Need help/advice :/

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 24, 2013 7:22 PM GMT
    Hi there, so I have been seeing this guy basically since November and we still hit it off/date today, but there are many red flags. So I met him on Facebook, added each other started talking what not, he said he liked him since he first layed eyes on me but I don't know if that's fully true.

    We started dating in mid January 2013.

    He has a past like all of us, he was a alcoholic and huge drug user... he has been sober for over 1 year and a few months... I know congrats to him!!

    He has been used and played like the rest of us but yet he's a horn ball. I asked him recently how many people have you had sex with he said I don't know... he has slept with guys to get drugs but that was the past. He cheated on his girlfriend which they dated 5 years ago... he cheated on her with a guy... but I believe once a cheater always a cheater. I asked how many people have you hooked up with from grindr he said he doesn't know how many people... like really.... how does that make me feel.. he came clean that he used sex as a way to get away from his problems... he's been around the block alot... I told him that I feel like I'm dating a slut. He cryed and said I'm sorry I do not want to live that way any more coming from him a 22 year old he wants to be clean and settle down.

    I told him to delete grindr when he first started talking in November he said he would then didn't cause I found him on it... not happy at all. Then we didn't talk for about 3 weeks during dec & jan... I found another guy who played me... pay back is a bitch right lol.. but we rekindle our relationship. During that 3 weeks we didn't talk he hooked up with 2 guys and had sex with them. I made out with the guy I found who played me....

    We rekindled our relationship he got grindr again and I told him to delete it so he said he did and I believe him.... but just the other day his friend told him and asked why was he online on grindr he said that's impossible cause I deleted grindr.... so frustrating!!! Plus I saw him on his phone talking to his past(two guys) who he had sex with/relationship... he said it was nothing were only friends.... yeah I worry alot I would say.

    I want to trust him/believe him but he gives me reasons not too icon_sad.gif

    I feel like he only wants me for sex sometimes, I really like the kid cause he has help me out alot to figure out who i am and i have helped him alot. I like him sooooo much but he says the same thing but I just don't know.. he calls me beautiful and handsome and my boy friend... he said if i wanted to cheat on you i would break up with you first then go hook up... He has said to me that I'm the only guy who has liked him for him and I'm not scared of what he did in the past (drugs & alcohol)

    But we fight/bitch/bicker/drama ALOT which gets annoying and I cant do that anymore... sometimes its okay for him to say stuff and pisses me off then he says babe stop I was only kidding... calm down but when I do it to him he's pissed off at me for hours/mins... like its okay for him to do it not me... we have talked about it and said we will try to fix our problems.

    I have told him many times to NOT smoke in front of me cause i get sick/head aches from it and my mom is a smoker who cant stop... i told him I don't date smokers but yet he continues to smoke in front of me i tell him each time he lite's up to STOP he says he will but he doesn't... its like how many times do i tell you. He said he has cut back alot but still smokes in front of me... I know its hard to stop smoking coming from my mom it has taken her lots of times and she still hasn't stopped... but its like don't smoke in front of me... he doesn't get it icon_sad.gif

    I want to make our relationship work but once I bring these things up to him he gets pissed off and upset like I hurt him.

    PLEASE HELP ME!! icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 24, 2013 7:42 PM GMT
    My advice is this ...

    tumblr_m6h1gbwy1Z1qi6e7ro1_500.jpg


    Seriously why go through that drama, no good comes from this. Be the better man and dump him.

  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Feb 24, 2013 9:03 PM GMT
    Lsje92 said .... how does that make me feel.. he came clean that he used sex as a way to get away from his problems... he's been around the block alot... I told him that I feel like I'm dating a slut. He cryed and said I'm sorry I do not want to live that way any more .....

    Sounds like you both have issues. You sound like you might be controlling this might cause him to act out so that he can assure himself that he is in control of his life.

    Healthy relationships rarely happen overnight. They are a process. Maybe you are both not really ready for a real relationship, so just enjoy while you can.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 24, 2013 10:05 PM GMT
    Sounds like you let guys 'play' you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2013 12:50 AM GMT
    Time to move on unless you want to learn this particular lesson...an addict fairly new to recovery.

    A year and a few months is not long for him to be clean and sober.

    Is he doing "Step Work"?

    Do you not know what "Step Work" is?

    If either of the answers of the above questions is "no", then drama without end is probably in the works.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2013 12:55 AM GMT
    Dammit.
    Where are all these guys who trade drugs for sex when I'm horny?
    Hey OP, you want some advice? Cheaters cheat, addicts are addicts until they are no longer addicts anymore and the only person who knows that for sure is god, and a lot of people don't believe in god, for good reason and just as many don't believe in addicts, for just as many good reasons.
    My advice, get back together with him, get played a few more times, you seem to like the drama.
    You're welcome.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2013 1:17 AM GMT
    smartmoney saidDammit.
    Where are all these guys who trade drugs for sex when I'm horny?
    Hey OP, you want some advice? Cheaters cheat, addicts are addicts until they are no longer addicts anymore and the only person who knows that for sure is god, and a lot of people don't believe in god, for good reason and just as many don't believe in addicts, for just as many good reasons.
    My advice, get back together with him, get played a few more times, you seem to like the drama.
    You're welcome.


    lol.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Feb 25, 2013 3:00 PM GMT
    he sounds like an amazing man. Truly, an amazing gentlemen. Drugs, alcohol, random slutty hook-ups. Who could turn that down?!?!?!?!!


    I want him! NOW!

    Give him to me!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2013 3:02 PM GMT
    Honestly, in one year and a few months of being sober, he probably still hasn't worked through all the issues that made him a drug addict in the first place.

    He clearly was a drug addict for awhile, and it takes a long time to get over the issues that brought him to where he was.

    I feel like it's really desperate of you, and it sounds like a lot of drama... but... I don't know you or the guy, but that's my opinion.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2013 5:52 PM GMT
    thanks guys for your advice!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2013 7:32 PM GMT
    You're at odds with yourself.

    Your priority seems to be keeping yourself from getting hurt.
    At the same time you don't want to let go of this guy and be alone.

    Is English your first language?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2013 1:25 AM GMT
    I know that my advice probably won't mean much since I've never dated anyone, but I have seen my fair share of relationships such as this one. So here it is.

    Dump Him! Lars, you're too good for him.

    Why would you want to go through the fights, bicker, and of course, DRAMA! And if he's been talking to his past(two guys) who he had sex with/relationship... he said it was nothing were only friends. That's another sign for you to leave him. Well, I wouldn't call it another sign but you get the idea. And what's this thing with Grindr? No offense, but those sites, in my opinion are nothing more than people looking to score some cheap thrill.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2013 1:29 AM GMT
    Fivealive saidMy advice is this ...

    tumblr_m6h1gbwy1Z1qi6e7ro1_500.jpg


    Seriously why go through that drama, no good comes from this. Be the better man and dump him.


    This*, cause I can't muster an original thought at the moment.
  • guyinsoma

    Posts: 7

    Feb 28, 2013 1:32 AM GMT
    Go on Netflix or your closest Blockbuster and rent the movie Casino by Robert De Niro and Sharon Stone. Watch how these characters develop and how their relationship changes.

    A cheater may not always be a cheater, but someone who can lied to you to your face will always do it again, and again. Move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 02, 2013 7:40 PM GMT
    thanks guys