14 years old again!

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    Sep 01, 2007 8:02 PM GMT
    I was talking with one of my gay friends (coincidentally a Lutheran Preacher) who told me that now that I've come out, I'm going to be 14 years old again.

    I think that's true. I went on my first REAL gay date, the other night, and all I wanted by the end of the evening is to grope and be groped. (Well, let's be honest - I wanted to get into his pants!)

    Have any of you who came out late in life, (especially those of you who were formerly married to a woman) experienced this phenomenon? Please share your experiences and the consequences so that I can prepare myself better.
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    Sep 01, 2007 9:51 PM GMT
    i haven't experienced that, but congrats on coming out! i'm sure you will be a much happier and healthier human being... and you won't have to troll around bathrooms looking for anonymous sex and then lying about it like SOME senators i know. :)

    but yeah. anyway. when i was 14 i was the worst lover on the planet. everything was very awkward -- hopefully things go a little smoother for you.
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    Sep 01, 2007 10:03 PM GMT
    Haha - I have always pegged it at 16 (you can drive after all!) for people I knew. But since I came out at 15, I do NOT like to think that makes me a year older than my actual age.

    I'm sure others who have an experience more like yours will chime in but good luck and have fun!
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    Sep 01, 2007 10:15 PM GMT
    Sorry, but I did NOT troll around. I didn't do anything, which makes me concerned about now, as in will I go wild, like a freshman his first year out of the house under mommy and daddy's influence (and thumb)?
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    Sep 01, 2007 10:47 PM GMT
    I came out at 32, and I had a crazy adolescence for a couple years. Unfortunately, I ended up in the bottom of a Jack Daniels bottle.
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    Sep 01, 2007 10:49 PM GMT

    I discovered I was gay when I was in the Army and in my late 20's. Maybe not the best environment for that experience. I didn't come out until about 4 years later when I was at school in Boston.

    Yes, there was a period where I felt the need to nail anything that moved on three legs. Thankfully, for me, that period was over fairly quickly; maybe because I have always had very conservative views about sex and propriety anyway.

    But, yeah - I think I sort of felt like I had to make up for all the lost time and opportunities that I had let pass by. I was in counseling at the time, and it was one of the things we discussed. I quickly found it to be unsatisfying and even had a little self loathing in the aftermath.

    We all learn, change, grow. All of us at different stages and speeds. Life is in the journey.

    Good Luck.

    Rob
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    Sep 01, 2007 11:22 PM GMT
    The Chilean folk singer Violetta Parra wrote a famous song called Volver a los 17. She sings about finding love late in life, and that it makes her feel like she's 17 again.

    I don't speak Spanish, but here's one translation of the lyrics.

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    Sep 02, 2007 8:11 PM GMT
    Hah... well the guy I like was recently outed to his family and well. I am out to mine they just don't want to see anything "gay" I guess which I can understand and its okay with me since Im happier for having told them. I think now he's more comfortable in his own skin and maybe a little more intrested in me since I was always understanding to him and his "secret". Lets see where things to now. =) 16 na... i feel about 21 right now just not fixated on the drinking. I feel like the young at heart happy go-lucky str-edger I used to be. Now if I can just get him to stop smoking.. totally busted him on our date the other day.
  • GQjock

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    Sep 03, 2007 10:36 AM GMT
    This is why I won't date a guy who has just recently come out
    it's very hard for them to have a serious relationship
    they're like a kid in a candystore
    and who can blame them... they need to have that freedom and sexual experimentation they have denied themselves for so long
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    Sep 03, 2007 2:24 PM GMT
    hey sundown.... i was married to a woman at 25 after years of not knowing what to do, either way. I had one gay experience at 18 and went back into the closet for fear of being found out. I separated from my wife at the age of 28, and it was like rollercoaster ride from there on. I found the lack of experience in the gay culture got me into serious relationships way earlier than I expected, ending in disaster because I still needed to explore my new found identity. After some years getting used to who I am, i'm in a great relationship now for the best part of 2 years. so I suppose what i'm saying is go with the 14 yo feeling inside yourself, but settle down only when that 14 yo grows up a bit! Dan
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    Sep 03, 2007 3:28 PM GMT
    I came out when I was 23, and yes I would agree with you in a lot of ways your starting your dating life.. and for most straight people that starts at 14ish a comment about the driving ya so 16 you can drive but really its like starting over but just don’t forget the lessons you learned from being young and your first dating experience.. for me.. I pretty much didn’t date. Avoided it like the plague and there for some fun social times I now regret however its never too late to do that and have some fun.. just remember… and this is important.. although you started your dating life later in life you still have a life.. I know a lot of guys that have lost themselves to the whole coming out process, their one person one day and a totally different person the next. You have always been the same person your just sharing more of yourself with others now. Only caution I’d give remember to return to your true age at some point haha.
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    Sep 07, 2007 8:04 AM GMT
    I came out a few weeks before my 30th birthday and ended up having less sex with men then I did when I was "straight".

    I've always known I was gay since I was 15, and when I moved out of home played up big time with both men and women.

    But after coming out, I didn't want to look like a slut, so started to tone the sexual outings.
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    Sep 07, 2007 12:18 PM GMT
    My dear Sundown55, I know what you are going through. I was like that myself. Not at the beginning but after I had a couple of one night stand...I wanted more and more. I was so hungry for a man.

    Like you, I stayed faithful to my wife, ex-wife now, until we separated and finally divorced. When everything was done with the divorce, I spread my wings!!!

    I was living my gay adolescence at 37 years old...about time wouldn't you say ! It lasted 2 years or so.

    As I always say, better late than never.

    Now, I'm fully grown, I am a mature gay now ! LOL!!!!!!

    I think that you are experiencing a normal phase in your process.

    Take care :-)
    Michel




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    Sep 07, 2007 12:23 PM GMT
    I found myself single, last year, for the first time since 1993!
    I often tell people I'm 18, even if they are oblivious to my personal life, just for kicks. Relationships with gay men, despite being 'married' to one for so long, are still quite a novelty for me, too.

    I've been single for close to a year-and-a-half now and I'm very wary of falling for a guy and getting off course again -- The first, and last (!), date with a bloke lasted twelve years! I have much that I want to accomplish in the next few years and I intend to thoroughly enjoy the single life until I'm ready to settle down again.

    Btw, the 'ex' and I were introduced to each other my a mutual acquaintance in a legenderay nightclub that went by the charming name of K.O.X.. We were both completely non-chalant and barely even looked at each other. Later, the mutual acquaintance invited me to an afterhours houseparty a short cab ride away and whose house did we tumble into? That's right, the guy that ignored me for three hours down the club. He poured drinks while I looked at my watch and calculated the minutes until the métro opened again -- upstairs, the only other two "guests" seemed to be tearing the bedroom apart. At daylight, relieved to be going, the nervous host suddenly began chattering non-stop while standing at the threshold. Finally he sputtered out a dinner invitation for later that evening and the rest is history. Stupid cupid!

    Sundown, phenomenal life experiences await you... enjoy the ride!
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    Sep 07, 2007 8:34 PM GMT
    It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, Sundown. I know many men who were married and quite a few who have children. Most of them came out later in life (30s to 40s) and had to deal with learning how to date men while trying to maintain a positive relationship with an ex-wife and/or their kids.

    The hard part about coming out later in life, and not having dated men, is that it's easier to get hurt by guys who come across as genuine but who really mess with your head. If you aren't looking for a relationship and just want to experience dating, then you'll hopefully have a good time and learn a lot. If you are looking to find an eventual partner, then I suggest keeping your dates to "safe" locations like coffee shops, movies, etc. where you aren't as tempted to sleep together on the first date. But that's just my preference - I've ruined many a potential relationship by letting my hormones get the better of me.

    I feel 14 right now, too. I met a great guy and we've gone on two dates and have been out with friends as a group twice. He's coming over tonight for a date and I'm very excited. I haven't felt like this for a long time. I have absolutely no insecurities around him. We've only kissed once and it was great - I can't stop thinking about it. I've met so many guys in NY who just want to have sex and pretend they've never met you afterwards that it's refreshing to meet someone who actually took the time to get to know me. And I wasn't even interested in him to begin with. Okay, I've totally gone off topic now but I wish you the best of luck and most of all - remember to have fun!!!
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    Sep 07, 2007 9:41 PM GMT
    sundown congratulations in your coming out! you have a new life ahead of you now.

    I would say it is kind of true what your friend told you...there is a whole new set of rules to be learned. I still wondering if it is easier to date women or gay guys...I know the answer but I don't want to get in an argument here...he he he

    There is a lot to be learn but good luck in your journey!
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    Oct 19, 2007 12:45 PM GMT
    congratulations
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    Oct 19, 2007 1:17 PM GMT
    Hah! what a coincidence. I came out at 14 years old. I guess it must just be good timing. Of course i didn't actually have sex until i was 16. And dating didn't really start happening until a month before i turned 18. Like i always say age is just a number but yeah since adolescence wasn't that long ago for me you really do want to pounce on anything that walks on 3 legs.icon_lol.gif
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    Oct 19, 2007 2:45 PM GMT
    I've sort of accepted a concept of a "gay age". Take your age, subtract the age you came out, and then add 15. That's your gay age.

    I'm 37, but my gay age is 30. Sexually and socially, I feel more my gay age than my actual age.

    The premise here is as was stated earlier...that you replay certain aspects of your adolescence when you come out. It's not perfect...not every kid's sexual awakening happens at 15, but this idea seems to describe the age that gay guys feel they are better than the age they really are.
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    Oct 19, 2007 3:06 PM GMT
    Wow, according to RuggerATX's formula, I'm only 17... That's a bit of a jolt to the system for for a 32 year old! icon_eek.gif

    Anyway... Sundown55, by now, a substantial amount of time has passed since you first posted this, and this "second puberty" is not nearly as novel as it was when you first posted your question. Even so, I hope that the feedback you've gotten here has been helpful to some degree. I can't think of anything particularly new to add beyond telling you that I've been there before, and it's normal. The only thing I would add is something along the lines of: "It may feel like beeing a teenager again, but don't forget to do the 'grown-up thing' and use the head on your shoulders too." icon_wink.gif

    Enjoy yourself, play safely and be well,
    SAHEM62896
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    Oct 19, 2007 3:12 PM GMT
    ha ha that makes me 19 I'm 19 in like 3 months anyway.
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    Oct 19, 2007 3:15 PM GMT
    maybe i should have come out one year later. then my gay age would be equivillant to my actual age.
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    Oct 19, 2007 3:21 PM GMT
    sahem: Coming out after 30 years? That would be a jolt to anyone's system! Come one man, you know you felt like a teenager again when you decided it was okay to wave that gay dick around. :-)
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    Oct 19, 2007 4:12 PM GMT
    I don't deny it at all... Incidentally, where did you come up with this formula?
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    Oct 19, 2007 4:43 PM GMT
    I made it up. It doesn't work all the time, but most guys seem to agree when it comes up in conversation.