did i just come out?

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    Oct 07, 2008 2:23 PM GMT
    My roommate wanted to watch Planet Earth with me and I was like "oh shit that thing is awesome, I saw some with my ex-boyfriend" it kinda just slipped out but I didn't really care, I wanted him to find out casually anyway.

    He has been cool and just as friendly as ever, so now I'm wondering. A. He is a really good straight ally. or B. maybe he didn't even realize i said "boyfriend' or didn't hear it.

    Damn, I wanna know if he knows, like am I free to be out or do I have to officially still come out grrr. lol.
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    Oct 07, 2008 2:39 PM GMT
    Well, the word "boyfriend" can still have a non-sexual meaning, though less and less these days. Boys can still have boyfriends, but teens begin to drop the term, and grown men never use it. If your roommate is early 20s like you, maybe it just went right over his head as nothing remarkable, being not so far removed from his boyhood days. Had you both been in your 40s, I think it more likely he would have caught it.

    Interesting than woman of all ages can still have "girlfriends" in the non-sexual sense. And I always found it curious that straight women could always dance with each other, but get out the shotguns if 2 men try it.

    (Except for one very curious early Thomas Edison motion picture experiment in the 1890s, in which he has all his male lab assistants dancing in pairs together in front of the camera. What's THAT about?)

    Anyway, your roommate may not yet know, so go back to square one and decide how you ultimately want to approach this, if at all.
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    Oct 07, 2008 2:55 PM GMT
    I have never heard anyone use "boyfriend' in the way girls use "girlfriend" casually.

    I am sure if he heard it he completely understands, I guess the question is did he hear it or did he just assume I meant to say girlfriend or who knows.
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    Oct 07, 2008 4:27 PM GMT
    He definitely knows and is most likely not mentioning it because it A: doesn't bother him or B: he already knew.
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    Oct 07, 2008 4:40 PM GMT
    DenverClimber3 saidHe definitely knows and is most likely not mentioning it because it A: doesn't bother him or B: he already knew.


    Yes, I agree. You don't just accidently say boyfriend. In this day and age, it so becoming widely accepted now. My friends used to say all the derogatory language about gays (cock sucker, faggot, ect...) when they thought I was straight. Now that they know, it turns out that they're really cool with it. We still use the derogatory language. Hell, I use it more than they do. HAHA
  • UncleverName

    Posts: 741

    Oct 07, 2008 4:40 PM GMT
    I actually had a similar conversation with someone at work once. They completely missed every use I had made of the pronoun he while talking about my partner. It wasn't until we were on chat and I used his name that this guy clued in. I didn't feel like coming out to him, so I just acted all along like he knew. Definitely easier for me that way. I'd probably just continue to let stuff like that 'slip' out. He'll eventually catch it. Unless you want to talk to him about it directly.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Oct 07, 2008 4:42 PM GMT
    Come on, he knows. He may have even known before you said something. But, my guess he's cool with it. I wouldn't stress out about it until he says something.
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    Oct 07, 2008 4:46 PM GMT
    Based on what you have written here before, he undoubtedly knows. But that can be such an awkward situation. He might be uncomfortable with certain topics because your sexuality might be apart of it. Because you are not officially out there are so many taboos which just add stress to normal roommate relations.

    So just come out already for the love of jebus!
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    Oct 07, 2008 4:46 PM GMT
    Yes, yes you did and in turn he has outted you.

    I just read on a Men's Room wall:
    For a good time call hippie4lyfe at #....
    well that will be our lil secret icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 07, 2008 4:47 PM GMT
    Great story. Made me smile. Does he know? He's either really cool or, no offense, real stupid. icon_smile.gif. Best way to find out? Ask him!!
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    Oct 07, 2008 4:53 PM GMT
    When I told my roommate he said "dude, I've lived with you for 2 years and you think I wasn't aware?" haha so I'm sure roommates, though maybe you are doing things that you figure doesn't really scream out gay, may scream out gay to your buddy (such as not sleeping with your hot girlfriends, as my roommate AND brother put it lol). At least that's what tipped them off, and when you slip/tell them it may not be as surprising as you think. I was more surprised that I wasn't too good at concealing it then he was that I was telling him I was gay, lol.
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    Oct 07, 2008 5:03 PM GMT
    hippie4lyfe saidMy roommate wanted to watch Planet Earth with me and I was like "oh shit that thing is awesome, I saw some with my ex-boyfriend" it kinda just slipped out but I didn't really care, I wanted him to find out casually anyway.

    He has been cool and just as friendly as ever, so now I'm wondering. A. He is a really good straight ally. or B. maybe he didn't even realize i said "boyfriend' or didn't hear it.

    Damn, I wanna know if he knows, like am I free to be out or do I have to officially still come out grrr. lol.


    Well it could have been worse, you could have said "fuck-buddy". icon_redface.gif

    He knows I am sure. Young gay men are lucky these days. Straight guys are more comfortable with gays then they were in the Paleozoic era known as the late 70s, early 80s. If I had said something like that I would have been looking for a new place to live within a week.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Oct 07, 2008 5:13 PM GMT
    [quote]did i just come out?[/quote]

    yes
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    Oct 07, 2008 5:20 PM GMT
    Erikk saidWhen I told my roommate he said "dude, I've lived with you for 2 years and you think I wasn't aware?" haha so I'm sure roommates, though maybe you are doing things that you figure doesn't really scream out gay, may scream out gay to your buddy (such as not sleeping with your hot girlfriends, as my roommate AND brother put it lol). At least that's what tipped them off, and when you slip/tell them it may not be as surprising as you think. I was more surprised that I wasn't too good at concealing it then he was that I was telling him I was gay, lol.



    What, straight guys don't turn down dates with hot girls? DANG! My cover is terrible... icon_mad.gif lo; icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    Unofficially out is the way to go? o.O
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    Oct 07, 2008 5:21 PM GMT
    I dunno. I told one of my old bosses like three years ago in passing, and it didn't ever really come up again until last weekend, when we ran into each other downtown and we had a big ol' heart-to-heart after he told me he didn't realize I was gay until a friend mentioned my boyfriend to him a few weeks ago. People are strange. When I dated girls, people sometimes thought I was gay. Now I date guys, and people don't believe me.

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    Oct 07, 2008 5:22 PM GMT
    yeah, it seems like you did. most people hear something like that and even if they're not paying attention they immediately pick up on it.

    ive recently moved to college and was paired with a roommate ive ever met, hes totally cool. i came out to him within about two weeks and its never been an issue whatsoever. its great!

    i recommend talking to him if you can and just confirm he knows. if you think hed be cool with it, its so nice not having to hide it. that statement goes to anyone ive met as well, i love being out in college now.
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    Oct 07, 2008 5:53 PM GMT
    Bet he knew WAY before you opened your mouth!!!!!
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    Oct 07, 2008 5:57 PM GMT
    BodyWork4Yes, yes you did and in turn he has outted you.

    I just read on a Men's Room wall:
    For a good time call hippie4lyfe at #....
    well that will be our lil secret


    but, but, wasn't that your handwriting, BW4?
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    Oct 07, 2008 6:05 PM GMT
    McGay said
    BodyWork4Yes, yes you did and in turn he has outted you.

    I just read on a Men's Room wall:
    For a good time call hippie4lyfe at #....
    well that will be our lil secret


    but, but, wasn't that your handwriting, BW4?


    Damn!
    Now you've outted me!
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    Oct 07, 2008 6:47 PM GMT
    All I can say is I told my godfathers daughter in law when I was 18 and she was like Rob you told me this two years ago, unbeknownst to me as I wasn't out two years prior. When I told my younger brother (I waited till he was 1icon_cool.gif he was like you fool I heard you on the phone 3 years ago talking about a hot guy. HAHAHAHAHA
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    Oct 07, 2008 8:06 PM GMT
    straight males aren't that stupid, he heard you..

    And he doesn't give a shit.
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    Oct 07, 2008 8:22 PM GMT
    As my first boyfriend said to me, "The great thing about being out is that you get more dates."

    I once worked with a young guy (22, new on the job, right out of school) who went off one day about gay adoption. "Wrong, wrong, wrong!" he moaned.

    "Steve," I said, "I'm gay. Don't you think a kid would be better off with me than alone or going from foster home to foster home?"

    "Well - yeah." Now, maybe Steve wasn't an Einstein, but he shifted his view that fast, because in the previous few weeks I had worked with him he had formed a positive opinion of me. And he decided to change his opinion about the issue, rather than his opinion of me.

    And within about a week he and his girlfriend were trying to fix me up ...

    THAT is the power of one! One person comes out to one person, one person at a time.
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    Oct 07, 2008 8:26 PM GMT
    PS, hippie4lyfe - I think I'd probably ask him over a beer in front of the TV - "Hey, did I come out to you the other night?" Or something like that. Go from there. I agree with those who say he might like to bring it up, but maybe he's still not sure what to say, or whether he heard you right.

    The next time you will actually talk about it, and that could turn out to be a great event. (As long as he doesn't suddenly become afraid to let you see him in his 2xists.)
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    Oct 07, 2008 9:04 PM GMT
    haha thanks for all your responses, i don't know if he knew before i am def just a regular dude, nothing faggy here.

    but i guess after a certain point of talking about queer liberation you gotta wonder wtf any str8 guy would care that much lol.

    plus im a vegan, i guess that gives me a higher chance of being gay.

    whatever im sure he is cool either way, he is uber liberal.

    plus he is fucking hot, ::cries:: bisexual roommate could care less, hot str8 roommate argh damn.
  • phill

    Posts: 117

    Oct 07, 2008 11:39 PM GMT
    I must say i am dissapointed in reading your posts after finding out about your veganism. You seem to have this weird internalized sense of homophobia. In your profile you exclaim that your are straight acting and are looking for the same, and in this thread you said "nothing faggy here" as well as being worried that somehow you have been found out.

    The real question should be how do you want to live, authentically? or as a collection of neo stereotypes? I wish you the best in finding out who and what you are in regards to everyone else around you, when you decide your own journey is more important than anyone elses observation it should be smooth sailing from there.