Whats it actually???.....

  • Arjun321

    Posts: 5

    Feb 27, 2013 10:23 AM GMT
    Im a 23 yr old Bi from a country which has no sensitivity for gay ppl.....So everything is behind the closet. It started way back in 2003 when I first made out with my best friend.It just happened and ever since then we made out for quite a number of times and obviously over time I realized that Im into him and I love him and when I ask him he says the same. As life kept moving he had his share of girlfriends and Iv had mine. We never had a thing like we are into a relation or any such sort of thing. Its like we were the best of friends,enjoy each other and we made out whenver we had stayovers.
    Now that wev grown up so much I confronted him whether whats it actually between us. As in does he intend keeping this "special friendship" under the sheets and keep it running like this parallely for life besides his other straight part or does he feel he needs to end this.(I asked the ending relationship question cause many a times hes put this up tht - "I think we should not do all this now,i.e making out, because he feels its wrong and blah blah)....Another thing is he doesnt knows I have Bi tendencies and Im sure hes absolutely straight....But he does accept nonetheless that he has a soft corner for me and on being asked if he can live without me in his life the way I am currently, he says-NO, but again when asked if he would continue with me for life like this then he says he doesnt know....Us making out now is like 3-4 times in a year(thts it icon_sad.gif ).....My eventual question is-What do you all think, does he actually want from me and life?? I mean doesnt want to leave me at the same time doesnt know what next...All thsz puzzling me too much and to top it im damn attached to him emotionally,I truly love him and Ive realized this also that the way we make love,I feel it tht smwhr he too truly does. He currently has a stable girlfriend of 3 years in his life and Im single on the other hand.But with all these question marks he leavesicon_sad.gificon_sad.gificon_sad.gificon_sad.gif,his non-commitments, I have so many insecurity questions haunting me.

    P.S-Sorry for such a long post,but I couldnt make it any shorter...Im really disturbed cause of all these feelings having no vent out.Please help with suggestions.
  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Feb 27, 2013 2:23 PM GMT
    As hard as it may be, you might be better of trying to let your feelings die for him. He is set on going about his life in the direction that it is going, and you will probably get your feelings even more hurt if you try to get him to do things your way.
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    Feb 27, 2013 3:29 PM GMT
    MidwesternKid saidAs hard as it may be, you might be better of trying to let your feelings die for him. He is set on going about his life in the direction that it is going, and you will probably get your feelings even more hurt if you try to get him to do things your way.


    Have to agree, there are situations that arise like this, where the other person no matter what won't take the plunge. He may have feelings and care about you but the chances of something between you two outside of friendship sounds slim. Had a friend like that, he told me he fell in love with me (pretty shocking since we only hooked up and hung out). I asked him if he could ever be with me in that way, he said he would give up everything for me but that would mean losing his family and friends for something that could not potentially last. So he left and is in a relationship with a girl now that his parents approve of but he isn't happy. Best to do what you think is best for you because even if he can't see a life without you he won't make you his first option only a back up.
  • Arjun321

    Posts: 5

    Feb 27, 2013 3:39 PM GMT
    Onigumo said
    MidwesternKid saidAs hard as it may be, you might be better of trying to let your feelings die for him. He is set on going about his life in the direction that it is going, and you will probably get your feelings even more hurt if you try to get him to do things your way.


    Have to agree, there are situations that arise like this, where the other person no matter what won't take the plunge. He may have feelings and care about you but the chances of something between you two outside of friendship sounds slim. Had a friend like that, he told me he fell in love with me (pretty shocking since we only hooked up and hung out). I asked him if he could ever be with me in that way, he said he would give up everything for me but that would mean losing his family and friends for something that could not potentially last. So he left and is in a relationship with a girl now that his parents approve of but he isn't happy. Best to do what you think is best for you because even if he can't see a life without you he won't make you his first option only a back up.



    somehow you sound too true to me....but really its easier said than done, specially with all his expression of love when we make out and then when we lie down silently together hes like I feel weird I have a girlfriend and a boyfriend too.....I mean why does he have to say tht if he doesnt see me with him throughout his life and above all he too takes me as his best friend so even if I try getting over the intimate part with him thn his face before me will always not allow me to come out of him(since if we remain best of friends not talking or meeting with him is impossible)
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    Feb 27, 2013 3:48 PM GMT
    If he makes out with you, he is not absolutely straight.

    As you describe it, you appear to be a convenient compromise for him. He can live the straight life he wants, and have a bit of discrete gay sex on the side to satisfy his bi tendency.

    There is nothing wrong about being bi, but it's not very nice for him to cheat on his girlfriend for you, for you to make him cheat, and for him to keep you as as a friend with benefit while he knows you want more than that.

    If you manage to move on, you will feel better.
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    Feb 27, 2013 3:50 PM GMT
    Arjun321 said
    Onigumo said
    MidwesternKid saidAs hard as it may be, you might be better of trying to let your feelings die for him. He is set on going about his life in the direction that it is going, and you will probably get your feelings even more hurt if you try to get him to do things your way.


    Have to agree, there are situations that arise like this, where the other person no matter what won't take the plunge. He may have feelings and care about you but the chances of something between you two outside of friendship sounds slim. Had a friend like that, he told me he fell in love with me (pretty shocking since we only hooked up and hung out). I asked him if he could ever be with me in that way, he said he would give up everything for me but that would mean losing his family and friends for something that could not potentially last. So he left and is in a relationship with a girl now that his parents approve of but he isn't happy. Best to do what you think is best for you because even if he can't see a life without you he won't make you his first option only a back up.



    somehow you sound too true to me....but really its easier said than done, specially with all his expression of love when we make out and then when we lie down silently together hes like I feel weird I have a girlfriend and a boyfriend too.....I mean why does he have to say tht if he doesnt see me with him throughout his life and above all he too takes me as his best friend so even if I try getting over the intimate part with him thn his face before me will always not allow me to come out of him(since if we remain best of friends not talking or meeting with him is impossible)



    He sounds conflicted but people have mistresses but how often do they leave their wives to be with their mistresses? Each situation is different but just because he says that you are his bf doesn't mean he will keep with that. I hope he does that he leaves the girl and you can be together but life is no fairy tale and it is always easier to be with a woman then with a man in today's society. Just speaking from my experience, but I will never sacrifice myself for someone who is not willing to be with me 100% nobody should. You deserve more then being a makeout buddy or a conditional bf everyone does. But do what you think is right ultimately you have to make the decision continue to sacrifice, end it, or just be friends.
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    Feb 27, 2013 3:53 PM GMT
    It's a difficult situation of dilemma you're in...
    It's even more stressful if one lives in a nation like India...

    My best advice is...
    Have a talk with him...but do not anticipate on success of your relationship
    Don't expect neither good nor bad...just let it go if it has to be!. Even if it is very painful you have to do it...
    Be strong...Love is of many kinds...when one door closes another one opens!
  • Arjun321

    Posts: 5

    Feb 27, 2013 7:15 PM GMT
    Onigumo said
    Arjun321 said
    Onigumo said
    MidwesternKid saidAs hard as it may be, you might be better of trying to let your feelings die for him. He is set on going about his life in the direction that it is going, and you will probably get your feelings even more hurt if you try to get him to do things your way.


    Have to agree, there are situations that arise like this, where the other person no matter what won't take the plunge. He may have feelings and care about you but the chances of something between you two outside of friendship sounds slim. Had a friend like that, he told me he fell in love with me (pretty shocking since we only hooked up and hung out). I asked him if he could ever be with me in that way, he said he would give up everything for me but that would mean losing his family and friends for something that could not potentially last. So he left and is in a relationship with a girl now that his parents approve of but he isn't happy. Best to do what you think is best for you because even if he can't see a life without you he won't make you his first option only a back up.



    somehow you sound too true to me....but really its easier said than done, specially with all his expression of love when we make out and then when we lie down silently together hes like I feel weird I have a girlfriend and a boyfriend too.....I mean why does he have to say tht if he doesnt see me with him throughout his life and above all he too takes me as his best friend so even if I try getting over the intimate part with him thn his face before me will always not allow me to come out of him(since if we remain best of friends not talking or meeting with him is impossible)



    He sounds conflicted but people have mistresses but how often do they leave their wives to be with their mistresses? Each situation is different but just because he says that you are his bf doesn't mean he will keep with that. I hope he does that he leaves the girl and you can be together but life is no fairy tale and it is always easier to be with a woman then with a man in today's society. Just speaking from my experience, but I will never sacrifice myself for someone who is not willing to be with me 100% nobody should. You deserve more then being a makeout buddy or a conditional bf everyone does. But do what you think is right ultimately you have to make the decision continue to sacrifice, end it, or just be friends.



    I shall soon come to a decision....and i guess I already know the consequences....shit I feel trashed
  • Arjun321

    Posts: 5

    Feb 27, 2013 7:17 PM GMT
    Harry7785 saidIt's a difficult situation of dilemma you're in...
    It's even more stressful if one lives in a nation like India...

    My best advice is...
    Have a talk with him...but do not anticipate on success of your relationship
    Don't expect neither good nor bad...just let it go if it has to be!. Even if it is very painful you have to do it...
    Be strong...Love is of many kinds...when one door closes another one opens!


    you know harry,iv been with the guy in every turn of his life...Ive been the academically strong kinds,doing his projects,helping him out and hes needed me throughout.....Im so used to the fact of being his wall support and I like tht,I like him-both as a friend and as a closer to heart person....Ive thot to come over him like a million times and even tried but hes like- thts not the solution...as always it leaves me nowhere.....
  • Arjun321

    Posts: 5

    Feb 27, 2013 7:19 PM GMT
    minox saidIf he makes out with you, he is not absolutely straight.

    As you describe it, you appear to be a convenient compromise for him. He can live the straight life he wants, and have a bit of discrete gay sex on the side to satisfy his bi tendency.

    There is nothing wrong about being bi, but it's not very nice for him to cheat on his girlfriend for you, for you to make him cheat, and for him to keep you as as a friend with benefit while he knows you want more than that.

    If you manage to move on, you will feel better.



    your third para is so true and thought provoking....hope I ultimately decide whats the best
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    Feb 27, 2013 7:24 PM GMT
    Sorry Hajii, time to dump him and move on with your life and I mean dump him completely. No contact, No friendship, No e-mail, Text messages, Skype, Kik.

    NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER!

    Otherwise he will just keep stringing you along.