Request for Advice: to porn or not to porn?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 07, 2008 1:25 PM GMT
    This is an area of slight disagreement with hubby. Don't worry, we won't go to divorce court over it, just curious what others think, and I doubt I'll share any comments here with him. I'm not one of those "See! Everybody else thinks you're wrong, too!" kind of guys.

    Once a month, like today, the pest control guy comes around to all the condos in our building, a mandatory condo association requirement down here in buggy Florida. He visits every room & closet with a sprayer.

    In our dressing room my partner has a couple of 12" porno "action" figure dolls, displayed in a Tom of Finland state of undress and sporting superhuman erection. In fact, one is actually labeled Tom of Finland in his tiny little leather outfit, while the other doll is a strapping farm boy, growing his own version of a massive stalk of corn.

    I'm usually home alone when pest control arrives, to escort him around. But when I suggested we might put the "Toms" away temporarily, he refused.

    "He's probably gay anyway," was one of his reasons. "And half the people in this building are gay, he's gonna see lots of that."

    Well, what if he's not gay? Or what if seeing a pair of exaggerated hardons is offensive to him, because he doesn't have the same values as us? And what if the next time (I'll know in a few minutes here), it's a woman who comes around?

    I feel a bit like the scene in the movie "The Birdcage" where they're removing all the erotic art before the prospective in-laws arrive. I don't care if anybody knows I'm gay, though, to me it's just a matter of not offending someone making a service call to our home.

    Any thoughts?
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    Oct 07, 2008 3:26 PM GMT
    Don't worry. Guys/gals who inspect closets for a living have seen far far worse stuff. icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 07, 2008 7:11 PM GMT
    Sedative saidDon't worry. Guys/gals who inspect closets for a living have seen far far worse stuff. icon_wink.gif


    No doubt true, but not sure I want to add to it. I dunno, I have this old-fashioned concept of personal "dignity" that I'd rather not violate.

    I do what I like, but that doesn't mean everyone has to know about it. Nor be exposed to it, if that's not within their own comfort zone.

    Has my sense of "propriety" and automatic consideration for others become totally obsolete? We used to have a thing known as "courtesy" that meant you tried to respect others, and avoid possibly offending them insofar as you could. Your business was your own, and so was theirs.

    Is that concept obsolete now, so we can do what the fuck we want, and to hell if others are bothered?
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    Oct 07, 2008 8:16 PM GMT
    OH I had a mate who worked in that for a couple of months, used to inspect houses for a housing place..

    Anywho..

    He has told me some stories about peoples places that made me cringe but one of the funny ones was being shown into a room that had all sorts of bondage stuff, slings, masks, whips and things on the wall he could only imagine where used to tie up another person..

    hehehe poor thing, ran away after that icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 08, 2008 2:24 PM GMT
    Red_Vespa saidIs that concept obsolete now, so we can do what the fuck we want, and to hell if others are bothered?


    Maybe your sense of propriety isn't as prevalent as it once was. That doesn't mean you're wrong. Yes, you can do whatever you want, but there's no reason to make a guest in your home unnecessarily uncomfortable. (Service worker or not, they're still a guest...)

    So, yeah... stash your boner dolls.
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    Oct 08, 2008 10:58 PM GMT
    IMO the key is whether you wish to hide it because it is sexually oriented or because it is homosexually oriented.

    If it is because the items are homosexually oriented then I have to agree with your hubby. Remember it is your own home we are talking about. A person ought to be comfortable to decorate however he wants, regardless of what an invitee might think, whether that includes storing a couple of gay figurines in a closet or, taken to the opposite extreme, proudly displaying a Nazi flag. It is your home, and in your home do what you want and display what you want. You should only worry about offending others when it affects them outside your home. For example, your orgy, or anything for that matter, last weekend got so loud that it kept the neighbors up (take the word "up" however you will) icon_wink.gif. That's bad form regardless of sexual orientation. If he has a problem with your sexual orientation, while in your own home, that is his problem, not yours, and perhaps they need to get a new job, or just move to Iran, if homosexuality is such a problem for him.

    If it is because you are concerned about the sexual nature of them, but not necessarily the gay nature, then I'm willing to cut you some slack. If you believe that sexual issues ought to be kept completely private so as not to embarrass others, again regardless of sexual orientation, that isn't necessarily a bad thing, and I'd be less judgmental about that. However, you home is still your home, and you ought to be free to express yourself freely.
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    Oct 08, 2008 11:10 PM GMT
    The sprayer doesnt have any business being offended by items in your house. His/her personal values stop at his job, just like for the rest of us.
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    Oct 09, 2008 12:06 AM GMT
    Though Hobronto is wise and an outstanding twitterer, I must disagree.

    You do have to be considerate of your guests. When they open the door there shouldn't be a foot long dildo on the coffee table (where the dog can get it!). And is no different with service people.

    However, a guest would have absolutely no right to go to certain places in your home. It is, after all, your home and they are just a guest in it. But this poor service worker has to invade the most private nooks and crannies of your place, which means he has to invade your privacy. As such, he should expect to see some things he might not like.
  • JohnG16775

    Posts: 235

    Oct 09, 2008 12:39 AM GMT
    put the stuff away till he leaves, he is a guest in your home.
  • ilprincipe

    Posts: 40

    Oct 09, 2008 12:58 AM GMT
    Hmmm - seems to me it was not so long ago that people dutifully went to the back of the bus, or drank from a different fountain, so as not to offend people... Do you think straight guys hide their porn when the inspector comes around? Or do they yuk it up about 'great tits, eh'? For the inspector's sake, I think it's more important that your house is clean and neat and that's it's easy for him to get through it and get his job done - so he can go home to his boyfriend or girlfriend (or manikin)...
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    Oct 09, 2008 2:03 AM GMT
    hockeytiger saidIMO the key is whether you wish to hide it because it is sexually oriented or because it is homosexually oriented.


    Good question. I wrote this in my original post starting this thread:

    "I don't care if anybody knows I'm gay, though, to me it's just a matter of not offending someone making a service call to our home."

    I don't hide the local & national gay publications that are all around here, that most area residents know are gay, if only from the homoerotic cover art and content listings. But not X-rated because the local ones are distributed in public places.

    So the answer is proud to be gay and out, not proud to make unwary guests uncomfortable.
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    Oct 09, 2008 2:11 AM GMT
    ilprincipe saidHmmm - seems to me it was not so long ago that people dutifully went to the back of the bus, or drank from a different fountain, so as not to offend people...


    Going to the back of the bus wasn't done to avoid offending others, but to avoid arrest. That was an act of segregation, not an act of consideration.

    I'm talking courtesy and civility to others, not the violation of basic civil rights for all. Just because I CAN do something doesn't mean I SHOULD do something. A little personal restraint can be merely good manners, not an abrogation of my Constitutional rights.
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    Oct 09, 2008 3:34 AM GMT
    Red_Vespa said
    hockeytiger saidIMO the key is whether you wish to hide it because it is sexually oriented or because it is homosexually oriented.


    Good question. I wrote this in my original post starting this thread:

    "I don't care if anybody knows I'm gay, though, to me it's just a matter of not offending someone making a service call to our home."

    I don't hide the local & national gay publications that are all around here, that most area residents know are gay, if only from the homoerotic cover art and content listings. But not X-rated because the local ones are distributed in public places.

    So the answer is proud to be gay and out, not proud to make unwary guests uncomfortable.


    I do understand not wanting to make your guests uncomfortable and avoiding an awkward situation. I, for one, avoid shoving my sexuality in other's faces. However, I will not shy away form being who I am, especially in my own house. Sometimes it is a balancing act, and your feelings, and your hubby's feelings both need to be included in this.

    I suggest really sitting down with him and getting the real answer from him. "He's probably gay anyway" is simply not a good enough reason. If he doesn't want to put them away because he would feel like he was hiding his sexuality, I would honor his feelings and I'd let him know that. His feelings are more important than the exterminator's and make sure he knows that. As guys we aren't supposed to show such empathy, but in a long term relationship, emotional validation like that, can only help keep things passionate.
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    Oct 09, 2008 3:52 AM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidAs such, he should expect to see some things he might not like.


    "He'll see things he doesn't want to see.

    Things that will keep him awake at night.

    Things that he can't...unsee."


    Pest Control
    Starring Red_Vespa
    Only in theaters on October 8th
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    Oct 09, 2008 4:25 AM GMT
    hobronto said
    Pest Control
    Starring Red_Vespa
    Only in theaters on October 8th


    LMAO!!! What do the critics say?
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    Oct 09, 2008 4:33 AM GMT
    hockeytiger said [Your partner's] feelings are more important than the exterminator's and make sure he knows that. As guys we aren't supposed to show such empathy, but in a long term relationship, emotional validation like that, can only help keep things passionate.


    Absolutely! That's why I dropped the subject with him as soon as he said "no." They are his "boner boyz" and they've stayed right where he put them. I married him, not the exterminator guy. But I was curious what others here thought, if you've had any similar situations.

    I don't turn on the light in there during the monthly visit, though, as I do in the adjoining master bedroom and bath... LOL!
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Oct 09, 2008 11:16 PM GMT
    It's just being polite ...

    it's not that your gay ... people don't want other people's sexuality flaunted in their faces

    what you described doesn't sound bad but
    if you have Toys or Large pictures laying around icon_eek.gif

    that might be bad
    It would be the same if a str8 couple left their stuff lying around
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    Oct 13, 2008 11:52 AM GMT
    If the Orcan man is gay, wouldn't that be highly suggestive to leave them out? I'd think the hubby would not want you home alone with a horny bug killer.