Is my ex trying to sabotage?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 24, 2013 10:31 PM GMT
    EDIT: CAN MODS MOVE THIS TO DATING/RELATIONSHIPS SECTION?

    Seperate topic in reference to this thread: http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3044381

    My ex, who i'm close friends with since breaking up 18 months ago, always makes a big show of being my "wingman", but does it rather bluntly, which lately makes me suspect that he doesn't actually want me to succeed.

    On friday when I told my friends at the club that some guy I had just met is joining us for food later, my ex gestured me away "just go, do your thing" in what I felt was a bitter tone. But it couldn't be further from the truth... I don't have a "thing"... he and all our friends know it; my ex was the last guy I slept with.

    When we were all parting ways that night, my friends were like "someone's having a good night, wink wink!". I said "c'mon what kind of person y'all think i am lol". Again, my ex was like "ugh, go do what you wanna do.. wear a condom", loud enough as if to make sure the guy thinks I'm a slut.

    In fact, the new guy was telling me that privately my ex was (euphemistically) "very protective" of me, and trying to talk him out of seeing me. Which is all the more confusing when the next day my ex berated me for not sleeping with the guy. When I finally got around today to accepting the guy's add on facebook, I saw that my ex had already added him lol. Makes me wonder how much behind-the-scenes string-pulling is going on.

    Also, there's this friend of his who I had shown interest in a while ago, and told him to invite him out with us sometime, yet he keeps "forgetting" to text him. Somehow for 4 months I managed to hang with all my ex's other friends except for that guy. icon_confused.gif

    My ex is also simultaneously really kind to me and invites me to as many things as possible, so I'm really conflicted about his behaviour. He is seeing someone, so I don't know why he would be jealous. Unless his new boyfriend spilled the beans about this: http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3044934#382870_3044934_name, and hurt his self-esteem

    I really want to remain friends. How do I talk to him about this?
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Feb 24, 2013 10:46 PM GMT
    sounds like you are making it pretty obvious that he still hasn't moved on
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    Feb 24, 2013 11:06 PM GMT
    I had an ex who most definitely tried to sabotage a new BF relationship I had. Despite the ex having broken up with me on a monthly basis about 6 times, dramatically storming out and each time swearing he never wanted to see me again, he would never come back to me. Then a week or 2 later he'd contact me, all apologetic, wanting to get back together. And having nothing better at the moment I'd cave in. icon_mad.gif

    Well during one of these breaks I did find someone else, and began to develop it. When the BF tried to return that time I said no, I had moved on. He broke up with me forever, and I took him at his word. Now I was seeing somebody else, and frankly, I was tired of a yo-yo relationship with him, entirely too much drama. (Incidentally he was in fact a professional actor)

    He was shocked, and wouldn't admit defeat. In the months ahead he tried to break us up, mainly by spreading rumors about me he hoped would find their way back to my new BF, by trying to get me alone and seduce me when we ran across him at clubs, and also pretending in front of others that we were still intimate, any time I went out alone and we crossed paths.

    Ex-BFs can be very treacherous & dangerous, and I've learned to either totally break with them, or be very wary of them. I have stayed on good terms with one, but even him I handle with caution, if only because my partner is suspicious of his motives, enough reason on its own to keep a respectable distance from him.
  • highforthis

    Posts: 680

    Feb 24, 2013 11:07 PM GMT
    Your ex still wants you; his new boyfriend wants you; the guy from the club wants you... yet you choose to stay single

    I really need face pics icon_lol.gif
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Feb 24, 2013 11:15 PM GMT
    You stated in your other thread http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3044934
    "I dumped my ex 18 months ago"

    Being dumped = Revenge

    Keep your friends close and your enemies closer
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2013 12:45 AM GMT
    You don't need to talk about this to your ex. In fact, you might be better off not talking about other guys with him and just going out on dates with other guys.

    BTW, don't talk about your ex when you go on a date.
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    Feb 25, 2013 12:49 AM GMT
    My ex, "Rusty Cockring," used to do this same thing, although to be honest, I am guessing when I say "same thing" because I again failed to read the original post, but I am guessing it had something to do about some pissy thing some ex did to the OP.
    In my case Rusty would always untie the hot Asian I had lured back to my "room" and once released into the wild, you all know how hard it is to "lure" them back, even under the influence of "water".
    I finally had to ask Rusty to stop coming by, which of course hurt his feelings, not as much as the mid-life circumcision did, but he had that coming to him.
    What was the point of the original post again?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2013 4:56 AM GMT
    highforthis saidYour ex still wants you; his new boyfriend wants you; the guy from the club wants you... yet you choose to stay single

    I really need face pics icon_lol.gif


    Heh I'm not that attractive; that's why I never bothered with gay apps or online dating.

    Update: i'm starting to think it's cuz my ex is more of a potato queen than I thought, and jealous that the guy I was seeing happened to be white. He texted me today about how I better "seal the deal" before the guy realizes there are "a billion way hotter guys" clamoring to get at him.

    me: heh exaggeration much? he was always more personality than looks
    ex: Are you kidding? Trust me. Someone who looks like him is usually half the personality, and prolly would be too snobby to even talk to you... he's at least an 8.5
    me: wow ur standards really are lower for white guys lol

    he admits it's "partly" true, then rambles on about market value and how scale-wise asians should expect one point lower with white guys, not 2 points above... LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2013 5:15 AM GMT
    Goodday, is this really the remark of someone who claims to love you in the way great exes care about each other because they recognise what they had? Because I don't think it is, and so you shouldn't be paying much attention to this,

    "He texted me today about how I better "seal the deal" before the guy reals there are "a billion way hotter guys" clamoring to get at him."

    Uck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2013 5:21 AM GMT
    Yeah, he's a cock-blocker under the guise of being a wingman. He may not even realize it, but that's what he's being.

    You should not associate in these contexts, as it isn't working. By all means keep the friendship, just do it elsewhere! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2013 6:51 AM GMT
    This isn't a question of "is he trying to sabotage", so much as "why is he so effing obvious?"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2013 6:59 AM GMT
    It took me a while to realize that an ex knew when I was likely to be going out and would call to say he was coming to visit just then. Of course, he never showed, up, and by then it was too late... icon_mad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2013 7:00 AM GMT
    Can someone create a master thread on the art of getting to the damn point?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2013 7:18 AM GMT
    7Famark saidCan someone create a master thread on the art of getting to the damn point?


    icon_lol.gif
  • cookingitswee...

    Posts: 445

    Feb 26, 2013 5:27 PM GMT
    My first boyfriend had a tendancy to stir trouble with new ones. He would friend them and before he could do any damage (he is bipolar, hypersexual, and narcesistic). I told him it's not his place to friend my boyfriend and to fuck off. I have since cut all ties with him.He likes to get satisfaction out of hurting others.
    My advice, do not talk of new guys to your ex or use him as a wingman, and hang out with new guys without the ex. You're only asking for trouble.
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    Feb 26, 2013 5:44 PM GMT
    cookingitsweet saidMy first boyfriend had a tendancy to stir trouble with new ones. He would friend them and before he could do any damage (he is bipolar, hypersexual, and narcesistic). I told him it's not his place to friend my boyfriend and to fuck off. I have since cut all ties with him.He likes to get satisfaction out of hurting others.

    My advice, do not talk of new guys to your ex or use him as a wingman, and hang out with new guys without the ex. You're only asking for trouble.

    +1

    Best advice.
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    Feb 27, 2013 1:15 AM GMT
    gooddaytoday said
    highforthis saidYour ex still wants you; his new boyfriend wants you; the guy from the club wants you... yet you choose to stay single

    I really need face pics icon_lol.gif


    Heh I'm not that attractive; that's why I never bothered with gay apps or online dating.

    Update: i'm starting to think it's cuz my ex is more of a potato queen than I thought, and jealous that the guy I was seeing happened to be white. He texted me today about how I better "seal the deal" before the guy realizes there are "a billion way hotter guys" clamoring to get at him.

    me: heh exaggeration much? he was always more personality than looks
    ex: Are you kidding? Trust me. Someone who looks like him is usually half the personality, and prolly would be too snobby to even talk to you... he's at least an 8.5
    me: wow ur standards really are lower for white guys lol

    he admits it's "partly" true, then rambles on about market value and how scale-wise asians should expect one point lower with white guys, not 2 points above... LOL


    Don't be so modest. What kind of "not that attractive" Asian scores a white 8.5/10 at a club setting. Everyone must've been staring. Your asshole ex is right, you better hang on tight. Wow i'm full of rhymes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 27, 2013 1:25 AM GMT
    I think it is healthy to be friends with you ex, however, there should be a time of separation for healing. The two of you need to learn to live totally separate lives. In all fairness, it is hard to see your ex with someone else, and it is especially hard when its only been a short period of time. It may take months, or it could take years. But build your life separate from him, and then re establish a new friendship.
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    Feb 27, 2013 1:54 AM GMT
    highforthis saidYour ex still wants you; his new boyfriend wants you; the guy from the club wants you... yet you choose to stay single

    I really need face pics icon_lol.gif


    I asked privately but he refused

    Add the fact that OP hasn't had sex in at least 18 months, while his ex is already dating someone else... yet the ex is the one having problems getting over the breakup. Then a hot white guy comes along, but is deemed not good enough for hookup... by an Asian who admits to being "not that attractive".

    Must be the pheromones... I need a sample, because surely it is being wasted on the OP
  • whytehot

    Posts: 1166

    Feb 27, 2013 7:55 AM GMT
    kennykwan said
    highforthis saidYour ex still wants you; his new boyfriend wants you; the guy from the club wants you... yet you choose to stay single

    I really need face pics icon_lol.gif


    I asked privately but he refused

    Add the fact that OP hasn't had sex in at least 18 months, while his ex is already dating someone else... yet the ex is the one having problems getting over the breakup. Then a hot white guy comes along, but is deemed not good enough for hookup... by an Asian who admits to being "not that attractive".

    Must be the pheromones... I need a sample, because surely it is being wasted on the OP


    Funny, but if you read the other thread, they hooked up on the third date.
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    Mar 01, 2013 12:35 AM GMT
    Re: "just avoid your ex when you go out" It's kinda hard to do that without being conspicuously absent, because we hang out as a group at least twice a week, especially on club nights. Plus I'm the kind of person who is too curious to simply avoid conflict and "let time heal"... I always need to get to the bottom of it if not resolve it. If he's still having issues after 18 months separation (for a 4-month relationship), then we really need to have a talk.

    hungrykittenz said
    gooddaytoday said
    highforthis saidYour ex still wants you; his new boyfriend wants you; the guy from the club wants you... yet you choose to stay single

    I really need face pics icon_lol.gif


    Heh I'm not that attractive; that's why I never bothered with gay apps or online dating.

    Update: i'm starting to think it's cuz my ex is more of a potato queen than I thought, and jealous that the guy I was seeing happened to be white. He texted me today about how I better "seal the deal" before the guy realizes there are "a billion way hotter guys" clamoring to get at him.

    me: heh exaggeration much? he was always more personality than looks
    ex: Are you kidding? Trust me. Someone who looks like him is usually half the personality, and prolly would be too snobby to even talk to you... he's at least an 8.5
    me: wow ur standards really are lower for white guys lol

    he admits it's "partly" true, then rambles on about market value and how scale-wise asians should expect one point lower with white guys, not 2 points above... LOL


    Don't be so modest. What kind of "not that attractive" Asian scores a white 8.5/10 at a club setting. Everyone must've been staring. Your asshole ex is right, you better hang on tight. Wow i'm full of rhymes.


    lol again, it seems my ex just has low standards for that demographic lol. The guy and I are both just slightly above average. But yeah actually, people at the club were still staring at us, so I see your point, which is probably why he's only the 2nd white guy whom I found attractive enough who is also interested in me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 01, 2013 12:41 AM GMT
    Just got out of court todat thanks to an ex. get a restraining order. and keep all documentation.

    texts, emails, phone records, ank records, times of days hes invading your space etc.
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    Mar 01, 2013 12:48 AM GMT
    southbeach1500 said


    hyacinth-1.jpg


    icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 01, 2013 12:51 AM GMT
    gooddaytoday saidEDIT: CAN MODS MOVE THIS TO DATING/RELATIONSHIPS SECTION?


    Mods? On this site? The terms and conditions are meaningless here...nothing more than pseduo-legal wallpaper. There's only one guy who runs this site, and the last thing he can be bothered with is moderating or even choosing long-term members to mod.

    Noob.

    icon_lol.gif