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Tips?

I see you are 22. A wonderful age to be happy and single.

But not easy to advise you, until you define what you think is "happy." The ball is in your court. How do YOU define happy?

And if you get it wrong, at least you have plenty of time to correct it.

Me thinks you are in a no-lose situation.

Red_Vespa saidI see you are 22. A wonderful age to be happy and single.

But not easy to advise you, until you define what you think is "happy." The ball is in your court. How do YOU define happy?

And if you get it wrong, at least you have plenty of time to correct it.

Me thinks you are in a no-lose situation.

I personally believe happiness is to be content and to have some passion. Is this not happiness?

Being in a relationship does not make you happy. Oh, it may give you a little euphoria for a few weeks, but it will never make you happy. You have to learn to be happy by yourself if you are going to be in a meaningful relationship that is more than co-dependence with hot butt sex.

My advice is learn what makes you happy, learn what makes you miserable and navigate accordingly.

MunchingZombie saidBeing in a relationship does not make you happy. Oh, it may give you a little euphoria for a few weeks, but it will never make you happy. You have to learn to be happy by yourself if you are going to be in a meaningful relationship that is more than co-dependence with hot butt sex.

My advice is learn what makes you happy, learn what makes you miserable and navigate accordingly.

I like that.

Yup. Unfortunately I think it's something best learned as a trial and error type of thing.

Same way I learned not to play with electrical outlets.

MunchingZombie saidBeing in a relationship does not make you happy. Oh, it may give you a little euphoria for a few weeks, but it will never make you happy. You have to learn to be happy by yourself if you are going to be in a meaningful relationship that is more than co-dependence with hot butt sex.

My advice is learn what makes you happy, learn what makes you miserable and navigate accordingly.

I don't think this is accurate.

Being in a relationship is neither a necessary nor a sufficient cause of happiness, of course. But a relationship can help you find happiness in other aspects of your life such as work, exercise, travel. The support and encouragement of a good mate is pretty invaluable.

It's a mistake, however, to think you "can't" be happy while single. Of course you can. Happiness is about relationships, and work on the ones you have at work, with friends, and with your family. If those areas of your life are working well, I bet you'll consider yourself happy whether or not there is a love interest at the moment.

[quote]I don't think this is accurate.

Being in a relationship is neither a necessary nor a sufficient cause of happiness, of course. But a relationship can help you find happiness in other aspects of your life such as work, exercise, travel. The support and encouragement of a good mate is pretty invaluable.

It's a mistake, however, to think you "can't" be happy while single. Of course you can. Happiness is about relationships, and work on the ones you have at work, with friends, and with your family. If those areas of your life are working well, I bet you'll consider yourself happy whether or not there is a love interest at the moment.[/quote]

I agree. Learning how to be happy with who you are and what you already have is key to opening the doors to happiness in other aspects of your life.

Time when you're single is time when you sort out your $#!+ and get your act together, be happy with yourself and with your friends, heal old wounds.

Think of it as preparation for a great guy to come along and "fit into" your life, not to kick start it. If you depend on someone else to make you happy, you won't be giving that potential partner your full and happy self. Being happy and single means you have more to give and a better chance of a lasting relationship when one does come along.

On a slighter less optimistic note, if you're happy when you're single, you'll be more prepared to survive/handle failed relationships gracefully.

Before the thread begins to get same answer after same answer, here's a doozy...

What if a person is literally incapable of being happy more than 70% of the time?

He ends up posting on this website.

Why would anyone who is not under significant stress (hunger, losing job, ill, loved one dying, etc.) be unhappy 70% of the time?

I enjoy being single because I know if I really wanted to be in a relationship I could. However I wont do it for the sake of it.

I'm comfortable with myself enough to know when the right one comes along it will be worth the wait.

However i'm extremely curious about what it would be like to be in a relationship. It's something i've never experienced.

Tips?

live....let life happen...find a hobby and broaden your interests...most miserable people I encounter are those that wall themselves up in their homes thinking about what could have been...rather than taking the time to improve themselves and be ready for when the next one happens...

- David

I would rather be single then be in a bad relationship. As MunchingZombie indicated you should be comfortable and happy with yourself otherwise a relationship will not make much difference. I would contend that if you are uncomfortable with yourself then your partner will have difficulty dealing with you in a relationship. I have met too many people who remained in bad relationships for fear of being single. As a result they lived lives of quiet desperation.

Sean_85 saidI enjoy being single because I know if I really wanted to be in a relationship I could. However I wont do it for the sake of it.

I'm comfortable with myself enough to know when the right one comes along it will be worth the wait.

However i'm extremely curious about what it would be like to be in a relationship. It's something i've never experienced.

I was surprised by this post, you seem like a "good catch".

SurrealLife said

Sean_85 saidI enjoy being single because I know if I really wanted to be in a relationship I could. However I wont do it for the sake of it.

I'm comfortable with myself enough to know when the right one comes along it will be worth the wait.

However i'm extremely curious about what it would be like to be in a relationship. It's something i've never experienced.

I was surprised by this post, you seem like a "good catch".

Thanks Surreal

I got fucked around early on by a couple of guys who said they wanted relationships but only said it to basically get in my pants which not only pissed me off but hurt me, so I am kind of very gaurded and trying to let that wall back down.

That is a pity Sean85. Some guys mouths take direction from their dicks not their brains. An occupational hazard of being gay.

I was fortunate when I first came out. It was with a guy that wanted to date. Bad experiences did keep me on the sidelines for awhile. For some reason it has always been hard for me to meet guys that I wanted to settle down with. If it wasn't for my partner making the first move, I would probably still be single (I did not know he was interested in me).

Fill your life with new experiences: travel, learn how to play a new instrument, get involved in your community, take a part-time class-- whatever. Do everything you want to do and spend time with people you want to. And if you feel like you need to, talk stuff out with a therapist. Invest in yourself. (No, that does not mean your wardrobe.)

Don't spend too much time on Manhunt/in bars/wherever solely trying to get laid; use that energy in other parts of your life to make yourself well-rounded. Exercise your body and your brain.

I agree that a partner's support can be invaluable in helping you develop other parts of your life. Still, getting to a place where that support can be reciprocated is best done by working on your relationship with yourself.

Be the kind of man you want to be with.

london_nyc saidFill your life with new experiences: travel, learn how to play a new instrument, get involved in your community, take a part-time class-- whatever. Do everything you want to do and spend time with people you want to. And if you feel like you need to, talk stuff out with a therapist. Invest in yourself. (No, that does not mean your wardrobe.)

Don't spend too much time on Manhunt/in bars/wherever solely trying to get laid; use that energy in other parts of your life to make yourself well-rounded. Exercise your body and your brain.

I agree that a partner's support can be invaluable in helping you develop other parts of your life. Still, getting to a place where that support can be reciprocated is best done by working on your relationship with yourself.

Those are some of the smartest words I've ever read. Still......a person can be doing all those things, and BE the kind of man that he would like to meet, but mostly it doesn't work out.

WHY? I honestly think when a guy is a catch, when he is special, or happy, or honest, it scares the shit out of other guys. They can't handle it. It's too REAL.

Despite the moaning and groaning about finding quality guys, I think many many guys only know how to handle the bullshit....it's the only thing they are familar with. Anything else is just too weird for them to handle.

KissingPro said

london_nyc saidFill your life with new experiences: travel, learn how to play a new instrument, get involved in your community, take a part-time class-- whatever. Do everything you want to do and spend time with people you want to. And if you feel like you need to, talk stuff out with a therapist. Invest in yourself. (No, that does not mean your wardrobe.)

Don't spend too much time on Manhunt/in bars/wherever solely trying to get laid; use that energy in other parts of your life to make yourself well-rounded. Exercise your body and your brain.

I agree that a partner's support can be invaluable in helping you develop other parts of your life. Still, getting to a place where that support can be reciprocated is best done by working on your relationship with yourself.

Those are some of the smartest words I've ever read. Still......a person can be doing all those things, and BE the kind of man that he would like to meet, but mostly it doesn't work out.

WHY? I honestly think when a guy is a catch, when he is special, or happy, or honest, it scares the shit out of other guys. They can't handle it. It's too REAL.

Despite the moaning and groaning about finding quality guys, I think many many guys only know how to handle the bullshit....it's the only thing they are familar with. Anything else is just too weird for them to handle.

Yeah, I can see that being the case. All the same, I think the lesson about learning to be happy and single is to realise that it's possible Mr Right won't come along and still live a fulfilled life.

Yeah, I can see that being the case. All the same, I think the lesson about learning to be happy and single is to realise that it's possible Mr Right won't come along and still live a fulfilled life. [/quote]


And realizing that possibility is the first step to emotional security, happiness and independence from the "knight in shining armour" syndrome.....the "standing at a bar with a blank look on your face and a drink in your hand" syndrome........the "lonely victim" syndrome and the "I would rather work on a relationship than myself " syndrome that plagues many people, gay and straight.

moltovivace saidHe ends up posting on this website.

Would you also like some anti-depressants?

Neither of us were ever that happy outside of a relationship.
Neither of were that happy in one, either.

Then we met.
Everything changed. Some here say relationships can't make you happy. Oh yes they can. Then it spills over into other areas of your life.

Thing is, it has to be with the right person. That person has to put you first, and you have to put them first. This is like rowing a dragon-boat - you have to operate in tandem for it to go!

Anyone is capable of living a happy life single. For some it's preferable, to others as well as themselves. For some, their relationship with another powers their hearts, their inspiration, their compassion, etc.

I am happy and single. Of course I wish I have somebody to share my life with. Someone to hold my hand , wish me good nite , to make love to....but I will not settle with any second best. Being in a failed relationship before make me more careful so I will not get hurt again.

Sean_85 saidI enjoy being single because I know if I really wanted to be in a relationship I could. However I wont do it for the sake of it.

I'm comfortable with myself enough to know when the right one comes along it will be worth the wait.

However i'm extremely curious about what it would be like to be in a relationship. It's something i've never experienced.

I will echo Surreal and say that you do sound like a good catch. Being comfortable with yourself means you can give more of yourself in a relationship, and that intimacy is really what relationships are all about.

However, I will say that relationships take practice. I am not saying you should move in with a guy and have a joint bank account just as rehearsal. But dating, having casual relationships with people where you do the things long term, committed couples do really helps when you find someone you want to be with.

But you are probably not an anchorite living in total seclusion so this probably doesn't apply to you.

You can't be happy and single, just single and resigned.

Know why? because when you sign up to be gay and single you automatically get a pair of hooker heels and a cast iron heart because you'll need them both.

ok, I admit I need a hug, LOL!

TWO HUGS!!!!

One from me and one from Bill!

-Doug

ImTrying21 saidBefore the thread begins to get same answer after same answer, here's a doozy...

What if a person is literally incapable of being happy more than 70% of the time?

I would recommend some serious counseling to figure out why.

70% that's more than half...almost all! If a person really was that unhappy, there isn't a man alive that could help. Ok, maybe one that is professionally certified!
Really, my view of a relationship is, both parties should be happy and comfortable with their own lives before they attempt to enrich it.

meninlove said


TWO HUGS!!!!

One from me and one from Bill!

-Doug

mmmmm, so you two want some chocolate syrup on your sundae, huh?

Learn that being in a relationship does not make you happy! You should be happy being with yourself or sharing your life with someone, period! So go out and live your life and grow!!!

london_nyc saidFill your life with new experiences: travel, learn how to play a new instrument, get involved in your community, take a part-time class-- whatever. Do everything you want to do and spend time with people you want to. And if you feel like you need to, talk stuff out with a therapist. Invest in yourself. (No, that does not mean your wardrobe.)

Don't spend too much time on Manhunt/in bars/wherever solely trying to get laid; use that energy in other parts of your life to make yourself well-rounded. Exercise your body and your brain.

Agreed.

I've been single since 2004 and must confess that I've never been happier . I've focused on self-development and am pleased with the results. In fact, I have so much on my plate that the thought of being in a relationship makes me uncomfortable. Romantic relationships take require time, effort, and sacrifice in quantities that I am unable to give at this time. (On the other hand, friendships are great.) Additionally, it's an ugly world out there: most guys are pigs. To me, being single is safer and less stressful.

it's sad if one can only be happy by being in a relationship.

but being out of one and being a fucking slut...doesn't automatically make one happy either. Not me...just guys in general.

jprswim saidit's sad if one can only be happy by being in a relationship.

I agree but you can only truly discover that by being in a relationship first.

Funny thing is after breaking up with my last bf the first thing that came to mind was I had to replace him.

He was probably one of my first more long term relationships even though it had not been long. But it was the whole urgency to find someone to fill that empty spot left behind by him.

It takes a little while but you eventually fill that empty spot with other emotions, experiences such as your friends. While not necessarily the same, it does make a difference.

But yeah I'm happy and single, kind of happy to be single but in no urgency to be in a relationship either.

Both types of happiness are of different natures.

one should first search for their own truth...wich tends to come from within, rather than some external entity(who seems to satisfy the insecure demons....at least at 1st...bandaid effect, but you are always left empty) once you have become comfortable in your own skin, ego and self doubt has diminished, so you dont need anyone else to "complete" you....you complete yourself, and become the man who would make any man feel very fulfilled in every aspect of his being, and love you the way you wish, and deserve to be loved...If you are not happy being single, you ultimatly are not happy with yourself....you MAY become an emotional leach, a parasite, energy vampire...who ends up drowning, suffocating in his agony and is left in perpetual darkness....I wish that you all find what ever it is that you are looking for...love for another, love from another, and most importantly love from yourself....happy hunting lovers

Tips?

You're Happy? Then does it really matter if you're single or not?

I wouldn't try spoiling a good thing if you already got it

We have to make our own happiness. Once we've done that, others will see that in us, and gravitate to us. When I was once bored after a relationship ended in my twenties, I learned that being alone and single is far better than being in a difficult relationship - one where your needs just aren't being met. Enjoy the solitude and choose dates, bf's very carefully!

pakgreekguy saidone should first search for their own truth...wich tends to come from within, rather than some external entity(who seems to satisfy the insecure demons....at least at 1st...bandaid effect, but you are always left empty) once you have become comfortable in your own skin, ego and self doubt has diminished, so you dont need anyone else to "complete" you....you complete yourself, and become the man who would make any man feel very fulfilled in every aspect of his being, and love you the way you wish, and deserve to be loved...If you are not happy being single, you ultimatly are not happy with yourself....you MAY become an emotional leach, a parasite, energy vampire...who ends up drowning, suffocating in his agony and is left in perpetual darkness....I wish that you all find what ever it is that you are looking for...love for another, love from another, and most importantly love from yourself....happy hunting lovers

... Right on point, palgreekguy!!... Having to rely on others as a primarily source of one's own happiness is a method I hold potentially disastrous for all involved. It is important for one to learn how to be happy on one's own. Only once this has been achieved - once you can look at yourself in a mirror and see that you're making yourself happy just out of sheer knowledge of being on your own - that one would be able to share that happiness with others... My mother once told me this analogy about happiness:

"Let say we all had a 'happiness' cup which we have to fill out in order to be happy. True happiness would only be obtained once the owner of the cup would have managed to fill it up all on his own. Once this is done, the process of filling the cup should not stop, but rather be ongoing, so that whatever extra resulting in an overflow of the cup will be happiness spontaneously falling onto and benefiting those around us. In order to radiate 'Happiness', we must first fill our own 'happiness' mug before counting on someone else to get that job done."

BeNiHiKoU said

pakgreekguy saidone should first search for their own truth...wich tends to come from within, rather than some external entity(who seems to satisfy the insecure demons....at least at 1st...bandaid effect, but you are always left empty) once you have become comfortable in your own skin, ego and self doubt has diminished, so you dont need anyone else to "complete" you....you complete yourself, and become the man who would make any man feel very fulfilled in every aspect of his being, and love you the way you wish, and deserve to be loved...If you are not happy being single, you ultimatly are not happy with yourself....you MAY become an emotional leach, a parasite, energy vampire...who ends up drowning, suffocating in his agony and is left in perpetual darkness....I wish that you all find what ever it is that you are looking for...love for another, love from another, and most importantly love from yourself....happy hunting lovers

... Right on point, palgreekguy!!... Having to rely on others as a primarily source of one's own happiness is a method I hold potentially disastrous for all involved. It is important for one to learn how to be happy on one's own. Only once this has been achieved - once you can look at yourself in a mirror and see that you're making yourself happy just out of sheer knowledge of being on your own - that one would be able to share that happiness with others... My mother once told me this analogy about happiness:

"Let say we all had a 'happiness' cup which we have to fill out in order to be happy. True happiness would only be obtained once the owner of the cup would have managed to fill it up all on his own. Once this is done, the process of filling the cup should not stop, but rather be ongoing, so that whatever extra resulting in an overflow of the cup will be happiness spontaneously falling onto and benefiting those around us. In order to radiate 'Happiness', we must first fill our own 'happiness' mug before counting on someone else to get that job done."

you are very lucky to have such a beautiful, loving, and wise mother.....I am also one of the lucky ones