I WAS CHEATED ON AND MY PARTNER GAVE MY HSV-2. NOW WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO?

  • dj00021

    Posts: 21

    Feb 23, 2013 12:25 PM GMT
    I feel like a dieased whore. For those of you who dont know HSV-2 is genital herpes... Every guy I've told has literally ran away scared. I'm a very good looking guy. I'm kind. I'm funny. I'm sweet. I work out. And most of all very honest, unlike my ex. I found out he cheated on me when I noticed something not normal on my genitals. I ran to go get tested and threw the results in his face.

    Just angers me and I have to deal with this now, when I did nothing wrong. We got tested together when we first got together, which is why we were having unprotected sex. And because I trusted the person I thought i loved, I'm forever burdened to have "the talk". Which always leads to "its was nice meeting you but...."

    All my friends say I will find someone. Just wondering, how do I go about getting to know someone if when I tell them about my situation they always run off scared.

    Any guys out there with the same problem??
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    Feb 23, 2013 12:34 PM GMT
    Trust me, there are worse things a lying, cheating, psycho ex could have given you.

  • dj00021

    Posts: 21

    Feb 23, 2013 12:35 PM GMT
    I know... It could always be worse. Would you be okay with something like this?
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    Feb 23, 2013 12:45 PM GMT
    If you are having sex with anyone at this juncture in history I would figure they have some disease and take precautions, welcome to the modern world. For me, I would not walk away from someone because they had herpes, if they were a kind, honest, sweet man. That said, my judgement on kindness and sweetness has been shown to be flawed.
  • dj00021

    Posts: 21

    Feb 23, 2013 12:48 PM GMT
    I'm very precautious. Very health conscious. No flairs ups. etc etc....I'm very honest i dont hide the fact i have it, as you can see...

    I guess I will have to be more patient.

    If anyone is in the same situation would really like to hear your story.
  • Amira

    Posts: 327

    Feb 23, 2013 1:38 PM GMT
    If someone told me they had herpes I would not run away. I don't think you should think low of yourself because of it. There are people who will accept you for who you are since being honest is something that rarely comes by especially when it comes down to being open about STDs. There are so many people out there who have something but are too selfish to tell others because they are afraid of rejection.

    So don't refer to yourself as a "diseased whore", your life is far from over. And of course you did not ask for this viral infection so don't beat yourself up when you can only move forward from here.

    And honestly being in a relationship doesn't justify having unprotected sex. That is where a lot of guys catch something. They love their partner and think they can trust them. Being in a relationship and choosing to stick to protected sex isn't a trust issue, I see it as more so understanding that regardless or love or not your health can still be at risk.

    My good friend has a close friend she told me about. And the girl got herpes from her boyfriend that she had been living with. And she was so ready to break up with the guy and leave but since she now has herpes she feel like she might as well settle for the guy since finding someone else who will want to be with her will never happen. It's sad and I don't think anyone should ever feel that way. Sure you have people who will judge others if they have an STD but you still have others who will look past that and see that you're someone being honest about who they are when so many other people are in denial about their health.
  • dj00021

    Posts: 21

    Feb 23, 2013 2:41 PM GMT
    I was a bit dramatic with the dieased whore thing... but its annoying when people would rather not get to know me because of this.

    Especially in the gay community where alot is based on sex... Yes this might be a generalized steroetype... but where I'm from guys have only 1 thing on their mind.

    In regards to your friend I was in the same position and almost stayed with him because I didnt have to worry about giving it to anyone. Good people have a conscious and honestly I'm scared of having any sexual contact despite how safe my doctor says it is when using precaution. Even when its completely controlled.

    But I'm just venting, had a couple bad experiences so far with being honest with people about this. And I wanted a strangers perceptive to see if I'm not over anaylzying and worrying toooo much about everything.

  • Amira

    Posts: 327

    Feb 23, 2013 2:53 PM GMT
    I don't find you over reacting, there are people in your situation who would literally have a mental break down. I think it's perfectly fine for you to be concerned about whether or not people are going to run away when you are upfront about it.
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    Feb 23, 2013 4:32 PM GMT
    I used to have a close friend who had the disease and when he met his partner, he told him upfront and they're still together (from last I heard). The key is to be honest and above all, keep your symptoms under control. In other words, if you have a breakout, do NOT have sex and get it treated. HSV is not a death sentence. For many people, it's more of an inconvenience but the disease is definitely manageable.
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    Feb 23, 2013 5:00 PM GMT
    WikipediaPrevalence of HSV-2 is those between the ages of 15 and 50 is approximately 535 million as of 2003 or 16% of the population with greater rates among women and in those in the developing world.


    You are certainly not alone. icon_eek.gif

    There are presumably a lot of people out there who do not know that they are infected. It is said to be ubiquitous and contagious.

    Are you sure that neither of you had the virus before you met?

    My heart goes out to you.
  • MN_daily

    Posts: 6

    Feb 23, 2013 8:40 PM GMT
    Dont freak out. Just be yourself. We lack nothing but genuine gays. Id get to know you. On the other side, you get to filter out those who only intent to get in between your legs...
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    Feb 23, 2013 9:02 PM GMT
    dj00021 saidI feel like a dieased whore. For those of you who dont know HSV-2 is genital herpes... Every guy I've told has literally ran away scared. I'm a very good looking guy. I'm kind. I'm funny. I'm sweet. I work out. And most of all very honest, unlike my ex. I found out he cheated on me when I noticed something not normal on my genitals. I ran to go get tested and threw the results in his face.

    Just angers me and I have to deal with this now, when I did nothing wrong. We got tested together when we first got together, which is why we were having unprotected sex. And because I trusted the person I thought i loved, I'm forever burdened to have "the talk". Which always leads to "its was nice meeting you but...."

    All my friends say I will find someone. Just wondering, how do I go about getting to know someone if when I tell them about my situation they always run off scared.

    Any guys out there with the same problem??

    Sorry about this. Some questions:

    - What did he say when you confronted him?
    - How long were you together?
    - Is he your first sexual partner? If not, how long ago was the last, and did you perform oral sex on him/her? Either of you could have already had HSV-2 before you became partners and not known it, no symptoms.
    - You say you tested when you met, then had unprotected sex. That's dangerous and tells you nothing about the presence of HIV. You must be monogamous and having safe sex for 3-6 months before getting tested for HIV to produce meaningful results. Other STIs will test positive more quickly after initial infection. But with HIV tests you're always getting what your status was 3 to 6 months ago, not what you are today.
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    Feb 23, 2013 9:03 PM GMT
    He could have given you HIV...so it could have been worse, right?! Always play safe no matter what. icon_wink.gif
  • Lehurrdurr

    Posts: 146

    Feb 23, 2013 9:28 PM GMT
    I'm in the same boat as you are. Met someone I liked, in the beginning we were both clean until I got slapped by the health dept saying that I need to get tested because my partner might have infected me with something. I later was diagnosed with chlamydia. Of course mentally I broke down, and emotionally I was anguished and livid. He cheated too.
    I over reacted, long story short, I regained myself and took control myself. I came to my senses and accepted that what's done is done. Can't be undone. I made the best out of it, more aware and conscious in meeting people and best of all.. I forgave him.

    So.. Just be strong and you'll get through it. It'll be fine because as I come to realize, it's not the end of the world icon_smile.gif
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Feb 23, 2013 9:31 PM GMT
    First, I am so sorry that happened to you. It's like the whole "Just when you think you know someone" sort of thing.

    Anyway, at least you didn't get HIV. At least you can still live. And the best thing is you are honest about your condition. A lot of guys may run away but I'm sure you'll meet guys who will like you and will think highly of you for not lying to them. Honesty is always important.

    If a guy had herpes and was honest, nice, friendly, a good guy, I wouldn't run. But when it came to intercourse, it would definitely need to be protected. Just keep treating yourself with the medication that the doctors prescribed to you and every thing should be okay.

    I bring the honesty part up because one time when I was talking to a guy, he shared a story with me where he said that when he was younger (he was a bit older then me), there was a time where he was going to hook up with a guy who took him back to his place and had the lights off and insisted them to stay off. My friend got curious as to why and when he felt around, he felt the guy was wearing a condom and he pulled it off, then quickly switched the lights on and low and behold, the guy he was about to sleep with had a severe case of genital herpes. He described it as white cement-like boils all over his junk and thighs. It was a mess and the guy felt ashamed that he didn't tell him. Needless to say, my friend left. He had another experience like this with another guy, only this guy had the herpes in his butt.

    So yeah trust me, it's better to be honest if you really like a guy...

    Good luck!
  • Medjai

    Posts: 2671

    Feb 23, 2013 9:36 PM GMT
    It's cold sores. Yeah, it sucks, but it could be a hell of a lot worse.

    Something like 60% of adults over 30 have oral herpes, and no one really cares. Just treat the symptoms, drop the ex, find someone new, and move on.
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    Feb 23, 2013 9:37 PM GMT
    dj00021 saidI feel like a dieased whore. For those of you who dont know HSV-2 is genital herpes... Every guy I've told has literally ran away scared. I'm a very good looking guy. I'm kind. I'm funny. I'm sweet. I work out. And most of all very honest, unlike my ex. I found out he cheated on me when I noticed something not normal on my genitals. I ran to go get tested and threw the results in his face.

    Just angers me and I have to deal with this now, when I did nothing wrong. We got tested together when we first got together, which is why we were having unprotected sex. And because I trusted the person I thought i loved, I'm forever burdened to have "the talk". Which always leads to "its was nice meeting you but...."

    All my friends say I will find someone. Just wondering, how do I go about getting to know someone if when I tell them about my situation they always run off scared.

    Any guys out there with the same problem??


    see this is why i believe in safe sex even with boyfriends and husbands...smh..just be grateful he didn't give you hiv....what most statistical surveys fails to tell anyone about hiv or std and sti...is that most of these infection happen during monogamous relationships. I dont get why people risk their own health for so called relationships.
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    Feb 23, 2013 9:43 PM GMT
    Dude, as long as you take your meds, make sure you keep the flare-ups under control and practice safe sex, I don't think this is a big deal. A lot of guys have herpes, but a lot of them don't have the courage to tell others about it. So I COMMEND you. You go, boy.
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    Feb 23, 2013 9:44 PM GMT
    The right guy will Understand that this is due to no fault of your own and will accept you. Don't expect every guy to be the right one though. Stay honest and true to yourself and others! You'll end up happy in the long run.
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    Feb 23, 2013 9:46 PM GMT
    Isn't it like Oral Herpes or Cold sores? Like.. It's inactive for a while then it's active? :p If that's the case, then isn't it only possible to transmit the virus while it's active or not?

    Correct me if I'm wrong. I don't really know much about herpes.
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    Feb 23, 2013 9:49 PM GMT
    stop being such a fucking baby. people get raped and get REAL diseases or even worse a child. you could be pregnant with a hepatitis/hiv baby right now after being raped. yer boyfriend cheated on you, that sucks! but get some fucking perspective man. people in the world have real problems and all you have is herpes. thats pretty awesome. there are billions of people in the world who would give anything to switch places with you.
    also, stop telling everyone on the internet you have herpes.
  • blueyedgrey20...

    Posts: 285

    Feb 23, 2013 9:51 PM GMT
    FUCK YOUR EX! hes an asshole and just slutty you deserve better man his loss. and im so sorry man. if it makes a diffrence im here for ya.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2013 9:51 PM GMT
    blackstrap saidstop being such a fucking baby. people get raped and get REAL diseases or even worse a child. you could be pregnant with a hepatitis/hiv baby right now after being raped. yer boyfriend cheated on you, that sucks! but get some fucking perspective man. people in the world have real problems and all you have is herpes. thats pretty awesome. there are billions of people in the world who would give anything to switch places with you.
    also, stop telling everyone on the internet you have herpes.

    Damn, is it any way possible for you to be an even bigger tool?
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    Feb 23, 2013 9:52 PM GMT
    blasiankid said
    blackstrap saidstop being such a fucking baby. people get raped and get REAL diseases or even worse a child. you could be pregnant with a hepatitis/hiv baby right now after being raped. yer boyfriend cheated on you, that sucks! but get some fucking perspective man. people in the world have real problems and all you have is herpes. thats pretty awesome. there are billions of people in the world who would give anything to switch places with you.
    also, stop telling everyone on the internet you have herpes.

    Damn, is it any way possible for you to be an even bigger tool?

    I know, what a fuckin jerk.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2013 9:54 PM GMT
    huhwhat said
    blasiankid said
    blackstrap saidstop being such a fucking baby. people get raped and get REAL diseases or even worse a child. you could be pregnant with a hepatitis/hiv baby right now after being raped. yer boyfriend cheated on you, that sucks! but get some fucking perspective man. people in the world have real problems and all you have is herpes. thats pretty awesome. there are billions of people in the world who would give anything to switch places with you.
    also, stop telling everyone on the internet you have herpes.

    Damn, is it any way possible for you to be an even bigger tool?

    I know, what a fuckin jerk.

    I really hope he never contracts anything because Karma is going to flip his world upside down