Love or country – it’s a decision many gay Americans with foreign partners are forced to make. CNN's Christiane Amanpour spoke with this couple about the issue, and the decision they made.

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    Feb 22, 2013 8:05 PM GMT
    http://amanpour.blogs.cnn.com/2013/02/22/gay-americans-forced-to-choose-between-love-and-country/?sr=fbmain

    Love or country – it’s a decision many gay Americans with foreign partners are forced to make.

    It may seem counterintuitive; in the past few years, a wave of American states have legalized gay marriage.

    But because of a 1996 federal law, the Defense of Marriage Act, the federal government does not recognize those unions.

    The result is that a heterosexual American can sponsor his or her partner for U.S. visa, but a gay American cannot.

    Rather than break the law or split up, many gay couples are leaving American shores.

    That was precisely the situation that Brandon Perlberg found himself in when his British partner, Benn Storey, who had been in the U.S. legally on temporary visas, was told it was unlikely he would ever obtain a green card to stay.

    The couple had lived in New York for seven years, but upended their lives and moved to the United Kingdom to stay together.

    “We never considered separating,” Storey told CNN’s Christiane Amanpour from London on Thursday.

    “We had always thought that this was going to be our backup plan,” his partner, Perlberg, added. “At the beginning of last year, it became certain that if we did not move now, we really faced the risk of being indefinitely separated. And that wasn't a risk we were willing to face.”

    In New York, Perlberg had been a practicing attorney. But his expertise in New York and American law was not valued in London, and he struggled to find a job.

    “That was one of the most difficult parts of this process for me,” he said. “I spent eleven months hemorrhaging financially, burning through savings and going on interviews.”

    President Obama has made immigration overhaul a top priority for his second term. Part of his proposal is to recognize, for the first time ever, gay partnerships when evaluating visa applications.

    Perlberg, the American, said he is conflicted about his feelings for the U.S.

    “On the one hand,” he said, “I love my country and I've never felt more personally attached and involved in its future as I do right now, as there's a debate going on as to immigration and a debate going on as to same-sex marriage. At the same time, I cannot shake this feeling of resentment that I have, that our lives were taken away from us.”

    Unlike many intra-national gay couples forced to choose between love and country, they had a fallback, because Storey happened to be from a country, the U.K., that allows gay citizens to bring in their foreign partners.

    “We are very much the lucky ones,” Storey said. “There are people who have no option but to go back to their home country and separate from their partner.”
  • metta

    Posts: 39134

    Feb 24, 2013 5:09 AM GMT
    Gays choosing between love and country

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    Feb 24, 2013 11:15 AM GMT
    Oh no. A stale topic presented as pander disguised as a new topic.








    NOW DO THE HARLEM SHAKE
  • FitGwynedd

    Posts: 1468

    Feb 24, 2013 11:29 AM GMT
    Lol why would anyone turn down a free ticket out of the US to Canada or the UK
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    Feb 24, 2013 12:40 PM GMT
    AeroNalex saidOh no. A stale topic presented as pander disguised as a new topic.

    NOW DO THE HARLEM SHAKE


    Your less than average looks, poor sense of humor and shitty profile are the only things that are stale around here.
  • FitGwynedd

    Posts: 1468

    Feb 24, 2013 1:19 PM GMT
    credo said
    AeroNalex saidOh no. A stale topic presented as pander disguised as a new topic.

    NOW DO THE HARLEM SHAKE


    Your less than average looks, poor sense of humor and shitty profile are the only things that are stale around here.


    Oi that was mean
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    Feb 24, 2013 1:32 PM GMT
    That's fine. I don't pretend to be attractive to anyone. I'm aware of every one of my flaws.

    But I'm also a man. I don't deal with my problems by taking petty shots at peoples appearances. Seems a little classless and girly.
    Come back when your balls drop and insult me like a man.
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    Feb 24, 2013 2:01 PM GMT
    I live(d) it. icon_mad.gif
    Seven years long-distance, finally... goodbye USA.
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    Feb 24, 2013 4:08 PM GMT
    AeroNalex saidOh no. A stale topic presented as pander disguised as a new topic.








    NOW DO THE HARLEM SHAKE


    Your opinion on this is rather worthless; the topic and the situations it addresses are important.
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    Feb 24, 2013 5:13 PM GMT
    AeroNalex saidThat's fine. I don't pretend to be attractive to anyone. I'm aware of every one of my flaws.

    But I'm also a man. I don't deal with my problems by taking petty shots at peoples appearances. Seems a little classless and girly.
    Come back when your balls drop and insult me like a man.



    Yo, your hair is 2 inches away from the girly territory, youre bitchy and you are studying nursing and marketing...all of which pretty much makes you a girl. Credo can't insult you like a man because you kinda ain't one...so like expected from a girly boy(who thinks he is man)you probably can't handle one.
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    Feb 24, 2013 11:45 PM GMT
    charlitos said
    AeroNalex saidThat's fine. I don't pretend to be attractive to anyone. I'm aware of every one of my flaws.

    But I'm also a man. I don't deal with my problems by taking petty shots at peoples appearances. Seems a little classless and girly.
    Come back when your balls drop and insult me like a man.



    Yo, your hair is 2 inches away from the girly territory, youre bitchy and you are studying nursing and marketing...all of which pretty much makes you a girl. Credo can't insult you like a man because you kinda ain't one...so like expected from a girly boy(who thinks he is man)you probably can't handle one.


    I actually ditched the Nursing thing, but I'm sure all the nurses here on RJ would love to hear how girly their careers are. Lifting patients, taking care of wounded military, assisting in physical and emotional healing processes...damn thats womens work right? As for marketing, my career choice is not in marketing. The goal is Advertising and Promotions. A good A&P Manager has studied Marketing, and has earned a MBA, which I fully intend to do.
    I'm sorry you don't approve of guys with a hairstyle that isn't the same as yours. It sounds like a personal problem. I change my hair as I see fit. Right now it's about a centimeter on the sides and 2 inches on the top. I keep it off my face.

    But really what it comes down to is, you can't handle a fact that has been a fact since the beginning of this country. Do you really expect everyone to get up out of their seats and be shocked to the core that a same sex marriage does not have the same rights as a hetero marriage? Everyone knows already, and guess what? You have more rights in this country than in almost every other country in the world. AND those rights are continuing to expand in the new age. You can write letters and petitions to help move it along, but really all any of us can do about it is sit here and wait.
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    Feb 24, 2013 11:56 PM GMT
    AeroNalex said
    charlitos said
    AeroNalex saidThat's fine. I don't pretend to be attractive to anyone. I'm aware of every one of my flaws.

    But I'm also a man. I don't deal with my problems by taking petty shots at peoples appearances. Seems a little classless and girly.
    Come back when your balls drop and insult me like a man.



    Yo, your hair is 2 inches away from the girly territory, youre bitchy and you are studying nursing and marketing...all of which pretty much makes you a girl. Credo can't insult you like a man because you kinda ain't one...so like expected from a girly boy(who thinks he is man)you probably can't handle one.


    I actually ditched the Nursing thing, but I'm sure all the nurses here on RJ would love to hear how girly their careers are. Lifting patients, taking care of wounded military, assisting in physical and emotional healing processes...damn thats womens work right? As for marketing, my career choice is not in marketing. The goal is Advertising and Promotions. A good A&P Manager has studied Marketing, and has earned a MBA, which I fully intend to do.
    I'm sorry you don't approve of guys with a hairstyle that isn't the same as yours. It sounds like a personal problem. I change my hair as I see fit. Right now it's about a centimeter on the sides and 2 inches on the top. I keep it off my face.

    But really what it comes down to is, you can't handle a fact that has been a fact since the beginning of this country. Do you really expect everyone to get up out of their seats and be shocked to the core that a same sex marriage does not have the same rights as a hetero marriage? Everyone knows already, and guess what? You have more rights in this country than in almost every other country in the world. AND those rights are continuing to expand in the new age. You can write letters and petitions to help move it along, but really all any of us can do about it is sit here and wait.



    YOU used the term "girly" with the intent to insult, I just followed along. I dont personally think less of women or girly men.
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    Feb 25, 2013 12:04 AM GMT
    Why follow along at all? What point does that prove? "Hey I can be petty too."?
  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    Feb 25, 2013 12:10 AM GMT
    FitGwynedd said
    credo said
    AeroNalex saidOh no. A stale topic presented as pander disguised as a new topic.

    NOW DO THE HARLEM SHAKE


    Your less than average looks, poor sense of humor and shitty profile are the only things that are stale around here.


    Oi that was mean
    lol, exactly my thought while reading this article---they are so behind in history making. Eventually, they will get there tooicon_smile.gif
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    Feb 25, 2013 12:20 AM GMT
    AeroNalex saidWhy follow along at all? What point does that prove? "Hey I can be petty too."?


    The use of the term "prove" is wrong here, it should be "What point does that confirm?"
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    Feb 25, 2013 12:24 AM GMT
    O5vx said
    FitGwynedd said
    credo said
    AeroNalex saidOh no. A stale topic presented as pander disguised as a new topic.

    NOW DO THE HARLEM SHAKE


    Your less than average looks, poor sense of humor and shitty profile are the only things that are stale around here.


    Oi that was mean
    lol, exactly my thought while reading this article---they are so behind in history making. Eventually, they will get there tooicon_smile.gif


    Right? This is my point. "A gay couple was treated unfairly today!" It isn't news. What is Christiane Amanpour doing? Its just like...yeah we know...it'll change.

    charlitos said
    AeroNalex saidWhy follow along at all? What point does that prove? "Hey I can be petty too."?


    The use of the term "prove" is wrong here, it should be "What point does that confirm?"


    I could also say "What point are you trying to make?"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2013 1:19 AM GMT
    AeroNalex said
    O5vx said
    FitGwynedd said
    credo said
    AeroNalex saidOh no. A stale topic presented as pander disguised as a new topic.

    NOW DO THE HARLEM SHAKE


    Your less than average looks, poor sense of humor and shitty profile are the only things that are stale around here.


    Oi that was mean
    lol, exactly my thought while reading this article---they are so behind in history making. Eventually, they will get there tooicon_smile.gif


    Right? This is my point. "A gay couple was treated unfairly today!" It isn't news. What is Christiane Amanpour doing? Its just like...yeah we know...it'll change.

    charlitos said
    AeroNalex saidWhy follow along at all? What point does that prove? "Hey I can be petty too."?


    The use of the term "prove" is wrong here, it should be "What point does that confirm?"


    I could also say "What point are you trying to make?"


    I don't understand the question
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2013 1:54 AM GMT
    AeroNalex saidOh no. A stale topic presented as pander disguised as a new topic.








    NOW DO THE HARLEM SHAKE



    Dude what is your problem? Seriously? icon_neutral.gificon_rolleyes.gif