfx6dvU1fa1ru1wbho1_500.gif
  • cromi

    Posts: 489

    Feb 23, 2013 9:11 AM GMT
    hmmm, i for one had my fair share of threads that i started relating to my insecurities years or months ago in this site...

    one thing ive learned is that it can be really tiring and corrupting, to the point that you need to do something about it or else you'll come of as bitter and/or very negative.

    Thankfully, I can say that right now, I have found some of my self-respect on my own little ways.

    Funny story, I stumbled upon an average looking deaf guy online a few days ago and emailed him non-sexual convo in his mail, saying hi blah blah blah i noticed that you wrote that you are deaf in your page, blah blah blah can we be friends blah blah blah i watch switched at birth(you know, the show slightly about deaf people) blah blah blah... i mean i was really nice and conversational, and as of today he still has yet to reply even though he viewed my page already. Now normally, stuffs like that would just make me feel sad and say stuff like "you know you have to stop when a deaf guy decided to not have an online conversation to you" or "am i that uninteresting and boring to people?" but now im just like "okay, at least i tried, i could have been a quality friend lol"

    and isugemi, you are not only a good-looking guy, you also seem to be quite nice (i dont know, judging from your post in here and aura, i can feel that you are one nice person, i hope im right lol). good luck with that change, i hope you have a nice support from friends and family cause you will need it. bye icon_smile.gif
  • cromi

    Posts: 489

    Feb 23, 2013 10:46 AM GMT
    oh god! jp and yourname- the few people that i respect on here are annoyed by me icon_sad.gif i have to do some damage control :s

    okay let me start:

    the "you know you have to stop when a deaf guy decided to not have an online conversation to you" comment is like i said, stuff that i would do in the past, i admit, its degrading to him even though i did not outright said it to him directly.

    the "hey you're deaf and i watch a tv show about deaf people, lets be friends" comment was written out of context. the fact is i really did not meant any harm, I kinda thought that it would make him feel more conversational so he would reply, you know, like, icon_exclaim.gifgah! yeah, its kinda insulting, what was i thinking?

    yes, i must admit, i dont have many friends, i have like 5 on the top of my head, maybe thats why. but im changing, i even attended a night class for the sole purpose of meeting new people and possibly be friends with them. and yeah, i owe the guy an apology...

    btw sorry isugemi for hijacking your thread... awkwardicon_confused.gif
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    Feb 23, 2013 11:29 AM GMT
    Maybe cromi's way of addressing the deaf guy was a bit clumsy, but I imagine that if I had some kind of handicap, I would still prefer someone a bit direct who shows interest because of it, rather than someone who pretends not to notice and acts awkward.
    Thank you all for your kind messages. I am starting to think that we all have insecurities, and if I said that Americans seemed to be a bit sensitive on the subject, it's because I always read on realjock people using the word "insecure" in a very condescending way and as an insult. But now, I realize the reason : it's the most shameful parts of ourselves.
    So yeah, I really want to scream to the face of the world : Fuck you, I am insecure. Haha
  • Copestetic

    Posts: 1

    Feb 23, 2013 11:49 AM GMT
    When it's all said and done, you can only be the perfect you. You cannot be perfect for anybody else. People are very quick to judge without knowing. For the people calling you a whore, ignore them. Do not let their thoughts or comments cheapen you, this is just a part of your growing and learning process. Continue to enjoy your life and learn to like who you are. Just keep yourself protected in the process.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2013 12:20 PM GMT
    Isugemi saidMaybe cromi's way of addressing the deaf guy was a bit clumsy, but I imagine that if I had some kind of handicap, I would still prefer someone a bit direct who shows interest because of it, rather than someone who pretends not to notice and acts awkward.
    Thank you all for your kind messages. I am starting to think that we all have insecurities, and if I said that Americans seemed to be a bit sensitive on the subject, it's because I always read on realjock people using the word "insecure" in a very condescending way and as an insult. But now, I realize the reason : it's the most shameful parts of ourselves.
    So yeah, I really want to scream to the face of the world : Fuck you, I am insecure. Haha

    You sound very sensible guy from what you have written and how you have presented the fact. I guess we all have insecurities and we can just work to get rid of it or try not to allow insecurities to take control of ourselves. You can just ignore those people who are bitching about you. Focus on yourself. I think pretty much everything has already been said in this thread.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2013 1:55 PM GMT
    Isugemi saidHello everyone. I never thought I would write such a thread but I need to confess. And for obvious reasons, I can't confess to people I know. So here I am.
    I know for you, Americans, "insecure" is the worst thing ever. The most repulsive trait a guy can have. But I am completely insecure. I always need attention from guys on me. I need this validation. Well, I needed. Because I lately became aware of it.
    Because of these insecurities, I went on dating websites and had sex with a lot of guys, even sometimes when I was not attracted to them. Now, some people I don't even know call me a whore. A friend came to see me to tell me that some people are saying shit about me in the "gay world". Apparently, a guy I had oral sex with says to everybody very intimate things about me, and shows my picture to everyone. I told him to stop, but he told me I should be comfortable with who I am, and that he will stop spreading those rumors about me only if I accept him to fuck me (what a asshole haha).
    Honnestly I don't really mind people saying shit about me, because I don't know them, and they don't know me. But I can't help thinking they are right. And now, I am not okay with what I think about myself.
    I think I am not especially insecure about how I look, but more about whether people would find me interesting or not.
    So here is the deal. I will change, because I want to be a better person.
    So are there guys who succeeded in having more self-respect, and be secure about the person they are?


    Here's the key to security:

    Fuck what people think.
  • 1AlanZSky

    Posts: 1505

    Apr 13, 2014 7:01 PM GMT
    Me too, I felt very insecure today. These huge guys at the gym.