Crushing on a guy that you aren't for sure of his orientation....

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 27, 2013 1:11 AM GMT
    Because of the amount of quality advice I received when I asked for y'all's help on tips for coming out, I feel like it's appropriate to ask for some again on here because probably most of you have probably been through the same things as I am right now...onto my question

    So there's this guy (of course), he's a friend of mine and I've known him since elementary school. He's smart, driven, funny, has a killer smile, friendly, and I can't help but think he's probably one of the cutest guys I know...6'2, rows and plays soccer, looks amazing shirtless...honestly he's essentially everything I want in a guy, and I've come to realize that over the past month.

    Now I know you're wondering why I'd be crushing on a "straight" guy, but the thing is that I'm not exactly 100% sure of his sexual case...
    1. He's never had a girlfriend. The guy is amazing and really is the total package...he never talks about girls, never has shown interest in them, and normally just keeps them around as friends, when the reality is that he could easily have dated most any girl by now.

    2. Since we started hanging out more over the past month he's gotten a lot friendlier. On the weekends, he's asked me to hang out with him multiple times, and he even invited me to go to lunch with him this past weekend, which isn't typically the straight thing to do. Also whenever I've waited for a ride home from practice these past few weeks, take a guess who's the first person to come up and start a conversation with me until either of us leave...

    I know this really isn't a great case, but I just get this vibe from him that he's different from all of the other guys...maybe it's just all in my head, but I just can't help but shake this feeling that he looks at me like I look at him. The way he always smiles around me, the way he talks with me and I don't even know where I'm going with this, other than the fact that my gaydar begins to go off like crazy whenever I'm around him.

    My Question to y'all...
    What should I do? I really like this guy, but it's not as easy as just simply walking up to him and asking if he feels the same way...So I was wondering if you have any tips on actually figuring out where he stands, because as of right now I'm at a loss of what to do.

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    Feb 27, 2013 1:21 AM GMT
    Well, since this topic has never been covered on any of these forums at all, let me be the first to thank you for bringing it up.
    Now, on to my super informative answer.
    But first, I was in a plane this afternoon, sitting next to a large woman who was already talking to me before we even began to taxi and I was thinking to myself "where the fuck did I put those earbuds?" She is babbling about something, she works at some VA hospital and she is worried about some sort of funding cuts and how she may be seeing her hours cut back, I am nodding and digging furiously into the bag with my Ipad in it, when I find my earbuds. All this time she has not stopped, the loss of income could sink her family, after all the house in underwater, the husband already had his hours cut back, and just then my earbuds were in and the music was on and that was that.
    Then the gay little stewardess twink stopped in to remind me that I would have to turn off my music device once we started to taxi and I smirked and nodded to the rotund woman gesticulating wildly as if silenced by my earbuds, she was speaking now in some obese sign language I refused to try to comprehend.
    What was the original subject again?
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    Feb 27, 2013 2:52 AM GMT
    Why are you assuming that he is straight? His actions towards women make it seem like he is other very religious or gay, imo icon_smile.gif

    and kudos to you for asking personal advice in an open forum with hundreds of guys who may have some knowledge and wisdom to help you out. Sorry about the other ones.
  • hanzo83

    Posts: 457

    Feb 27, 2013 3:12 AM GMT
    If you have a mutual friend get him or her to ask him if he's dating anybody or if he's gay for you. But then again if he's in the closet then he's not gonna confess his sexuality. The other thing you could try is to tell him that you are gay/bi and then see how he reacts to you from that point.
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    Feb 27, 2013 3:20 AM GMT
    Does he know you're gay? If yes then ask him if he's dating any girls (you might not know about). If he doesnt know you're gay then you probably should just keep that to yourself unless you want to out yourself to him.
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    Feb 27, 2013 4:05 AM GMT
    Here's some light reading for the OP:

    Seducing your straight mates:

    What’s with the ‘epidemic’ of chasing “straight” guys?!:

    Why am I so attracted to straight guys? Aaargh!:


    Anyone else only attracted to straight guys or straight-acting?:

    Only attracted to straight men:

    Don’t you hate being attracted to straight guys?:

    So why do I keep picking straight guys?:

    Crush on straight guys:

    This obsession with straight men:

    Have you ever had a crush on a straight one?:

    Why do so many “gay” men go for “straight” men?:

    I’m in love with my straight friend:

    In love with straight friend:

    Why do gay guys waste time falling for their straight friends?:

    Falling for straight friend…need advice please!:

    Straight Guy Crush:

    crush on “supposedly” straight guy!:

    Your Worst Straight Crush:

    Why are all the hot guys straight?:

    The sexiest, best looking guys are straight. Damned shame:

    Anyone who has tried to gay a straight guy around?:

    Why? Straight guys. WHY?:

    Str8 and/or married guys:

    I’ve fallen in love with my straight roommate:

    Yes, another ‘ I fell for my straight friend’ story…but good outcome:

    Ever been in love with a straight guy?:

    What would you do if a straight guy about whom you have sexual fantasy shares your bed?:

    Crushing on a straight guy : a rite of passage?

    Hot straight friend:
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    Feb 27, 2013 4:37 AM GMT
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 27, 2013 5:03 AM GMT
    1. He may not want a girlfriend. I had a few straight friends that were too motivated to bother with relationships. (We were all kinda in the same boat. Except for me.)

    2. What's wrong with hanging out with a friend?

    Every person has their own ideas of friendship. It sounds to me like he just thinks of you as a great friend. There are no details that have the feeling of being 100% gay. (Or even slightly gay in this case)

    I'm gonna tell you to tread lightly here. People look for what they want to see. Just be careful not to do something that could ruin your friendship.