Happy And Single

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    Oct 08, 2008 1:47 AM GMT
    Tips?
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    Oct 08, 2008 2:20 AM GMT
    I see you are 22. A wonderful age to be happy and single.

    But not easy to advise you, until you define what you think is "happy." The ball is in your court. How do YOU define happy?

    And if you get it wrong, at least you have plenty of time to correct it.

    Me thinks you are in a no-lose situation.
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    Oct 08, 2008 2:44 AM GMT
    Red_Vespa saidI see you are 22. A wonderful age to be happy and single.

    But not easy to advise you, until you define what you think is "happy." The ball is in your court. How do YOU define happy?

    And if you get it wrong, at least you have plenty of time to correct it.

    Me thinks you are in a no-lose situation.


    I personally believe happiness is to be content and to have some passion. Is this not happiness?
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    Oct 08, 2008 4:06 AM GMT
    Being in a relationship does not make you happy. Oh, it may give you a little euphoria for a few weeks, but it will never make you happy. You have to learn to be happy by yourself if you are going to be in a meaningful relationship that is more than co-dependence with hot butt sex.

    My advice is learn what makes you happy, learn what makes you miserable and navigate accordingly.
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    Oct 08, 2008 4:34 AM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidBeing in a relationship does not make you happy. Oh, it may give you a little euphoria for a few weeks, but it will never make you happy. You have to learn to be happy by yourself if you are going to be in a meaningful relationship that is more than co-dependence with hot butt sex.

    My advice is learn what makes you happy, learn what makes you miserable and navigate accordingly.


    I like that.
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    Oct 08, 2008 10:41 AM GMT
    Yup. Unfortunately I think it's something best learned as a trial and error type of thing.

    Same way I learned not to play with electrical outlets.
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    Oct 09, 2008 9:57 PM GMT
    [quote]I don't think this is accurate.

    Being in a relationship is neither a necessary nor a sufficient cause of happiness, of course. But a relationship can help you find happiness in other aspects of your life such as work, exercise, travel. The support and encouragement of a good mate is pretty invaluable.

    It's a mistake, however, to think you "can't" be happy while single. Of course you can. Happiness is about relationships, and work on the ones you have at work, with friends, and with your family. If those areas of your life are working well, I bet you'll consider yourself happy whether or not there is a love interest at the moment.
    [/quote]

    I agree. Learning how to be happy with who you are and what you already have is key to opening the doors to happiness in other aspects of your life.
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    Oct 09, 2008 10:38 PM GMT
    Time when you're single is time when you sort out your $#!+ and get your act together, be happy with yourself and with your friends, heal old wounds.

    Think of it as preparation for a great guy to come along and "fit into" your life, not to kick start it. If you depend on someone else to make you happy, you won't be giving that potential partner your full and happy self. Being happy and single means you have more to give and a better chance of a lasting relationship when one does come along.

    On a slighter less optimistic note, if you're happy when you're single, you'll be more prepared to survive/handle failed relationships gracefully.

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    Oct 10, 2008 2:26 AM GMT
    Before the thread begins to get same answer after same answer, here's a doozy...

    What if a person is literally incapable of being happy more than 70% of the time?
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    Oct 10, 2008 4:17 AM GMT
    He ends up posting on this website.
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    Oct 10, 2008 5:27 AM GMT
    Why would anyone who is not under significant stress (hunger, losing job, ill, loved one dying, etc.) be unhappy 70% of the time?
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    Oct 10, 2008 6:28 AM GMT
    I enjoy being single because I know if I really wanted to be in a relationship I could. However I wont do it for the sake of it.

    I'm comfortable with myself enough to know when the right one comes along it will be worth the wait.

    However i'm extremely curious about what it would be like to be in a relationship. It's something i've never experienced.

  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    Oct 10, 2008 6:46 AM GMT
    Tips?

    live....let life happen...find a hobby and broaden your interests...most miserable people I encounter are those that wall themselves up in their homes thinking about what could have been...rather than taking the time to improve themselves and be ready for when the next one happens...

    - David icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 10, 2008 12:02 PM GMT
    I would rather be single then be in a bad relationship. As MunchingZombie indicated you should be comfortable and happy with yourself otherwise a relationship will not make much difference. I would contend that if you are uncomfortable with yourself then your partner will have difficulty dealing with you in a relationship. I have met too many people who remained in bad relationships for fear of being single. As a result they lived lives of quiet desperation.
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    Oct 10, 2008 12:05 PM GMT
    Sean_85 saidI enjoy being single because I know if I really wanted to be in a relationship I could. However I wont do it for the sake of it.

    I'm comfortable with myself enough to know when the right one comes along it will be worth the wait.

    However i'm extremely curious about what it would be like to be in a relationship. It's something i've never experienced.



    I was surprised by this post, you seem like a "good catch".
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    Oct 10, 2008 3:53 PM GMT
    SurrealLife said
    Sean_85 saidI enjoy being single because I know if I really wanted to be in a relationship I could. However I wont do it for the sake of it.

    I'm comfortable with myself enough to know when the right one comes along it will be worth the wait.

    However i'm extremely curious about what it would be like to be in a relationship. It's something i've never experienced.



    I was surprised by this post, you seem like a "good catch".


    Thanks Surreal icon_redface.gif

    I got fucked around early on by a couple of guys who said they wanted relationships but only said it to basically get in my pants which not only pissed me off but hurt me, so I am kind of very gaurded and trying to let that wall back down.

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    Oct 10, 2008 4:32 PM GMT
    That is a pity Sean85. Some guys mouths take direction from their dicks not their brains. An occupational hazard of being gay.

    I was fortunate when I first came out. It was with a guy that wanted to date. Bad experiences did keep me on the sidelines for awhile. For some reason it has always been hard for me to meet guys that I wanted to settle down with. If it wasn't for my partner making the first move, I would probably still be single (I did not know he was interested in me).
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    Oct 10, 2008 4:39 PM GMT
    Fill your life with new experiences: travel, learn how to play a new instrument, get involved in your community, take a part-time class-- whatever. Do everything you want to do and spend time with people you want to. And if you feel like you need to, talk stuff out with a therapist. Invest in yourself. (No, that does not mean your wardrobe.)

    Don't spend too much time on Manhunt/in bars/wherever solely trying to get laid; use that energy in other parts of your life to make yourself well-rounded. Exercise your body and your brain.

    I agree that a partner's support can be invaluable in helping you develop other parts of your life. Still, getting to a place where that support can be reciprocated is best done by working on your relationship with yourself.
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    Oct 10, 2008 4:53 PM GMT
    Be the kind of man you want to be with.
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    Oct 10, 2008 5:36 PM GMT
    london_nyc saidFill your life with new experiences: travel, learn how to play a new instrument, get involved in your community, take a part-time class-- whatever. Do everything you want to do and spend time with people you want to. And if you feel like you need to, talk stuff out with a therapist. Invest in yourself. (No, that does not mean your wardrobe.)

    Don't spend too much time on Manhunt/in bars/wherever solely trying to get laid; use that energy in other parts of your life to make yourself well-rounded. Exercise your body and your brain.

    I agree that a partner's support can be invaluable in helping you develop other parts of your life. Still, getting to a place where that support can be reciprocated is best done by working on your relationship with yourself.



    Those are some of the smartest words I've ever read. Still......a person can be doing all those things, and BE the kind of man that he would like to meet, but mostly it doesn't work out.

    WHY? I honestly think when a guy is a catch, when he is special, or happy, or honest, it scares the shit out of other guys. They can't handle it. It's too REAL.

    Despite the moaning and groaning about finding quality guys, I think many many guys only know how to handle the bullshit....it's the only thing they are familar with. Anything else is just too weird for them to handle.
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    Oct 10, 2008 5:43 PM GMT
    KissingPro said
    london_nyc saidFill your life with new experiences: travel, learn how to play a new instrument, get involved in your community, take a part-time class-- whatever. Do everything you want to do and spend time with people you want to. And if you feel like you need to, talk stuff out with a therapist. Invest in yourself. (No, that does not mean your wardrobe.)

    Don't spend too much time on Manhunt/in bars/wherever solely trying to get laid; use that energy in other parts of your life to make yourself well-rounded. Exercise your body and your brain.

    I agree that a partner's support can be invaluable in helping you develop other parts of your life. Still, getting to a place where that support can be reciprocated is best done by working on your relationship with yourself.



    Those are some of the smartest words I've ever read. Still......a person can be doing all those things, and BE the kind of man that he would like to meet, but mostly it doesn't work out.

    WHY? I honestly think when a guy is a catch, when he is special, or happy, or honest, it scares the shit out of other guys. They can't handle it. It's too REAL.

    Despite the moaning and groaning about finding quality guys, I think many many guys only know how to handle the bullshit....it's the only thing they are familar with. Anything else is just too weird for them to handle.


    Yeah, I can see that being the case. All the same, I think the lesson about learning to be happy and single is to realise that it's possible Mr Right won't come along and still live a fulfilled life.
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    Oct 10, 2008 5:52 PM GMT


    Yeah, I can see that being the case. All the same, I think the lesson about learning to be happy and single is to realise that it's possible Mr Right won't come along and still live a fulfilled life. [/quote]


    And realizing that possibility is the first step to emotional security, happiness and independence from the "knight in shining armour" syndrome.....the "standing at a bar with a blank look on your face and a drink in your hand" syndrome........the "lonely victim" syndrome and the "I would rather work on a relationship than myself " syndrome that plagues many people, gay and straight.
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    Oct 11, 2008 7:43 AM GMT
    moltovivace saidHe ends up posting on this website.


    Would you also like some anti-depressants?
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    Oct 11, 2008 2:54 PM GMT

    Neither of us were ever that happy outside of a relationship.
    Neither of were that happy in one, either.

    Then we met.
    Everything changed. Some here say relationships can't make you happy. Oh yes they can. Then it spills over into other areas of your life.

    Thing is, it has to be with the right person. That person has to put you first, and you have to put them first. This is like rowing a dragon-boat - you have to operate in tandem for it to go!

    Anyone is capable of living a happy life single. For some it's preferable, to others as well as themselves. For some, their relationship with another powers their hearts, their inspiration, their compassion, etc.
  • zakariahzol

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    Oct 11, 2008 3:04 PM GMT
    I am happy and single. Of course I wish I have somebody to share my life with. Someone to hold my hand , wish me good nite , to make love to....but I will not settle with any second best. Being in a failed relationship before make me more careful so I will not get hurt again.