My mind and heart are in trouble

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2013 12:30 PM GMT
    Hi guys hope your all well.

    I've been in a relationship for over 4 years , things were really good till I found-out that my partner had cheated on me by kissing a guy in a club . At this time I just had been experiencing my first anxiety attack. It was during this time that I found out about this kiss and I confronted him and he told me it was all in my head and used the situation of the anxiety to try and get out of it however i'm not stupid so after he did end up confessing he kissed another guy and that he also fancied a friend of his .....

    Anyway we past this and moved on with the relationship. I then got a message on Facebook from a guy who's bf was on my and my bf Facebook contacts - he told me that I seem like a lovely guy and he had been thinking long and hard on weather or not he should tell me. He then came out with it and told me my bf and his bf had go to see a gig and they stayed in a hotel as this friend lived out of London and so my bf stayed with him , it was said that my bf and his bf kissed and my bf tried to suck him off but he pulled out . So i'm left with this news while me and my bf were in the same room...... he just brushed it off saying he's trying to mess with what we have because he's unhappy.

    For some stupid reason I did not end the relationship .

    Now were still together but i've been spending alot of time with a gay friend of mine who I had not seen in 7 years . We got back in contact and spend pretty much a lot of time together each week - just random stuff like galleries , dinner , cinema and coffee just spending time talking is so refreshing .

    I've grown to really care for him and admit i'm falling for him. He reminds me how good things can be between two people not that I cant be on my own or anything as i've very independent . but good company is just so nice . I don't think I can rebuild my relationship with my bf - I just don't think i've got the energy for it and I don't want to waste my bf's time when now he wants more then I feel like giving. I forgave him but It still ruined it.

    I just have so many people saying different things and just need to hear it from other gay men.

    Sorry if my above grammar is shit i'm just typing out fast lol

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2013 3:30 PM GMT
    I think your relationship with your current BF is coming to a close. The "spark" or whatever u wanna call gone.

    It appears he's cheat and or attempted to cheat on you quite a few times. A behavior that won't likely just stop.

    It seems as if you've already moved on. You mentioned that u dont have the energy to "rebuild" the relationship with ur current BF. Is that not a clear indication?

  • jackooh

    Posts: 109

    Mar 01, 2013 3:15 PM GMT
    go for the new guy! your current boyfriend seems to have no respect for you, sure if you loved him lots you could forgive the cheating and have a more semi-monogomous relationship (aka its ok for you to go out n get lucky once in a while too) but i dont think thats what you want,
    i think you forgive him cus you love him but i dont think thats enough, once cheating happens you're always going to hold a little bit of sadness in your heart when you're with him
    dont ruin your chances at being happy, go for this new guy who makes you happy before he gets snatched up and its too late!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 01, 2013 3:36 PM GMT
    You know what to do, but I feel it like, you need conformation on what you going to do is right.
    To start with, half of your problems will be gone when you stop calling a person who cheated on you as your bf...

    better leave the spoiled food in the garbage rather than eating it, just because you bought it for money and don't want to waste!
    The food (your bf) is already wasted(cheating on you) why do you think of eating it (to love) when you already know that it only makes you sick after eating(loving) it(him)

    Sorry for poor choice of metaphor I used...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 01, 2013 4:33 PM GMT
    Your boyfriend sounds like a total tramp. Time to take your pecker to greener pastures!
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4913

    Mar 01, 2013 4:57 PM GMT
    My guess is this story sounds quite different from the other side. You both are cheating on the other and I assume you two have an agreement to be monogamous. Sounds like he wants to be rid of you as much as you want to be rid of him. You're acting and sounding like a child. So just end it and spare us this misery.
  • jackooh

    Posts: 109

    Mar 01, 2013 8:14 PM GMT
    thats a bit aggressive destin, he's not cheating on him sexually he's got a new friend that he likes
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 01, 2013 8:29 PM GMT
    I must admit, reading your heartfelt words, I did some reflecting on the times that I behaved less than admirably in public settings with my then boyfriend.

    But you know, it was at those times that he was most neglectful and less than attentive to my own needs.

    Search your soul...did you always give him your best? Were you there for him when he was most in need of you?

    And now you are in the throes of a new relationship...despite already being in one... and seemingly bragging to anyone who will listen to you about it.

    You, Sir, are no prize.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 01, 2013 8:45 PM GMT
    Ben..i think you are weaving a web of chaos...

    ... Are you with your boyfriend or are you not with your boyfriend???
    ..If you did not END the relationship it means you are in one...

    ..Break up with your current boyfriend..We'll call him.. Ferris Fellatio icon_biggrin.gif
    ..Move out ..HEAL..and THEN move on...
    ..I'ts best you start a fresh relationship when you are 100%..Right now Ben you are not..

    ..Does Ferris Fellatio icon_biggrin.gif think you two are still in a relationship and are still trying to work things out???..Well...if he does and you are romping around with this new knight in shining armor...Well.... You are currently cheating..
    (not being mean..i swear)

    ...Come on Ben!!.. Clean it up... Get rid of Ferris..Get your head straight level before you make any moves...

    Giant hugz..

    BTW...Ferris should be tarred, feathered and tazed..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 01, 2013 11:14 PM GMT
    Ben, sorry that you're in this predicament.

    The good news is that you have two entirely separate issues to deal with AND that the order is important.

    If you decide that you value the relationship you have with your current BF, then cool it with other friend, and make an effort. If not, then end the relationship with current BF, and cool it with other friend.

    First issue: decide if you and current BF are still together and act on that

    Second issue: if and only if you've cut the relationship with current BF, then you may want to consider second guy - but you'll need time to get over everything. If you "jump on him now" he'll be a rebound relationship which is pretty much doomed to failure (because you won't be in this space forever) AND he'll be the man who destroyed your first relationship (whether it's true or not, that's how it will look/feel).

    The long story short: decide if current BF is still the man for you.
    Other guy is almost certainly not going to work out unless you don't see him for 6 months to a year - sorry about that, Ben.